SWNOVELS : Chapter 77
Fiona
Nina dropped me off outside the palace gates. I felt lighter in my step after spending time with my best friend and my grandfather. I hadn’t been seeing enough of my loved ones. Time with them had sanded the edges off the pain I had been letting tear me up inside for days.
Alexander wasn’t in our room when I got in, but I saw the door to his office was ajar and a light was on inside. My shoulders relaxed. I’d been tense, bracing myself to find him waiting for me expectantly.
I heard a desk drawer sliding closed, then Alexander’s distinctive footsteps before he appeared in the doorway. “Hey. Welcome back.” He came inside and closed the office door behind him.
“Thanks. How are you?”
He rubbed his hands together and looked away. “I’m
“I think I’m ready to talk now,” I said, surprising us both. I’d just suddenly discovered that I didn’t have enough anger left inside me to keep up the bitter, icy treatment I had been serving my fiancé.
Alexander raised his eyebrows. “Okay. Yeah.” He looked around the room awkwardly, then moved to sit at the table in the corner.
I joined him there. I decided to skip the indirection and cut to the chase. “Tell me why,” I said calmly. “I’m ready to hear what you have to say.”
“Why…” Alexander looked at me with a blank expression, not understanding.
“Why did you say those nasty things to me? I have been nothing but good to you, Alexander. How could
you think such awful things about me? Why did you?”
I thought Alexander had been eager to explain himself, but now that I had asked him for an explanation outright, he seemed reluctant to speak. “I don’t want to sound like I am making excuses,” he finally started. “And maybe before I answer your question, I could just tell you one other thing?”
He waited for my permission to proceed. I nodded.
“I am ashamed of myself,” he said. “You have to believe me.”
He was indeed looking embarrassed, like it was taking all his strength to keep his head upright in my presence. I believed he was sincere in his shame. I nodded again to let him know as much.
“You saw the absolute worst of me.” He sighed,
shaking his head. “I promise you, Fiona. I will never let that happen again.”
“Why, though?” I asked once more. I felt impatient for my answer now. We could circle back to the questionable promise later.
“The reason I went to your office that day was because I wanted to talk to you about… us.”
Alexander’s already flushed cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. “I think I understand now, but I’d been confused by the way you were treating me. Hot, then cold. I just wanted to talk to you and ask, what had I done wrong? Because the last couple times we were together, I…” He appeared to run out of words. His mouth opened but nothing came out.
“But you do understand now,” I said quietly, “why I was unhappy?” I stared him down, daring him to look away or dodge my question.
“But you do understand now,” I said quietly, “why I was unhappy?” I stared him down, daring him to look away or dodge my question.
He nodded gravely. “And I am sorry for that, too. It must have been troubling to find out that I owned the company, after my keeping it from you for all that time.” He swallowed hard. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Fiona.”
I sighed. I was too tired to be irritated. “You still haven’t really answered me,” I said gently.
“I was feeling bad about us. About the way you were treating me, which now I understand. And deserved.
And then I saw you with Baron and I just lost control. I promise you, I don’t believe the things I said to you.”
Finally he gave up holding my gaze, running a hand down the length of his face.
I wasn’t satisfied with his answer. There were pieces missing. But I supposed the missing pieces might have something to do with the rumors I’d heard about Alexander way back before he and I ever crossed paths.
The rumors that Alpha Alexander was a monstrous being. A heartless killer. Maybe that’s what he meant by losing control. Maybe sometimes the monster came out when it wanted, and the man I knew as my fiancé was helpless to stop it.
A chill ran down my spine at the thought.
“Are you okay?” Alexander asked. “Here.” He shrugged off his jacket and passed it to me.
I wrapped it around my shoulders and felt my body relax immediately. It was warm with his body heat,
and smelled like him. I resisted the temptation to close my eyes and take a long inhale of the scent, not wanting him to know how much I loved it.
“Are we going to be okay?” he asked.
“I think so.” I slid my arms out into the arms of the jacket now, then rolled up the bottoms of the sleeves.
Once, twice… several times till they hit a few inches below my elbows. The fit was actually quite comfortable, though it probably looked comical.
He looked me over and cracked a handsome smile. I could not help but enjoy the sight of it. “That looks good on you.”
I stood and went to look in the full-length mirror by the door, making myself smile this time. “What do you think, you want to eat something?” I asked Alexander.
“I could go for some lunch.”
He grinned. “Sounds great.”
It wasn’t so much that I was over it. Let alone ready to trust this man any further than I could throw him.
Alexander promised he wouldn’t lash out at me again, but how could he do that? How could he keep that promise?
But I had to admit that things seemed settled now. It would be irrational to keep holding onto my anger.
The stress would only hurt me and the baby. I had said my peace when it all happened. And now Alexander had given me the explanation I demanded (or sincerely tried to, at least).
And to be honest, once I’d let go of a little of the anger, the rest of it just sort of slipped away. It
might’ve been driven off, too, by a swell of hormones that wanted me to tear off Alexander’s clothes off right there at the dinner table. I batted those intrusive thoughts away as long as I could, long enough for us to finish our meals.
We were walking back to our room afterward when I stopped resisting. I slid my hand into his.
Alexander looked down, grasping my hand with a touch that felt, somehow, grateful. Then his eyes moved up to meet mine. I licked my lips. His breath hitched, telling me he got my message.
It felt better now, lying in bed with Alexander without all the unspoken words clouding the air between us. It wasn’t really the same, though. Not like it was before.
I couldn’t completely relax with him yet. My body wanted him, but it still remembered, too, the last time he’d touched me.
Alexander traced the shape of my thigh with one hand, making my blood run warmer everywhere he touched. I guided his hand to where I needed it. The relief was immediate. I didn’t hold back, letting myself moan with the pleasure.
He kept his eyes on mine while his hand did its work.
The look in his deep, amber eyes was intense. Full of desire, but also full of restraint. I liked it.
He kept himself clothed, though at some point my dress left my body. Alexander knew by now how to make me come with his fingers, just the right places to touch, just the right pressure and speed, and he did it quickly.
I held onto the back of his neck, digging my nails into his hard muscles. He growled quietly behind closed lips, still looking at me with that terribly sexy, intense
look in his eyes. He seemed to be taking pleasure of his own in watching me receive mine. I loosened my hand as the ecstasy faded away into relaxation. My hand stroked his cheek lightly.
He turned his face and planted a tender kiss on my palm. It felt more than nice. But it also set off an alarm in my head: I was not to get too comfortable with this man again.
Alexander felt my energy change, and that was enough. He had both hands off me and was scooting away in the next moment. He slid out of bed, leaving me there alone. Thinking that was what I wanted.