SWNOVELS The Billionaire’s Big Bold Weakness: Chapter 3
‘Holy shit!’ Gwen says, staring in shock at the envelope that was just dropped off for her. Her eyes are so wide, I’m a little concerned they might actually fall out of their sockets. I’ve never seen her speechless before now. ‘He gave us his tickets to the benefit tonight!’
‘I’m going to murder him,’ I growl, instantly suspicious that Jax is still trying to get me to the benefit. It’s barely even nine in the morning. I’m not nearly awake enough to deal with any of this. Especially since I barely slept last night. I tossed and turned all night, replaying every second of our conversation.
Jax doesn’t give up easily and is stubborn as all hell. I should have known he was up to something. He was way too agreeable last night. He was a perfect gentleman after the karaoke party wound down about half an hour after he sent my world into topsy-turvy orbit. He waited for me to clean up and then escorted me to my car to follow me home.
‘Um, you’re going to marry him and have his babies!’ Gwen shouts, spinning to look at me like I’m crazy. With her hair in a hot pink nightcap and her old robe hanging open over her Mighty Mouse pajamas, she still somehow manages to look more put together than I do. ‘He gave us tickets to the benefit tonight. Do you have any idea how much these things cost? Thousands!’
‘He’s just…wait. Seriously? Thousands?’
She bobs her head in an excited nod. ‘A single ticket was two-thousand dollars. They sold out in a matter of hours. Everyone wants a piece of the Holy Trinity.’ Her face scrunches up. Like me, Gwen doesn’t date. She says men will only interfere with her plans for her life, but I think it’s because her mom has a long history of falling in love with all the wrong men. And because she’s secretly in love with my brother. ‘It’s crazy how insane everyone is being about them performing together.’
‘You would be too if you’d seen them perform together.’ I squeeze past her to shut the door to our apartment since it’s still standing open. Kasen, Bentley, and Clayton sang Tennessee Whiskey together last night, and I don’t mean they got up there and gave it their best shot. I mean they sang the hell out of that song. It was incredible.
‘Stop rubbing it in!’ Gwen cries, throwing herself down on the chaise part of our plush sectional. We may be broke college kids, but we hit the flea markets like professionals. We’ve been able to work magic in this place on flea market finds. Everything is comfortable, cozy, and inviting. It feels like a real home instead of an off-campus apartment with bad pipes and not nearly enough hot water. ‘I’m never getting over the fact that you spent an entire night in the same room with Cami. You are not allowed to tell me all the gory details.’
‘If you say so,’ I say, shaking my head at her. One minute, she tells me she doesn’t want the details. The next, she’s demanding I tell her every little thing that happened. She’s insane and I love her for it. If she weren’t going to Nashville with me, I’d be devastated. Living with her has been the best part of the college experience.
‘We are totally going tonight,’ she says.
‘Um, no. No way.’ I shake my head, adamant. There’s no freaking way I’m going to this concert tonight. The odds of me falling into Jax’s arms in front of my coworkers is way too high. He remembers trying to kiss me. He still wants to kiss me. The man I’ve been in love with for four years wants to kiss me. And I turned him down.
What is wrong with me?
I plop down on the couch next to Gwen.
Ruby comes running out of the bedroom to jump into my lap. She turns in a circle before laying down and then narrowing her eyes on me. I grab the blanket off the back of the couch, knowing that’s what she wants. She likes to burrow. I swear, she has more blankets than I do.
‘I can’t go alone.’ Gwen looks at me like I’m crazy…which I don’t necessarily disagree with right now. My mind has been reeling since last night. Nothing makes sense. Jax has feelings for me. Or thinks he has feelings for me. Or something. I’m not sure. I was so afraid I would end up admitting that I’ve been in love with him for four years that I ran from the conversation exactly like a frightened little rabbit.
He’s called me a rabbit since I met him. My nose twitches when I’m stressed out or don’t like something. He thinks it’s hilarious. I do not agree. I can’t hide anything because my stupid nose twitches and tells the world exactly how I feel. It’s so annoying!
‘Make Cyrus go with you.’
Gwen’s eyes get big.
