The Alpha Chose Me

True to her word Charlotte dropped off a bag of my things. I was sitting on the hospital bed, hair still wet from the shower, stuck in my own head, stuck with my own thoughts.

I wanted so badly to remember the accident, but I was getting nowhere. I remembered nothing other than waking up here.

“Do you want me to brush out your hair?”. He asked.

Since when has he ever done that?

I shook my head. My hair I could manage but showering was a whole different story. My body ached, my face the worst. My nose wasn’t broken but it was fractured. The bruising had already started to show, nice dark purple ones. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Some tea would be nice”.

“Okay baby. Are you feeling any better?”.

“Still sore but I'll heal”.

“Yeah, you will”. He kissed the top of my head before leaving the room.

I was uncomfortable. The cramps hadn't started yet but I was bleeding heavily, and I was afraid I was going to leak right through. As much as I was against staying another night, I was glad I was here.

I liked the quiet, the peacefulness of not having to talk to anyone and I was glad Jake was still here. I wanted to shut myself down and out against the world, but I promised myself I wasn’t going to do that.

I was taking Charlotte's advice; I was going to lean on him as much as I could. I had to remind myself it wasn’t just m that lost our baby. We lost our child, but I knew we'd be able to heal together. We had to.

Jake had shown no emotion and I hated it. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I knew he'd be hurting just as much a: I was, but he never showed it. He always hid it away and used anger as a coping mechanism.

I didn’t want that. I wanted him to share with me. To show me what he was thinking and how he was feeling. I wantec him to open up and see that I was his safe place just like he was mine.

But I knew he wouldn't. Whether it be a man thing or a pride thing I wasn't sure, but I knew I'd have to fight it out of him.

The nurse popped her head in with a fresh jug of water. “Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?”

“Uncomfortable but I'm okay”.

“I'm just going to check your vitals. I've moved your observations to every four hours but if you feel any changes, yot let me know”.

“We will". Jake spoke as he entered the room. “Can you give her some painkillers?”

“I don't want anything”. I didn’t like the way they made me feel. All drowsy and sleepy. I was also afraid of getting addicted. Stupid I know but that's just the way my brain works.

“Just something to take the edge off baby and make you sleep”. He added.

“I could give you a sleeping tablet?”.

“No”. I shook my head. “I'll be fine”.

“Okay sweetie your vitals are good. I'll see you again in four hours”.

I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but my mind wouldn't shut off. I wanted to cry. Jake was asleep on the chair, the little snores coming from him getting on my nerves.

Huffing, I sat up slapping my hands off the mattress. I didn’t want to wake him but at the same time I did. I knew the both of us hadn't had the best few days so I knew he would be exhausted as well.

“What's wrong Leah?". Eyes still closed he rubbed a hand down his face before sitting upright.

“I can't sleep, and your snoring isn’t helping and now I have to pee”. I sighed, pushing the covers off.

“I got you". He was on his feet helping me out of the bed and leading me to the bathroom. “Do you need me to get you anything?”.

“My own bed”. I smiled.

His smile matched mine as he leaned against the door frame watching me. What I would give to know what he’s thinking. After finishing I washed my hands, and he helped me back to bed.

“Are you doing, okay?”. I asked.

“Always baby”. He pulled the covers up and around my body. “Try and get some sleep okay”.

I didn’t want to push him on this, but I would hate to think he’s hurting on his own. I knew he was hurting we both were, but Jake would rather suffer in silence than talk about his feelings.

“You don’t need to hide how you're feeling”.

“This isn't about me Leah”.

“It is it's about both of us. We both lost-..".

“I can't talk about it because all I feel is rage. I should have protected you and I didn't". He began pacing the room which only meant one thing. He was trying to control his temper, trying not to lose his shit and lash out.

“What happened wasn't your fault”. I frowned.

“Come on try and get some sleep. It will be morning soon”.

I expected the brush off, again another way for him to deal with it was burying it and pretending it didn’t or wasn't happening.

“I'm not-...". A yawn escaped my mouth. “Fine”. I tried my best to get comfortable and closed my eyes. It wasn't long before I was fast asleep.