The Air He Breathes

Weeks began to pass, and if Tristan wasn’t kissing my lips, he was in a sassy argument with Emma. They fought over the weirdest things, but would always end up laughing together.

“I’m telling you, Tock , Iron Man is the best Avenger,” Tristan said, throwing French fries at Emma from across the table.

“No way! He doesn’t have a cool shield like Captain America, Tick! You don’t know anything about anything.”

“I know something about something, so take that!” he said, sticking his tongue out at her. She laughed and stuck her tongue out at him.

“You don’t know ANYTHING!”

A conversation like this happened each night, and I was starting to love our new normal.

One night after I put Emma to bed, Tristan and I lay on the living room floor, books in our hands. I held on to Harry Potter, while his eyes were fixed on the Bible. Sometimes I would turn to glance at him and I would catch him staring at me with a small smile on his face before he went back to reading.

“Okay,” I said, laying the book in my lap. “Your thoughts on the Bible so far.”

He laughed and nodded. “It makes you think. It makes you want to know more about everything.”

“But?” I asked, knowing there was a ‘but’ coming.

“But…I don’t understand at least ninety-six percent of it.” He chuckled, placing the book down.

“What do you want to be, Tristan?”

He turned to me and narrowed his eyes, uncertain what I meant. “What?”

“What do you want to be?” I asked again. “We never really talk about what we want, and I’m just curious.”

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and shrugged, unable to answer. “I don’t know. I mean, in the past I was a father. A husband. But now…I have no clue.”

My lips released a quiet sigh, and I frowned. “I wish you could see in yourself what I see when I look at you.”

“What do you see?”

“A fighter. Strength. Courage. Someone who loves deep and loves hard. Someone who doesn’t run when things get messy. When I look at you, I see endless possibilities. You’re smart, Tristan. And talented.” He cringed. I shook my head. “You are. And you can do anything. Anything you set your mind to, you can do. Your wood work is amazing; you could do something with that.”

“I was,” he said. “My dad and I were starting our business up, and the day of the accident, he and I were flying to New York to meet with a few people interested in being our business partners.”

“And nothing came of it?”

He shook his head. “We didn’t even make it to New York. We had a layover in Detroit, and when we touched down and turned on our cell phones, we had a ton of messages about Jamie and Charlie.”

“That’s so—”

“It was the worst day of my life.”

Before I could reply, I heard the sound of footsteps running down the hallway.

“Mama! Mama! Look!” Emma said, holding her camera in one hand and two white feathers in her other hand.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping, missy.”

She groaned. “I know, Mama, but look! Two white feathers!”

“Oh, it looks like Daddy is giving you a few kisses,” I said.

She shook her head. “No, Mama. These aren’t from Daddy.” Emma walked over to Tristan and handed him the feathers. “They are from Tristan’s family.”

“For me?” he asked, his voice shaky.

She nodded and whispered, “It means they love you.” Emma held her camera up. “Now, take a picture. Mama, get in the picture with him!” she ordered. We did as she said. When the Polaroid picture printed, she handed it to Tristan, and he thanked her over and over again.

“Okay, time for bed. How about I read you a story so you can sleep?” I asked.

“Can Tristan read it to me?” she asked, yawning.

I looked over at him with questioning eyes. He nodded, standing from the ground. “Of course I can. What should we read?” he asked her, lifting my tired girl into his arms.

“I like The Cat in The Hat,” Emma replied. “But you have to read it like a zombie.”

His smile stretched as the two of them walked down the hallway and he said, “That’s one of my favorite ways to read it.”

Outside of Emma’s bedroom, I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, listening to Tristan read to her, listening to her giggle at his terrible zombie voice. She sounded so happy, which in an instant made my life light up with joy. As a parent there was nothing better than knowing that your child was smiling. I couldn’t thank Tristan enough for bringing those smiles to Emma’s face.

“Tick?” Emma said with a heavy yawn.

“Yes, Tock?”

“I’m sorry about your family.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry about your dad.”

I peeked into the room to see Tristan lying on the floor with the book against his chest beside Emma’s bed. Zeus lay against Emma’s feet. She yawned again. “I miss him.”