‘Why not? You guys are friends.’ Okay, friends is probably pushing it. The two of them argue about everything under the sun. If Gwen says the sky is blue, Cyrus argues that it’s actually not. If Cyrus says he wants pizza for dinner, Gwen automatically wants Chinese. They’ve been driving each other nuts since Gwen and I were sixteen.
Gwen went on a diet that year after meeting a music producer. Cyrus told her he thought it was stupid for her to be so hung up on what other people thought of her and that most people never make it as musicians. He didn’t mean it the way it came out, but she took it as him saying she doesn’t have what it takes. They’ve been at odds ever since.
Neither of them will admit it, but they’re in love with each other. I think it really bothers Cyrus that he’s in love with someone so much younger than him. He’s always been so protective and noble and genuinely good. He doesn’t know what to do about the way he feels. Neither does Gwen. They’re both stubborn. So they pick at each other and drive each other crazy instead.
But if Gwen asked Cyrus to go with him, he wouldn’t say no. He never says no to Gwen.
‘We are not friends,’ she growls on cue, scowling daggers at me. ‘He’s bossy and opinionated and rude. Do you know he stole my lunch last week? He just let himself in and ate it.’
I bite my lip to keep from laughing. One of these days, she’ll figure out that he does things like that just to get her attention. She tries to ignore him, which pisses him off. I can’t wait until they finally cave. They’ll be good for one another. Cyrus keeps Gwen grounded and she keeps him from being too rigid.
‘I love you but I’m not going. Jax will be there.’ I want to see him so badly.
‘Are we to the part yet where I tell you that you’re insane and that you should go get your man?’ Gwen asks, still poring over the tickets in her hand.
‘Nope.’
‘Fine, but just so you know, I think this part is lame,’ she says. ‘You love him. He obviously has feelings for you. Why not throw caution to the wind and follow your heart?’
‘He’s my boss.’
‘For three more months.’
‘He needs friends.’
‘Why are you so sure Cyrus will be pissed?’
‘I know my brother.’
‘So do I,’ she says, turning to look at me. ‘He loves you, JJ. He loves Jax. The thought of the two of you together might take some getting used to for him, but he’s not going to cut you out of his life over it. So why are you really afraid?’
‘I don’t want to lose him,’ I admit on a whisper.
‘Cyrus?’
‘Jax.’ I fidget with Ruby’s blanket, avoiding Gwen’s gaze. ‘He may think he has feelings for me now, but I don’t think he’d feel the same way if he knew that I’ve been in love with him for four years. Like…obsessively in love.’
‘Jessa.’
‘I’ve turned down dates because of him,’ I blurt out, turning to face her. ‘More than once.’
‘Really?’
I nod.
She purses her lips, staring at me. ‘So you’re afraid he’ll find out that you’re in love with him and what? Laugh at you?’
‘Yes. No. I don’t know!’ I cry, flinging up my hands. ‘I just…I don’t want to lose him. What if I tell him the truth and it freaks him out? Or if we get together and then he decides we aren’t going to work out? I’ll lose him completely.’
‘Maybe,’ Gwen says, her voice soft. ‘But, hon, you’ve avoided him for the last six months straight. You don’t see him. You don’t talk to him. You’re moving to Nashville. Haven’t you already lost him?’
‘He’s a billionaire now,’ I mumble.
‘Not by choice.’
‘He could have anyone.’
She narrows her eyes on me. ‘Jessa Olene Jordan, don’t you dare think you aren’t good enough for him.’
‘I don’t…exactly.’
‘Explain.’
‘Look at him, Gwen!’ I huff. ‘He’s freaking gorgeous. And now he’s a billionaire. Literal supermodels are in his league now. Why would he want me? I’m a virgin. I’ve never dated. I don’t know anything about dating a billionaire or living that kind of life. All I want to do is get my degree and help little kids. He should be with someone who knows how to be a billionaire’s wife and throw lavish parties and make friends with other billionaires’ wives.’
He deserves someone who will make his life easier, not harder. And even if Gwen is too sweet to admit it, we both know being with me would make his life harder. I don’t come from money. I don’t know anything about business or making deals or living the lifestyle he now lives. I would make his life harder simply because I don’t belong.
