SWNOVELS Chapter 33: Fuck you Carl!
Dax walked into the house mumbling under her breath the whole way up the stairs to the fifth floor and into their room. She grabbed some clean clothes, her shampoo, conditioner and body wash from her bag and stomped into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and stripped off her work clothes, dumped them in the hamper and tested the water, when it was to her liking she stepped under. Letting the warm water wash over her sore, aching muscles she washed up quickly. When she was done she wrapped a fluffy towel around herself and stepped out. She noticed the boys had set the mirror up in the bathroom for her so she could see and there was a small step stool in front of the sink. A nice stone edging surrounded the bathtub, big enough that she could put candles and whatever she wanted on as well as being able to get in the bath easier. Her anger was starting to fade looking at everything he had done for her. I’m being a spoiled brat, she thought. You kinda are! Her subconscious agreed. Thanks for the help!
She quickly dried her hair and got dressed and when she stepped out of the bathroom, she saw the stairs that led up to the bed he had built for her. It looked like the bed was built into an alcove. Like it had always been there. The landing of the stairs wrapped around her side and the bottom of the bed. Her anger was completely gone now. He just wants to make me happy and I’m being an idiot! Yup, you kinda are! Not helping! Then stop being an idiot! She saw that Carter put the crate she had made for him at the end of the bed and she opened it up to make sure everything was intact.
Going to sit on the couch while she waited for him she noticed a bunch of gift boxes with different coloured bows taking up the room. The boxes all ranged in different sizes, the smallest ones looking suspiciously like jewelry boxes. Dax moved closer to one of the bigger gift boxes and looked at it. She touched the lid and let her hands move over the bow. Pulling her hand back quickly when she remembered the last “gift” she opened. A shiver ran down her spine as she fought to control her breathing. Her subconscious quickly scolded her. Why in your tiny mind would you compare the two? Mountain wolf has done nothing that could even be conceived as anything close to what that monster did. He has more than proven his love for you, now stop that. I bet it’s a puppy!
Dax smiled and looked around the room, not sure who would be there but someone might. She touched the box lid again, she ran her fingers around the edge of it, she could just pop it off, take a quick peek and put the lid back on. It would spoil the surprise! But there’s so many of them, peeking at one would still leave the others a surprise! It might upset him! Oh yeah! Maybe I accidentally bumped it off with my elbow! Accidentally on purpose! It could be a puppy! Ok just one small peek! She got this giddy feeling in her as she looked one more time around the room. She curled her fingers around the bottom of the lid and started to lift it up.
“What are you doing?” He startled her and she let out a squeak and closed the lid again.
“Nothing!” She pressed her lips together and stared at him with wide eyes, guilt written all over her face.
“Curious little mouse!” He stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind him
’It might have been a puppy,” she blurted out. He chuckled at her and shook his head.
“No, it’s not a puppy,” he said with a smile.
“What are they?” She asked, looking at all the gift boxes.
“They are gifts and before you ask, they are for you” he said
“But, why?” She asked looking at him, he could sense her panic, and he crossed the room to her. Cupping her face, he brushed his thumb over her cheek bone.
“Because you deserve them. Because I watched you accept my whole world with the grace of a natural born Luna. Because my love for you grows more with each day that passes. Because you are my little mouse and I wanted to.” He bent down and kissed her softly. “Now pick one,” he whispered.
“Pick one?” She looked at him.
“Pick one, you want to open now” her eyes lit up.
“Really? Anyone?” She asked, looking at them.
“Anyone you want” she sucked her lower lip between her teeth as she looked at the gift boxes. Moving her hand over the lids she came to rest on what looked like a clothing box, but when she picked it up it was a bit heavy. She looked at him, to see if he would say anything, he just watched her. She moved over to the coffee table and set it down, kneeling in front of it, she looked at him one more time. When he just nodded his head she ran her hands around the edge of the lid and lifted it off. Pulling back the tissue paper, she uncovered the black leather bound sketchbook with the skull and flower headdress. She gasped when she saw it, her hands gently ran over the cover feeling every detail, picking it up out of the box she held it to her chest, she breathed in the scent of the leather and a smile played on her lips as she blinked back tears that threatened to fall. In the box she also noticed, sketching pencils, watercolour pencils and various other things for her to draw and create with. Her smile grew bigger, and her tears fell. It was her first actual gift and it was the greatest thing she could have received. It also gave her something to do on Sunday. She scrambled to her feet and threw herself into his arms.
