SWNOVELS Terms and Conditions: Chapter 26
It takes three days for the reporter to publish a story about us. I had hoped the results would be promising, but she exceeded my wildest expectations.
“I told you!” I slam my phone against Declan’s desk.
He grabs it and reads over the article outlining how an insider learned about a hidden side of Declan Kane. Turns out, the coldest man in Chicago happens to have a soft spot for one person in the whole world.
Me.
The way the reporter describes our relationship is something out of a movie. Whispered secrets by the candlelight. Stolen glances when one of us was looking the other way. A kiss under the stars, with both of us completely oblivious to the world around us.
He frowns. “That never happened.”
“It’s a gossip column, not the Wall Street Journal. They’re not here to present the facts.”
“It’s a wonder they’re still up and running with that mentality.”
“Because articles like ours already have a million reads and counting. The advertisement money alone must keep them afloat.”
His eyes widen. “A million? It was published an hour ago.”
I grin as I drop into the chair across from him. “I told you it would work.”
“I never doubted you to begin with.” He speaks with such sincerity, my chest twinges with a silent reply.
I deflect with humor. “Liar. You totally did.”
“It’s human nature.”
“No, it’s your nature.”
“It’s gotten me this far.”
“No. That’s all thanks to your last name being on the building,” I tease.
“Our name.”
I roll my eyes. “For now.”
“Quick to get rid of me already, wife?”
Somehow, one word seems to cause a rush of warmth from my head to my toes.
Danger. Red alert. DEFCON five activated.
So I do what I always do when Declan stirs up feelings inside of my chest that have no business being there.
I escape.
Turns out I can only avoid Declan for so long when we live in the same house. It doesn’t take him long to find me, struggling to drain a pot of boiling water with only one hand.
“Are you trying to end up in the emergency room again?”
I’m not given a chance to explain as he swoops in and grabs the pot from me.
He glares. “If you wanted my attention, this isn’t the way to get it.”
My mouth drops open. “I am not trying to get your attention.” On the contrary, I was trying to avoid it at all costs—third-degree burns be damned.
“Then what are you doing?” He drains the pasta without me having to ask.
“Cooking.” I grind my teeth together to prevent myself from saying more.
Why is it when I’m the one who doesn’t want to talk, he can’t seem to help himself? The injustice of this all is not lost on me.
He places the empty pot back on the stove. “I can assure you boiling pasta isn’t cooking.”
“Can you go away please? I’m trying to eat in peace.” Dealing with him at work is one thing, but having him in my space, acting holier than thou, is not how I want to spend my night.
You’re just mad because you like having him around.
He lingers like a shadow as I scoop a large helping of noodles onto my plate.
“You should have asked for my help.”
I bristle. “I don’t need your help.”
“Could have fooled me with the way you were holding onto that handle for dear life.”
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Perhaps there is some riveting documentary about spreadsheets or expense reports you can go fall asleep to?”
He laughs, and it feels like the clouds parted and heaven graced us with a miracle.
Oh, Iris. This is how it all starts.
I recognize the warmth seeping through my chest as he smiles at me.
I hate it. I love it. And I can’t seem to stop myself from craving more of it.
He smiles. “I actually came down to eat.”
“Great. I’ll leave you to it then.” I drench my noodles with pasta sauce before stepping away from the counter. I’ll clean the mess up later once Declan goes away.
“Or you could stay.”
“What?” I blink.
“I never said you had to leave.”
Shit. If I leave, it makes me seem unequipped to handle him for long spans of time without adult supervision.
Probably because it’s true. It’s one thing to spend time around him in an office; it’s a whole other thing to interact with him in the confines of our home.
I shake my head. “Oh no. I had plans to eat upstairs anyway.”
His eyes drop to the napkin and shiny cutlery I set down. When he looks back up, his eyes seem to brighten. “Do I make you nervous?”
“No,” I say too quickly.
His grin widens.
No wonder the man doesn’t smile often. The world wouldn’t stand a chance against him if he were to use them more frequently.
He opens a cabinet and grabs an empty plate before loading it with a healthy amount of noodles. “If it makes you feel better, we could talk about work.”
My horrified expression can’t be masked. “How is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“Because it’s normal.”
“Doesn’t make it right!” I laugh.
The skin around his eyes tightens. “I concede. No talking about work.”
“Fine. But only because you seem pathetically in need of some company.” I drop into the barstool with defeat. During the limited time Declan and I have interacted in the house, we have never eaten together. He seems to always busy himself in his office while I cook a sad meal for one. And unlike our fake date, this feels intimate. At least significantly more intimate than eating in a restaurant full of people for show.
