The Admiral

Arden Lexington

Since I couldn’t sleep, and Giddeon refused to leave me alone we headed top deck. The cabin was far too claustrophobic, and I felt trapped, unable to escape my own thoughts. Being under a blanket of stars in the open air, looking out at the infinite sea brought me a little peace, as did the rum Giddeon pulled out of his pocket.

“That was a risky plan Arden, still not sure how you pulled this one off.”

I take the bottle of rum and take a sip, only then realizing how long it had been since I’d eaten anything. The plan was simple enough, though I hadn’t counted on James getting caught. The Morning Star would have made it to the east coast regardless, and The Reaper, having been completed earlier than expected, was already on its way. The Reaper isn’t a ship, it’s a drill and it arrived just in time.

While Wyatt and his entire crew were watching me on the beach, they weren’t looking at the water. My crew had all the time in the world to swim over to The Reaper and place it into the open mouth of the dragon, drilling into the belly of the ship as soon as I made my move on Wyatt. The explosives are what finally sunk it. We could have taken the ship for The Fleet, but Mr. Hope asked me to sink it, saying he should never have designed such a ship in the first place.

“I’m sorry, I should have been more careful. How many did we lose?”

“Three,” he says taking the rum from my hand and taking a swig.

“That’s not as many as I thought we might lose. It doesn’t make me any less sorry.”

“You were doing your job Arden; nobody blames you for anything. We had the element of surprise; you took advantage of that. It could have been much worse.”

He’s not wrong, the Fleet won today, only I lost on this one. I lost my lover and a man I once considered my brother. In the end, The Fleet will always win, and I will continue to lose if I continue this life. I need to leave, as soon as possible.

I look over at Giddeon and watch him take another swig of rum, “Are you sure you should be drinking, have you seen Doc?”

“I saw Gavins, he cleaned me up, Doc’s performing surgery right now. How does it feel for you, with Wyatt finally taken care of?”

I shrug, gently shaking my head, “Honestly, I’m not even thinking about Wyatt. There’s no room...”

Giddeon nods.

I took the card James gave me, the ace of hearts he shot, and considered throwing it in the water. If I throw it away, I’ll have nothing to remember him by.

“When’s the last time you ate something?” Giddeon asks.

I slip the card back into my pocket. “I don’t remember...”

“Come on,” Giddeon puts his hand on my shoulder and escorts me to the galley.

If it weren’t for Giddeon looking after me, I most likely would have stayed in my cabin hurting myself. Not physically, mentally. It’s hard to escape your own self. I’ve spent most of my life holding myself up to a higher standard that when I make mistakes I punish myself harder than I would my own crew.

I sent James out on that mission, it’s my fault this happened. I fully know James would have hated me for coddling him if I made him stay, but at least he’d be alive to keep hating me.

I force myself to eat. Slowly one by one the closest members of my crew began to sit around me, Thomas, Charlotte, Eve, Azizi, and Ox. I’ll miss them all when I leave, and I’m set on leaving.

We all sat in solemn silence as I forced myself to eat. I’m certainly not into mood to be eating but I allow logic to rule over my emotions at this point. Plus, with that look, Giddeon’s giving me I’m sure he’d force-feed me at this stage if I didn’t. I might still technically be Admiral, but that won’t stop him. He’s a good man. I look over at Charlotte who smiles softly at me, trying not to let her sadness show, and when I look at Eve, she does the same. All I can manage is to roll my eyes at them before getting up to leave. Giddeon stands to follow me.

“Stay,” I point at him with a raised brow. Will he listen?

Giddeon narrows his eyes at me and after a short staring contest, he sits, grumbling something to himself.

I make my way to my cabin wondering if Charlotte has managed to seduce him yet. I hope he doesn’t see James’s death as an opportunity to try to slither his way into my bed. Though if he tried, I might even let him fuck me, anything to destroy myself at this point.

I sit at my desk and look around my cabin. This won’t be my desk for much longer.

My father’s saber catches my attention, and I pick it up. I should have killed Wyatt with this, it would have been rather poetic.

Memories of James at my old family house flood in. I was captivated by him that night; he looked so handsome in that linen suit all scrubbed and polished. The way that one strand of hair always escapes and falls across those piercing stormy eyes. Eyes I’ll never see again.

Barbados is where I’ll go, back to my family home. I’ll take it back from my grandmother’s rule, and make sure any person that works there is free and paid a wage. Maybe I can free others, and make it my new goal to help those that need it. It would surely be a more noble purpose than rotting out at sea, dimming lights. I can make their lights shine brighter, and restore the balance within my soul. Without a purpose I’ll slowly fade away, this will be my new purpose. I saw how disgusted James was when I mentioned Azizi and Ox were legally my property in Barbados, even though it was for their own safety.

James would thoroughly approve of this new path. From now on, I’ll run all my decisions by his spirit. Whenever I am lost, he will be my compass.