That One Time I Went on a Quest

‘Would you like to try the camomile tea? The Queen tells me it calms the nerves.’

She, Kathanhiel, pours me a cup of steaming tea with two yellow flowers floating in it. I take it with both hands and clutch it as a newborn would his mother’s breasts.

As I put the cup to my mouth, a cry resembling that of an angry seagull rises from the bottom of the hill, followed by a riot of monkey noises. A cup of hot water in a nervous person’s hand; that can be a dangerous weapon. Fortunately I am a grown man with twenty-two years of hard weather behind me, and I spill only a third of it, over only three fingers.

‘It’s receiving again,’ Kathanhiel says, ‘Lyan, do you mind…?’

The recruiter bows as he leaves my contract on the table – smartly away from the teapot – and hurries away.

We are now alone. My best jacket, a grey hulk passed down by my grandad that has only two patches, is turning into a soggy prison. What am I doing here? Next week I’m supposed to be back in the kitchen – the roster has my name down for three full days. There has to be a mistake.

‘Um…my lady, I don’t mean to…I mean I did sign the contract – it’s a big chance, biggest chance I’ll ever have, and I’m really, really thankful, grateful – but I don’t think….I mean this is all wrong – just, I mean, you’re Kathanhiel, and I’m…I’m…even sitting here feels…I just…’

‘You think you’re not good enough,’ she says.

I put down the cup and stare at my knees.

‘That is not for you to decide.’ She stands up and looks out to the green prairies. ‘Tell me of dragons. Do you understand what they are?’

Oh, a test. Should’ve known – no way she invited me up here for a hi-how-are-you.

‘Only…only from books and…well, they’re not really animals. Dragons don’t really think for themselves; instead they all share the same…mind…and there’s a connection between them that makes them sort of act like one being…um…is this what you are looking for?’

’Please continue. It is important for me to know how much you know.’

She means it. I can tell because she takes care to look me in the eye.

‘Al-alright, dragons, joined together, one mind. A single creature can’t really think beyond, uh, eating to stop being hungry or sleeping when it’s tired. Like that one in the cage. She’s probably too dumb to play fetch.’

‘You recognised that it’s a she?’

‘Uh…yes.’

‘Please continue.’

‘S-sure. So, to use this one-mindedness, the biggest and most powerful dragon, the Apex, acts as a…focus…for their collective thoughts. The Apex commands every dragon in the world, and it’s also really intelligent and can speak like us…but really it’s the entirety of the brood speaking when it speaks, even though it’s just one person – I mean creature. Creature.’

She nods. ‘Do you see the implication of that?’

I can almost hear the buzzing of my brain. ‘Um…not…really…I’m sorry.’

‘It means that the Apex is alone,’ she says. ‘Dragons have long lives, the Apex particularly so. An eternity it spends in isolation, surrounded by the stupidity of its own kind. Do you know what that does to a being of great intelligence?’

This I can answer. ‘It would get angry, and want to lash out.’

She nods. ‘Throughout the ages, the dragon brood has brought ruin upon the Realms without fail. If – when – they roam south from the Endless Ranges, millions will die. We line of slayers take down the Apex before that comes to pass. But, strictly speaking, the Apex is immortal. Do you know why?’

‘I…I’m thinking that…unless we kill every single one dragon at once, that same consciousness will just come back in…a different body.’

Kathanhiel smiles. ‘Close enough. You did well.’ Returning to the table, she pours herself another cup of tea. Her third. ‘So, Kastor, are you aware of your duties as esquire?’

An dozen awkward seconds pass as I catch up to the change of topic. ‘Of-of course. “Serve her whose life I vow to protect with my own, whose every word shall be my commandment, and upon her footsteps I shall tread until the end of my days, or the hour of shame.”’

‘Remembering lines isn’t going to be one of your duties. What tangible things will you do?’

‘Oh. I uh…I can clean, I clean pretty good. I’ll…carry your bags, take care of annoyances like…uh…like shopping, like tending to the horses…I can fight too – had orientation with the…palace marshall…failed the swordsmanship exam though but I can maintain your gear, armour and weapons – not leather though, I don’t know much about….and I can also cook, moderately well, since, you know, heh, six years slumming away in a kitchen –’

Kathanhiel smiles again. How beautiful her smile is. Clumps of anxiety melt away before it.

‘I am aware, dear Kastor, and I will be sure to rely on your culinary expertise on the road,’ she says.

If she says ‘dear Kastor’ one more time my heart is going to explode into a million rose pedals. Close your mouth, it’s hanging open! Quick, say a vowel to cover it up!

‘Uh…um…on the road? Where will we be going?’

‘On a quest into the Endless Ranges, a quest to slay the new Apex, the Rutherford Dragon.’

I nod solemnly.

Uh…alright. Be sure to pinch yourself on the way back.

It’s only been ten years since Elisaad – the previous Apex – was slain. Pretty sure the gap between Elisaad and the one before it was more than two centuries. If I had known this was going to be –

Would still have signed up, chasing dreams and all that. But, just to be sure...

‘P-Pardon me?’

Way she’s grinning, there must be an award-winning mime performing on my nose.

‘We’re going to slay the Rutherford Dragon.’

Ah. Alright then.

I nod solemnly.