Chapter 35
35. Trying To Do Better
KIAN
I couldn’t fucking lose her. The moment she was ready to walk away, I couldn’t stop myself, I needed her and so I promised her
something which I knew was going to throw the entire fucking summit into chaos. But... She was worth it.
We had a fucking messed up start, but I couldn’t fucking continue. Each day my resolve was breaking and I was pushing her
away. If she wanted to be my one and only, officially, then that was fine... I didn’t get women; it wasn’t like I was going to cheat
on her. I would deal with the Alpha’s and the backlash this was going to cause... Yes, the timing was fucking off, but if this could
solidify the treaty between her kingdom and mine, it may ease the council’s wrath.
“She is strong.’ Thanatos growled encouragingly.
‘I know, she’s already fucking broken me down.’ ‘I have a complaint.’ Thanatos grumbled as I stripped out of my clothes, shifting
into wolf
form.
‘You always fucking do.’
‘Mate, looked so sexy tonight. Why didn’t you eat her for dessert? You are a bad date.’
I mentally cocked a brow.
‘Seriously, as much as I want to eat her out, she’ll probably snap my neck if I tried.’
As we broke into a run, he laughed and I relished the wind that rushed through my fur, mind linking Corbin to keep an eye out
that no one broke into my quarters. Although I had guards posted all around, I still wanted someone I truly trusted around her.
I wasn’t sure what they would think of this but I was too fucking close to losing her.
‘Sage.’
‘Kian?’ Her hopeful voice came.
‘I want to talk to you first thing in the morning. Meet me on the west side.’
Oh ok, I’ll be there. I hope you’re ok Kian, you weren’t at the dinner.’
‘I’m fine. See you tomorrow, Sage.’
I cut the link, thinking I was going to do this.
I returned home and slipped into my bedroom. She had changed out of that fucking dress that had me hard for her. Her
gorgeous hair was still in its curls but her flawless face was free
of the makeup that had made me fucking want to tell her I’ll fucking worship her day and night as long as she stayed by my
fucking side.
She was wearing a satin nightdress. One arm was draped over her stomach, the other one, curled into a fist, was tucked under
her chin. The bedding was a fucking mess, which meant she had been asleep for a while. My she-devil didn’t know how to stay
in one spot when she was asleep. I smirked slightly, thinking I could get used to this...
I took some boxers and pants then slipped silently into the shower; would it be wrong to just sleep here tonight?
‘No, not at all. Sleep here.’ 1
“That in itself tells me it’s fucking wrong... I promised her I’d take another room...’
Wow, I was fucking becoming a wuss...
‘No, you just love mate.’
My heart skipped a beat. Was that it? Had I fallen for her?
Her sly smile and that spark in her eyes when she was up to no good flashed in my mind. The burning passion in her eyes when
she wanted to fucking kill me. The way she had self respect... I smiled slightly. Life wasn’t so bad when you had a feisty queen
to keep you entertained.
I stepped out of the shower then dried myself off before pulling my pants on and leaving the bathroom. I walked over to the
shelves, grabbing my journal and walking over to her, bending down and placing a soft kiss on her lips.
“Dummy Alpha... Mh...” 1
I cocked an eyebrow, smirking.
Seriously, was she fucking insulting me in her sleep too?
‘Yes.’ Thanatos’s sleep voice came.
I didn’t reply to that. Hiding my smile as I left the room, the feeling of her lips lingered on mine. Entering my office, I took a seat at
my desk, unlocked the journal and began to write my latest thoughts.
I didn’t put everything on paper, not trusting that it may end up in the wrong hands, but there was nothing wrong with mentioning
certain stuff without names.
Morgana... I looked down at the paper, I was never good with fucking words, but everything became a lot easier when you had a
pen or brush in your hands.
.... It’s been a while since she’s come here, and without even trying, I’m falling for her. She’s just like a rose in full bloom,
beautiful, perfect, and armed with her thorns...
I kept Thanatos blocked off as I wrote down how the fuck I was feeling. The hope that there
could be a future was growing stronger with every fucking word. I knew I needed to make it u p to her, but I wanted to get inside
her head, wanted to know exactly how she thought, what was on her mind and what pleased her. Without fucking showing that I
wanted that.
