Chapter 75
Flair POV
Not pregnant. The words continued to echo inside my mind. I wasn't pregnant. The irrefutable proof had happened this morning and now I sat, with my head in my hands, Roscoe nudging me and whining softly as though in sympathy while I tried to gather my composure and my thoughts. It was silly, but for a moment, maybe longer than a moment, I had hoped, that maybe this time, it would have happened It was foolish, I hadn't been married to Grayson that long, and yet, I found myself yearning to be with child. How was Grayson going to react when I gave him the news? I absent-mindedly allowed my hands to fall and patted Roscoe, who put his head on my knee. Most women didn't get pregnant the first month they tried, I tried to convince myself, but the disappointment was there nonetheless. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and I forced myself to blink them away.
"Oh, Roscoe" my voice broke "I know it's stupid, but I really thought..." my voice faded to a whisper and Roscoe jumped onto the sofa and rubbed his head against me, in an attempt to comfort me.
Thank goodness for the dog. I put my arms around him and breathed. Everything was going to be okay, I convinced myself. But the depression remained and I was having a difficult time trying to push past it. Not to mention the pain in my stomach and back from having my time of the month was not helping matters. I groaned and leaned back, Roscoe putting his paws on my legs.
"I need ice cream" I muttered to myself "or chocolate, or junk food."
Anything to help numb the pain and cravings. Roscoe looked at me expectantly and wagged his tail. The voice inside my head continued to admonish me for turning to bad habits instead of dealing with my bad news in a healthy way. Sometimes I really hated the voice in my head.
"Should we go for a walk Roscoe?" I murmured and the wolf lit up, jumping to the ground and enthusiastically wagging his tail back and forth.
At the very least the walk would help with the cramping pain. I slowly got up and began to get ready, putting shoes on and fetching his lead. I hoped he didn't drag me too fast, but he was sitting patiently, c*****g his head and waiting. There was a park about a block away that I wanted to take him to. I clipped him to the lead and locked the front door behind me, setting off with a determined expression.
The weather was nice outside. Calm and sunny, with a breeze that was soft and gentle. Roscoe was in his element, playfully skipping ahead and then pausing as he waited for me to catch up. I laughed, beginning to feel my spirits rising and in no time we were at the park, casually walking around. It was fenced in and Roscoe was content to walk slowly, sniffing the various plants and flowers. I relaxed, taking in the sun and feeling the warmth of it on my face. This was what I needed, I thought to myself.
I sat and watched the children playing on the playground, while Roscoe lay down with his head on his paws, content to feel the grass on his stomach and watch the insects flying around. The sounds of their laughter and their shouting filled me with joy. They seemed to have a constant flow of energy as they ran and played. It brought a smile to my face.
"I like your dog," a little girl said shyly, her mother keeping a close eye on her as she approached. "Thank you," I said.
She was like a little cherub with blonde hair and blue eyes, dressed in jeans and a shirt, with scuffed-up sneakers and loose hair. She had her thumb in her mouth and couldn't be any older than four at the most.
"Can I pet him?" she asked.
I was hesitant. Roscoe was a rescue dog and there was no telling how he would react to a small child laying their hands on him.
"Try putting your hand out for him to sniff first," I said quietly "so that he knows you are a friend."
She obligingly held out the hand that wasn't currently held to her mouth and Roscoe sniffed before his tongue darted out and he licked the little girl's hand, making her giggle. She patted his head before I could say anything and he wagged his tail. "Good doggy," she said, as her mother came and grabbed her before she could keep going "look mummy, puppy," she said happily as the mother smiled at me and led her child away.
"Good boy Roscoe" I murmured.
So he didn't mind children either, but hadn't taken to anybody in the rescue? Strange. The little girl's bravery in approaching meant that a whole host of other children came over wanting to pat the German Shepherd who was only to happy to let them pat him, while I kept a wary eye, concerned that he might grow snappy or bite but he proved me wrong and soon I was having to stand up and begin to lead him back to the house, to the children's disappointment.
"Can you come again?" one called as I began to head towards the gate that led out.
I smiled over my shoulder "I'll try. Roscoe sure likes it here, don't you Roscoe?" I asked, patting him on the shoulder.
The children cheered, making me giggle as we waved goodbye. My mood improved slightly and I had a bounce in my step as we began to slowly walk home, Roscoe's tail wagging back and forth at a frantic rate.
"You had fun, huh Roscoe," I said with a giggle, the Shepherd looking at me with bright eyes and his tongue lolling out. He nudged my hand and bounded forward a few steps, growing more excited as we drew closer to home.
"I don't know about you, but I'm feeling hungry," I said laughing "I'm going to make some lunch and then maybe we can curl up on the couch and watch a movie together" I proposed to the dog who seemed very taken with the idea, although maybe it might have just been the word lunch that had gotten his attention. We began to walk up the long driveway, the breeze causing my hair to billow out around my shoulders as I blinked and sighed, feeling the coolness against my bare skin.
I frowned as I drew nearer to the door. Strange. When I had left the door had been blank. Nothing there. But now, there was a large white envelope that had been taped to it. I began to walk a little slower, glancing over my shoulder uneasily. Roscoe was confused by my sudden change in pace, his ears pricking as he gave a whine. There was nobody there, else Roscoe would have sought them out, I tried to convince myself. But why would somebody have left a white envelope taped to the door? I peered at it. There was no address on the front, no message, no name. It was blank. I felt a sense of trepidation as I pulled it from the door, before unlocking it and walking inside. I could feel something inside the envelope as I began to let Roscoe off his lead, the dog bounding away to go and get a drink of water, lapping thirstily away as I shut the door and carefully locked it, my heart beginning to pound.
My fingers trembled as I began to tear the envelope open. It ripped open with ease and I sat down on the sofa, as my hand reached in and pulled out several photographs. Initially, I thought they might have been the photos that had been taken of me and Grayson at the engagement party, but that soon disappeared as I took a close look at them. They were photos of Grayson, with another woman and they were having an intimate moment together. He was kissing her, his hand gripping her cheek, the woman dressed in a formal gown, her long black hair reaching past her hips. Her dress was pulled down to her hips and her bare breasts were exposed and the photo looked as though it had been taken in a bedroom. I looked a little closer. It was not Grayson's bedroom I noted, the interior was a lot different.
I tried to convince myself that this had to have been before he got together with me. It had to be right. But the nausea inside of me continued. I had been blind before when it came to Johnathon, was I oblivious to my new husband as well? Was I being too trustworthy when it came to Grayson? Should I be more suspicious, more questioning? I rushed to the kitchen and threw up in the sink, turning the water on and cleaning it, before wiping my mouth.
I was a fool, I thought bitterly. I turned back to the pictures. They were dated a few days after our wedding ceremony. My hands shook violently. Roscoe whined from the corner of the living room, a whine of distress. I gathered the photos up, carefully leaving them in the middle of the coffee table. Gone was my happy mood from before. Gone was the lightheartedness as I walked back to the house. Now I was filled with suspicion and dread. I closed my eyes, sinking onto the couch.
Was I doomed to trust the wrong men? I wanted to cry, but I blinked back the tears. What a fool I'd been. When was I going to learn my lesson? The worst thing wasn't that he'd cheated on me or that I was so naive as to believe he'd been loyal, no that wasn't the worst thing. The worst thing was, I was forced to realize as I stared down at those photos, my heart felt like it had been torn from my chest, the worst thing was that I had started to fall in love with my husband and that felt like the worst betrayal of all.