The Call Of Thalassa

“But a mermaid has no tears and therefore,

she suffers so much more.”

- Hans Christian Andersen

The sea had changed.

Its waters were restless as the waves swept over its surface until they collided with one another, transforming into impressive fountains of thousands of shining drops. They would not stop to muddle the waters, creating a map made from delicate foam which hid what really lay at the bottom.

But the truth could never be hidden for too long. At some point, it would rise to the surface like a forgotten treasure that sees the sunlight after a lengthy period of time. And when it finally did, you’d have to face the facts and accept them. Your bubble of ignorance will blow up and you’ll find yourself falling to the harsh ground. And what a terrible feeling it is to have a steep landing...

But you have only two choices; swim or drown.

You do not have much time to ponder over it. Life does not care if you need a break time –events will continue to roll whether you are ready for them or not. It doesn’t matter if you want to stay in bed and cry all day or if you need to disappear for a couple of days. The swirling mess of your emotions won’t be able to stop the flow of life or make your problems easier.

Sometimes we have to put priorities, even when we don’t feel ready.

And he definitely didn’t feel ready. Honestly, he didn’t know what to feel anymore. Everything was just so...messy. The ocean seemed to understand him better than he could explain himself –its waters were blurred and foaming, a visual representation of his confused and tangled thoughts.

He was furious –absolutely livid. Someone had dared to touch his Aileen. He had inflicted both physical and emotional pain on her during her whole life. He had made her feel embarrassed and self-conscious for her diverse looks –for the fiery locks and emerald gems he loved so much. He had made her feel unworthy of love, misplaced in her own hometown, and terrified of her own shadow.

And he wasn’t there.

He wasn’t there to caress her back when she let those heartbreaking sobs in the middle of the night.

He wasn’t there to whip her precious tears away when the whispers would start, accusing her of things that were never her fault.

He wasn’t there to hug her tightly when the insults would become too much –to whisper in her ear how much he loved her.

How much he needed her.

How much she meant to him.

To silence those pathetic words with ones filled with love and appreciation.

And he definitely wasn’t there when she felt lonely and heartbroken, seeing everyone having fun without her. Feeling like a burden to the happiness of others and wanting to just...disappear.

He just wasn’t there.

It seemed like he never was where he was needed. He was not there for Aileen and he wasn’t there for his people either. Their heartbreaking pleads and screams of horror would never stop haunting him, reminding him that he let them down when they needed him the most. It burned him –it killed him from inside out. It was pure torture. It was a nightmare turning into reality and wishing you’ve turned crazy than it actually being real.

But he was there for Osmond, right? They had fought side by side, having each other’s back as their tridents shined in the ocean’s deep. He was there but what did he do? He just looked as his closest friend -his brother basically- was murdered. He watched as his flesh was pierced open and his blood was spilled. He stared as he let his last breath with his mate’s name falling from his lips.

Fuck! What about his sister? What about his nephew? The boy wasn’t even born yet and he had still managed to let him down. Hell, what about his father? He had a duty to protect his father -his King! He was supposed to help him -save him! Yet, he just left like a coward, watching from afar as he was surrounded by an army of Tenebris and killed.

He did nothing.

He had let everyone down.

And all the sweet words full of consolation they uttered to him were nothing but a honeyed lie. They fell on deaf ears and tore his aching heart into small pieces. For no matter how cold and brave he seemed outwardly, inwardly he knew that all this was nothing but a lie. He would not grant himself forgiveness - even if the dead gave it to him. His soul knew that he was not worthy yet-he had not tried to right his wrongs.

And he would be damned if he wouldn’t try. He was feeling unworthy of everything he ever had –his people’s devotion, his father’s pride, his mate’s love. He was drowning in an ocean of self-loathing, unable to escape the misery of his failure. He wanted to scream and cry until he had no voice. He wanted to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted –no needed his mate back in his arms.

But most importantly, he wanted to make it up to everyone.

And through all his swirling confusion, his unimaginable grief and fury, his devastation and hopelessness... he took a deep breath and gazed at the wild sea through the room’s window. A glint of determination shined in his gaze as he tightened his fists on the arms of his chair. It was about time he set his priorities straight. When everything was solved, he would finally deal with his emotions.

A knock was heard in the emptiness of the room before the door cricked open. He didn’t avert his gaze away from the wild ocean. He needed the peace its sight brought to him when he couldn’t feel the freedom that his waters offered. The sound of light footsteps echoed around the room before the slight screeching of any object.

Alexandra placed the chair across from him before making herself comfortable. Her gaze was filled with worry like a mother concerned for her kid. She had a son once –a boy with a golden heart and as stubborn as the young man in front of her. But Owen had slipped through her fingers, just like Colvert had. And she didn’t know what was worse; losing a soulmate or a child?

