The Book of Azrael (Gods & Monsters 1)

“SAMKIEL. HOLD YOUR HANDS OUT.” My father demonstrated as we stood in the pavilion above the dining hall on the outer banks of Rashearim. Clouds ringed the mountaintops, and a light breeze brought the mouthwatering scent of food from the feast. I wanted more than anything to be there. 

‘I cannot do it,’ I said, growing frustrated. I could hear my friends gathering down below and wanted to join them.

‘You must learn to control your powers, or they will devour you. Do you wish for that fate? To combust and be reduced to nothing but ash in the wind?’ 

The columns of gold surrounding us vibrated at his tone. The symbols carved into the stone of the pavilion flared brightly as my father grew frustrated as well.

With an exasperated sigh, I shook my head and said, ‘No.’

The enormous silver city below was awake and buzzing with activity. We had been up here since the sunrise. I was tired of training, but he persisted.  

‘Now, concentrate. Every thought you have and every emotion you feel comes from your center. Your anger,’ he pointed to my stomach, ‘comes from your gut.’ He pointed at my chest next. ‘Your desires come from your heart and your idiocy,’ he reached out and ruffled the hair atop my head, making the strands dance across my shoulders, ‘come from here.’ 

I swatted his hand away before holding my palm up once more. ‘Alright, alright.’ 

‘Now, focus.’

His eyes lit with a pure silver glow that matched mine. I watched as energy formed above his palm. At first, it was just a spark, but then it began to swirl in a small circular pattern. Whips of energy spun off it in the same color as the power that ran through our veins.

‘Once you get the energy outside of yourself, it is easy to manipulate. It can be shaped,’ he danced the ball of light between his fingers until it formed a small blade, ‘or just used as is.’ It reformed to the original sphere. ‘Power has its limits, though. What you give, it takes. If you feed it too much, it will drain you. That is something you always have to remember, especially in battle.’ 

I nodded along, his words replaying in my mind as I concentrated. Core, heart, brain. Center, focus, release. 

I took a deep breath and turned my palm toward the ceiling, repeating the six words like a litany. 

Core, heart, brain.

Center, focus, release.

The energy sparked within my palm, sending a wave of power through my entire being. The twin lights on either side of my body pulsed beneath my skin, the power racing toward my hand. I looked up and saw the wide smile on my father’s face. He was proud. Of me. 

I focused harder, willing it to shape itself. The small orb formed but did not hold for long. Sweat drenched my brow as I concentrated. I could do this. I knew it.

‘Breathe, Samkiel.’

Did he not see I was breathing?

My fingers curled at the tips as I tried to hold it together. I wanted a blade like he’d made. I just needed to push a little harder and—

The ball grew larger than my entire fist. The light inside of it became blinding. It writhed and turned, twisting in on itself. My power was not whole or tame like his, but a broken ball of energy threatening to devour everything in its vicinity. It shot toward the sky, punching a large hole in the ceiling.

The force of the explosion washed over us, and pieces of stone rained down, the debris covering us in a layer of white dust. Unir brushed a long black strand of hair from his face. His brow creased as he placed his hands on his hips, his look of pride replaced by a scowl. 

The aching pit in my gut formed again as I dropped my gaze. I would never be as powerful as him or have his control. A lump formed in my throat as I took a slight step back. I looked at the hole in the ceiling, and a thousand voices filled my head, reminding me I would never be good enough.

My temper snapped, the rubble around us vibrating against the floor. ‘I do not know why you push me so hard all the time! I am not like you!’

‘Samkiel.’

‘I am not normal, and I am fine with that. You are the one with something to prove, not me.’ I spun away, my fists clenching at my sides. The lights along my body pulsed, and chairs and tables slammed into the walls in my wake. I’d barely reached the steps when I felt an invisible force tighten around my midsection, pulling me back. My feet barely touched the floor as he used his power to turn me around, forcing me to face him again. 

He placed me back on my feet and said, ‘Look.’ His face held no anger as he pointed up.

‘I do not need to see my failures to know…’

The words died on my lips as the rubble around us floated toward the ceiling. Piece by piece, the hole slowly filled in, mending itself. My father’s outstretched hand glowed dully with power. 

‘How?’