And the thing is, even then, he wouldn’t be mad at me for it. He’d just keep on doing what he does. He’d cut ties with anyone who didn’t accept me, even if it caused a problem for his company. He’d have a royal fit if anyone treated me poorly. His life is hard enough now. I don’t want to add to it. I love him too much to be the reason he fails.
‘Besides,’ I tell Gwen, ‘I want babies. Lots of them. Jax doesn’t.’
He told me that the night he tried to kiss me, and I don’t think it was just the anger and the alcohol talking. He was an only child who lost his mom young and had a father who didn’t want him. He spent his teen years in foster care while the man who birthed him did nothing to help.
I think he’s scared the same thing would happen to his kids or that he’d mess up their lives somehow. At the end of the day, why doesn’t matter. It all boils down to the same thing. Jax doesn’t want kids, and I won’t force that on him any more than I’d force myself on him.
‘We’re just not compatible,’ I say, popping my eyes open wide so I don’t cry. It might be true…but it still hurts like hell.
‘Fine,’ Gwen says, giving up. ‘I won’t make you go tonight.’
‘Ruby,’ I say, snapping my fingers to get her attention. She’s at the front door, barking her little head off. I swear, she thinks she’s a killer. What she expects to kill when she weighs a pound and a half, I don’t know. But every time someone knocks at the door, she loses her mind.
She ignores me, of course.
I grumble under my breath and scoop her up in my arms before undoing the slide lock. We learned the hard way not to answer the door without securing her first. She tried to attack the mailman. Which would have been bad, except he was a giant and she couldn’t even bite through his pants. He thought it was hilarious. Thank God. I really don’t want to be sued by the Post Office.
It sounds expensive.
‘Can I…?’ I blink, shocked to see Jax standing on my doorstep. He’s supposed to be at the benefit. Gwen left an hour ago. She adamantly refused to ask Cyrus to go with her. She’s going to kill me when she gets home tonight because I called him anyway. He was going to meet her there…only she doesn’t know that, I didn’t tell her anything.
What? At least one of us should be happy.
‘You’re not supposed to be here,’ I mumble to Jax, still trying to process the fact that he’s standing in front of me. He’s definitely not dressed for a fancy benefit either. He’s in faded jeans and a Navy t-shirt, both of which hug his incredible body tight enough to make me jealous.
‘You said you couldn’t go to the benefit with me,’ he murmurs, grinning. ‘You didn’t say I couldn’t bring dinner to you.’ He holds up the brown paper bag in his hands. ‘I brought your favorite.’
The name of my favorite diner is emblazoned across the side of the bag. I don’t even have to ask to know what’s in it. He knows how much I love their breakfast burger. It’s ridiculously unhealthy but so good.
I narrow my eyes on him.
‘You going to let me in, baby?’ he asks, grinning at me.
‘Fine, but only because I’m hungry,’ I mutter, reluctantly moving to the side to let him in.
He brushes past me, close enough that his body grazes mine. I grip the door handle like my life depends on it as his scent envelopes me, sending my body temperature skyrocketing.
His warm breath touches my temple.
I bite my tongue, trying not to whimper.
The way I react to him isn’t fair. I’m twenty-two and no one has ever made me feel the way he does. He doesn’t even have to touch me to turn me into a mess of aching desire and trembling limbs. Just seeing him, smelling him is enough to wreck me and leave me aching for days.
‘Hey, Roo,’ he murmurs to Ruby, who is going insane trying to get to him.
My dog is an attention whore with no sense of loyalty. She catapults her tiny body out of my arms, flinging herself at him. Luckily, he’s coordinated enough to catch her crazy ass. She barks and squeals like a tiny demon, jumping up to lick all over his face.
How pathetic would I be if I confessed that I’m jealous of my dog?
Jax twists to the side, setting the bag of food on the credenza table by the door. As soon as he’s got it out of the way, he flips Ruby over onto her back to scratch her belly. Naturally, she lets him do it. If I try to scratch her belly, she acts like I’m trying to murder her.
