The Bastard Queen (Viciously Yours #2)

Beads of sweat raced down the side of my temple distracting me from the small pond stationed in front of me. The evil liquid hadn’t so much as rippled at my attempts to bend it beneath my will. I whispered to it, demanded it, urged it, begged it but nothing seemed to work. In a moment of utter frustration, I had even screamed aloud for it to do my bidding but again nothing. I wrestled it away from Mab’s will to lessen her downpour during our battle so I knew I could at least do that.

Or so I thought.

Huffing in frustration, I dropped to my ass and tugged on a piece of my blue metal laden hair. It just didn’t make any sense! A Fae’s ability was only as strong as the Fae’s will. Which meant that if a Fae became a master of sorts over one of their abilities they could become a master over the other one as well. Sure one ability might take longer to master than the other but to have one significantly weaker than the other? It was unheard of. It was flat out impossible. So, how the shit was I basically a water dud?

Pulling my arms up, I squeezed my shoulder blades together until I received a satisfying crack along my spine. Alright, come on. Tucking my legs underneath me, I leaned forward and dipped my hands into the cool pond. The somewhat murky water rushed over my skin to submerge my hands in it’s silky depths. Cupping my hands to capture some of the liquid, I raised them up and then parted them quickly to drop it. I ignored the little sting of pain in my head and barked a mental order for them to freeze mid-air. But of course they didn’t, just like the eighty-seven other times before this.

Irritated beyond belief, I slashed at the pond with an open hand causing a spray of water to fracture the still surface. Divines, why was everything so fucking hard? My own mind didn’t work right so why did I think my abilities would? Flashes of me in cells, stone graves, and chained against walls pestered my sleep all night. A never ending loop that had me to waking up with a bloody neck and carved up wrists. I hated it. I fucking hated it. I wasn’t a weak person but reliving the memories of my past were too much. I couldn’t even stand to remain in my tent for longer than it took to get dressed and scrub the blood from my skin.

The only way to calm myself down had been to go deep into the woods but I couldn’t do that without passing by a bunch of Fae. Which brought up another thing that was wrong with me. What type of Queen couldn’t handle being called by her titled? My heart had squeezed painfully each time it was said until I had finally hit the tree line and took off. I literally ran away from the camp until my lungs burned and my legs threatened to send me collapsing to the grassy earth. I couldn’t take it, not after all those memories that threatened to drown me in the past.

To make matters worse, I didn’t need to ask the Fae in the camp if they chose me to be their Queen anymore. On my rushed exit of the camp, I couldn’t help but notice that every single Fae, even the children, wore some type of blue clothing. That’s what had me really running into the woods like someone had set my ass on fire. All those innocent lives in my hands. In my cracked, blood soaked, silver tattooed hands. I didn’t understand it. Why did they want me? Why did they choose me? I made one big score on allies, Sure. But what’ve I really done for them so far? Nothing. I’ve done nothing for them.

It didn’t make sense. Despite how much I didn’t want to believe it, I was sure that they’d heard about my midnight terrors. They knew that I was Mab’s bastard and that I didn’t particularly want to be Queen but they picked me anyways. I couldn’t understand it, how did they not see that I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s Queen? How did any of them trust me after I told them that forty of my past citizens had died because of my arrogance? Didn’t these people see that I was riding the fine edge of insanity or was I really that good of an actor? I was cracking at the fucking seams and no one’s noticed.

“For fucks sake.” I laughed bitterly. When did I start wanting them to notice? Who knew the come down from two days of sleep would be this rough.

Digging my fingers into the muddy ground, I leaned out over the pond as far as I could. Staring down at the water, I looked at the woman who had spent the last seven hundred and fifty years locked up in the worst Fae prison imaginable. Sunlight bounced off waves of shiny blue hair that sparkled with little pieces of decorative metal. Silver swirls of delicate tattoos, that spoke of the severity of her crime, ended right beneath a sharp jawline. Rich brown skin was draped tightly over high cheekbones that made her cheeks look flat until she smiled with plump lips. Royal blue eyes shined out like jewels underneath blue lashes and arched brows. Like the rest of her Unseelie kind, her ethereal beauty was enough to overlook the cruel sharpness of her features and the predatory glint in her eyes.

