SWNOVELS : Chapter 71
Fiona
I resisted the temptation to pull the shades down over my office windows after I closed myself inside. It did me no use to cry anymore, no matter how badly I was hurting.
Baron and Alexander had just made a huge, embarrassing scene in my workplace, for all of my coworkers to see. I had worked so hard on my professional image in this office for months. Now, in less than half an hour, my ex- and current fiancés showed up uninvited and blew it to pieces.
It felt surreal, too bizarre and horrible to have actually happened. But I could still feel Alexander’s touch on
me and smell his scent on my skin.
His horrible, shocking words had sliced into me like a sharp knife.
What vicious, cruel things he said. And in such an intimate moment.
A growing pain in my chest felt, undeniably, like my heart was breaking. It hurt to breathe.
I had never expected to find romantic love in my life, not any kind. I was a child when I accepted and internalized my fate, that I would have an arranged marriage for the good of my pack.
Now I had to admit it. In the time I’d been with Alexander, I guess I’d started to feel something… I didn’t call it love before. But now that he’d been so cruel to me, the pain felt like the betrayal of a deep
and delicate trust. I realized that I had started believing that this man really cared about me.
Someone knocked softly on my office door. I called out, “Come in.”
The door inched open slowly and behind it was my coworker Gerald. “Hey. I wanted to check on you. Are you okay?” He took a step inside and closed the door quietly behind him.
I nodded to the chair across from me, inviting Gerald to sit. “I’m fine,” I lied. “Just completely mortified.”
That part was true.
Gerald, his face solemn and pitying, shook his head.
“No one’s judging you, Fiona. I mean, well…” He pressed his lips together. “Yeah, people will be gossiping. But I did not hear any of them speak a bad word about you. Honest.”
“It’s nice of you to try to make me feel better, Gerald.”
He sighed. “I hope you won’t let this get you down.
You’re doing great here. And it can’t be easy…”
Gerald trailed off, darting his eyes away from mine.
“Anyway, I’ll leave you alone, I know you’re busy. Just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
I wondered what he had stopped himself from saying, but not enough to ask about it. “Did Conrad say anything? He’s the only person I didn’t see out there watching that scene.”
“No, but I saw him walking your fiancé into the elevator after you came in here. He did not look happy – the boss, I mean. Well, I guess neither of them looked happy, but…” Gerald gave me an awkward look, like he wanted to stop talking now, aware he was edging into a too-personal
I gave him a tiny nod that he understood as permission to leave. “Thanks for checking on me, Gerald.”
I gave him a tiny nod that he understood as permission to leave. “Thanks for checking on me, Gerald.”
He gave me another awkward, closed-mouth smile and left.
I dropped a stack of files on Conrad’s desk at the end of my workday, just as he was returning from his rooftop deck smelling of cigarette smoke, his thick, silver-streaked hair all a mess.
He cleared his throat. “Thank you, Fiona.” He nodded at the pile of paperwork and paced over to meet me at
“Of course.” I flashed him a polite smile. “I’m going to head out now, unless you need anything else.”
“Not at all.” Conrad, taking a seat in his big leather desk chair, met my eyes and grimaced. “That ordeal was my nephew’s doing, you know. I just want you to know I am aware of that. And I hope you know it for yourself, as well.” He snatched up a mint-waxed toothpick and pressed it between his teeth.
I nodded silently. We had already exceeded the duration of conversation I wished to have with my boss on this subject. Fortunately, Conrad was a man of few words, and he seemed quite finished with our chat as well.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks, Conrad. I appreciate your understanding.” I didn’t wait for a reply before I
“Fiona.” Alexander stood as I walked into our bedroom. He’d been sitting the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Fiona. I don’t actually believe any of those things that I said earlier, please believe me.”
I had been feeling exhausted all the way home, with the car ride lulling me almost to sleep, but my emotions were suddenly set ablaze again the moment I saw Alexander looking at me with forlorn puppy-dog eyes and launching into this pleading rant.
I interrupted him. “I just walked in the door,” I said quietly. “Can you just give me a moment?”
Alexander paced backward, looking like it was physically difficult for him to distance himself from me.
I watched his chest rise and fall with heavy, anxious
I put away my work things, eased my shoes off (my feet were killing me) and used the restroom. I found myself looking into the mirror as I patted my hands dry, trying to recognize my reflection. The dark look in my eyes made my own face appear foreign, making me realize that I had never felt before the emotions that I was feeling right now.
The ache in my heart was getting tangled up with a bunch of different, other kinds of pain. The primary one was an anger that was getting deeper and stronger with every second that I let myself keep thinking about it. My wolf warmed my blood, urging me to lash out at Alexander in rage.
And my wolf still desired him, too. The growing anger
was all mixed up with wanting him at the same time. It was very irritating.
I fixed my focus on remaining calm, splashed my face with cool water, patted it dry, and opened the door.
Alexander was pacing the room slowly. He turned to watch me as I turned off the bathroom light and made my way to the bed, where I tried to get comfortable sitting loosely cross-legged, resting my weight back against the headboard.
“I’m so sorry, Fiona,” Alexander said again, more softly than before.
I couldn’t even look at him.
“I need you to know that I did not mean any of those things. I wasn’t in my right mind. I was going crazy, Fiona.” Alexander made his way over to his side of
the bed and sat down at the edge. “It’s just that the way you had been acting –”
“You stop right there,” I snapped, letting a tiny sliver of my anger out. “What you did today is not my fault.”
Alexander’s mouth hung open. He rubbed it with his hand. “I didn’t mean to imply that it was. I just wanted to tell you why I lost it—”
“Stop,” I had to say again. “I don’t think I want to hear why you were thinking those things about me. Not right now. It’s just making it worse.”
I looked down, blinking away a couple tears that had started to swell up in my eyes. I hoped he didn’t notice. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurting again, knowing he had that kind of power over me. But as Alexander stumbled through this so-called apology, making excuses and blaming
me for his own monstrous behavior, it felt like that knife he’d sliced through me earlier was back in my chest, lodged firmly in my heart now, and twisting.
He scooted a little closer to me on the bed, saying,
“I’m sorry, Fiona. That wasn’t… the real me, I don’t know how to explain it. I swear, I didn’t mean any of it.”
I didn’t want to debase myself by scurrying away from him. I just wanted him to leave me alone. He held out an open hand, palm up.
“No,” I said coolly, building a wall between us. “I’m not ready to let you touch me. Not yet.”