He smiled once more. ‘The same power that runs through my veins flows through yours. Yes, given the technique or strength of the wielder, it can damage, but it can also rebuild and heal. Even the strongest among us have learned how to use it to heal. You are not a failure, nor will you be.’ He clapped his hands together and dusted off his clothing. ‘Now, let us try again. Hold your hand out.’ 

You are not a failure. The words rang true to me. I studied every day in anticipation of becoming king. Not every deity was happy about my accession, and they were sure to let me know. The only opinions I cared about were those belonging to my friends and father. If I did not fail them, maybe I would not fail at ruling. I nodded once before I smiled and raised my gaze to his. 

My eyes widened as a shimmer settled over my father’s image, distorting it. I took a step back, then another. No, this hadn’t happened, not here. Silver liquid ran from his eyes, then his nose and mouth. The room darkened and shook. We stood, rooted in place as the building blew away. Screams and roars ripped through the air. Orange lightning danced between billowing yellow clouds. 

The stench of blood and death hung above the remains of Rashearim. My head spun as I saw legions of celestials fighting one another. Metal sang as their weapons clanged, light vibrating off of them. The world shook as many fell, their bodies exploding in light and shooting into the sky. My father stared at me, his clothes bloody, his face scarred, and those eyes, those dead empty eyes.

‘Are you happy, Samkiel? This is what you wanted, yes?’ It was my father’s voice, but the words were cruel.

My body felt heavy, and I looked down, seeing the bloodstained armor wrapping my frame. I held a silver spear covered in blood in one hand and a broken shield in the other. ‘I never wanted this,’ I said, shaking my head so hard that my vision blurred.

‘You are a World Ender. Another one of my mistakes. We would have been better off without you. I would have been better off without you.’ He advanced, one broken leg dragging behind him.

‘Stop.’ I dropped the spear, yanking the helmet from my head and tossing it to the side.

‘What a waste.’

‘No.’

I took another step back.

‘I was a fool to think you could lead us. You’ve only led us to destruction.’ 

‘You do not mean that.’ I stopped as he approached, my body shaking. He was in front of me, his hands reaching and grabbing my shoulders, his nails digging deep. 

‘You should have never been born. Your mother would still be here. Rashearim would still be here.’

‘I said stop!’ My power burst from me, the illusion around me shaking but not dissipating. I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him off his feet. ‘Why do you haunt me?! What do you want from me?! I do not understand!’ 

I shook him as he clawed at my wrists, black talons dragging across my flesh, the pain biting. 

‘Liam,’ he choked out, his hands grabbing at my arms. ‘Liam, you are dreaming. Wake up.’

His voice cracked and changed, becoming more feminine. 

‘I did what you asked of me, Father. I did what you begged of me! You wanted a king, so I became a king. So why? Why will you not let me rest?’

‘I,’ the voice choked, those nails digging in harder, ‘am not your fucking father.’

Bright amber swept over his irises, obliterating the silver. Fire, hot, fierce, and burning shot from his eyes, sending me flying backward. My back hit a hard surface and I slid to the floor. I pushed myself onto my elbows, coughing as I lifted my hand to shade my eyes. My head throbbed so hard it felt as if it would rupture. The world around me shook and scattered as I blinked a few times. 

The images of Rashearim disappeared, replaced by a darkened room. I heard the crunch of footsteps approaching and turned toward the massive hole in the wall. A set of eyes, burning red, shone through the dust, and I sat up as a tall, slender figure stepped through the wreckage. Her thick hair danced around her bare shoulders as if it had a life of its own. She was wearing a tight tank top with thin straps and matching loose black pants. She was stunning. A dark goddess brought to life. She was—

‘Liam,’ the voice was mangled, ‘what the fuck?’ 

She was Dianna.

I shook my head, coming back to reality, the aching throb easing. I was on my feet in the next second.

‘Miss Martinez.’

‘Stop. Calling. Me. That.’ She bit off the words. I would be lying if I said I did not flinch just a little. Her eyes burned with Ig’Morruthen rage, and her voice was a broken croak. Her voice… No!

I was in front of her in the next second, gently cupping her jaw. She winced and slapped at my hands as I tipped her head back.

‘That hurts.’

I did not think as I leaned down to gather her up into my arms. I cradled her against my chest and walked through the hole she had made when she’d tossed me through the wall.

‘Put me down,’ she said, her voice a deep, strangled mess.