I looked exactly the same as I had the day I finally came into my adult fae features. The only obvious difference was the tattoos that would marr my body for the rest of my life and the scars I got from the battle with Mab. It was almost unreal to see that while my physical form had barely changed, my mind was entirely different. What was it about today that had me peering into myself? Whatever the fuck it was, I didn’t like it. It felt like I was teetering on the edge of something dangerous. That if I looked any deeper I’d find something that I didn’t like or worse… that I did.

Ugh, enough. I thought before slinging the handful of mud I was gripping at my reflection. Shove it all back down, Macha. It’s not the time for this shit. When did you get so sappy?

Climbing back to my feet, I slapped my hands together to rid them of the grimy mud clinging to my fingers. I was way too annoyed with water at the moment to wash my hands in the pond. Giving it a glare, I turned my back on the smug son of bitch that still refused to move and started walking. Bright green grass crunched underneath my boots as the sun warmed my skin. Without a breeze the heat should have been unbearable but the shade from the trees gave me spots of relief along the way.

As I walked, I could actually feel my mood level out due to the calm serenity of the Nymph filled forest. Some Fae might believe that all forests were beautiful and calming but there was something about the ones that Nymphs inhabited. They were much more lively and gave off a feeling of wanderlust that had caused more than a few problems with humans. Something about friends and family members disappearing in our woods but that was a long time ago. Humans were no longer brought to our realm because of the problems they always caused.

Chuckling a little, I started to move my head in time with an old forbidden tune that floated around my head. My humming started off slow before gradually speeding up. In my mind, little human figures danced to the tune while matching the speed at which I hummed. The corners of my mouth lifted when I reached the part where the human’s feet would normally start to bleed. Laughing loudly this time, I began to perform the moves to the song as I sped up to the ending. Feet twirling along the ground at an inhuman speed, I leaped over a bush and then dropped to the ground right as I stopped humming.

Panting, I stretched out over the leaf covered ground with a smile and stared up at the patches of sky unblocked from the trees. Fun just wasn’t the same anymore. Crossing my ankles, I lifted my arms and folded them behind my head. Nothing needed to be done at the camp right now, so what was the harm in laying around in the quiet for a while? Soaking up the sun and some alone time would be good for me. Yeah that was it. It definitely wasn’t because I didn’t want to go through the pain of being called Queen for a few more hours.

Yeah, the realm totally called me on my bullshit.

“There’s a reason that tune’s forbidden, My Queen. Are you dead?”

I knew that voice. Shooting to my feet, I spun around on the crumpled leaves to face her. Lugh’s dark red hair streaked with baby blue hung around her pale face in long layers and when her eyes met mine, I saw the past. Forty albino faces, a paper filled with missing names, worried advisors brushed aside, bodies crumbling beneath my finger tips, and mocking laughter.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed back against the trees that seemed to be closing in around me. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Lugh tilted her head at the tune she could clearly hear me humming but said nothing. It only served to calm me further that even after all these years, Lugh still understood what I needed in times like these. A moment of silence where I did whatever I needed to do and then after we’d pretend like it never happened.

When images of the past stopped making my heart squeeze up into my throat, I looked back into my former advisor’s eyes and replied, “I didn’t realize you were here, Lugh.”

She gave me a indulgent smile as she moved closer to where I stood, “You’d have known if you weren’t so busy avoiding your past subjects.”

I shook my head incapable of words as an overwhelming sense of failure came over me. I wanted to walk away, I wanted to act like seeing her wasn’t killing me but I couldn’t. She along with the rest of my old subjects deserved only the truth from me.

“We understand. After your speech it all became clear.”

My eyes burned painfully at the shame curling around my heart, “I should have listened to you, Lugh. You don’t know how much I regret ignoring you when you brought them to my attention. I-”

“You were young, Macha. Your kingdom was large and your position was consuming you. I held no anger for you then and I don’t hold any for you now.”

“How can you say that?” I snapped, grief stricken disgust. “All those Fae burned from the inside out! It was my fault they died! I should’ve listened to you, to everyone. We could have saved them. They’d still be alive right now if it wasn’t for me. I was arrogant and selfish. I didn’t deserve to be a Queen then, and I definitely don’t now.”

Lugh’s face went slack in disbelief as her dark red eyes took in my glistening ones, “Oh, my child. How deluded and lost you’ve become.” Coming the rest of the way, she placed a hand on the back of my head to bring our foreheads together. “I cannot believe that after all this time, you still blame yourself. Macha, you are not Mab.”