“Thank you!” She said, trying not to sob.
“Welcome home baby!” He held her tight, watching her open the gift and the pure joy on her face when she saw it, filled him with happiness. He would give her everything and anything if that look never left her delicate face. If he could watch her eyes dance like that for the rest of his life, he would be the happiest man on earth.
“You better save these hugs till the end” he said, turning her around to face the four bags that were sitting on the floor. He felt her tense and she tried to turn away from them but he wouldn’t let her.
“They are just clothes, but I’ll tell you what, if you try them on for me I will help you decide whether or not to keep them. If I don’t like them we will take them all back.” He kissed her cheek. She sucked in a deep breath and nodded her head. Moving towards the bags he saw her hands tremble and hesitate, she didn’t want to touch them. The internal struggle she was having was powerful. He caught bits and pieces, the loathing, the fear, self deprecation. 19 years of being told you were unworthy, undeserving, 21 years of believing it to be true, was not going to be fixed in a matter of weeks. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, relying on the bond to do the rest. If he could quiet the voices.
She could hear the words he would say to her battering at her, beating her down. Tearing away pieces of her till there was nothing left to tear away. Her hands trembled and her body shook as she stood in front of the bags, her eyes were closed, she didn’t want to see them, she didn’t want to look at them. If they weren’t in her line of vision then they weren’t real and this was just another nightmare. Undeserving, unworthy, unlovable, filthy. These words swirling around her mind, her hands moved to her ears and her fingers trailed the scar over and over again. Then she heard a voice she’d never heard before.
“Shh baby, it’s ok. Stay with me, hold onto my voice. You are safe, you are strong and you are brave. You are not unlovable, you are the most precious creature in this world to me and you are loved very much. Every fiber of my being loves you. You are more than worthy and deserving of all the good things life has to offer, and I want to give them to you. The only filthy thing about you are some of the things that come out of that beautiful mouth of yours. Stay with me baby, I got you now and forever.”
“Promise?” Her voice in his mind came small and quiet but he heard her.
“Always!”
Tears streamed down her cheeks when she opened her eyes, a fire raging in her soul. Unworthy, undeserving, you path- Fuck you Carl! I hope you find your own nightmare and it destroys you! She reached down and picked up the bags and walked to the closet. She switched on the light and put the bags down. She just had to try them on, she could do that, she could try them on, he won’t like them and she can return them. She started pulling the garments out of the bags, slipping on a black pair of cargo pants and one of the more dressier shirts that fell to the waistband of the pants, she looked at herself in the mirror. The fabric didn’t cling to her like her camis did, but it didn’t hide anything either. It moved against her skin like water and the material was very soft to the touch. She took a deep breath and walked out of the closet.
When she walked into the closet with the clothes, Kane couldn’t help but feel pride, she told her monster to fuck off. If she only knew that a nightmare was coming for him and it would destroy him the first chance it got. When she came out, he smiled at her, so fucking proud of her, this was a big step. As she moved towards him, the movement of the fabric against her body caught his eye. It flowed like water around her, and his mind went back to the day she did the reverse strip tease. Oh he liked this shirt. His smile widened when she got closer to him, he turned her around just so he could see the fabric move against her some more. He really liked this shirt. He ran his hands down her hips and under the cheeks of her ass, the cargo pants definitely highlighted her sexy little bottom, he liked these too. He nodded his approval, and sent her back into the closet. She came back out wearing the same cargos, but her top was different. It was more form fitting and a dark crimson red, looked like a simple shirt but when she turned around he saw that the back was a skull cut out. He liked this shirt as well, it allowed for a maximum amount of skin contact while still being decent.
He could see the bruise more clearly on her back, it looked bigger than what he saw earlier, this concerned him. She must have hit the bed frame when she fell. He sent her back into the closet to change into something else. When she came out this time, she was wearing a pale pink dress, it subtly hugged her form accentuating what she had but still allowed one to use their imagination. The fabric moved with her body. It would be the perfect dress for their date on Thursday and the open back would allow for easy removal later in the evening. He really liked this dress. Again nodding approval, he sent her back into the closet. She came out wearing another dress, a midnight blue one that went down to her feet, the perfect Sunday family dinner dress.