I obliged, setting her on the half –broken bed. The room was in shambles, and the roof was completely gone. It was just another display of my destructive nature. I lowered my head, my hands rubbing against my temples as I closed my eyes and concentrated.

I opened my eyes, the shine from them illuminating the small, dark room. Everything began to vibrate, and I heard the rumble from overhead as the roof repaired itself. The appliances and furniture became whole again, the chairs no longer in pieces. The bed Dianna was sitting on jolted as the broken frame was fixed. Once the massive hole in the wall filled itself in, I looked at Dianna. Her eyes were huge as she looked around the restored room. She had her hands pressed to her throat, and I could see the purple and black bruises forming on her delicate skin. 

I crouched before her and knew I had moved too fast when she jumped and scooted back, startled at my sudden movement. She watched me warily as if expecting another attack. 

‘Let me see,’ I said, slowly reaching out but not touching, waiting for her permission. ‘Please.’ 

She studied me, her gaze flicking to my hand, and I knew she remembered the pain my touch could bring. 

‘I promise I will not hurt you.’

‘You already did,’ she said, her voice growing raspier as her throat swelled. 

‘Please. Just let me fix this.’ She held my gaze, and whatever she saw convinced her to drop her hands. I nudged her knees apart and maneuvered myself closer. She swallowed at my proximity, causing her to wince in pain again, but she didn’t pull away.

I placed a hand on either side of her slender throat and closed my eyes, remembering the words my father had taught me so long ago. I felt the surge of energy crawl from my center. It traveled down my arms and filled my hands before passing into her. I heard her soft gasp and opened my eyes. Threads of silver light circled her throat like a necklace, casting her in an ethereal glow. 

A bone snapped back into place with a sickening pop, and I watched as the bruises disappeared, leaving her beautiful bronze skin smooth once more. I shifted away and stood before sitting next to her on the bed. We were quiet for a long moment, the silence deafening.

‘You broke my larynx, you dick,’ she rasped, continuing to rub her throat.

‘I am sorry.’ To say I was ashamed would be an understatement.

She nodded and looked out the window as if lost in thought.  

‘Where are we?’ My voice did not sound like my own.

‘A hotel. Not as fancy as yours, though.’ She attempted to joke, but the words were cold. Her usual humor and spark were missing, and I hated that I was the cause. I lowered my head and sighed, rubbing at the bridge of my nose. 

‘I am sorry.’

‘You apologize a lot for royalty.’

‘I truly did not mean to hurt you. I did not know it was you.’ I didn’t know what to say. It sounded so inadequate to say that I hadn’t known where I was or who she was at the time. It was inexcusable that the King of Rashearim didn’t have control of his powers.

‘Do you have outbursts like that every time you sleep? Is that why you don’t want to?’ I felt the bed shift, but I stayed where I was.

I nodded, my shame keeping my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth.

I rubbed my hands over my face, working at finding my voice. ‘I should not have slept, but I am just so tired.’ My hands fell to my lap as I turned to look at her. ‘I told you I did not want to wait! I told you I did not wish to prolong this more than I had to! Now you see why. I am volatile, Miss—’ I stopped, ‘Dianna. I cannot be here for long periods of time. My body requires sleep no matter how much I wish it did not.’

I did not mean to snap or scold her, but the emotions I kept buried so deeply seemed to explode around her. Between the erratic, impulsive behavior she regularly displayed and her crass, rude, sarcastic comments, she brought out a side of me that had lain dormant for centuries.

I saw how she had responded and lit up around her sister, which told me more about her than I was sure she would want. Gabby’s aura seemed to encompass Dianna at times, her light reaching out to tame the wild beast that lay beneath Dianna’s skin. She may not be mortal anymore, but a part of her still felt and loved. It was that part that made it difficult to dislike her. She roused emotions in me that made me forget what she was and what she was capable of. 

‘I am sorry. I did not mean to yell. I justdo not wish to sleep. Ever.’

‘Because of the nightmares?’

I slid my hand over the back of my neck. ‘Is that what they are called here? I refer to them as night terrors. Memories long past that result in,’ I waved to the now clean room, ‘this.’

Dianna was quiet for a few moments, seeming to process what I had said before asking, ‘Does anybody else know?’ 

‘Nobody knows. Just you,’ I said, glancing at her. She had angled her body toward me with her legs crossed and her hands in her lap. ‘How did you stop me? I have always been afraid to be around anyone when those happen. I am afraid of the damage I cause and having anyone in the vicinity who could be hurt.’