Frowning, I furrowed my brows, “What are you talking about? I know that.”

“No, you obviously don’t.” Dark red eyes peered deeply into my blue ones, “Listen to me and hear what I’m telling you. You couldn’t have saved those Fae. It wasn’t your fault they died. No one from the past blames you for what happened. Not for their deaths and not for the battle.”

Hot tears burned my skin as they fell in a downpour.

Her pale lips pulled into a sad smile, “We don’t hate you, My Queen.”

“How- how could they not? How could you not?”

“Macha, I was picked by our people to tell you that no one from the old kingdom blames you for their deaths. You were Queen of hundreds Fae and despite your flaws, you were a good one. Sure, at times you could be strict but we all loved you. We still do. And I won’t say that some of us aren’t hurt that you kept yourself such a secret from us but we forgive you. You are not a failure to us. You will always be our Queen.”

“Enough.” I forced out between clenched teeth. A feeling like a heavy weight pressed down on my chest and threatened to crush my fragile heart beneath it.

Lugh held me still when I tried to pull away, “No. Forgive yourself. It’s been almost a thousand years since your mistake and you’ve more than paid for it. Slykhelm is a place that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, let alone our beloved Queen.”

I squeezed my eyes tightly together, I couldn’t think correctly. I just needed to block out her words. They were lies. How could they possibly forgive me and how could I ever forgive myself? Lies, lies, lies. Cruel lies.

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

Taking a moment to collect myself, I pushed my tears away and looked into her red eyes.

“Macha O’Riordan. Former Queen of the Banished Kingdom. First born bastard of Mab. Your former subjects of the Banished Kingdom forgive you. ”

A harsh sob broke through my tightened lips and I clutched at her shoulders to keep myself from falling. Arms wrapped around me in a motherly hug as I released loud sobs of pain into her chest. My body shook and tears streamed from my eyes while something inside of me snapped free. I could feel myself growing lighter than I had felt in a very long time. The ache that I had thought was a permanent reminder, a punishment, for what I had let happen, disappeared. And I hated myself for it.

“Let it out. Free yourself from your misplaced pain and anger. Your people don’t want to see you second guessing yourself any longer. We trust and believe in you. We see already how much you’ve changed for the better and we cannot wait to see you become the Queen you’re meant to be.”

More tears fell at her words before finally I had no more to give. Sniffling, I pulled away and wiped at my eyes. Lugh fussed with my hair, her instincts as an advisor pushing her to make sure I was presentable. It brought a smile to my face and distracted me from the little embarrassment I felt from my full on ugly crying seconds before.

“Emotions shouldn’t embarrass you, My Queen.”

“Divines, you’re worse than Dougal.” I sniffed, rolling my eyes playfully.

She lifted her chin regally, “I’ve seen him around and he doesn’t look nearly as God-like as you made him out to be.”

Laughing softly, I shook my head, “I never made him sound like that.”

“Oh, please.”

“Thank you, Lugh. For everything.” I told her seriously. It was what she wanted to hear after all.

She took a few steps back as if to leave when she replied, “I know you better than that. It might take a while but when my words sink in, don’t waste your time feeling guilty afterwards.”

I nodded gently and watched her turn to go when she looked back, “Later tonight, on the other side of the pond. A few of us from the old kingdom will be sitting around drinking and reminiscing if you want to join.”

Excitement shot through me but when I thought of how I’d actually have to face them all… “I’ll think about it.”

Nodding in understanding, she finally finished making her exit.

Right when she turned out of view, I took a few stumbling steps backwards and dropped down to rest my back on the nearest tree. Divines. Sighing heavily, I rubbed at my chest and ignored my stinging eyes. I felt emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, in all the fucking ways, drained. Pulling my knees up slightly, I tipped my head back against the bark and closed my eyes. I just needed a moment. Everything inside me felt too open, too raw to take in anything else for the day. But of course, there was no rest for the wicked.

I felt the bark ripple at my back moments before desire shot through my body like a live wire. Keeping my eyes closed, I tried to hold my annoyance in check which was difficult since desire was the last thing I wanted to be feeling. But Nymphs couldn’t help their allure and getting mad at one for it was like kicking a puppy for barking. Bare feet scraped against the earthy ground before they stopped between my spread knees. I could feel the heat coming off her body as she placed her hands on my knees to lean in close.

