The Carrero Solution (Carrero Book 3)

It all happens so fast that it’s like a dream, the car sweeping past as I gaze out of the open door hazily, distant enough to be a blur but close enough to see it turn this way. Headlights turn to blind me painfully as the house alarm wails become almost unbearable. My consciousness gives way as the pulsing aches and ripples through my abdomen course along my legs and up my front, making my jaw ache. The warmth between my legs causing my heart to break and silent tears to pour down my face. I can no longer move or cry, immobilized and cradling her to me, begging her to stay. My head is foggy as the ache devours me slowly, like a wave of numbness moving in.

It’s just the two of us cocooned together in a safe little bubble of non-reality; together and holding on in the hopes of coming out of this okay, of never being parted.

The blur is Giovanni running toward me, a dark expression of concern on his face and his familiar wide shoulders, like Jake’s, grounding me. I focus on nothing but him and try to breathe as his face of safety gets closer, relief sweeping through me as heavy fatigue takes me over.

Now Mathews’ face is close to mine. I must’ve closed my eyes for a moment. Nausea, dizziness, and blurry vision heighten as my body rises away from the cold hard ground. I don’t know what’s happening anymore. Human warmth around me, the smell of distant aftershave, and mixed voices. Familiarity in some weird distant way.

“Emma! Emma.”

I hear my name but it’s far away … so far… my baby girl and I want to sleep.

Yes, sleep and wake up in Jake’s arms and his beautiful smile, that I call home.

* * *

My head aches so badly that I’m afraid to open my eyes, my throat stings, and my whole leg is throbbing. My abdomen feels like nothing, just cold calm numbness. I’m too hazy to experience any emotions inside me. Woozy and sick, disorientated, and I have no idea if I’m dreaming or dead. The pain is too much for me to push through to open my eyes, and my body feels so heavy and unresponsive that I’m not even sure I can.

There’s a low gentle noise seeping into my thoughts, tenderly stirring emotions that I am trying so hard to cling to. The sound is fading in and out of my mind; every time I try to follow it, it seems to move further away. I feel like I’m at one end of a long dark tunnel, and everything else is over there, at the glimmer of light in the distance; if I move toward it, I can hear it a little clearer.

I pull myself along the dark cold space, moving closer to the light in the far-off distance, straining to listen and hope that if I do then my eyes will open and let me see where I am. The silence starts to recede as I urge along toward the muffled noise, bringing it louder into my sub-conscious and the notes vibrating around my brain. The faint melodic notes of a familiar song tugging me toward the light and the warmth that now seems to be trailing across my cheek. Something so familiar and inviting, begging me to turn toward it. Tiny notes of a song I know and the soft touch that I need with emotions connected to memories that are fuzzy and just out of my grasp. I need to try harder.

I strain forward, the heaviness becoming tranquil, helping my mind stay tuned. I recognize the melody instantly; the beautiful soft words of “Halo” come through the haze toward me and a soft, gentle breath crosses my brow. Jake’s words, his songs, explaining to me how he feels in a way he thinks he never can.

My emotions rush through my heart at finding this small piece of joy in my dark prison. The familiar intoxicating smell of his body and soul and the touch of his fingers across my lips as he tries to draw me out to the light to be with him.

“Emma, Bambina … I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. Come back to me, baby … Don’t leave me, please ….”

Jake! Jake, my sweet Jake. You’re here. You found me. I love you.

His low husky tone is wracked with anguish and pleading, reaching out to me, and I want to stretch out and console his voice. I want to open my eyes and draw him into me. His voice is drowning in pain and aching for me, and I try desperately to reach out to him. My mind is too exhausted, it wants me to go back into the darkness, but I won’t submit. I won’t leave him. He needs me. I can hear it in the pain that tortures his voice. He needs me to make it all okay for him.

I did it, Jake. I fought him off. Ray was here at our house in our lives, but I fought him off, and I won. I did it for us, for you and our baby. He can’t hurt us anymore.

“I love you, Emma … I can’t do this without you. I’ll never survive. Please? I need you to try for me. Just try to come back to us … I’ll never let you go and never let you out of my sight again.”

I’m trying, baby. I swear. I want to tell you everything. I want to be with you forever.

Jake’s soft voice pulls me upwards against the tide of heaviness trying to consume me. His hand, a graceful, gentle stroke of tenderness, runs across my face, and I beg my sub-conscious to open my eyes and tell him I’m here. I’m trying so hard to be with him. Consumed with painful emotion and overwhelming sadness at whatever this is, trying to keep us apart, I want to fight so hard; fight for him and us. I feel like I’m stuck in a dream and losing time every time the darkness draws me back in.

I awaken to the flicker of light again, still trapped in my tunnel, and a song takes over, its volume increasing, and his soft, warm breath and gentle lips graze mine, starting my body with a jolt and a surge of energy. The light comes closer, and within grasp, so I beg him to kiss me again and wake me from this nightmare properly. It’s like I’m holding my breath, waiting for another touch, but his mouth moves away, the soft breath fading, along with his smell, and I know the kiss isn’t enough. I’m sliding backward, the darkness inviting me in, peaceful on my senses and helping my confused and dazed mind recuperate.

“Emma, you need to open your eyes for Mamma. They said you could do it, so I know you can. You just need to try to find us again.”

Sylvana.

Her soft feminine voice is so close that I can almost reach out and touch it. Her homely, welcoming, warm tone is waiting to embrace me as soon as I leave this darkness. But it keeps clawing me back, and the moments feel like days. The seconds could be hours. There seems to be no concept of time in my mind, just the changing of the music every time my sub-conscious brings me round from another wave of enveloping darkness.

“Emma, you listen to me now…This is not on! You get your ass up, and you wake up, you hear me.”

Leila … sweet, feisty Leila, how much I love you.

The soft crying dampens her haughty tone and fiery rasp through her voice as her gentle tiny fingers cup mine, and I can smell her sweet perfume. The aroma sliding up my nostrils, trying to awaken all my senses.

“Move over, Leila, let me in…. Emma, it’s Sarah, honey. Listen to me. They said if we talk to you that you know … Maybe you’ll hear us. We love you. We are all right here with you.” There’s sniffling, and the shifting of bodies as the skin on my arm tingles with goosebumps at her tender stroke. “Don’t let that bastard win, baby girl. Don’t let him take you from Jake … from us.”

I try so hard just to do something, say something or respond somehow, but I can’t.

“Can I just be alone with her?” His broken voice comes through to me, and I try again so hard to reach for him, to will my voice to work. He needs to help me; I need his strength because I’m too exhausted to do this alone. I need him to draw me out from this place that holds me still and motionless, suspended and floating like I’m drifting away on the water. I don’t want to be here anymore.

The music comes closer and louder, something new that makes my heart ache. The one song that is always going to hold my heart. Bringing me back from another brief trip into oblivion. I have no idea how long I will go there for.

“Say you love me ….” His voice is closer than the music and in perfect sync, his fingers are trailing my face, and he stops singing to lean in and breathe kisses across my closed eyes. Every touch and caress makes it easier for me to move closer to where I want to be. I ache to end this darkness, so I can feel him and run my fingers across his mouth and jaw. I want to open my mouth and kiss his, responding to his song in any way I can. But I’m held captive and can’t find the strength I need to pull myself out of this. I need him to help me like he always does.

I need you, Jake. Please save me.