‘Traitor,’ I mutter, slamming the door and then sliding the lock home. I stand there for a second, taking deep breaths, trying to get my heartrate under control. Had I known he was coming over, I would have put on actual clothes instead of the leggings, sports bra, and tank top I basically live in at home. Thank God I straightened my hair so I wouldn’t have to do it in the morning.
‘I brought you something too,’ Jax says to Ruby.
She probably doesn’t understand him, but she barks like she does.
I take a deep breath and turn to face him. He puts her on her feet, chuckling as she jumps around, still excited to see him. I swear, she loves him as much as I do. And it shouldn’t be legal for big men to be so good to little dogs.
Who can resist that level of adorableness?
No one, that’s who. It’s a lethal weapon.
He reaches into the bag and pulls out a little container for her. The hamburger patty inside is bigger than her head. We both know she’ll eat every bite of it though. I don’t know where the heck she puts it all, but she eats like a dog fifty times her size.
As soon as he puts the container on the floor for her, she dives in like the savage she is underneath that black and white fur and tiny body. The container scoots across the floor as she wolfs down her doggy burger.
I look back up at Jax to find him staring at me. He looks so damn good with that half smirk on his face. The little dimple in his right cheek is visible. His mocha eyes run all over me, his smirk growing. I cross my arms, trying to hide my boobs from him.
‘I thought you had a benefit to attend.’
‘I decided to skip it.’
‘Can you do that?’ Surely, he’s supposed to be there. He owns the freaking hotel.
‘Don’t know and don’t care,’ he says, those mocha eyes locking on mine. ‘There’s no one there I want to see.’
‘Gwen and Cyrus are there.’
‘She got the tickets?’
‘You’re her hero right now.’
He flashes that dimple at me again. ‘I’d rather be your hero, rabbit.’
‘She’ll probably lose her mind when she sees you next time,’ I warn him, ignoring his comment because it’s not like I can tell him that he’s already my hero. Can I?
No. Bad, Jessa.
Jax lets me get away with ignoring him, simply shaking his head at me. He glances around the living room, his gaze lingering on the textbook spread open on the coffee table before moving to the television. His smile lets me know he knows I gave up on the textbook and started watching True Grit. ‘You redecorated.’
‘Undecorated,’ I correct, nodding to the little nail holes in the walls. ‘We’re trying to get ready for the move.’ We’re not doing a very good job. So far, all we’ve managed to do is take the pictures down and put them in boxes. Everything else is still exactly where it was two weeks ago when we agreed we were going to start going through stuff and packing.
Moving sucks. We’d rather be lazy and watch Netflix.
‘Come on,’ he says, holding out a hand toward me.
I stare at it for a long, silent moment.
‘I won’t bite you, rabbit.’ His voice is softer than normal, quieter. Crap. I’m hurting his feelings.
I slip my hand into his, trying not to let him see how having his skin against mine affects me. As soon as his rough hand wraps around mine, an electric charge races up my arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake. My nipples get even harder. I could get addicted to touching him. It always feels so damn good.
Why did I have to fall for the one guy on the planet I can’t have?
He pulls me over to the couch and then nudges me to get me to sit. I let him put me where he wants me. Like Cyrus, Jax is stubborn and a bossy pants. It doesn’t really bother me. I know it’s how they show they care.
Besides, they’ve both been in the military their entire adult lives. Orders keep them and their teammates alive in situations I can’t even think about without wanting to cry. Neither of them tells me much about the things they’ve seen and done over the years. They both say they do what they do so people like me don’t have to know. Jax shares a little with me. Not much.
I try not to push. It just makes him anxious.
‘How is being a SEAL and a billionaire supposed to work?’ I ask, genuinely curious as he drops the bag of food in my lap. He gets called on for all sorts of last-minute missions. I don’t know how he’s supposed to juggle both responsibilities without cracking under the weight. If anyone could do it though, it would be him. He makes being in charge look effortless.
‘It’s not. Do you have beer?’
‘In the fridge. What do you mean it’s not?’
He ignores my question, instead striding toward the kitchen. Our apartment is small, with an open floorplan. He rummages around in the fridge for a second before I hear him grunt.