Her son and his wife, Sophia, were on a trip when they had so suddenly passed away. They were visiting Sophia’s parents when they were involved in the car crash accident that cost their lives. The pain of the loss was unimaginable –it felt like losing a limp. But someone had to take care of the five-year-old Aide who was left behind. Since then, she considered herself a mother to everyone that needed her –Aide, Aileen, Petra. And now, Havelock.

And she wouldn’t let any of her children suffering.

“How do you feel?”, she asked the man in front of her.

A few moments of silence followed. He let a heavy sigh, before averting his eyes from the vast blue in front of him. He played with his fingers nervously as he collected his thoughts.

“I don’t know.”

It was the truth. He didn’t know which one of his emotions overpowered the other. They were all swirling in his mind like a mighty tornado, leaving nothing in its wake. His voice was hoarse and his eyes were burning. He was extremely tired but he couldn’t bring himself to rest.

“Well”, nana smiled at him gently, “Do you at least feel better than before?”

He flinched at the memory, covering his sore eyes with his shaky hands. He didn’t mean to behave in such a way –turning over everything he could get his hands on and tearing into anything his nails could. He didn’t mean to be like that. But at the mere thought that his mate had been hurt…he completely lost it.

“I am sorry”, he whispered honestly, “I am so sorry…for destroying the coffee table. And clawing your sofa. And for the holes in the walls…”

“And for breaking my favorite vase. And for shattering that miniature decoration. And for covering the whole living room in orange juice. I swear that it dripped even from the chandelier!”, Alexandra shook her head in amusement.

He groaned in embarrassment, refusing to look her in the eye.

“I am sorry”, he repeated again, “for destroying half the house.”

“Well”, Alexandra shrugged her shoulders in indifference, “At least, you got it out of your system.”

“You seem so…cool with it”, he cocked his head to the side in confusion, “Shouldn’t you be angry?”

“I should be extremely mad at you, young man”, she agreed with him, “But I’ve been wanted to redecorate the room for a while now. So, I guess it was a good chance.”

“Is it because of that?”, he asked her suspiciously, “Or because you’ve experienced it before?”

Alexandra let a laugh escape her at his words.

“Normal people cannot punch a hole into a wall, no matter how angry they are. Besides”, she shook her head in amusement, “Who else would dare to throw such a fit in my house?”

His blue eyes pinned her with an intensity she hadn’t seen in quite some time.

“Your mate.”

The smile froze on her lips at the sound of that one word –the one she loved and hated so much. The word that had changed her whole life. That had made her feel so much pain but oh, so much love too. It was a word she had uttered many times before, but not directed towards herself.

She had helped Aileen with her own soulmate, admitting she once had one but not revealing everything to her. And she had explained everything to Aide, after she realized that merfolk was something more than just old tales and rusty legends.

Although, Aide wasn’t aware of the reason her grandmother knew all these things. Alexandra never told her the truth for her grandfather –that he was a merman and she was his mate. She hadn’t revealed the connection their family had with the ocean -she hadn’t answered all those curious questions Aide would make for her father’s family. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. And she was too young to understand back then.

“Is it that obvious?”, she finally disturbed the heavy silence of the room.

“For someone that has lived all his life among mated couples”, he gave her a small smile, “It sure is.”

“Colvert died a long time ago”, she said in a trembling voice, “I can barely fit into the category of ‘mated couples’ anymore.”

“Merpeople mate for life”, Havelock stated firmly, “It doesn’t matter if your other half died –the bond never withers. You know this better than me.”

“That’s why your people slowly turn mad in their mates’ absence. And humans…we feel incomplete. Like there is something always missing –a void that cannot be filled from anyone else”, she nodded in agreement.

Havelock stared at the elder under a new light. He had his suspicions before –it was obvious that she knew too much for his kind to not be somehow connected with them. He now realized how tired she looked and it wasn’t due to old age. Her eyes hid a deep sadness under all these layers of warmth and brilliance. Her sassy attitude was considerably tuned down around him –perhaps, because she didn’t need to pretend in front of him how lonely she truly felt.

She was missing her soulmate –terribly. Even after all these years, the bond was still there. And she would continue to love and yearning for him until she closed her eyes for her eternal rest.

“Does Aide know?”

Alexandra let a heavy sigh escape her.

“I haven’t told her yet”, her voice broke, “I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to.”

“She has every right to know about her heritage.”

Havelock leaned forward in his seat, watching the tired old woman in front of him. He could understand her hesitation and worry, but the truth had already resurfaced. And the more she waited to come clean the more difficult it would become.

She had no choice.

“Aide has every right to know she is a mermaid.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of chapter 36!!

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