He situates himself beside the placemat I put out for myself.
“So…” I grab my fork.
His eyes reflect his amusement as he lets me stammer through the silence.
“I don’t like this game you’re playing.”
“And what game is that?” He clutches onto his fork and twirls it in his pasta. His elbow touches mine, and I suck in a breath at the sensation shooting up my arm.
“You know damn well what I’m talking about.”
“I’m drawing a blank.” He spreads his thighs, and one of them brushes up against mine.
I shoot him a glare as I lift my fork. “Touch my leg again and I’ll be forced to take physical action.”
His head drops back. Declan’s laugh is a weapon of mass seduction, and I’m its biggest target. It’s rough and unpracticed, and it makes a tingle shoot down my spine.
I melt into the stool, allowing the sound to wash over me like a warm summer day. A sense of pride hits me at making someone like him laugh like this in the first place, given just how much he resists it. It feels like my own kind of superpower and a secret I plan on protecting.
Declan sobers, snapping back into reality as he takes a bite of his dinner.
“How is it?”
“Tastes like it came out of a box.”
I laugh. “I’ve never been much of a cook. By the time I get home usually, I’m lucky if I’m motivated to boil some water.”
“I could cook tomorrow if you’re interested.”
My mouth drops open. Is this conversation even really happening?
“I didn’t realize you knew how to cook.”
“Imagine if I didn’t. I’d be eating boiled noodles for the rest of my life like someone I know.”
“Three years.”
His brows pull together. “What?”
“For the next three years. Not your life.”
“Right.” His voice is devoid of emotion.
I nudge him with my elbow. “But I’ll still take you up on dinner tomorrow. I don’t think I could stomach another night of pasta anyway.”
“Out of all the things you could use me for, you go with my cooking skills?”
“I don’t see why not. It’s not like you have much else going for you.” My comment earns me a death glare.
“You sure know how to make a man feel special.” His lips curve, throwing me back to the night when our whole lives changed.
“Special is the last word I would use to describe you,” I repeat his words from our engagement party back at him.
His gaze holds mine hostage. “What word would you use then?”
“It’s improper.”
“All the better.”
I shake my head. “I’ll pass.”
“Then ask me what word I would use to describe you.”
I really shouldn’t, but curiosity wins out. “Fine. What word?”
There’s something about the way he looks at me when he says it that makes butterflies take flight in my stomach. “Yuánfèn.”
I blink. “I’m sorry. Was that even English?” I’m already at a severe disadvantage when it comes to the language I speak every day, let alone foreign ones.
He seems privy to some joke with himself. “No.”
I pull out my phone and try to search the word based on my spelling, but I must be butchering it big time.
“Can you say it again for me? Slowly.”
He says it again—this time with a phonetic breakdown of consonants and vowels—which should be easy enough for anyone but me to spell out. My fingers hover over the keys, and I try my hardest to spell the word he said, but the only thing that comes up is you ahn phan.
“Want my help?” His voice drops low, making me feel helpless.
I want to throw my phone at the nearest wall. Tears fill my eyes, but I blink them away. Showing weakness in front of Declan is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I refuse to do it.
“Whatever. It’s probably a curse word anyway.” I clutch my phone with a death grip as I hop off the barstool.
“To you, it might be.”
His joke lands on deaf ears. I’m too far gone to do anything but walk away before I admit something I’m not ready to share.
“Hey. Where are you going?”
“To bed.” I don’t bother looking back at him.
“What’s wrong?” The scrape of his stool pushes me into action. I take longer strides. I’m halfway toward the stairs when his hand latches onto my elbow.
“What happened back there?”
I can’t look him in the eyes as I respond, “Nothing. I’m just tired.” I tug my arm out of his grasp, and this time, he lets me make a smooth getaway.
I take the stairs two at a time, all while Declan’s eyes burn a hole through my back. It’s not until I’m in the comfort of my room that I let it all out. I grab a pillow, shove my face in it, and let the tears fall.
I cry for the girl who was bullied all throughout her schooling. The one who became a running joke in class and was called every awful name in the book. Tears fall for the version of me that was ridiculed by her father until her mother had to intervene, only to see her get destroyed by his equally vicious words. The same person who made a working woman out of herself despite all the people who told her she would go nowhere in life because she couldn’t even read.
I spent most of my life trying to prove people wrong. It took years of tutoring to get to the place I am now, and I won’t let one setback throw me off.
So what if I couldn’t spell a stupid foreign word? My disorder might be a part of me but it doesn’t define me. Not anymore at least.