I smile at the sound, knowing it means he’s satisfied with the beer. He’s kind of a beer snob…which is why I keep the good stuff here. Cyrus will drink anything, but Jax is picky.
A second later, he pushes the fridge door closed with his boot before striding back toward me, two beers in one hand and a can of hard seltzer in the other.
He holds the seltzer out to me, his brows furrowed. ‘I don’t know how you drink this shit.’
‘Easy,’ I snark, popping the top open and then taking a big drink. ‘Like that.’
He rewards my sass with another grin. ‘Smart ass.’
‘You–’ I cut myself off before I can say you love me. That’s a minefield I am so not stepping in right now. ‘Um, you didn’t answer my question.’
‘I did.’
I scowl at him. He would think that non-answer was satisfactory. I swear, men gossip way worse than women, but when you want to know something, getting anything more than monosyllables from them is impossible.
‘I’m not a SEAL anymore,’ he says, twisting the top off one of the beers and then taking a long drink.
I gape at him, shocked. ‘Jax, what? You’re not a SEAL anymore? Since when?’
He ignores me again, instead grabbing the bag off my lap to sort it out. As soon as Ruby hears it rustle, she gives up licking her empty container and comes running over. Even though it’s not physically possible for her belly to hold anything else, she’s greedy.
‘Roo, no more,’ Jax says.
She glances up at him and then whines once before she runs back to her container. She picks it up in her mouth and carries it over to her bed. I’ll have to steal it while she’s asleep to put it in the trash or she’ll have a fit. Once you give something to her, she does not give it up easily or willingly.
If dogs could hoard, Ruby would be the worst.
‘Here, baby,’ Jax says, holding my food out to me.
Oh my gosh. I’m going to strangle him if he doesn’t start talking soon.
‘You’re driving me crazy!’ I cry, grabbing the to-go container from him. ‘What happened? You loved being a SEAL.’
‘It didn’t suck,’ he agrees.
I growl at him.
‘I’m not ignoring your question,’ he promises, sitting beside me, so close we’re basically sharing the same cushion. His long leg presses against my shorter one, making me shiver. Even through his pants and my leggings, I feel the heat of his body.
I’ve never been a small girl. All my life, I’ve been tall and curvy. But Jax makes me feel small in the best way. He’s a warrior, a Titan, so damn big and immovable. There’s nothing little about him. It’s impossible to miss him, and even more impossible not to feel safe as houses with him nearby. I love that he makes me feel feminine and cared for without even trying.
‘You aren’t answering me either,’ I mutter. Not even I can deny that I’m pouting about it. Which is entirely his fault. I’ve never pouted. He just makes me crazy. I think it’s the sexual frustration. Being constantly turned on has to be bad for my health.
His lips curve into an amused grin. It slips when his eyes meet mine across the small space separating us. An inferno blazes to life between us, sparking from his eyes. It engulfs me all at once, burning so hot I bite my tongue to keep from crying out.
I don’t think I’m the only one who feels it. His pupils dilate, a growl rumbling in his chest. He looks like he’s starving again. I don’t know how I never noticed it before yesterday. But he always looks at me with so much heat in his eyes.
‘I’ll make you a deal,’ he says, his voice as rough as sandpaper yet as smooth as silk too.
‘What deal?’ I whisper, trembling, aching, burning. God Almighty, he’s staring at me like he intends to consume me alive, and I want to let him. More than I’ve ever wanted anything.
Love is a powerful force. Coupled with lust, it’s unstoppable. How am I supposed to stop my heart from beating? My soul from living? That’s what letting him go feels like I’m doing. How am I supposed to manage it?
I can’t. Sitting here beside him, seeing the way he’s looking at me…I know I can’t. I’m not strong enough to cut out my heart and pretend I feel nothing. That’s why I’ve been avoiding him for six months. Because it’s the only way I could make it through every day without telling him how I feel about him.
‘I’ll answer anything you want me to answer,’ he says, holding my gaze like he intends to never let it go. ‘If you tell me why you’re trying so hard to pretend you don’t have feelings for me.’