Dianna shrugged. ‘Well, I heard you whispering in your sleep, and then every piece of furniture in here started levitating. The whole building actually shifted. I tried to wake you up, and,’ she paused and reached for her throat before dropping her hand, ‘I thought you were going to pop my head off, so I reacted.’ 

Guilt bit at me again. It was another reminder that being around her made me feel when nothing and no one else had been able to reach me. ‘You are a lot stronger than you think. Especially if you can disarm me.’

She let out a short laugh that was mostly a snort. ‘Thanks.’

Silence fell once more, and an uncomfortable air of tension filled the room. I did not know what else to say other than to apologize once more. 

‘You know, I used to have nightmares, too. Actually, I still do sometimes.’ She looked at her hands as she played with one finger, then the next. ‘Gabby helped me a lot when I first turned, but I still dreamed of the blood and fighting. The screams I heard in the night were a constant reminder of what I had done for Kaden. What he made me do.’ 

My chest tightened. I understood what she was saying and was deeply familiar with the guilt and pain.

‘Did they ever stop?’

She held my gaze, her eyes shadowed. ‘They came less often. On the really bad nights, I would sneak off to call Gabby. If I had them when I was visiting her, she would hold me.’ She broke eye contact and lowered her head, tucking a strand of hair back from her face. ‘It’s nice to have someone there for you, someone who understands. Otherwise, you keep it all bottled up, and you explode. Kind of like you did tonight.’ 

‘Yeah.’

‘Liam, you are far too powerful to let that happen. If I hadn’t managed to wake you, you could have flattened this whole area. You could have killed—’

I stood abruptly and started to pace. ‘I am aware.’

‘I am not being mean, and I’m not trying to fight, but what about your friends? Can you talk to them?’ 

‘No.’ I spun to glare at her, the one word coming out aggressive and rough. I saw her flinch and turned away to resume my pacing. ‘No, I cannot.’

The silence was almost deafening until she said, ‘Gabby taught me not to live in the past. Well, she is trying to, at least. She said it’s pointless because nothing grows there. You’ve seen a thousand plus worlds and have lived a thousand plus lives. I can only imagine what you’ve done and what you’ve seen. I am sure that even the blooddreams couldn’t show me all that you’ve experienced.’ She caught my gaze, her eyes boring into me, seeing things I didn’t want her to know. But her expression was soft and filled with understanding. ‘It’s okay to not be okay, Liam.’

My chest tightened, and I was quiet for a moment. I’d never had anyone there for me. Not like this. Not when I bared my entire soul and revealed my weaknesses. She was my enemy, yet my enemy was the only one who seemed to understand me and the demons I fought. Even so, her words were the farthest thing from the truth. 

It’s okay to not be okay.

I shook my head. ‘Not for me.’

‘Then how about we make a new deal?’

That caught my attention, and I stopped to focus on her, my head still pounding. ‘A new deal? Have we not made enough?’ 

‘This one doesn’t involve the book or even the monsters we may or may not fight.’

I was silent for a moment, but curiosity got the best of me. ‘Does this require another small finger?’ 

A small smile, a real one, graced her lips, and my chest tightened once more. ‘Yes. We are stuck together for this crazy mission. If you are wrong about the book, the world will probably end, so why not call a truce? We should stop fighting and try to be friends.’ She held her hand up, cutting me off as I went to speak. ‘It is just while we have to work together. The two of us bumping heads all the time is getting us nowhere.’ 

‘That I can agree upon.’

‘Good, that’s a start. And while we are together, you can share your burdens with me. I promise not to judge or ridicule or make you feel less than because of them. Your burdens become my burdens.’

‘Your burdens become my burdens?’ My brow quirked.

‘Yes,’ she said. It was as if a pebble had dropped into the middle of a quiet lake. In the grand scheme of things, it meant nothing. Yet it started a small, seemingly insignificant ripple, and something shifted. 

‘Okay.’

‘So, in light of our newly formed alliance, I’ll help you with your nightmares. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than the people you care about, and I promise not to share anything you tell me, okay?’ 

I shook my head. ‘This is not something that words can simply cure.’

‘What did we just say about arguing?’ she said, the smirk she usually wore returning.

Frustrating woman.

I pursed my lips and sighed. ‘Very well. How do you intend to help me?’ 

