SWNOVELS Chapter 222
"So, when do you move in?" Leila lounges across the bed in Jake's old bedroom and takes a grape from the platter of food between us; snacks and sandwiches including lots of fruit, courtesy of Mamma Carrero and her constant care.
Sylvana is the perfect host and she's been doting over me when the house is empty during the week, when the men are at work or doing whatever the Carrero men do when not glued to their women folk. She enjoys my company and Leila has flown to see me when I finally drummed up the courage to tell her about the baby.
To say she was ecstatic is an understatement and the five-foot teddy bear suspended on helium balloons, in the middle of the bedroom floor over the massive hamper of baby products, was her arriving gift, humped in by two very good-looking men.
It's been four days since the house viewing and Jake had to go into the city to oversee some business details and deal with the house sale. He's been gone two days and already it feels like an eternity without him here. Still not able to fly and still getting car sick means Jake has put me on a travel ban for the time being and now I'm stuck here living in his old bedroom in the Carrero family home and twiddling my thumbs in boredom.
"I think Jake's pushing for a quick sale. He has his lawyers tying things up already and I know the Wilsons were ecstatic about him being interested in the house." I imagine that Giovanni is applying pressure to his golfing partner to ensure his son seals the deal and according to Arrick, Sylvana having us next door will make her year.
I have given up on contemplating my job and career for the time being but it's not something I am going to give up on completely just to live the life of a kept woman. I intend to figure that out in time, but for now being pregnant and just enjoying being pampered no longer makes me feel guilty at all. Finally resigning myself to the fact that this lifestyle is a part
of being with him. My phone lights up across the bed and I reach over, grabbing it to me impulsively.
Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift.
I start grinning and Leila shakes her head at me. She knows the face that implies Jake has texted me, obvious glee because I miss him so much and have been acting like a teen girl with a mega crush the last few days. His back to back meetings means he has only been able to text through the day and not call me much at all.
I flick it open, and smile again, unable to conceal my joy and the way my heart gets all warm and gooey and tingly.
Jake Carrero has sent you-Avril Lavigne "I Miss You".
I chew on my lip as I waiver over whether I should reply with a song which once broke my heart or scroll for a new one. Maybe it's time to make that song mean something else to us now; take away the pain I feel anytime I hear it on the radio or in passing. I push down the doubt with a slow inhale and send it on its way to him.
You have sent Jake Carrero-Avril Lavigne "When You're Gone"
Attached message – Erasing the past. Remember? E xx
I stare at the screen of my phone as my 'gift' slips away across the inter web to my awaiting love, hoping he remembers it. The special song I once sent in hopes of him figuring out how I felt and instead rejected me, and the words attached are his words at a new beginning so long ago.
Leila is completely immersed in a magazine, while I'm focused on the love of my life, amusing herself while
I'm distracted. Surprisingly patient for such a little firebomb of energy.
My phone flashes with a text and this time it's a message instead of a song and again I can't stop that heart fluttering gooey response in me.
I'll never let you go baby. I'll never let you walk away either. I would never be stupid enough to ever go down that route again. The past doesn't matter, only what the future holds. I love you xxx. J
My heart aches with his response and a tear catches in my throat. My Jake with his fast words that always sing to me, so in tune with everything I need to hear. I reply with a text and a song, a twinkling little smile stuck clearly on my face.
Avril Lavigne "Keep Holding On" ... I love you more xxx"
"You two are sickeningly cute you know?" Leila is watching the obvious happiness spread on my face, thanks to Jake's messages, and seems a little forlorn where love is concerned. I feel guilty for ignoring her and pull myself up to move closer to her, putting my phone face down on the bed so it won't distract me if he replies. "Jake and his pushy one hundred mile an hour self." Leila giggles, bringing us back to the conversation about the house and a quick sale now she has my full attention, she pops another grape into her mouth. I beam as I think of him. I wouldn't change him anymore; not even that part of him now I know where it stems from. Jake is always going to be pushy, bossy, and sometimes domineering but I'm sure I have traits that are equally bad and I'm learning how to counteract him in my own way. I love him regardless and sometimes I even love those things about him.
