The Bastard Queen (Viciously Yours #2)

The cool water rippled like silk across my tattooed skin as I bent at the waist and dove beneath its glassy surface. Spreading my arms to my sides, I swam deeper into the lake’s murky depth. It was late into the night when the entire camp except for the guards on patrol slept soundlessly. And the stars twinkled high in the sky beside the cold white orb that signaled the realms bedtime. Kicking my legs, I relished the feeling of the water gliding against my bare limbs. The temperature dropped the closer I got to the bottom until my hands hit the muddy lakebed. Opening my eyes, I waved my hands around to keep me from floating back up to the surface. Darkness was the first thing to greet me which sent my heart racing for a few long moments until my eyes adjusted.

Laying awake for the fourth night in a row since Cillian had left, I decided that obsessively thinking about what I’d said was a waste of time. He went back to Mab’s army the same day we completed our arrangement with the Trolls. After debriefing Dougal, he tried multiple times to catch me alone so we could talk about what I said. But like the skilled Unseelie I was, I avoided him so successfully that he’d only been able to catch me as he’d been about to leave.

A whistle of wind that I was all too familiar with had me jerking my head back just in time. The blade of the battle axe embedded itself deeply into the bark of the tree beside me, sending a few splinters skittering across my face. Wide royal blue eyes reflected back off the silver blade while the metal cooled the skin of my nose. Still in shock, I turned on my heel and looked over at the giant male who gave me nothing back facially.

“You do realize I could charge you with treason right?” I asked on an exhale while raising a hand to touch my nose.

His normally smooth voice was a growl,“Stop avoiding me.”

“That is not how you get a female’s attention, Cillian.”

“Not a sane one’s.”

I fought down a smirk, “Nearly assaulted, ordered around, and insulted all under five minutes. That has to be a new record.”

“We need to talk, Cell Bait.”

The shock of nearly getting my head lopped off was officially gone, “There’s nothing to discuss.”

At my words, an honest to Divines full out expression covered his chocolate and silver features. And of course, because it was me, the expression he wore was one of anger. “Do you always avoid the things that make you uncomfortable?”

“No,” I huffed. “Sometimes I kill them too.”

He shook his head in frustration, “I don’t have a lot of time before I need to leave. And I have to make sure you understand what I did all those centuries ago.”

“I know what you did. I was there.” I said blandly, leaning back against the tree beside his axe when a twinge of pain shot through my left hip.

“I didn’t betray you, Macha. And I didn’t choose Mab over you. By saving your life-”

“Which I never asked you to do.” I murmured under my breath.

“That.” He snapped, taking steps forward with a finger aggressively pointed in my direction. “That pisses me the fuck off. Why do you keep saying that?”

My eyes slitted at his tone, “Because. I. Didn’t.”

“So what, you wanted me to just stand there and watch you die? Listen to Mab and do it myself?” His nostrils flared and his body seemed to grow larger with the words. “You’re alive right now, building an army to finally take down Mab and rid the realm of her because of the choice that I made. It may not have been the best one but your still breathing aren’t you?”

Laughter ripped from my throat violently at his last sentence, “Still breathing? Still breathing? Is that all it takes? I went through literal indescribable agony everyday for centuries but ‘hey, your still breathing so it couldn’t have been that bad?’”

Silver eyes pinned themselves to my blue ones but his lips stayed sealed.

I opened my mouth getting ready to scream again that I had never asked him to save me. I never asked to be someone who was deathly afraid of being trapped. I never asked to have nightmares that ended with me waking up bloody. I never asked for these panic attacks. I never asked to have the kind touches of others that were so natural, feel so unnatural on my skin. I never asked to be someone who grew irritated with herself. I never asked to be turned into someone I barely recognized.

But looking into those silver eyes, glinting with frustration and confusion, I saw someone who’d never truly understand. Because I doubted I had the strength to ever tell him. So I let my mouth fall shut on those truths and sighed, “Go back to your Queen, Cillian.”

“I keep trying to but she won’t let me.” He sighed in return.

This time I stayed silent with my eyes on his stubborn expression.

“Mab released me on a two night ‘Soldiers Vacation’ but when I come back it’ll be for two weeks.” He said, walking closer to me. “And in those two weeks, we’re going to talk about our relationship and how we can build trust.”

My face twisted in disgust, “We are not doing that and don’t, phrase it like that.”

Cillian stopped inches from my chest, “It’s going to get uncomfortable and we’re definitely going to piss each other off but I’ll be damned if my Queen doesn’t trust me with her life. Because I trust her with mine.”

“You really shouldn’t. The fantasy of you bleeding out still excites me.”

