The Accidental Wife (Emily and Julian)

0

Chapter

147

Christmas is coming soon, but I'm not excited. I'm not excited about anything at all. I still cannot get over what I have done to Silas. The pain I have caused him is enough to make me hate myself for the rest of my life. The previous Christmas was so much better than this one. Life itself was way better and I wish I had a time machine to bring back time. "Hey, Maisie." I smile at her as I sit down in the empty seat. She asked me to meet yesterday, saying that she wanted to talk to me about something. She also asked me not to tell Silas anything. I'm not sure why she made that request since I'm already not on speaking terms with Silas, but I assured her that I wasn't going to mention anything to him about our meeting. I don't know what she wants to talk to me about since there's nothing we have in common now. Silas is her boyfriend and I did my best to turn myself into nothing but a memory for him. "Hi! You look good," she says, smiling at me. The thing about Maisie is that you can never hate her. She is awfully nice and incredibly cheerful. It is very hard to hate someone like her. I don't hate Maisie, but I envy her because she has Silas. I know that losing him is my fault, but I regret walking away from him. I regret choosing Everest over him. I don't know what I was thinking, but I do know that my decisions have been wrong. "Thank you," I say, trying to hide to hide how nervous I am. "You said you wanted to talk to me about something. What is it?" I can't help my curiosity. "I broke up with Silas," she announces, and my eyes go wide. Why? I won't lie and say that part of me isn't glad to hear that, but I also hate to learn that both of them are going through heartbreak. I have already broken Silas's heart before. He doesn't deserve to experience another heartbreak. "Can I know why?" I cautiously ask, not sure if I'm crossing a boundary or not.

"Because I know that he loves you and you two should be together," she replies so easily that my breath gets caught in my throat for a moment. How on earth does Silas love me after what I have done to him? What makes her so sure of something like that? "I'm not blind, Rosie. I have seen the way you look at him. I don't think the word love is strong enough to describe the feelings you have for him." I look down, not knowing what I'm supposed to say in such situations. To be honest, I'm in shock. I can't believe that Silas still has feelings for me after what have done for him. Actually, I don't think it's true. Maisie is probably imagining things. Even if he had traces of love in his heart for me, I bet they're now erased after telling him I wanted him out of my life. ththink this isn't true. Maisie, I have caused enough damage. What I put him through should make him hate me for the rest of his life. You shouldn't have broken up because of me," I try to reason with her. I hate being the reason behind their breakup. I can't do that to them. I hurt him once. I continue doing that. "Silas and I had a casual relationship, Rosie, What we had wasn't serious at all. We just needed some sort of support, that's why we ended up dating and it was my suggestion, by the way. But it was never the kind of love that makes people be in relationships. It was never had. Actually have," she tells me. I'm speechless. I don't know what to tell her.

the

I

"My mind refuses to be convinced by what you're saying," I tell her after spending a minute thinking about what I'm supposed to say to her. "I put him through hell. I took advantage of him, then tossed him aside. I was surprised that he still stayed my friend and... guilt was getting the best of me, Maisie. I needed to stay away from Silas for his own good. He should have kicked me out of his life a long time ago, but Silas, being the amazing person he is, didn't do that. I had to do something."

I want to cry my eyes out, but I'm doing everything in my power to stay strong in front of her.

"So you're telling me that you cut ties with him because you thought being in his life would cause him more pain?" I slowly nod and I see a faint smile on her lips. "I knew it!"

"You did?" I ask, unable to hide my surprise. "What made you so sure?"

1/2

08.17 Tue, Oct 29 Chapter 147

G

91%

"I just knew it. You looked so in love with him to kick him out of your life like that without thinking that it would be the best for him," she tells me. "Silas understands well what you've been through. He knows how lost you were and how you couldn't think clearly. He doesn't hold any of what happened against your "Lately, I have been feeling like I'm doing nothing but use him. I hate taking advantage of him, Maisie," I admit, looking down. I'm glad that the tables around us in the café are empty; this is giving us more privacy. "Do you still love him?" she asks. How am I supposed to tell his ex-girlfriend that I still love him? How do I tell her that he's all that I keep thinking about day and night? It doesn't feel right. "Rosie, you can tell me. You won't be a b***h," she says with a small laugh, causing me to laugh as well.

"I do love him," I whisper, unable to look at her. "But I'm not the right person for him. He deserves to be with someone who doesn't treat him the way I did." stop with this nonsense." She groans. "Did you get back your memories? At least the memories of the two of you together?"

"You

need t

m not sure if I can now remember everything, but I remember enough to remind me how in love we were," I reply. For a while, I have been remembering a lot of things. Everything I have remembered is enough proof for the way I was in love with Silas. I'm actually still in love with him. "I know there are a lot of thoughts in your mind, but I need you to think calmly about everything. Don't let go of the love you two have. You'd be making a huge mistake like that," she advises me. "Don't you think I have messed up enough?" I can't help but ask as my shoulders sag.

"Even if you have, you can still extend an olive branch," Maisie tells me. "Silas has a very important game in exactly five days. It would mean the world to him if you attend."

It's been so long since I last attended one of his games. Although I'm usually on edge during his games because I hate the amount of collision included in each one, I miss cheering for him.

"I'm sure Sabrina is going and so are the other girlfriends. You won't be alone," she encourages me.

"I'm not a girlfriend, though." I shrug a little.

"Doesn't mean you can't attend. And it's only a matter of time." She offers me a nice smile.

Maisie has a strong belief that Silas and I will end up together and I truly wish I had the same strong conviction. However, what's preventing me from being hopeful is the way I see myself. Simply, I see myself unworthy of Silas and being away from him like that is a pun