After he had seen all the clothes she bought, she came out of the closet wearing her comfort shirt. He was sitting on the ledge at the end of the bed waiting for her. He outstretched his arms for her and she fell into them. He sat her on his lap and hugged her close.
“We have a little problem, little mouse,” he said, trailing his fingers up and down her back. She looked up at him, her brow furrowing with concern. “Now that I have seen you in those clothes, I love them all.” He smiled and kissed her head when he felt her heave a sigh. That wasn’t supposed to happen! She thought.
“But I have a solution. There are 19 articles of clothing in the closet and a pair of boots right?” She looked at the closet and nodded.
“I don’t know if you counted earlier while you were being curious, but there were 21 gift boxes sitting over on the couch.” She looked over at the couch, no she didn’t count.
“For every item you accept, you get to open one. If you agree you get to open one now” he said.
“And if I don’t agree?” She asked, looking at the couch, trying to see the boxes.
“Then they will sit there untouched. And I assure you, that would be a mistake” this piqued her interest. What’s in the boxes? Her subconscious was curious as well.
“This feels like you’re bribing me!” She looked up at him
“Bribing is such an unpleasant term, I prefer using incentive. Before you make up your mind, you will need a dress for Thursday and I really liked the pink one, and the midnight blue dress would be good for family dinner on Sunday” he smiled down at her.
“Family dinner….I’m going to dinner?” She asked.
“Of course, you are family now, you are expected to be there.” He breathed in her scent.
“Family” she whispered, more to herself than him.
“Besides if you don’t show up I’m pretty sure Martina would have my head.” He said, chuckling. She nodded and snuggled in closer to him.
“Well we can’t have that” she said smiling.
He scooped her up and sat her in one of the chairs next to the couch. Then he went into the closet and gathered all the items and placed them on the bed. She watched him, but her eyes kept drifting back to the gift boxes on the couch.
“Well, have you made your decision?” He asked without turning around.
“What’s in the boxes?” She asked, looking at them.
“You know how to find out” he still didn’t turn around, he knew her curiosity would get the better of her.
“Can I have a hint?”
“No!”
“Is it jewelry?”
“I don’t know!”
“Is it something shiny?”
“Maybe!”
“Can I use it?”
“Perhaps!” He turned around grinning at her. Yup curiosity was winning, she had moved closer to the couch.
“And they will just sit here if I don’t accept the deal?” She asked
“Yup!”
“Can’t you just tell me”
“Nope!”
She looked at the boxes again, then back at him. TAKE THE DEAL! Her subconscious was screaming at her. She bit her lip again, she wanted to know what was in the boxes, running her hand over the tops of a few of them, thinking of all the things they could be hiding, it was driving her crazy. Looking at him, then back at the boxes. Gifts are meant to be opened, not left in boxes! She stared at the boxes, trying to think what could possibly be in them. I don’t need to know! Yes you do! No, I don’t! But you want to! She looked at him again, his eyes danced with merriment as he watched her internal debate over what to do. She bit her lip and tilted her head as she looked them over.
“Fine!” She caved, she wanted to know.
“Choose one,” he said sitting in one of the chairs. Her eyes lit up and she picked a box on the smaller side. When she opened it up, there was the small crystal music box they saw in the shop window, the one that played Mozart’s greensleeves. It had a figurine of a man in a silver top hat and a woman with silver shoes dancing. She carefully pulled out the music box and wound it up. Setting it on the coffee table she watched the couple dance around the crystal surface. The music filled the room as she watched the figures spin and twirl. He watched her mesmerized by the dancing figures, never taking her eyes off them. When the song had ended and the dancers stopped moving, she looked at him, her eyes sparkled and she smiled brightly, that was the second best gift she could have received.
“Do you like it baby?” She nodded, wiping the tears away that lined the bottom of her eyes. She looked around for a place to put it so she could see it everyday, but he took it from her and placed it beside him on the table telling her there would be time for that later. She had accepted the deal, and now it was time for her to pay up.