“Say what you want but I heard what that ancient Troll said,” Silver eyes encompassed my vision as he leaned in. “You didn’t hesitate to jump into that pit to protect me. You may think you hate me, Cell Bait. But you don’t want me dead and that‘s something I can work with.”

“If you die, it’ll be by my hand. I think I’ve earned that.”

He pulled back with a tilt to his lips and yanked his axe from the trunk beside my head, “Don’t do anything reckless while I’m gone. Eat what Bria brings you and sleep as much as you can.”

“Fuck off.” I grunted in annoyance. Who the in fuck did he think he was?

The asshole just smirked in response before disappearing.

Something slippery and scaly brushed against my fingertips causing my eyes to blink away the memory. Pushing forward, I shoved the blue strands of my hair flat against the back of my head and out of my eyes. Looking around, I took in the mossy rock fill bottom of the lake and the colorful schools of shimmering fish. Catching sight of a large relatively moss free boulder, I pushed off the muddy ground and swam for it. Time to do what I came here to do or at least try to.

Crossing my legs under me, I waved my arms up and down to keep myself seated at the bottom of the lake. By surrounding myself with the element I struggled to bend beneath my will the most, I hoped that something between us would click. Maybe I just needed a better understanding of how water felt and moved. Because if this didn’t work then I didn’t know what else I could possibly do.

Slowing my arms, I swished them slowly side to side in time with currents and focused solely on the water around me. Blanking my mind to everything but what was in the lake with me, I focused on moving the water towards me. Instead of words, I visualized the liquid around me slowly doing what I was asking. My hair obscured my eyesight once again but this time I didn’t push it out of the way. I didn’t need to see the water, I needed it to feel me and for me to feel it.

After a while a pressure in my nose slowly built while a burning sensation grew in my lungs. But the calmness that had taken a hold of my body was thick and heavy to the point that no panic could cut through. Tipping my head back, I forced the rest of the oxygen from my lungs and watched the clear bubbles rise to the dark surface. That was when a single clear thought, a need really, announced itself to me. Air. I need air.

At once the water around me began to swirl softly like a spiral to the surface. What looked like a ripple at the very top had me tipping my head in awe as a clear cone drilled down towards me. Pressure from the water around me became lighter the closer that it got. All aquatic life fled from the area that I was in until I was the only living thing watching the tornado-like shape draw closer.

When it was a few inches above my head, I raised my arms and broke through the thin surface. Cold air kissed my damp skin and I sucked in a huge breath of air. Droplets of lake water sprinkled my hair as the water slowly swirled around the boulder I chose to sit on. Breathing in deeply, I stared up at the sliver of moon that could be seen on the edge of my personal whirlpool.

Nothing but pure amazement and wonder raced through me at what was currently happening around me. The very edges of the whirlpool foamed and frothed at the top whereas the sides of the bottom were almost glass-like. Dazed, I lifted my hands to touch the water and felt the current gently tug on my fingers. An infectious happiness bubbled inside my chest until soft chuckles spilled from my lips.

Pushing up to stand on my feet, I stood at the bottom of the spiraling cone of water and tested my theory. Clearing my mind, I focused all my thoughts on getting to the surface and pushed a sense of urgency. Immediately, the water near my legs shifted in closer until my lower half was submerged. The motion was so smooth that I hadn’t realized I was moving until I noticed the ripples of the water were now going up and down instead of to the side.

The air turned colder the higher the water carried me and the moon moved further into view. My cheeks ached from how wide I was smiling but I didn’t care. My head broke over the water line and I could see the darkened tents and smoking fires of the campsite once again. Shivering a little as the rest of my body surfaced, I anticipated being dropped back into the water but it never came. My feet were perfectly balanced on the surface of the water and when I risked a step it held my weight.

No fucking way, I thought while taking another step. I can walk on-

With a loud splash, I sunk beneath the surface once more before kicking my way back up to the top. Sputtering and gasping as my head broke free, I pinched my nose at the burning sensation. Clearing the water from my nose and ears, I started swimming towards the shore. Note to Self: Water requires a clear mind and an urgent need. Fingers digging into the grass, I gave one big push and then flopped down into the dewy green blades.

“I thought you said you were horrible with your water ability.”

Groaning, I rolled onto my back, “I was.”

“Clearly. Why are you up so late?”

“Why are you?”

A pink brow arched, “Calvin wants to have kids. Your turn.”

Well, fuck. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Because of Cillian?” She asked, taking a seat beside me.

Pushing up on my elbows, I gave her a look, “No.”

“Definitely about him.” She laughed.