“Are you alright, My Queen? I felt a huge energy disturbance around these trees.”

The caress of her voice had my eyes opening to look into leaf green orbs. “I’m fine, Sy. Just tired. Thank you for checking on the area though.”

“Just doing my duties, My Queen.” She replied, a light blush coloring her pale cheeks

I nodded with a hint of smile and tried to push the feelings of desire from my body. Shifting in discomfort, I pushed my back further into the tree and away from her. Sy took notice with a small tilt of her head and then her blush deepened. She was much more coy now that it was just the two of us versus when I had first met her. Sy’s eyes closed and suddenly the pulsing desire changed to a subtle warmth pushing against my skin. Much more bearable.

“I didn’t know Nymphs could do that.”

She shrugged, causing her makeshift leaf top to ruffle, “It’s a secret, My Queen.”

“Then why’d you tell me?”

“Because you’re the Queen. There is no one more trustworthy.”

Pressing my hands flat against the ground, I let my head rock back and strike the bark hard. Pain stuck me but not like it normally did at her words. This time it was more of a hard pinch to the chest rather than a brutal squeeze.

Eyes gazing up at the trees, I jumped a little when I felt her hands slide down my thighs. Grabbing on to them, I brought my eyes back down to look at her, “Sorry, Babes. But I’m not in the mood for what you want. If company is all you’re looking for though, you can sit with me.”

“Sit with you and not…do anything?”

“Just sitting, Babes. Nothing more.” Now that she had turned down the desire, I found the warmth she alluded relaxing. Like basking in the sun after a swim.

She looked hesitant to believe me but then quickly moved to straddle my lap.

A snort of amusement left my nose at her decision to sit in my lap. I guess I should have specified the ‘next to me’ part.

Green eyes looked up at me shyly, “Is this okay? Am I doing it right?”

I cocked a brow, was she playing me? Or has she never just sat with someone before? Deciding it was better not to ask now, I nodded in approval.

Closing my eyes once more, I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I didn’t want to think about anything for the next few hours. I needed my personal walls to rebuild and not leave me feeling so vulnerable and open. The weight on my lap shifted while I cleared my mind and I felt Sy lay her head on my shoulder. Who knew Nymphs were cuddlers?

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, with her laying against my chest and me basking in the silence. But it was peaceful and the most relaxed I had felt in a long time which was why the snap of a twig sounded like a crack of lightning. Was I not allowed a single moment of Divines damned nothingness? Eyelids snapping open, I straightened up against the tree and glanced around. The movement inadvertently widening Sy’s thighs into a more intimate straddling position. Thankfully, my clothes kept any of her skin from actually touching mine.

Short grey dreads streaked with green swung into view before he completely rounded the tree. Dougal caught sight of us mid-sentence halting his conversation with whomever was hidden behind the tree, “Of all the ways...” Gray eyes quickly scanned over us before he placed a hand in front of the Fae that he was talking to to stop them from continuing forward.

Since it was Dougal, I felt comfortable enough to express my exhaustion, “Whatever it is, Dougal. It can wait until tomorrow. I’ve been emotionally fucked raw enough for an entire year.”

Sy slowly lifted her head to look at him but my gaze was locked onto the darker arm that shoved Dougal’s hand away at the sound of my voice. The hidden person sidestepped the tree and came into full view of me and Sy. Scrambling to her feet, Sy moved to the side but I barely noticed.

Cold silver eyes scanned over us much like his father had but I could feel the judgement. I was in such a state of complete shock at seeing him that it wasn’t until he spoke that I snapped out of it.

His sculpted face showed the barest hint of being unimpressed while staring Sy down until she traveled out, “Slumming it with the Nymphs now, Cell Bait? And not even the pretty ones at that.”

Son of fucking cunt whore.

Without thinking, I jumped to my feet and whipped a dagger at his fat head before screaming, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now, Dougal!”

——

Why do you think Macha can’t bend water to her will? How did you feel about Macha coming face to face with her past? More importantly, how did you feel about that little scene with Sy? How about Cillian’s reaction to seeing them? Or Macha’s reaction to seeing him?

My poor baby is more sporadic that usual in this chapter and the next. I don’t know if it’s because I’m the one writing it but Macha is a much more complex character than Kai was.

Feel free to comment if you want to!

Smooches, Verbage💋