Tatum and Henry

I arrive at Margot’s at four, which is the usual time I arrive at Margot’s with Rhiannon. Because Jed trains with Genesis Pack on Saturdays, he goes home with William on Friday after school and stays the night. After training, he usually goes with Saxon, William’s dad, and his brothers to their soccer matches. Margot and Saxon have a small one-bedroom sleepout which used to be Vas’s room and I will sometimes stay the night there with Rhiannon.

I park on the street and get Rhiannon out of her car seat, grabbing her baby bag as I do.

“Hello!” I call out as I open the front door and lock it behind me.

“Down here!” I hear Margot call out. I smile and place Rhiannon on her feet.

“Go show Aunty Go-go what you can do,” I smile, watching her toddle off towards the kitchen. We call Margot ‘Go-go,’ because Rhiannon started calling her mamma, and I wasn’t going to have that.

“Oh my goddess!” I hear a shriek, and I walk down into the kitchen, seeing Rhiannon giggling and being lifted up into the air by Saxon.

“When did she start walking?” Margot asks, coming over to me to give me a hug. I laugh.

“She’s been taking a few steps here and there, but she’s really been walking a lot this week, getting up to all lots of mischief,” I say, pinching my baby’s cheek as I walk past.

“Where’s Jed?” I ask, like it’s a silly question. When Henry’s parents picked Jed up after school last year, I always found Jed playfighting with Henry’s dad in the back garden. I don’t wait for a response and walk out through the ranch-slider and see Jed playing with William, Samuel and their older brothers.

“Tatum!” Jed calls out when he sees me. I smile and bend down as he takes a running jump towards me, leaping into my arms for a cuddle.

Margot comes out with lemonade and glasses, and we all sit around the unlit fire-pit and watch the boys kick a soccer ball around, Rhiannon sitting on the ground in front of us with her dolls.

“We’re here!” Vas calls out a little while later, walking outside with Zoe on her hip, followed by Adrian. I get up and give both Vas and her mate Adrian a quick hug before sitting down again. Adrian reminds me a bit of Henry, except he has a trimmed beard and lip piercing, and is always wearing a beanie. But like Henry, he rides a motorbike, is tattooed, and is the beta of his pack, Iunae Lumen.

I let out a deep sigh as I try to keep the tears at bay, lost in my thoughts.

“You okay Tate?” Saxon asks. I look over at Saxon and give him a weak smile.

“Would you like a beer?” he then asks.

“Yes please,” I nod quietly. It’s not the first time I’ve been caught lost in my thoughts, thinking about Henry. I mean, I wished he loved me, but he didn’t look at me the way he used to, the way Adrian and Saxon look at their mates. No, he looked at that woman the way he looked at me.

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” Samuel yells, running over to Saxon. He throws himself onto Saxon’s lap and then looks up at him with a pout.

“What’s up little wolf?” Saxon asks Sam.

“I’m hungry,” he says. Vas and I chuckle, and Saxon looks over at Vas, who laughs louder.

“Don’t look at me,” she shrugs.

“Come on Aidge, lets fire up the barbie,” Saxon says. Adrian nods and they both walk off to the shed to get the barbecue out.

I watch as I listen to the conversations going on around me, the happy chatter of Zoe playing with Rhiannon and Jed playing with William, Jonas and Killian.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” I ask as I walk over to Saxon and Adrian who are working the barbecue.

“About what?” Saxon asks, his blue eyes looking at me.

“I heard you mention something about silver bear traps. What did you say about them?” I ask.

“Um, that there were two-hundred we know of, but not all have been found,” Adrian states.

“Is that investigation still going on?” I ask. Both wolves look at me a little shocked before the expression is wiped off their faces.

“Well, they thought it was over, but there are still some unaccounted for. Why? What do you know?” Adrian asks.

“Nothing, I uh, met one of the guys working on it is all,” I lie, quickly walking away.

I sat back down in my chair and think about the investigation. If they thought it was over, does it mean he stopped working with her? Is he still seeing her?

“Everything okay?” Margot asks. I smile. Caught lost in my thoughts again.

“Yeah. All good,” I begin, thinking, “Actually, if your mate cheats on you, would you know?” I ask Margot.

“Well, it is written in our history and lore books, that you can feel each time your mate cheats, and that instinctively you know what type of cheating their doing…” Margot begins.

“Meaning?”

“Well, if they kiss someone else, it hurts, but not enough if they mate with someone else. I’ve been told that’s gut-wrenching,” Vas supplies. I nod, thinking back to Christmas, last year.

A tear rolls down my face. He cheated. He didn’t sleep with her, but he did cheat. I can’t help it, I stand and walk to the sleepout, needing a break and a cry.

I don’t know how long I lay there for, thinking about Henry. I still love him, but I don’t know if I can forgive him. I’m not ready. I know I should move on, but I can’t, a part of me doesn’t want to. I know that Christmas day was the only time he cheated. I remember sitting there watching a Christmas movie with Jed when I suddenly felt nauseous. A pain began to form on my lips, but as soon as it started, the pain stopped. I knew at the time it had something to do with Henry, but I didn’t want to know, I didn’t want to accept it. I push the memory away instead, it goes away if you don’t think about it, right?