She scooted backward on the bed until there was enough room for me and patted the space next to her. My curiosity turned to concern.

‘Come here, and I’ll show you.’ 

I had heard similar words before, spoken by celestials and goddesses alike. Usually, it was an invitation, and they were soon upon their knees, worshiping me with their hands, mouth, and tongue. My pulse quickened, the blood in my ears thrumming as it threatened to travel elsewhere. I tried to speak, but my mouth had gone dry. I cleared my throat and tried again, managing to say, ‘There is only one bed.’ 

‘Great, you’re observant. I’m so proud. Now come here.’ 

My toes flexed against the carpet. I must be misreading her intentions. She did not mean that she wanted to have sex with me. Sweat broke out across my back.

‘But—’

‘I promise to be on my best behavior, Your Majesty. Your virtue is safe with me,’ she said and pressed her hand over her heart. ‘I promise.’

‘That’s not what I meant.’ I shook my head. Why would a thought like that even cross my mind? What was the matter with me? I did not and would never see Dianna in such a way. ‘Fine.’ 

I swallowed hard, putting one foot in front of the other until I reached the bed. I sat on the very edge, and she rolled her eyes, scooting farther back. 

‘Liam, lie down.’ 

I eyed her once more before lying back, my body tense. She lay down too but stayed on her side, propping her head up on her hand.  

‘What is this supposed to do?’

She laughed, the pure white of her teeth flashing in the darkened room. ‘You look so uncomfortable. Just relax. You’ve had women and men in your bed before. Sometimes all at once. I’ve seen it.’

‘That’s not—’ Why was my brain not working? ‘That’s different.’ 

‘Why? Because they weren’t Ig’Morruthen?’ she asked, an edge to her tone.

‘Well, no, because— Why are we talking about this?’ Why am I fumbling over my words? ‘This is not helping me.’

She rolled her eyes and said, ‘Just relax.’

I took a deep breath and shifted, lying on my side to face her.

‘So, from what I hear, Logan is your best friend but also works for you? You call them The Hand, but they are celestials, right? What’s that mean?’

I did not understand how this was to help me, but I answered her question. ‘My father made Logan, but he was not conceived. All the celestials were created by one god or another. The celestials are not born, and they have a shadow of our powers.’

She nodded, and I could tell she was focused intently on me. 

‘You mentioned your father in your nightmare. Do you want to talk about him?’

‘No.’ It came out harsh, but those were memories I would not share with anyone. 

She swallowed before changing the subject back. ‘Why make something so similar? Weren’t they afraid they would rebel?’

‘The celestials don’t have the power to rebel successfully. I always thought they made them because they were bored and wanted something to rule over since they could not control each other.’

She smirked, the corners of her mouth turning up and her eyes sparkling. ‘How do you not know?’ 

‘I know it is difficult to believe, but growing up there, I mostly did not care. I got what I wanted, who I wanted, and barely had to lift a finger. That was the benefit of being king. So I did not care about politics, which was a mistake on my part. As you said, I was spoiled and self-righteous.’ 

She absently scratched at the nape of her neck. ‘I didn’t mean that.’

‘Yes, you did. Do not apologize. I appreciate the honesty.’

Dianna smirked, and her words dripped with sarcasm. ‘Oh, yeah?’

I narrowed my eyes, adjusting my arm beneath my head to get more comfortable. ‘Sometimes. It is not something I am accustomed to. Everyone has always been so cautious around me, bowing all the time, which I loathe. They call me liege or sir as if my name has no meaning anymore. As if my title is all I am or will ever be to them. Half the time, they are afraid to say the wrong thing. It makes me feel as though I am no longer a person to them.’ 

‘Well, as you told me, you’re not a person, not really.’ 

It was my turn to be shocked. I raised up on my elbow. ‘Oh, so you do listen to me?’

Her eyes softened as a smile lit her face. I froze, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I had never seen her truly smile, not a real one. It brightened her face, making her seem almost god-like.

‘I only listen every time you talk. How could I not? You are usually complaining—loudly.’ 

I dropped back down, placing my arm under my head once more. ‘You said no more fighting.’

She shrugged. ‘That wasn’t fighting, more so picking at you, joking.’ 

‘I don’t understand the difference.’

‘Don’t worry. I’ll teach you. So, back to The Hand and the celestials. They weren’t born? How do they feel like they do? Neverra and Logan are married. The joy and laughter I saw in Logan’s memories was true love.’

