[Book 2] Chapter 20
Lorelai
POV
I sneak into the building and up to the apartment, humming lightly under my breath. I felt a little like Cinderella. "I guess the night's over" I sigh, as I put the key into the lock and turn it, "but it was magical" I admit with a wistful sigh.
Prince Charming had nothing on Knox, I thought as I shook my head and opened the door, slinking inside and dropping my clutch on the sofa, before reaching down to take the heels off. My feet were sore. "Where the f**k have you been?" a furious voice speaks and I stiffen, forcing a fake smile onto my face.
Jackson. I had hoped he would spend the rest of the night out, but it appears he has been waiting for me, judging by the furious scowl on his face as he sits in the armchair, regarding me with cold hard eyes that make me want to recoil in fear. "I had an event" I answer casually, trying not to show my fear "My employer requested I join him and I couldn't refuse." He scoffs "Pull the other one Lorelai, you think I don't know where you were?" he gets up and stretches as I slide my shoes off, my heart feeling like it's in my throat. It's impossible. There is no way that Jackson could know where I was. But fear is overwhelming me. He gets his phone out of his pocket and shows me a picture. It's of me dancing with Knox. It looks intimate, Knox's eyes staring down at me, while I gaze adoringly up at him. I swallow past a lump in my throat while Jackson narrows his eyes at me.
"Care to explain?" he drawls.
"It's not what it looks like" I begin slightly desperately. "That's my employer" I protest as Jackson lets out a chuckle that causes me to stiffen.
"You look like you are more than just an employer and employee to me" he comments with a twisted grin "You look close Lorelai, a little too close for my comfort."
"It's not like that Jackson" my voice is strangled.
How did he get such a picture? I knew he hadn't been at the gala, had one of his friends been there instead? Slap. I feel his hand connect with my cheek and tears prick my eyes as I put a hand to my cheek and feel the burning sensation that's left behind and the mark that will no doubt bruise tomorrow.
"Stop lying" he hisses as I stare at him mutely "You look like you're about to jump him and f**k him in that picture" he snaps crudely.
I'm used to his crudeness by now. I blanch. "Jackson you know that I only have eyes for you" I deny.
Even I don't believe my own words. He narrows his eyes and grabs me by the hair, my chignon coming loose, my hair cascading down my shoulders as he yanks it, causing me to stumble. "You're such a w***e" he snarls as I try not to cry, "look at how you're dressed, wanting his f*****g attention."
"It's a job" I sob, as his fingers grip my arm, his fingers digging into my flesh, painful and bruising "Please Jackson, stop" I plead.
He gives a low growl "You're mine Lorelai, you've always been mine. Don't you be getting any ideas of leaving me" he warns, looming over me as I glance upwards through eyes welling with tears "I won't let you. You know that" he adds as I try not to cringe.
His gaze rakes over me, staring meaningfully at the dress. "You look like a cheap w***e" he says disgustedly as I stand there, suddenly feeling cheap and sickened, instead of beautiful and glamorous like I had been only minutes ago. "Like a damn Barbie doll that's been dressed up for his sick twisted pleasure. Get out of that damn dress" he swears.
I go towards the room but he stops me in my tracks. "No," he says, folding his arms across his chest "Take the dress off, now."
He wants me to strip in front of him. I sniffle and then quietly undo the zip at the back. There's nothing graceful or seductive about my movements. I peel the dress off and step away from it, leaving my undergarments on. He lets out a low whistle as he takes in the lacy panties and bra. "You still want to deny that you were planning on sleeping with that fucker?" he demands as I stare miserably down at the floor "f*****g liar" he roars and I feel him shove me backward into the kitchen counter, my back hitting it hard and causing me to inhale sharply as pain shoots up my spine.
I stay silent. To protest or continue denying it will only escalate the situation. Slap, slap, slap. The slaps across the face are numerous and sharp, fueled by his anger and rage. "Nobody gets to see you like this" he growls as I look up at him, his eyes glinting in the darkness of the room "Nobody" he hisses, grabbing my arm "Do you understand me Lorelai?" "I understand" I whisper, wanting him to stop.