I haven’t had that feeling since. I did feel some pain and loss from him at the beginning of the year, and it hurt, but I knew it wasn’t because he had cheated on me. I knew it was because it was the way he was feeling at the time. Maybe she rejected him in the end. I don’t know.

I feel a warm body hold me as I lay on the bed.

“Are you okay?” Vas asks as she holds me tight.

“Yeah,” I say, wiping a tear from my face.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asks.

I nod. I haven’t really spoken about Henry, they just know the basics, how my mate was neglectful and absent for my little families’ important milestones. But they don’t know his name, rank, or even what pack he’s from. I’ve loved that they haven’t asked, it’s not something I’m willing to talk about yet.

“I just realised that my mate cheated on me at Christmas last year, and that the possibility of him still being with the woman he cheated on is still there,” I admit. Vas doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to.

“He didn’t sleep with her, and really, we weren’t really together when he was with her anyway, but it still hurts,” I add.

“You still love him,” Vas states.

“Yeah. I’ll always love him. I don’t want anyone but him, but I don’t want him, if that makes sense. I know I’ll probably move on eventually, but I’m not ready,” I say, playing with the fabric of the bedding I’m lying on.

Vas doesn’t say anything for a little while.

“Come on, the foods ready, and Sam’s still complaining that he’s hungry,” she says, making us both laugh.

//\\//\\//\\

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m so grateful for the love Vas and Margot have given me over the year. They both took me under their wings, and it helps that our children and my brother are all friends. I know Jed loves spending time with the Hembry boys, I mean, he gets along with most people anyway, but he seems at home with them. And Zoe, Vas and Adrian’s daughter, adores Rhiannon, always playing with her.

I reflect on this as we meet the Hembry's at McDonalds for Jed’s birthday. A year ago today, we waited for Henry to come home, but he never showed, and then the day after that we left for Sefton.

“Yay!” Jed cries out as I stop my car outside of McDonalds.

“Yay!” Rhiannon calls out, copying Jed from the back seat. Today Jed is eight, and I’ve been his guardian for two years. He’s gotten taller and I can’t believe at how intelligent he’s become. He gets top marks in all his assignments and is even the top of his group in training, and those kids are two years older than him.

We walk through the doors of McDonalds, and I scan the dining area for familiar faces. I did book the party room, but Jed wanted to keep the party small, with ‘family,’ only. I smile when I see Genevieve sitting near the party room.

“Gen,” I smile, walking over and giving her a hug. I see Genevieve regularly, but not as much as we see the Hembrys.

“Happy birthday Jed,” she smiles, giving him a hug. He smiles back and says thank you, and then we all walk into the party room to wait for the others.

Margot and Saxon arrive with their four boys, followed lastly by Vas and Adrian.

“I swear, before I had Zo, I was early for everything,” Vas sighs as she plonks herself on one of the stools screwed into the ground. Zoe is put down on the floor and she immediately finds her way to Rhiannon.

The hostess walks in, and she scans the room.

“All here?” she asks. It’s kind of embarrassing because there are mainly adults in the room, but Jed is happy.

“Yes!” Jed cries out, with a huge smile on his face.

“Yes!” Rhiannon and then Zoe calls out, making the women and I laugh. We move the kids to one of the long tables in the room, and we adults sit at the other, with Jonas and Killian joining us. I laugh as they grumble that they are too big for a McDonalds party.

The hostess starts off with playing pass the parcel with Jed, William, Sam and Zoe. Genevieve sits on the floor with Rhiannon on her lap so she can join in as well.

“How is everything going?” Margot asks me as the kids settle down and play.

“Good… I got this in the mail today…” I say, pulling out a large A4 envelope from the Western University, Sefton Campus. Vas squeals with excitement.

“Did you open it?” she asks. I shake my head. Vas got her Librarianship degree from Western University, Sefton Campus, and recommended it because it had great childcare facilities and you could do some courses online. I applied for a Bachelor of Applied Science (Physiotherapy) because I wanted to work with Athletes post-training.

“Open it,” Saxon smiles. I rip the tab open and pull out the cover letter. Grinning, I pass the letter on to Margot.

“I got in,” I smile. Everyone cheers and comes over to congratulate me. I nod and smile. This was my dream. I wanted to become a physiotherapist for years, after seeing the injuries my dad and friends got during martial art lessons and competitions. Well, I also wanted to do that or run my own dojo, but I really wanted to be a physiotherapist. I had to put my dreams on hold though when my parents died, and then I got pregnant, which is a whole other story.

“Thank you, guys,” I smile, a tear going down my face, “I wouldn’t have got in without all your support,” I say.

“Got in to where?” Genevieve asks, coming over to us with Rhiannon on her hip.

“I got into the applied sciences course on physiotherapy at Western University,” I smile, looking over at her. She smiles and gives me a hug.

“You worked hard for this Tate, you don’t need to thank us,” Margot says.

“It’s what we do for family,” Adrian adds. I look at him and smile. That was a really nice thing to say.

“Did you want to order the food now?” the hostess asks when she comes over.

“Yes please,” I reply, smiling at her.