‘The celestials are sentient beings created by my father and the other gods. Their primary purpose is to serve. As you saw, they can love true. Their high metabolism requires they eat a lot. They are highly sexual and have the same passion for fighting. They are brave, quick to adapt, and very good at war, making them the perfect killing machines. It made them invaluable during battle.’

She nodded along, and I could feel myself relaxing. My nerves settled a little more as we continued to speak.

‘So the ones who follow you, the ones left, they listen to you?’

‘They do. I hand-picked them, recruiting them away from the other gods on Rashearim. I needed my own legion, so to speak.’ 

‘And so you formed The Hand.’

‘Yes.’

She snorted. ‘So, why does Vincent make that face every time you tell him something?’

I felt my lips tip in a small smile. Dianna’s eyes flicked toward them, a brief look of shock appearing in their depths. I cleared my throat. ‘Vincent has never liked anyone having power over him. I blame Nismera for it.’

She did not mention my sudden change in posture or tone, just continued. ‘Who is that?’

My blood ran cold at the memory. The scars upon my throat and calf burning. ‘An ancient cruel goddess. She perished during the war. She made Vincent and a few others. Vincent is the only remaining member of her line.’

She nodded again before scooting closer. She must have seen my sudden wariness because she smiled. ‘Close your eyes.’ 

‘Why?’

‘I promise I won’t hurt you. I don’t even have a forsaken blade on me this time.’ 

My gaze narrowed at her attempt at humor. ‘I am not worried about you hurting me.’

She cocked her head to the side, the beautiful dark waves of her hair spilling over her shoulder. ‘Then what are you worried about?’ 

She waited patiently. I held her gaze, and it took a few moments, but I did what she asked and closed my eyes. Her breath was a whisper, the rich, spicy scent of her washing over me. I could feel the heat of her body inviting me to move closer. I was not nervous, but another emotion was crawling through me. It was like tiny needles were dancing across my skin. I was feeling an odd combination of anxiety and anticipation. 

‘Can I touch you?’

My eyes threatened to fly open, but I remained still. I was thousands of years old and had done things Dianna could not even dream of, yet her question set my blood to boil. I did not move, and my breath hitched as I said, ‘Yes.’

Maybe I did need a different sort of release. It was something I had deprived myself of for centuries. Then again, I had not had the desire until now. Dianna was forbidden, but it was something to consider, and no one needed to know.

Wait, no. What was wrong with me? Why was I thinking such things? It was Dianna, not some consort, begging to fulfill my desires. I thought about moving away, telling her it wasn’t working but discarded the idea when I felt her fingers comb through my hair. My eyes flew open, and she gave me a small, gentle smile. 

‘My sister would do this on the nights that were bad for me. It wasn’t much, but it helped. I always loved my hair played with while I drifted off to sleep. It was just a comforting touch, reminding me I wasn’t alone. As I said, it’s not a lot, but it’s enough.’ 

Not alone.

Her words struck a chord in me, dampening the spark of lust and replacing it with another emotion. It was more than overwhelming, and this other emotion was one I wasn’t familiar with. It was something warm and happy but also sharp and painful. I had lived alone with a harrowing emptiness for so long that I wasn’t sure what to do with warmth and peace. The words could not encompass the feelings, and we shared more than she knew. 

‘Sorry I burned half of your hair off, but this looks better anyway. You don’t look all mangy anymore.’ 

‘No fighting,’ I mumbled, which only got me a small giggle from her.

She slid her fingers through my hair, her nails a light whisper upon my scalp. She did not have to tell me to close my eyes again. I did it all on my own.

‘So, how did you get Vincent to work for you?’ Her voice sounded like a hum now, a soft lullaby urging me toward sleep. 

‘Logan and I slowly convinced him to spend time with us on Rashearim. He is a lot bolder now than he was back then, but he had a good reason for it. Nismera abused him in ways he still has not told us about.’ 

‘Poor Vincent. Legends made The Hand out to be monstrous and deadly, but they seem so mortal.’

‘Mhmm, you have not met them all. I have a few like that. They worked with my father and, by law, worked with me. So we spent a lot of time together. They are more mortal, as you say, than others. I did not want their entire existence to be about fighting and following every command. I wanted more for them.’

