Chapter 179 – The Alphas’ Porn Star Mate
Chloe POV
Rodger followed me into my office, Jamie and Alexi waiting outside the open door. My ever vigilant babysitters insisted on being within earshot no matter what. Alexi was especially on edge about something, but I think we all were after what happened to Lenny. I settled behind my desk, exhausted from the day.
I had an idea of what Rodger wanted to talk about. I feel like everyone has been pressing for me to talk to him after I blew up in that meeting the day Boyd came back, but there hasn't been an opportunity before. I'm betting they were nagging Rodger too. This wasn't the best time to have this conversation, but when would we have the chance again?
There was an awkward silence that stretched between us as we just sat there, staring at one another for a long time. He looked guilty, unable to meet my eyes for long, but if I was being honest, I was having a hard time meeting his eyes too.
He was the one that found all those pictures of me on the basement wall. I don't know how to begin a conversation with him after that. Let alone how to confess that I already know about my paternity.
Just as I was letting my thoughts and anxieties get ahead of me, Rodger sat up straighter in his seat and spoke up first.
"I heard," he started in a rough voice, then stopped to clear his throat, "I heard that you already know what it is I want to tell you."
I scoffed lightly, staring at my hands folded in my lap. "Want to tell me? Or what you are forced to tell me now that the cat is out of the bag?"
"Chloe," he said softly, the stress pressing in his voice. "That's not it at all."
"Then explain," I lifted my chin, trying to maintain my pride. "You didn't want a porn star as a daughter?"
"Chloe!"
"No, that can't be it. You could have said something the day I showed up at Broom StiXXX. You've known since then, right?"
His stiff silence and the set in his jaw as he stared at me through his lashes, lashes and eyes that were so similar to mine was all the answer I needed.
"You knew," I whispered, almost in disbelief. Some part of me was still holding out hope that he might not have known right away. That maybe he figured it out over the year we lived under the same roof. Maybe it wasn't until my magic started to appear that it clicked in his head. No. He knew from the start, and that realization killed me.
"I knew," he confirmed. "How could I not know? You... You look so much like your mother, Chloe. You had so much of her in you. Of course, I knew. I knew, and it... It crushed me." He started to breathe deeply, working himself up as I sat stunned across from him. "It crushed me, because I had failed to protect your mother, and at the same time, I failed to protect you. I lost you when I lost her, and failed to save you from that pack that killed my mate."
The ice that was flowing through my veins stilled all of a sudden. "Failed to protect me?"
He had tears in his eyes, and I could feel his pain in his voice. "You're my daughter," he smiled sadly, a tear running down his cheek. "My daughter. You were mine to protect, but I failed you from the time of your birth, and I continued to fail as your father even when you came back into my life." "You mean because I became a cam girl?"
"No," he laughed humorlessly. "No, Chloe. No. That is the... That doesn't even... No," he fumbled with his words. "That has nothing to do with any of this. This is all about me. I should have done more to keep you safe. I should have realized that man, that Mr. Smith was some kind of predator. I buried my head in the sand out of shame, and chose not to dig too much into your life, feeling unworthy to do so. Then, every event that happened afterward, every hardship, every catastrophe, I was still unable to protect you. You had to keep protecting yourself." "I'm used to protecting myself," I whispered.
He slowly shook his head, "You shouldn't have to. I should have been there. I should have been there from the beginning. I'm sorry, Chloe. I'm so sorry for failing to protect you once through all of this. I'm sorry for continually failing to be the father you deserve." "Rodger," I whispered softly. As I said his name, it felt awkward and wrong. He wasn't just Rodger. He was more than that to me. Calling him something else felt awkward too, and I couldn't quite force the word from my lips. Not yet.
"I'm so sorry, Chloe," he said again, hanging his head in his hands.
Glancing up at the door with teary eyes, I saw both Alexi and Jamie peeking in. Jamie's eyes met mine, and he nudged his head towards Rodger. It was the nudge I needed to move my body, pulling myself up from my chair and coming around my desk to crouch down before Rodger. "I don't want someone to protect me," I said softly, resting my hands on his knees. "Just having a father would be enough."
His hands moved away from his face, staring down at me with moisture beading in the hair of his beard. "Chloe," he whispered roughly. "Forgive me."
I brushed the wetness from his cheeks, then took his hands in mine.
"The only thing I can forgive you for is keeping this secret from me. Other than that, there's nothing to forgive."