The Accidental Wife (Emily and Julian)

Chapter

180

Ten new novels, her favorite chocolate, a vacation to a place she loves and a paper that proves my enrolment in an alcohol rehabilitation program. I know that this isn't enough, but this can be a good start, right? I love Rosie so much to let her go and for the past months, I

made one mistake after the other. They're all big enough to drive her away from me and I can't let this happen.

It's been two days since the fashion show I didn't attend. It kills me that I wasn't there for her. I wasn't with her to celebrate her success. Mum told me that she waited for me for the whole damn night and I, being the disappointment I am, didn't show up for her. I made her upset on a very important night for her and I'm willing to do anything to fix that, but I can't turn back time. If I could, I would be there three hours early.

She hasn't said a word to me during those two days and while I understand how terribly I fucked up, I miss her. I miss her voice and the way she bickers with me. I miss eating our meals together. I miss sleeping beside her. I miss everything about my wife and there's nobody to blame but me. Is it weird that I miss the way she admonishes me whenever she sees me with a beer in my hand or any alcohol? T

But I'm going to fix it all. I'm going to make her see that she means the world to me and I'm not going to watch as she slips away from my fingers.

I had physiotherapy this morning and after I was done, I went to a bookstore and bought her some novels I knew she'd like. Luckily, I still have access to the books she hasn't read yet. Since know how busy she has been lately, I bought all the new releases she added to her 'to be read' list.

My beautiful wife loves chocolate so much, so a basket full of her favorite types can help me out a little. I have dug my grave too deep and I'm trying to do everything in my power to get out.

I remember having a conversation with her about going on vacation after her fashion show. Now that the fashion show is over, we can go on this vacation. I'm going to take her on a new honeymoon. I'm going to give her a wonderful time because she deserves the best. She has been by my side and I have stupidly taken her for granted. However, this stops now. I'm not going to mistreat her ever again. I'm going to show her what she means to me.

may

We

not be on speaking terms, but I'm going to show her that she's the love of my life and I'm done being a stupid prick. I went to a therapist yesterday and we talked for almost two hours. I told her about the dark thoughts that had been taking over my mind. I told her about my new coping mechanism. I was honest with her from the very first moment. I told her I only sought therapy because I needed to make it up to my wife. I needed to save our marriage, because I was petrified of losing my girl.

Honestly, I haven't been thinking about myself lately. I feel like I have turned into a lost cause, but the way Rosie looked at me the night of her show after she came back was a wake-up call It made me realize that I was ruining everything with my stupidity. I was not going to let alcohol take Rosie away from me and even if she's my only motivation to get better, so be it. I don't need a bigger motivation. She is more than enough.

"Rosie!" I call her name, refusing to let go of the chocolates basket and the new novels. Inside the basket, I have also put the document that shows I enrolled in the program. I want her to know that this time, I'm serious. "Cupcake!" When was the last- time I called her with her nickname?

I'm not sure if she's not here or if she is giving me the silent treatinent. I look for her everywhere downstairs and she's nowhere to be seen. I make my way to the backyard, yet she's nowhere to be found. Where is she? Is she upstairs?

My knee starts hurting a little, but I don't care, I need to find Rosie. I have to make her talk to me today. I want her to know that I'm ready to change. Part of me is excited to share with her the steps I have taken, but the other part is scared that she may show indifference. I know that I have caused all of this, but that doesn't mean that I'm strong enough to handle any sort of indifference or rejection from Rosie.

I'm aware that my actions have proven otherwise lately, but Rose has a strong hold on my heart. Whenever I upset her, my heart aches, and when she smiles, my problems lessen.

I reach the second floor and make my way inside our bedroom after knocking, yet she's nowhere to be found. I'm about to

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look for her in her office even though I'm sure she's not there. After fashion shows, Rosie prefers to take a few days off, away from the office and any sort of work. Just as I'm about to close the door, something catches my attention. A letter is placed against the sage green vase in our bedroom and beside it, there is a file.

Why do I have a strong feeling that I'm not going to like whatever is written? I set the basket and the books aside and make my way to the table. I reach for the letter and open it, trying to convince myself that nothing bad is written in it. Dear Silas,

I need you to understand that this isn't an easy step for me to take, but it's important for my well-being. For months, I put you first. I endured your lashes and your drunken state. I kept telling myself that all of that was nothing but a phase, but as the days passed, I realized that it was all too much for me to handle. I'm not strong enough to continue living this life.

Not showing up for me when you knew how much that day meant to me was the final straw. I told you how important it was, yet you chose alcohol over me. I'm done admonishing you. I have done that for months and nothing seemed to work. I'm giving you the freedom to do whatever you want. This marriage cannot work anymore. You're no longer the man I fell in love with and lately, I have been hurting so much, so I need to walk away, Silas. I need to put myself first because this type of life you've been giving me lately is going to be the death of me. You're going to find divorce papers in the file beside the letter. I have already signed them. You can sign them and give them to me at Sabrina and Knox's wedding because you won't see me before the wedding.

I wish you the best, Silas.

Your ex-wife,

Rosie

I read the letter three times to make sure that my mind isn't playing any tricks on me.

No, she can't do that.

She can't give up on us.

I know that I have been a pain in the ass, but all of that is about to change. I'm ready to become a better person. A better person for her.

I pick up the file and gulp when I check the divorce papers in my hands. Surely, her signature is there. How could she sign them? How easy was it for her to deem me unworthy of another chance? Doesn't she love me? I know I have taken her for granted, but I learned my lesson. I swear, I learned it. Another thing catches my eye in the file. I take a deep breath and reach for the object inside. I close my eyes, trying to let this new reality sink in. I know what I'm holding. I know this object by heart. I spent a lot of time, trying to pick the perfect one for her.

She left her wedding ring behind and made sure to mention that she's now my ex-wife in the letter even though I haven't signed the papers yet.

I'm not going to sign them. I'm not going to lose her. Rosie is smart, so does she really believe that I'm going to give up on her without a fight? In her fucking dreams!