“Every item you put in the closet is another box you get to open” he reminded her. She nodded her head in understanding. She walked over to the bed where he had laid out all the items, and looked at them. She needed the camis and the cargo pants for work, he wrecked some of hers. He said she also needed a dress for their date on Thursday, and family dinner on Sunday. With a deep breath, she grabbed the four camis, the two pairs of cargos, and both the pink and midnight blue dress and headed for the closet. Don’t stop! Keep going! You got this! Her subconscious encouraged her. She quickly hung up the dresses and put the shirts and pants in a drawer, and ran out of the closet closing the door before she changed her mind. He had a big smile on his face, and adoration and pride swirled in his eyes. He knew how hard that was for her.
“8 more” he said, a big smile on her face as she ran over to the couch. She picked the one she tried to peek at earlier when he caught her. It was big, she moved it over to the coffee table, and without hesitation pulled the lid off, he learned from her that when she pulled the lid off the sides of the box fell down, exposing a beautiful ebony jewelry box. It stood about two feet tall and had intricate vine and rose detail on it. Her breath caught in her throat as her fingers traced the carvings, when she opened the doors, there were four drawers and another set of doors. The outer doors had small hooks at the top for her to hang necklaces from, the top drawer was for rings, the bottom three were for bracelets. When she opened the second set of doors she found another smaller box, she looked at him and he nodded, she opened it and a pair of cerulean blue and amethyst feather earrings were in the box.
She only had one pair of earrings, and that was the pair she was wearing. She looked at him again, her smile getting bigger. She hung the earrings in the jewelry box and closed the door. She would wear them on Thursday. Next she opened a pair of flats, followed by a pair of sandals, and then a pair of new sneakers. She arched an eyebrow at him.
“I asked Lacey for your size, imagine my surprise when I had to go to the kids section to find the right size.” he said as she was trying on the shoes. She opened a pair of cozy slipper socks and she laughed as she put them on immediately. A shirt that said ‘His Little Mouse’ made of the same material as the one she was wearing now, had her laughing again. Bath bombs and Epsom salts from Lydia’s were in what she thought was the last box she got to open.
“You still have one more” he said,
“But I thought the earrings counted,” he shook his head.
“You can’t give a jewelry box empty,” he told her.
She looked at the remaining boxes and picked a flat one, she pulled the top off and it was a sleeve for her tablet though the sleeve was bigger than her tablet. It had a heart outlined in flowers with a female and male skull facing each other. She smiled at it, hers was old and torn and pretty sure it didn’t really protect her tablet anymore.
“Ok, are you ready” he asked, looking at her
Taking a deep breath she nodded her head. They both stood up and moved to the bed, he knew she would need more support for the next few rounds. She looked at the clothes left on the bed, and breathed deep several times. She liked the crimson top, and the flowy one, and the boots and everything else she picked. It wasn’t a question of liking them or not, it was a question of whether she felt she deserved to have them. Running her hands over the different fabrics of the items she closed her eyes. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed his lips to her neck holding her close to him. Covering his hands with hers and leaning into him.
“They’re just clothes” she said,
“They’re just clothes” he repeated,
“And I’m being stupid” she whispered, he held her tighter and shook his head.
“No, you’re acting the way you’ve been taught. You were taught you didn’t deserve anything. Now it’s time to teach you that you do” he kissed her neck. She bit her lip again.
“They’re just clothes” she repeated,
“Just clothes”
“And I like them” she said,
“I like them too,” he agreed. “Especially the flowy top” He liked anything that moved around her body.
“I....I.…” she stuttered,
“Say it!” He continued kissing her neck.
“I….I….des....deserve....th....them.” The hesitation in her voice told him she was still questioning it. “I deserve them” She repeated though it came out as a whisper, she said it with more force. He smiled as he turned her around in his arms and pressed his lips to hers.
“Good for you baby. I am so proud of you, so fucking proud” he kissed her harder. Her mouth moved with his, he didn’t want to start anything, he wasn’t finished spoiling her yet, but her lips felt so good moving under his. When the need for oxygen was too much, they broke the kiss. He kissed her cheek, her cheekbone and her forehead.
“You know what to do!” He said breathing hard. She buried her face in his chest, and waited for her breath to return to normal before she gathered up the remaining clothes and boots and took them to the closet. She hung the last dress next to the other two and folded the shirts and leggings and placed them in the drawers. Her last step was placing the boots on the shoe rack.
