SWNOVELS Chapter 125
It's late afternoon, I'm pacing on the upper deck in a mix of agitation, upset, and anger. A turmoil of emotions and I want to scream.
"I'm not talking to you!" I pout childishly, rage beginning to grow inside of me at his confession. Turning away from him on the main deck of the boat, I pull my sarong tightly around my waist and tie it off with an angry tug.
"Bambino, please." He tries to catch my arm, but I storm away. He stifles a laugh and comes at me again. "You're really mad at me?" He sounds like he's in disbelief that I could actually be angry over this. I forgot how obtuse he can be.
He catches my face in his hands, trying to bring me to him and croons at me softly, his baby voice coming on strong. It only makes me so much madder and I shove his hands off and glare fully at him. "Baby?...... bambino? ... Don't be like that." He tries to kiss me, sucks my bottom lip seductively, but I shrug him off and bat him away. The doe eyed and faux boyish coy look completely lost on me while furious beyond words.
Forget it, Carrero... That does nothing for me right now.
"Go away, leave me alone." I snap and walk toward the metal railing of the boat; I want to smack him over the head and grip the railing with a vengeance until my knuckles turn white. He has no idea how insane he can make me.
He'd no right to interfere without even asking me ... He should have told me long before now.
"Emma? ... You didn't want him in your life, I did what I thought you'd want ...... He wanted money; I gave it to him on the understanding he stayed away." He catches my arm this time and hauls me to face him "miele... bambino ... Ti amo." He's trying to sweet talk me.
"Fuck off with your fancy foreign words." I spit childishly, pushing him away, my hands flat on his exposed torso. "I can't even talk Italian, so for all I know your calling me names!" I try to tug my arm out of his grasp, but he only pulls me closer. Smiling indulgently as though I'm a tantrumming child. In a way, I feel like one and could easily stamp my feet all over his right now. I'm seething.
"Do you want to see him?" He's trying a different approach, trying to distract me from what he's done. His eyebrows raised in question and I hesitate.
Not a chance, Carrero... I'm seething with you!
"No!... It still gave you no right to pay off that asshole ... He's my biological father, it should have been up to me to cut him off for good." I give up trying to pull my arm free and instead turn my body away, so I don't have to look at him as tears fill my eyes.
"Okay, you're pissed because I didn't tell you ... You're right... I did it without consulting you, but at the time, Emma, you were only my PA and we could barely talk about this stuff without you storming off and clamping shut." He tries to plead his case, stroking back my hair to turn my face to him, he sounds remorseful, but I'm not done being angry about this.
Doesn't he see how much this hurts me... Not what he did, but the fact that my biological donor happily took his money and agreed to never contact me again, for the rest of my life. It's Jake who's getting my rage but it's my father I'm really seething at.
"How much?" I snap, still facing away from him. "How much money did you give him? How much did you flush down the toilet?" I snap, heart crumbling in agony a sit sinks in.
I'm thinking he would have happily taken a couple of thousand dollars to walk away, he was that pathetic. What was I worth? Ten thousand at the most? Less? He would have agreed to a meager $500 when he approached me not so long ago.
"I gave him what I thought was a reasonable amount to stay away ... I didn't give him a chance to ask for an amount, it would have pissed me off more." He smooths my hair back again, pausing as I shrug him away and only coming back to it when I still. Persistent in trying to tame me.
"What am I worth then?" I retort, emotion breaking my voice. Pain searing through my chest like a hot spear.
Do I even want to know? Could it be anymore humiliating than this?
"I would have given him millions, baby. To me there's no amount that you're not worth ... My lawyers gave him $500,000 and made him sign a contract agreeing to stay away indefinitely," he says it so matter of factly.
I spin around in shock, blanching at him.
"You gave him how much?" I choke as my body turns cold.
That's half a million dollars? Jake gave that slimy weasel half a million goddamn dollars?
The blood drains from my face.
Why would he do that? Why would he give him so much money? For me?
"I would have given him twenty times that much, if he'd refused to go ... To me you're priceless, there isn't enough money in the world that would make me walk away. I hoped he would put up a fight." He smooths my hair again, this time I don't pull away, too busy with my eyes glued to his face, my brow creased.
"Jake, that's so much money." I am bewildered, shaking my head at his shrug. I can't get over the shock and the disbelief.
"It's just money, baby." Jake turns me in his arms fully to face him, loosely draping them around my shoulders so his hands hang down behind me. Resting his arms on my slender frame out straight. Only someone with too much money could make a statement like that!
"You didn't have to, you're crazy." I stare down at his abdomen, a place to focus while I calm the rambling of my thoughts, his tanned, naked skin is definitely a good focus point and I inhale steadily to bring calm back.
"Get used to it, I haven't even shown you half the crazy things I get up to." I glance up at his humorous tone and shake my head at his smile. Adrenaline junkie and racing car addict, I'm sure I could guess what he means. I exhale it all away.
"He took the first offer, right?" I ask, swallowing down the pain my own question gives me. Trying to numb out the biting lump of heaviness in my stomach and sniff the watery emotions away. Refusing to break over that man.
"Yes! He did... They low balled what I told them to give him, they figured he would negotiate an amount above that... He didn't." He's angry at the memory. His eyes almost changing to the darkest of greens, betraying his rage under that scowl. "He's lucky he never met me face-to-face."
I turn away this time, his arms sliding away as the emotion swells up from somewhere deep inside and a tear trickles down my face despite my efforts.
I can't believe Jake gave him half a million dollars, I wasn't even his girlfriend, I was only his PA. He did that for me anyway, regardless to everything else we had going on back then. My Carrero. So stupidly rich, sometimes he's on a different planet from me.
"I'm not really mad at you, Jake, well I am now I know how much money you threw away ... I'm mad at him." I cry softly, caving as his arms come around me from behind, his face nuzzling my neck. I cover his hands with my own and savor the feel of him around me. He has no idea how it feels to have someone who's supposed to love you from birth reject you repeatedly.
My own father used me as a way to get money. I always knew he would, I just didn't think Jake would be the one to give it to him.
"I wish you could see how little that guy deserves to even call you his daughter ... He's scum, he's nothing. The money was nothing, miele. It was worth it to keep him out of your life and away from causing you more pain. I hated him upsetting you and he never once got to know anything about you. If he had, then there isn't anything in the world which could have torn him away, you're amazing. You deserve a real father. Someone who would do anything to be in your life ... He's not that guy and it's no reflection on you, bambino... Trust me," he says it calmly, tenderly, breathing against my neck softly.
"Stop doing things like this without telling me." I chide, but there's no anger anymore, only deflation in my voice. Sadness always makes me tired.
"I'm sorry, bella ... It was before you were mine. I did what I thought you needed me to do as your friend. I won't keep anything from you ever again ... I promise." He kisses my neck and I close my eyes, relaxing into his touch, softened by how he always knows how to calm me, how to stop my mind from over analyzing myself into desperation.