Tears trail down my cheeks. My makeup is smeared. My body is shaking violently. I feel as though I'm going to throw up from the pain as I stand there, feeling helpless. He twists my arm as though making a point and I give a sharp cry of pain, before he releases my arm, flinging it away from him with a grunt.
I hold my arm in my other one, trembling. I hurt all over. My boyfriend continues to glower at me. I flinch when he reaches for me. I'm afraid he's going to hurt me again, but this time he sweeps my hair gently over my shoulders.
"I hate having to hurt you like this" he sighs as though I've asked for it, sounding deeply apologetic "I just wish you didn't make me do it," he said shaking his head regretfully.
"I know" I whisper, having heard all of this before.
Now comes the time when he turns gentle and loving and where I forgive all of it because he promises not to do it again or because it's become such a routine that I've become numb to his promises and just accept what's become reality.
"I'm sorry I hurt you so badly" Jackson continues, cupping my swollen cheek as I wince "But you just provoke me so much sometimes Lorelai."
I continue to stand there, waiting. He trails a finger across my cheek and gives a heavy sigh. He kisses the top of my forehead and I try not to blanch at how slimy and cold his lips feel on my skin. "It's just that you're so beautiful, I know that other men are going to try and take advantage of you. I'm just trying to protect you" he explains as I nod tiredly.
"Jackson I'm really tired" I dare to venture.
His eyes narrow for a moment and then he smiles. "I bet you are, you've been working hard the last week. Why don't I start the bath for you?"
I hesitate but he's already moving and I hear the taps start. He comes back and drags me towards the bathroom. "I'll help you get cleaned up," he says with a wicked grin.
I know what that means. My heart sinks. It means that he'll help me wash myself and sit and chat with me in the bathroom until I'm ready to get out. It means he'll lavish attention on me and affection until I forget all about our little spat. He could be charming when he wanted to.
But this time I felt different. Part of me wasn't going to forget this time. As I sat in the tub and Jackson began to lavish me with praise and compliments, I focussed on something or rather someone else instead. Knox Grant. The man was an enigma. His dance moves had been suave and his kindness was beyond anything I had anticipated. I hadn't wanted him to escort me to the apartment for this very reason. But I also knew that he would never lay a hand on any woman, not like Jackson here, and comparing them both, caused me to feel nothing but revulsion towards my boyfriend and an acknowledgment that I needed to escape the situation I was finding myself in.
What was to stop Jackson from killing me when he got angered enough? He had always shown self restraint but any man had his limit and I was growing tired of living on eggshells.
But the last time you left, he waited and he waited, until he found you again a small voice in my head reminded me, crushing any plans I might have. Jackson had shown more tenacity and determination than I had expected when I ran last time. I had no doubts he would do it again. There was no escaping somebody like this.
Why don't you ask Knox for help?
The voice persisted in my mind. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. Ask the big Mr. Grant for help with a domestic violence situation. It was laughable. We weren't even close enough friends to consider such a thing. I felt Jackson's hand reach around my ankle and refocus on him. He smiled at me, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. I tried not to shudder.
"Lorelai honey let's go to bed," he said coaxingly as I tried not to show just how much I despised the suggestion "I want to make up for earlier" he added "and show you just how much you mean to me."
Wordlessly I stood up and got out of the tub while he handed me a towel. This was the gentle, loving side of Jackson. The side that had convinced me to fall in love with him, before he let his other side be known. The side that had fooled me into thinking he was a nice guy until it became too late to get out from underneath his thumb. As he led me into the bedroom, I glanced back towards the front door, wishing I had the courage to make a run for it, and cursed the fact that even if I did, there was nowhere for me to run anyway. This was my curse to bear and my own stupidity had led me here. Falling in love with a man incapable of loving me back like Knox Grant was only going to complicate things further than they already were. Prince charming was not about to come to my rescue, I reminded myself and closed my eyes as I felt Jackson's hands begin to roam over my body with an eagerness that repulsed me as I tried my best to respond in a way that would make him happy or at the very least prevent him from getting angry with me again. This was my reality, and to believe otherwise was only going to end in disappointment.