I placed the journal aside after re-locking it and took out some reports I needed to handle. The situation was becoming worse.
There was no clue as to who the fucking culprits were, but my people were suffering. I was doing my best but two thirds of the
kingdom shared borders with other kingdoms, leaving most of it easy access. Thanks to the heavy woods that bordered most of
my kingdom, one third was joined to the sea but even that had its own fucking share o fissues.
I sat back, staring at the ceiling. The Elven kingdom was the only one I was sure was not involved. They were aloof people who
kept themselves to themselves, but they were strong.
I massaged my jaw, returning to work. Thanatos was asleep in my mind, and I was doing my best not to think about Morgana. It
was fucking strange for a woman to not want me, and on top of that, my mate. That red dress fucking threw me off big time with
the tempting back details. All I had wanted was to fucking rip it off her and now I can’t fucking get her out of my
head...
I stood up, walking over to my window and staring out at the darkness. The odd light was on here and there in the courtyards
below, but at this time most people were asleep.
If worst came to worst and I needed to leave to check out the border myself, what about her? Was this what it felt like to have a
fucking family? That you’d always be so fucking worried
about them? I needed her safe. She was my fucking strength right now, I knew if anything happened to her, I would lose my
fucking shit.
I returned to my desk and got back to work despite the worries that flitted through my mind.
The following day, I got dressed before heading out to meet Sage. She was already there, clearly having gotten up extra early to
dress up. She smiled at me, her heart racing as I approached her.
“Good morning, Kian. Did you sleep ok?” She asked, concern clear in her eyes.
“Yeah, I did.” I said as we both began walking, I slipped my hands into my pockets and fixed m y gaze on the rising sun in the
distance.
“What did you want to talk about?” She asked, brushing a strand of her hair off her face the moment we were a good distance
away from the castle.
“About you becoming Luna...”
“Ah! I talked to several visiting Luna’s yesterday and they seemed to approve of your decision,
we-”
“I can’t. I know it’s a dick move of mine, but I can’t make you my Luna, Sage. I’m fucking sorry.
Her heart was thundering as she looked at me, and it was almost as if I could see the damage I was fucking doing to her inside.
“Kian... Please don’t say that.....”
Se
“Look, you know Morgana is my mate... and I really can’t refuse her. She is the only one I want Sage, and she isn’t fucking
wrong; I’ll just be hurting you both by continuing this game.”
Her racing heart was thundering and she was shaking as she ran her fingers through her hair.
“Kian, please don’t do this.” She begged, now gripping my arm. “I love you, don’t make me Luna! Let her be Luna, just... at least
keep a little spot in your heart for me.”
I looked down at her, feeling guilty for doing this to her. For the last few years she had been there for me, and I always knew her
feelings were far stronger than mine, but I still took advantage of that, not caring. Now with Morgana in the picture, I knew how it
felt somewhat. I sighed deeply, placing my hands on her shoulders.
“Look... There’s still hope you may find your mate, you haven’t felt his passing have you?” I said quietly.
Usually, even if we hadn’t met our mates, if they did die, we would feel it.
She shook her head, brushing her tears away.
“No! I... I rejected him for you!” She broke into sobs, covering her mouth as she tried to control herself. Her words shocked me.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me or even consider asking me before you did that?” I asked coldly. Fuck I didn’t know that. “Who is
he?”
“He was from another pack... but I... I couldn’t lose you.” She whispered. “I love you, Kian. I always have.”
“It seems our feelings don’t match, or I would have been able to defy my mate, but I cannot. Whatever we had Sage, is in the
past. From today onwards, I am your friend at most. Don’t cross that line because by now you should know, if anything hurts
Morgana, I won’t tolerate it. “I said icily.
“But Kian... What about what we had?” She whispered.
“I would say cherish the memories, but in all honesty, that will just fucking hurt you more. I’d say throw them out and don’t let this
stop you from living your life. Move on Sage, from this point forward, we both are to walk different paths.”
“I... but... please Kian.”
“My word is final, Sage. I won’t be telling the council that Morgana is my mate, so I expect that to stay between us. However, I
will be introducing her as my soon-to-be queen.” I turned
away. This conversation was over.
But her next words made me stop dead in my tracks.
“Please... No! Kian, please! I’m pregnant!”