“Who decides to have kids in the middle of a war?”

“I don’t know. He said this situation caused him to wake up to the reality of his mortality and what he’ll leave behind. ‘My artwork isn’t enough, Dani. I need to an heir to carry on the immeasurable perfection of my work.’”

Huffing out a laugh, I repeated, “An heir?”

“Yup.”

“He wants to be a father?”

“Mmmhhhh.”

“The man who has a tantrum if his brushes and paints are out of order?”

“That would be my mate, Calvin, yes.”

Holding my sides in laughter now, I asked, “The-the Unseelie male whose entire house interior is pure white?”

“It’s my house too but yea.”

“Cal-Cal who h-h-has on several different occasions called children disgusting little mongrels of chaos?”

“Hey!” She slammed her fist down on my still throbbing hip. “He doesn’t call them that anymore.”

“Ow.” I hissed rubbing the injury.

Dani scoffed, rolling her pink eyes, “Don’t be a baby.”

Instead of answering, I grumbled under my breath about how I’ve walked around all day with a shattered hip and hadn’t cried once. The most unbaby thing I could possibly do.

“Soooo, that fight with Cillian.”

I slid my eyes over to side eye her, “What about it?”

“You feel like he chose Mab over you, why is that?” She questioned, plucking at her purple pajama top.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I told her, looking back over the still water of the lake.

“I know you said you blame him for what you went through in Slykhelm but he did save your life.”

Growing annoyed, I forced my voice to stay casual, “That doesn’t make it right.”

“After you escaped and he found you, he could have ratted you out at any time but he didn’t.”

“Probably to save his own ass because I escaped again.”

Dani shifted to try and catch my eyes, “Since before the battle between you and Mab, he’s known about the plan to overthrow her and he kept his mouth shut. Macha, he’s chosen your side everyday for over seven hundred and fifty years.”

A bone deep reluctance gripped my throat in its fist, “What are you asking?”

“Nothing. I’m just giving you the facts you overlooked. Cillian has been a double agent for almost a thousand years to make sure you stayed alive in that prison. He’s probably done some really horrifying things at Mab’s demand so that when her patience ran thin, he was there to keep her from taking your head.” Dani placed a hand on my shoulder, “You went through hell, Macha. No one can deny that and no one’s asking you to forget it but maybe it’s time to forgive. Or at least accept what he did and move past it so you can heal. You’re too old not to realize that you’ve made similar devastating decisions in the past.”

My eyes burned in anger as I kept them pinned to the camp off in the distance. Locking my jaw, I kept quiet and listened because when Dani got uncharacteristically deep she didn’t stop until she said everything she needed to.

“You know what I think? I don’t think you’re angry at Cillian at all. I think deep down you know that everything that happened to you in that prison is Mab’s fault. But because Cillian’s easier to get to than she is, you’ve transferred all that hate onto him. And you’re using the fact that he’s hurt you to fuel those feelings.”

Blue locks flung about my face as I viciously shook my head, “Your wrong. It’s both of their faults and I fully understand that. I’m not a child, I know my own feelings. And he didn’t hurt me, he betrayed me. Huge difference.”

“Macha-”

“And when I tell people, I don’t want to talk about it. It means, I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” I snapped, climbing to my feet.

She stood up with me, “Don’t get defensive, I didn’t mean to-”

“I need a break.”

“What?”

“I need to not be here for a day.” I elaborated.

Pink eyes bulged, “What do you mean? You can’t just take a break in the middle of a war, it’s a war. Mab’s troops are searching everywhere for you.”

“It’s not a full on war yet and they won’t find me.”

“You’re not serious. You’re going to leave right now?” She said, gesturing to the damp bindings covering my breasts and the linen shorts I wore to swim.

“First thing tomorrow morning, I’m leaving for the day. I don’t know when everyone turned so touchy feely, but it’s gross and I need a break.”

She sighed, “Dougals going to lose his head.”

“That’s exactly why you’re going to tell him. Just say I took a mental health day.”

“I can’t-”

Already walking away, I tossed over my shoulder, “I’m not asking as your friend. Your Queen is giving you an order.”

I needed to have a chat with someone who thought more like I did. An impartial third party who only gave the raw truth and wouldn’t put up with an excessive amount of bullshit. And I knew exactly who to see.

Next stop, the human realm.

—

Man, Cillian is saying alll the wrong things. Lol. But Macha’s figured out her water ability!! Yay, she needed a win. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long when Dani showed up and said some things Macha didn’t really like. Annndd, the moment some of you have been patiently anticipating is next!!

As always, feely share your thoughts in the comments!

Smooches, Verbage 💋