The Book of Azrael (Gods & Monsters 1)

I DIDN’T KNOW HOW MANY DAYS HAD PASSED, OR EVEN IF IT WAS DAYS AT ALL. All I knew was pain. He asked the same questions. I didn’t respond, and the burning started. It was like electricity in my veins, reaching every part of me as my eyes bore into his. Hatred, pure and simple, grew with every moment of pain. Sometimes I didn’t scream, able to distract myself by picturing myself breaking free and ripping his head from his torso. I imagined his blood painting the room, creating a masterpiece more exquisite than any famed painter ever made. I dreamed of running out of this damned place to her, my only family. She was the only thing that kept me mortal, even if she hated me right now. That was when I screamed because I knew I couldn’t reveal the one truth that he wanted to know. He wanted to know about her, so he had a way of controlling me.

Kaden had done the same over the last century, and I would not trade one master for another. So I let Liam torture me and listened to him repeat the same questions repeatedly without giving him an answer. The room eventually faded to black, like it always did. My body was threatening to give out. I didn’t know how much time I had before one of those blasts would kill me. It didn’t matter as long as she was safe. That was always my last thought before that sickening heat seeped into every pore, and the darkness claimed me. There in that empty space, my mind drifted off to relive the days leading up to this.

I landed outside her apartment, my feet leaving cracks in the concrete beneath me, but I didn’t care. Several bystanders gasped, looking at me before running off. It was barely seven in the morning, but it was important. I pushed past the doorman and looked toward the nearest elevator. Several mortals shuffled out, making their way to work. I didn’t have time to wait and ran toward the stairs, taking them two at a time to her floor. I could have portaled there, but I needed to run and feel something in my lungs besides the dust and destruction I had endured. Not bothering to knock, I nearly yanked her door from its hinges. Gabby and Rick were in the kitchen. They were busy, and I would have to bleach my eyes later, but I didn’t care. We didn’t have time.

‘Get dressed,’ I snapped as I picked up the blanket off the couch and threw it at her.

‘Dianna! What are you doing here?’ Gabby yelled, grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around her.

Rick took in my clothes and gasped. ‘What the fuck happened? Is that blood?’

I was covered in blood, mine mixed with Zekiel’s. My eyes lit up as his widened. ‘Get out. Leave. Go to work and forget you were ever here. Forget what you saw.’

His eyes glazed over, and he nodded. Then, he grabbed his clothes and left, not caring that he was naked.

‘Dianna, what the hell is going on? Why are you breaking into my apartment this early? Why are you covered in—’

I didn’t respond as I turned down the hall, going to her room. My feet barely touched the ground as I pushed past her open door. She followed me, still yelling, but I could only hear Kaden’s voice ringing in my head.

I stormed after him, nearly running to keep up.

‘You knew!’ I yelled after him. I grabbed the nearest object, a small antique vase, and hurled it at his back. It missed, my aim completely off as my anger rose. It shattered near his feet, and he finally stopped. ‘You knew he was still alive.’

He turned slowly, the beast beneath his skin slithering, reminding me how alien he truly was. His ember –filled eyes burned as he stormed toward me, a single finger raised. I took a step back before stopping and squaring my shoulders. I knew his temper, yet I’d played with fire, anyway. ‘You,’ he spat, ‘killed a member of The Hand. He will seek retribution. They all will. I had a plan, and you fucked it up again because you don’t know how to listen.’ He stopped before me, forcing me to look up at him.

‘You shut me out. You knew this whole time, and here I was, thinking he was a fairytale. Does Alistair know? Tobias?’ He didn’t answer, just looked to the side, and I knew they did. I threw my hands up, screaming in frustration, ‘Gods, Kaden! You don’t tell me anything. How long has The Hand known about us, huh? How long have they been following us? You know two of them found me while you were doing gods know what? You bark orders and demand I follow.’

