The Bully (Calamity Montana)

Dear Diary,

I saw Cal kissing Phoebe McAdams today. He had her pushed up against a locker as they sucked face. I was coming out of the library. Mr. Edwards gave me a pass from study hall because I wanted some new books. I almost dropped my pile when I saw him totally making out with her. I don’t think they saw me because I tried to hide. Phoebe was grabbing Cal’s butt. He had his hands on her chest. They were like locked together. Like they couldn’t get close enough. He didn’t kiss me like that. How flipping pathetic am I that I let Cal Stark kiss me yesterday? Yeah. He kissed me yesterday. Sorry for not writing about it. I was sort of in a weird place last night. Like excited and confused and nervous. Dad warned me to stay away from him. He said Cal wasn’t like us. I think maybe Dad could tell I liked Cal, so I lied and called Cal a dumb jock. I told Dad that I hated Cal. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t like lying. Except it’s the truth now, isn’t it? Cal is a dumb jock. And a jerk. He was my first kiss too. I thought he liked me. I liked him. A lot. How stupid am I to think that a guy like Cal Stark could actually want me? I bet everything he told me yesterday about his dad and football was crap. It was some sick trick. I wish I could take that kiss back. I wish I could have a redo. Is this what it means to be used? Because I never want to feel this way again. Never ever. Boys suck. And I hate Cal Stark.

Nellie