My phone buzzes against my comforter. I unlock it to find a new message from Declan. The fact that he sent a one-word text doesn’t shock me given his preference for using five words or less in all our conversations. It’s the content that surprises me, and not because it takes me three tries to finally make out the word.
Declan: Yuánfèn.
I consider ignoring it, but curiosity wins as I pull up my search bar and type the word in the box with shaky fingers. The results are mind-blowing.
Yuánfèn: A predestined infinity.
Turns out Declan likes to casually switch to a foreign language whenever he wants to avoid saying how he really feels. Because there is no way he would tell me to my face that he thinks I’m his destiny.
I think carefully about my next message. It takes me some time to find the perfect response for how I feel, and my search history is filled with variations of words that have no English translations. I copy and paste the word I found that describes exactly how I feel and press the send button.
I throw my phone across my bed and don’t touch it until the next morning. It’s not until I get dressed and put my makeup on that I have enough courage to open Declan’s message.
I copy and paste it straight into the search bar, only to drop my phone against the bathroom counter and shatter the screen.
A perfect symbol of how Declan is wrecking my plans, one by one.
Declan and I barely speak throughout the next day. I keep to my area and he keeps to his, with neither of us rehashing whatever the hell happened last night. I’m thankful that he doesn’t. Together we are dancing on a fine line, and neither one of us wants to take the plunge.
It’s complete mamihlapinatapai3 between us, with stolen glances across the conference table with no intention of seeking more. At least not for me. Although Declan sure is trying. His latest strategy to rope me in with foreign words that have no direct English translation seems to be working. Now I spend my breaks looking up new words and adding them to a running list I have, just in case Declan tries to outdo me with one.
I never thought I could have this much fun with words, but Declan seems to be keeping me on my toes. He has already sent me two words today, neither one romantic like yesterday, but each make me laugh based on our context.
The first message nearly outed me for texting in the middle of his father’s biweekly board meeting presentation. I’m not sure what Declan was thinking by sending me a text of the word backpfeifengesicht4. I choked on my water as I searched the word and found out it means something along the lines of a face that badly needs a fist. I’m convinced there is no other word more fitting for Declan’s father, although I can’t pronounce anything beyond the first syllable.
It turns out Declan does have a funny side. He just happens to be so nerdy, I need Google to help me figure his jokes out. To be honest, it’s kind of fun. The words are so difficult to pronounce that I don’t even feel the need to stress over them. It’s the meaning behind them that matters.
If I continue down this path, I foresee myself slipping further into uncharted territory with Declan. So, while I can have fun, I need to keep my guard up, because a few funny messages don’t translate into anything more than what it is: two people who can never be more than friends, no matter what.
“Why do you keep smiling at your phone?” Cal pauses his typing to look over at me.
Shit. “No reason.” I tuck my phone away in a drawer.
You were smiling? Pull it together and stop rereading text messages like a lovesick teenager.
“Right. Exactly how stupid do you think I am?”
“Are you sure you want me to answer that?”
His withering glare reminds me of an angry golden retriever. “I find it interesting that my brother has been equally invested in his phone today. During a board meeting no less.”
Deny. Deny. Deny. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Really? Because anytime he put his phone away, you picked yours up.”
“Purely circumstantial evidence at best.”
“Except I was sitting right next to you. I saw his name flash across your screen twice within five minutes.”
I wag my finger at him. “It’s rude to read other people’s messages.”
“I couldn’t care less about whatever nonsense you two weirdos text each other. I care more about your feelings.”
His comment draws a chuckle from me. “Your worries are misplaced.”
“What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t warn you away from my brother?”
“Fair point. Except you’re forgetting it’s my job to know everything about your brother. There’s very little you could warn me about that I wouldn’t already be aware of.”
“That’s exactly my worry. You know everything and still volunteered to marry him.”
“Because I care.”
“But have you ever asked yourself why you care?”
“Because…” I could fill in the blank with so many responses, each equally questionable from Cal’s perspective.
Declan gave me a chance to learn from my mistakes when other bosses fired me within a week for “careless” typos and an inability to work fast enough. He pushed me to try harder and think of the big picture, which helped me build enough confidence in myself. Unbeknownst to him, he helped me grow into a woman who believed in herself, and for that, I owe him so much.
Cal sighs. “It’s okay to like him. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t, but I want you to be prepared for the worst-case scenario.”
“And what’s that exactly? That he breaks my heart?”
“Worse. He makes you fall in love with him.”
1 Noun, Tagalog: A feeling of exhilaration or elation caused by an exciting or romantic experience.
2 Verb, Greek: To do something with pleasure.
3 Noun, Yaghan: A look shared between two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin.
4 Noun, German: A face badly in need of a fist.