"Pushy, impulsive and spontaneous while I'm cautious, over aware and over analyze." I sigh and reach for a piece of fruit to pick at despite being full to bursting already.
"Perfect balance, babes... You need each other to even things out." Leila grins at me knowingly, all hints of sadness now gone from that pretty face. I push more grapes in my own mouth and smile at her observation.
I never thought of it that way.
"What about Daniel? Any word on that front?" Since Hunter started therapy he's been keeping out of the way, only calling Jake every couple of days, and Leila hasn't mentioned him at all since her arrival earlier.
"One text... Telling me he was trying to figure things out and to give him time." Leila shrugs and rolls on her back, avoiding my eye contact suddenly. "I told him I met someone else, so to push off." She adds quickly and avoids even looking at me, lifting the magazine above her face as though she's trying to read in that position.
"What? Why?" I sit upright a little too quickly, upsetting the tray on the comforter, sending grapes rolling everywhere, and eye her accusingly. She shrugs and pastes on the defiant furrow of her brows that I can still see clearly even from this angle.
"I told you I'm done waiting for him, yeah, he's finally in therapy ... Bravo. But for how long? And how long before he doesn't run a mile at any hint of real affection, Emma?" Leila sits up with a single tear in her eye. "He hurt me for the last time. Really hurt me. Why would I sit around waiting for something that may never actually happen? Therapy is a start, but it doesn't mean it will actually change much."
I must admit I didn't see this coming at all. She has waited so long for some sort of real emotion from the guy and now he's doing something about it, she's running the other way. I can't help but wonder if Leila is now scared about the change in him and the possibility of more.
"I think he loves you, Leila ... He's doing this for you," I try, but that stubborn lift of her chin and hardening of her soft face shuts me up.
"He should be doing it for himself. I don't want that pressure." A tear rolls down her cheek and she brushes it away with an angry jut to her bottom lip. Inner Leila always fighting to come out and push him away, pushing away the memory of heartbreak and any weakness concerning Daniel.
"Is there really someone else?" I push in a new direction. I know how she can be; the more you pry, the higher that defensive wall kicks in, Leila really doesn't do victim at all. In fact, she rarely does any sort of weakness.
"Kurt Robson ... He's followed me around for years. He's like a little puppy dog always trying to get my attention and I figure maybe it's time to let him try. He'd never hurt me. He's safe and gentle and kind and he completely dotes on me." She can't look me in the eye at all and I feel utter sadness for her. She's running to safety, running to a man she doesn't love, because he can't and never will hurt her.
"How do you feel about him?" I reach out and touch her fingers when I see that distant daydreamy look in her eye as her head gets lost in thought. No doubt thinking about the one man she's refusing to give any sort of chance to.
Oh, Leila!
"I'll learn to love him. I mean he's sweet, handsome
and funny. He treats me nicely and he never drops me like I'm some infectious disease, he doesn't care about
my past. He's calm and straightforward with no wild tendencies, the exact opposite to Daniel. It's what I need." She swallows down the surge of emotion and pastes a bright smile on her face. Her eyes betray what's coming out of her mouth, but I let it go.
An overwhelming sadness hits me in my stomach and can't stop the moisture hitting my eyes. Here is a girl completely in love with a man who is completely in love with her and yet neither can get it together and just be happy. Daniel is what Leila needs. Safe, dull, and kind will only last so long. She needs someone as hot and fiery as her to match her every mood and handle her at her worst. She needs someone who will stand up to her bullshit and sweep her off her feet; someone who keeps life fun and interesting and is just as impulsively wild as her. She needs a man who can embrace her wild side and not want to tame it, someone who won't let that pushy side of Leila dominate him and knows exactly how to handle her. She needs Hunter. Yet she's too damn scared to let him hurt her again.
I get that lump in my throat and think of Jake. I'll go
out of my way to do anything to make sure we never go
back there.
I'll never let us drift apart again.
It's the most heart-breaking thing I've ever witnessed.☐☐☐☐☐