One moment he was glaring down at me, and the next, he was gripping my chin painfully tight. He moved so quickly that I barely saw it. He leaned in and hissed between clenched teeth, ‘And follow you will. Don’t, for one second, think you have any power or say over me. I made you. You’d be a dried set of bones if it wasn’t for me.’

I jerked my face free, knowing it would bruise. ‘Yes,’ my eyes stung, ‘and that is something you like to remind me of every chance you get. You put us at risk, Kaden, all of us, including my sister. What am I going to do about my sister?’

He scoffed at the mere mention. ‘I don’t care about her. She is not important.’

‘She is to me,’ I snapped back, pushing at his chest. He didn’t move, but something changed in his eyes. He tilted his head slightly and studied me for a moment before nodding.

‘Yes, she is, and just how far are you willing to go to keep her safe now that one of theirs is dead? He will come seeking vengeance.’

The thought made my blood boil. No one would touch Gabby. I would make sure of that. ‘As far as I need to.’

‘You would fight a god?’

‘No,’ I said without hesitation, ‘I’d kill one.’

I yanked open the closet doors. Gabby’s clothes hung precisely, arranged by color. Shoes lined the walls, and a space on the far left held her suitcases. I reached in, grabbed one, and tossed it on the bed, along with two smaller ones. I pulled clothes from hangers that broke beneath the force and threw them into the bags.

‘Dianna!’ She reached over and grabbed my hand, stopping me in mid-motion. ‘What happened?’

‘I fucked up.’ I pulled away from her hand and spun, moving back to the closet. She just watched as I knelt, grabbing a handful of shoes and moving back toward the bed. ‘I fucked up bad, Gabbs.’

‘Is this about that earthquake in Ophanium a few days ago and the freak storm in Arariel?’

I stopped, laid my hands flat on the suitcase, and looked up at her. Her hand was over her mouth as she stared at me.

‘That wasn’t a storm. Something came back—someone came back, and now I need you to go to the safe house like we planned.’

I finished packing for her and zipped the suitcases before looking up at her. She hadn’t moved. ‘Gabby, get dressed.’

She didn’t say anything, just stared at me as she gripped the blanket closer. ‘Why the safe house? Who came back?’

I had never lied or kept secrets from Gabby. The bond we shared was too deep. Since our parents died, it had just been the two of us. We had been looking out for each other for a very long time. She was my sister, my best friend, and I was about to make her hate me. ‘I killed someone very powerful. Well, I didn’t technically kill him, but my hands are covered in his blood. Kaden and everyone else thinks I killed him, and that’s enough. If what Kaden said is true, then the last living god is coming back for my head. Now get dressed.’

Her hand dropped, her mouth slightly agape. ‘D?’

‘I know. Now please get dressed. You’ll be safe where we talked about. It is the one place that Kaden or anyone knows nothing about. Remember what I said. You will need to change your hair, change your style, don’t use your name, and no passports. I have several credit cards stashed there, too. You’ll wait until I come back to get you. It’s just like we practiced.’

The only difference was we’d practiced this for when I eventually left Kaden, not when I was about to be hunted down by an ancient god. She said nothing, but I saw panic settle into her eyes. Finally, she moved toward the dresser, dropped the blanket, and got dressed. I grabbed her suitcases, slinging the small ones under my arms. As I left the room, I called out, ‘Grab any pictures you have of us, just like we talked about. We have to—’

‘Dianna. What about Rick?’ she cut me off as she followed me, jogging pants rolled at the waist and pulling a shirt over her head. She sat on the couch and pulled on her shoes. I’d known that was coming. I also knew from her expression she was still processing everything I’d said.

‘You knew that was short –term,’ I said, keeping my tone even.

‘Why? Why does it have to be?’

‘You know why!’ I snapped. I didn’t mean to, but I did.

‘Don’t yell at me!’ she snapped back, throwing her arms in the air. ‘You are giving me no choice again.’

I spun toward her, my hands on my hips. ‘Excuse me? I do this because I have to. All I am trying to do is give you choices while I have none.’