“I bet he misses you, too.”

She closed her eyes and curled into a ball as she began to fall asleep. “Tick?” she whispered, almost falling into her dreams.

“Yes, Tock?”

“I love you and Zeus, even though your zombie voice was really bad.”

Tristan pinched the bridge of his nose and sniffled before standing up and pulling the cover over her. He slid Bubba into her arms and tucked her in. “I love you, too, Emma.” As he turned to leave the room, he caught me staring his way and gave me a small smirk. I gave him one back. “Come on, Zeus,” he called. Zeus wagged his tail, but didn’t move. Tristan arched a brow. “Zeus, come on. Let’s go home.”

Zeus whimpered and curled in closer to Emma.

I laughed. “What a traitor you have on your hands.”

“I can’t really blame him. Is it okay if he stays the night?”

“Absolutely. I think the two of them became used to each other after you and Zeus stayed a few days at our house.”

He leaned against the door, watching as Zeus snuggled into Emma’s arms, where Bubba was. Emma hugged him tight and smiled in her dreams. Tristan crossed his arms. “I see why you didn’t fall completely apart like I did. You had Emma, and she’s…she’s wonderful. She’s everything good in this world, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. She is.

***

The second week of November, a huge rainstorm moved through Meadows Creek. I sat on the porch, staring out at the rain that was hitting the grass at crazy speeds. I was surprised we hadn’t had any snow yet, but I was sure that within a few weeks, everything would be covered in white.

The sky was darker by the minute, and the thunder rolled through followed by big flashes of light. Emma was sound asleep inside, and I was thankful that she was such a heavy sleeper because otherwise, the storms would’ve spooked her. Zeus sat beside me on the porch, staring out at the raindrops as his eyes opened and closed. He was trying his best to fight his tiredness, but he was losing the battle.

“Elizabeth!” Tristan shouted, running from the back of his house. Every part of me began to panic when I saw him getting closer and closer. “Elizabeth!” he yelled. He was soaked from head to toe when he reached the bottom step of the porch. The palms of his hands fell to his knees as the rain continued to wash over him, and he tried to catch his breath once more.

“What’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaking with fear. He looked freaked out. I stepped down the porch and joined him in the rainfall, placing my hands against his chest as he rose up. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I was sitting in my shed and you crossed my mind.” He laced his fingers with mine and pulled me closer to him. My heart pounded in my chest, my nerves skyrocketing as I stared at his lips, taking in each word that fell from his mouth. “I tried to stop you from crossing my mind. I tried to shake you from my thoughts. But I kept thinking about you and my heart skipped. And then…” He moved in closer, his lips millimeters away from mine, his mouth slowly brushing against my bottom lip. The heat from him canceled out the chill of the rain. He was a kind of warmth I’d never known existed, a protective blanket that sent away the past hurts and sadness. Tristan’s voice shook as he kept speaking. “And then, I accidentally fell in love with you.”

“Tristan…”

His head shook back and forth. “That’s bad, right?”

“It’s…”

His tongue danced across my bottom lip before he sucked it gently between his own. “Awful. So right now, Lizzie…if you don’t want me to love you, tell me and I’ll stop. I’ll walk away and I’ll stop loving you. Push me away, if you want to. Tell me to go, and I will. But, if there is any small part of you that is okay with this, any part of you that is okay with me accidentally falling in love with you, then pull me closer. Take me into your house, lead me to your bedroom, and let me show you how much I’m falling in love with you. Let me show each and every inch of your body how crazy I am for you.”

A level of guilt settled in my stomach. I glanced at the ground. “I don’t know if I’m ready to say it back yet…”

He lifted my chin up with his finger and stared into my eyes. “That’s okay,” he promised, his voice low. “I’m pretty sure I have enough love for the both of us.”

My eyes closed and each breath I took was more peaceful than I’d thought they would ever be. I’d never thought I would hear the word love from another man, but with Tristan, when he said it, I felt whole again.

He breathed against my lips; the air he exhaled became the inhales that healed me. We stayed in the rain for a second more before my footsteps led us both inside the warmth of the house.