She stepped out of the closet and he was back sitting in the chair waiting for her. She looked at the crate at the end of the bed and then back at him, no it was time for his present. She walked over to where he was sitting and grabbed his hand pulling him to his feet. He furrowed his brows, but let her pull him, she stopped in front of the crate and pushed it towards him.
“What’s this?” He asked, confused.
“Open it!” She said, looking at him.
“What is it?” He ran his hand over it noting the intricate carving done into the top.
“A present!” She used the ledge to crawl onto the bed
“A present? Why?” She got us a present? Even Ky was shocked.
“Because you deserve it,” she said.
’What’s in it?” He couldn’t believe it, this threw him right off.
“Open it and find out” she giggled, he looked at her, her eyes sparkled and danced.
He gently lifted the lid to the crate, and he was immediately hit with the most tantalizing aroma ever. Lilac and cherry blossom, he pulled the candle out and a smile tugged at his lips. He closed his eyes when he smelled it. It smells just like her Ky purred in his head. He pulled out the shirt that had a picture of a mountain on the front and chuckled when he saw the back ‘Her Mountain Wolf’, she smiled brightly at him. He pulled out a leather tube and opened the end. He has seen her use these, she puts sketches in them when she sends them to her customers. They keep it safe during transport. He slid the sketches out and the first one was of Ky. Hey, that’s me! Fuck I look good! He boasted in his head, Kane looked at her.
“I wanted to make him a present too,” she said. The second was the finished sketch of the piece he had commissioned. She could see his eyes glisten as he looked over every perfect detail. But it was the third sketch that caused the first tear to fall. It was half him and half Ky and clutched to his chest with his arm around her shoulders and Ky’s around her waist was his little mouse looking up at them, complete with all her perfections. The scar that ran from her left shoulder to her right hip, the side of her face that was exposed was the side with the scar across her ear and her tattoo, he was mesmerized by it. INTEGRUM written across the bottom, yes he was complete. He wiped the tear away, that was probably the best thing anyone could have ever given him. Next he pulled out a picture that Lacey had taken at the carnival of them standing in line waiting for some ride, she was looking up at him and he was looking down at her and they were both smiling. He laughed when he pulled out the toothbrush with rainbows on it. Another picture of the butterfly from the first day they met, he furrowed his brow and looked at her.
“Look behind the butterfly in the background” she said, he scanned the picture closely and that’s when he saw it, half of Ky’s face in the bush. “I saw it a week ago when I was putting the butterfly gallery together. Cameras catch what the naked eye can’t.”
The last thing in the crate was a box, he ran his hands over the lid with the stars and the moon. He lifted it out, it was heavy, when he opened the lid, his breath caught and his eyes widened. He pulled the four pins from the corners that would bring down the sides so the box could fully open and he released the breath he was holding. He was captivated by the wolf head, she watched him take in every feature, every detail.
“Do you like it?” She asked, watching him. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it, it was perfect. The second tear rolled down his cheek, he took a deep shaky breath and then another, he would look away only for his eyes to be brought right back to it. He ran his hands through his hair and walked out of the room. She just stared after him, her mouth open, when the door closed the first tear slid down her cheek. I fucked up! She thought. Curling herself into a little ball and turned away from the door, as her tears fell, how could she be so stupid? 10 mins later he walked back into the room, gathered her in his arms and before she could say anything he pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her hard and with passion, when he pulled his lips back they were both breathing hard, she looked at him wide eyed.
“Thank you!” He kissed her again.
“I don’t understand,” she said against his lips, but she didn’t pull away. He kept his lips pressed to hers.
“I’m sorry baby!” He said “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have left” holding her tighter to him. “No one has given me anything that has meant that much to me. Do you have any idea how truly fucking amazing you are? My perfect, my beautiful, my always and forever mate.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his lips to hers. His hands trailed up her back, until she whimpered. He broke the kiss immediately and lifted the back of her shirt, her bruise was fully formed, and he didn’t like the looks of it. He got up off the bed, grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, wrapped it around her and scooped her into his arms. She was going to the medical ward and she didn’t get a say in the matter.