She snapped, pointing a finger at me. ‘You could have choices if you really wanted.’

‘How, Gabby? Do you have any idea how strong he is? Do you know the power he has over the Otherworld and me? I know we talked about me walking away, but it was merely a dream. How can I? I’m sorry we have to move, okay? I’m trying to give you somewhat of a normal life.’

‘I will never have a normal life because of what you did.’

Her words were like a slap to the face. My voice rose as I pointed at my chest and then at her. ‘Because of what I did? You mean what I gave to save you? How dare you?’

She spun, placing her hand against her forehead. ‘You saved my life. I know that, and I am not unappreciative, but at what cost, D? I am moving all the time, the secrets, the bloodstained clothes, the monsters, and what about your life? Your happiness?’ She stopped, pointing toward the suitcases. ‘This isn’t living, not for me and not for you.’

I threw my arms up this time, my chest aching at her words. They sliced me open and left me raw. ‘What do you want me to do, Gabby? What do you want me to do, huh?’

‘Leave! Whether or not you believe it, you are just as strong as him. He made you, and some of him is a part of you. You need to fight back, or at least fight for something.’

‘I can’t!’

‘Why?!’

‘Because if I slip, if I mess up, he will come after you.’ My voice cracked, emotions pouring out of me. My vision blurred, but it was the truth, the absolute truth. ‘And I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t survive it.’

She shook her head as tears formed in her eyes. ‘I can’t do this anymore. I know you love me, and I love you, too. But, Dianna, I can’t be the reason you suffer. It hurts me to know that you have to stay with him because of me. All I ever wanted was for both of us to be happy. You can’t protect me forever. There was no point in saving me if I can’t even live.’ She paused and shook her head. ‘I’ll go to the safe house, but after that, I am done. We have been doing this for centuries, and I am tired. I can’t do this anymore. If the price of my freedom is to watch my sister become a—’

She stopped, and I felt my heart break further.

My fists clenched like iron, just like my heart. ‘Say it. If you have to watch me, what?’

She held my gaze. I could see the pain there, just as I knew she could see mine. Her lips formed into a thin line, but her voice was steady as she said, ‘If I have to watch you become a monster.’

I nodded slowly and dropped my gaze. ‘Ask me again why I didn’t tell you what I have done.’ I felt the sting as more tears pricked my eyes, the room becoming blurry.

A monster.

She was right, but if a monster was what I was, then so be it. I wiped the few tears that escaped from my cheeks and strode toward her. I pulled one of the forsaken blades from the sheath on my back and stopped in front of Gabby. She looked from the blade to me and back. I reached out, grabbed her hand, and placed the hilt in her palm.

‘If worse comes to worst and I don’t come back for you, use this. Remember what we practiced: groin, thigh, throat, or eyes. Take it, and when you use it, mean it.’ I looked at her once more, memorizing her face, remembering her being happy and healthy. What I was about to do would either set us free or end me, and I wanted that image. I pulled her to me and placed a kiss atop her head, whispering against her hair, ‘I’m sorry that I stuck you with this horrible life. Just remember that I love you.’

I turned away from her without saying another word and left the apartment. I was barely out of the building before my phone rang.

‘What?’ I snapped, causing two passersby to jump.

‘We found a way in. Get back to Novas.’ Tobias’s voice was short and clipped.

I didn’t bother to respond, and the line went dead. I turned back, taking one last look as if I could see her through the walls before disappearing.

After my fight with Zekiel, my fight with Kaden, and then my fight with Gabby, it had been a day. We were currently in a hotel suite in Arariel where the ambassadors we would take over were staying. They had the information we needed and were our way into the meeting.

Tobias stood in the bloodstained room. He had assumed the form of a celestial female and was stretching. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alistair mimicking him. I wiped the blood off my face with the back of my hand, the memories of the mortal I’d eaten flooding my subconscious. I hadn’t killed in years, not truly consumed, and my body felt like it was running on hot. A part of me loved this feeling, the part of me that wasn’t mortal.