Her fingers were a repeated dance against my scalp that I soon memorized. ‘Where are the others?’ 

I yawned before responding, ‘On the remains of my old world. I reformed the parts that did not disintegrate. It’s small, not as large as this planet, but as you said, it is enough. They still work for the Council of Hadramiel in the city. It looks similar to the Silver City, only much larger.’ 

Her hand stopped, and I opened my eyes. The look on her face was almost comical. ‘You put a planet back together?’

‘Yes.’ I was confused. ‘Oh, I forgot that is not a normal occurrence for your people here.’ I propped myself on my elbow as she continued to stare at me as if I had grown a second head. ‘It is not as difficult as it may seem. My father and his father before him and his before him created several. My great-great-grandfather created Rashearim.’ She didn’t move or speak and just kept staring at me. ‘Are you alright?’ 

Dianna shook her head and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Yes, sorry, I just didn’t know you could do that. I mean, I know you’re a god, but I just didn’t expect you to be that powerful.’

‘We can talk about something else if you wish.’

Her gaze flicked to mine, then down to her hands. ‘There actually is something I wish to tell you. Especially if we are going to start on a clean slate and at least try to be cordial, if not friends, while we look for this book.’ 

I tensed, wondering what else she had been hiding from me. ‘All right.’

She took a deep breath before looking at me again. ‘I didn’t kill Zekiel in Ophanium. He was badly wounded because of Kaden and tried to escape. I stopped him and had every intention of dragging him back. He summoned a silver blade and spoke of you and how you would return and—’ She stopped as if the memory was painful. ‘It all just happened so fast. I tried to stop him, but I couldn’t, so—’ Her words trailed off once more, and I studied her as I waited for her to continue.

My nostrils flared as I inhaled deeply, expecting to pick up a scent change that would tell me she might be lying. I searched her eyes, looking for the beast who had destroyed the Guild in Arariel and caused so many casualties. She remained somber, and I saw nothing that would indicate she was not being truthful.

Learning the truth of how Zekiel had died hurt me more than I thought it could. I was happy that I felt something, even pain, but it seemed that I was having trouble controlling my newfound emotions.

‘Why did you not tell me sooner?’

I saw the pain flash through her eyes, quickly followed by what I thought was anger, but soon realized was resolve. ‘Would it have mattered? I’m not good, Liam. I had every intention of dragging him back to Kaden, who would have done much worse. No matter what Gabby sees or thinks, I am a monster. I do what I have to do to protect her. I always have, and I always will, even if it means fighting a god.’ She forced a smile.

I had seen her fall back on humor or a crass comment when  a topic became too real for her, so seeing her fake that smile, I decided to give her a way out. ‘You fought terribly, by the way,’ I said.

‘Excuse me?’ Her mood seemed to shift, the haunted look leaving her eyes as she smirked. ‘I stabbed you, in case you forgot.’

‘You caught me off guard. Do not think it will happen again.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Sure thing, your majesty. Now lie down and close your eyes.’

‘So forceful,’  I said but eased back down and closed my eyes.

I felt her settle before she spoke again. ‘Can you make a celestial?’

That was odd, but not considering the other questions she had asked. ‘Unfortunately, that power is only available to the gods created from Chaos. Why do you ask?’

Dianna sighed softly, and I felt the bed dip a little as she moved closer to me. Her fingers slid through my hair again as she said, ‘Gabby. I spoke to her earlier, and it seems she really likes Logan and Neverra. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve heard her so happy. She kept going on and on about them. I don’t know. I think she would have loved to be a celestial, and if she were, she wouldn’t be tied to Kaden or me any longer. She could have a semi-real, normal, happy life.’

‘If she truly desires it, she could stay and work for me. There are more than enough jobs, and besides, we have a deal. She will get her normal life however she sees fit.’

I felt her stiffen against me, the lazy scratches against my scalp stopping. I was about to open my eyes, afraid I had said the wrong thing.

‘Thank you, Liam.’ Her fingers threaded through my hair once more.

‘You are welcome. I have not talked to anyone in…well, I cannot remember the last time.’

‘Well, you can talk to me when you are not being a dick.’

‘I assume that is a euphemism for my actions and not a physical body part.’

‘Yes.’ Her small laugh shook the bed. ‘Now go to sleep.’

I do not remember how long it took me or if we continued to talk, but sleep came, and the nightmares did not.