Tobias looked at me and said, ‘Don’t make that face. You’ll need every bit of strength if you are to survive a second with him.’

I nodded. ‘I know.’

‘Bloodthirsty Dianna is always my favorite.’

I ignored Alistair as I finished off the mortal I would become. I played back every bit of information from his memories. After I was done, I abandoned my sleek feminine form and shifted into the average male named Henry.

I adjusted the suit, making sure it was clear of blood. ‘Meeting is in thirty minutes. There should be a car out front in about five. They have every human council member present, The Hand, and him.’

Tobias’s smile was lethal, even in his prettier form. ‘Good.’

Alistair stepped over a few bodies, stopping in front of me. ‘Remember the plan. Distraction, that’s it. Keep him busy while we search for the book.’

I nodded, agreeing to their plan, absently rubbing the forsaken blade strapped to my thigh. I smiled in my new form. ‘Of course.’

My dreams faded as I woke up in my bright cell. I lifted my head from my half -slumped position on the cold floor, my body screaming. The tears I wiped from my face were not from the pain I was in but from that memory. I hoped she was safe, even if she hated me. Sweat drenched my clothes, but I refused to change, setting any clean clothing they provided on fire. I hoped I smelled bad. I hoped I was revolting and a complete mess.

My arms wobbled as I pushed up on my hands. The torture and the chains had sucked my usual strength out of me. I scooted back, wincing as every part of me protested the movement. My back hit the cold stone wall behind me, and I gritted my teeth. Between the shackles and the repeated bolts of electricity he sent into my body, I was useless. It was okay, though. As long as I was here, and as long as I didn’t break, she was safe.

Footsteps descended the stairs, and I lifted my eyes toward the entrance to my cell. It was all the strength I could muster. I heard clapping before Peter came into view. He was dressed in over-cumbersome tactical gear.

‘Well, well, well, you really have taken a beating these last few weeks.’

I flipped him off, even that slight movement causing me to wince, the muscles in my arms screaming.

‘Fuck you, Alistair.’

Peter’s head tilted, and I saw the shine that let me know Alistair was in full control. He clicked his tongue as he stood in front of me, hands in his pockets.

‘You look terrible. Are they not feeding you?’ He smiled, knowing they had sent food, and I refused it every single time. I would rather starve than receive anything from them.

‘Did you find the book?’ My voice cracked, my throat aching from the number of times I’d screamed.

He sighed, dropping to a squat. ‘Unfortunately, no. Your distraction worked, even if Kaden would have preferred less destruction. Regardless, you’ve done great. Kaden is very happy.’

I forced a smile that hurt my torn, dry lips and tried to sit up a bit more. ‘So happy he hasn’t even tried to come and get me.’

Peter’s body shook slightly, his eyes reflecting and changing. His voice deepened, and I knew I was not speaking to Alistair anymore. ‘I’m missing two blades, Dianna. I told you nothing could kill him, and yet you fought. That’s why you’re here, not because of me.’

My eyes narrowed. ‘You also said he wasn’t alive. You lied to me. How can I trust anything you say?’

‘We had a plan, and you didn’t follow it. You were supposed to distract him long enough for Tobias and Alistair to search. Then you were to leave, not get caught. Why would I rescue you when you were captured due to your own failings?’

I guess it was the mortal part in me thinking I meant something to someone, but that stung, too. I had been here for weeks, and none of them made a move to help me. Like always, I was alone.

‘I will admit your efforts have put Elijah right in the prime spot of power. Now I have a human working alongside the World Ender. It’s only a matter of time before we find the book.’

‘Lovely.’

‘I won’t risk exposure coming for you. This is a fortress meant to hold, Dianna. Besides, we are too close now. The book is what is important, not you.’ I didn’t look at him, facing the wall and keeping my head against my arms. ‘Maybe this will teach you to listen to me. You got yourself into this. Get yourself out.’