Tattered (Lark Cove Book 1)

I closed the door to Charlie’s room and almost screamed when I saw Logan sitting outside it. My hand flew to my pounding heart. “Oh my god, you scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“What are you doing?” I whispered.

He shook his head, staring at the floor. “Just listening. Is she asleep?”

“Yeah. She’s exhausted. It’s been a long week.” I held out a hand to help him up.

He took it, standing quickly and yanking me into his arms. We stood there for a few minutes, clinging to the other in the dark hallway. Finally, he broke away and took my hand, leading me to our bedroom. Logan flipped on the light, then ran a hand through his hair as he sat on the end of the bed.

I crossed the room and plopped next to him, our hunched shoulders touching.

“I’m sorry, baby. I never would have brought you here if I’d thought they’d act like that. I just can’t believe . . .” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” He might not have expected them to act so suspicious, but I hadn’t been entirely surprised. Disappointed, yes. But not all that surprised.

Logan took one of my hands, his long fingers easily wrapping over my palm. Then he turned it over, studying my knuckles. I felt his next words before they came out. “Don’t leave.”

“I have to,” I whispered.

“Why?”

I turned to meet his pleading gaze. “I need to go home. This life . . .” I stood from the bed, swinging an arm to indicate the expensive room. “This life isn’t for me.”

“It could be.”

I took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. If even a single tear fell, I’d never be able to finish. And Logan deserved an explanation.

It was time for the conversation I’d been dreading for days.

“Your dad looked into me, didn’t he?”

He nodded. “I didn’t know, but he told me tonight. There are some things he found. Things you should know.”

“Did he find my mother?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s about the orphanage and the director. She—”

“Don’t tell me.” I cut him off. “I don’t want to know.” I’d said good-bye to that chapter of my life earlier this week at the orphanage.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I might ask you one day, but not now.”

“All right.”

“It’s probably easier that way.” I was glad I didn’t have to explain it all. “Now you know that I come from nothing. All I have from my childhood were those photos you found and some old tattered baby booties that a nurse made me while I was detoxing in the hospital.”

“I don’t care where you came from.”

“I know. But can you understand how big of a change this is? You have so much.”

“And you can too.” He stopped me. “You can have anything your heart desires.”

“It’s not about the things, Logan.” I started pacing. “Or money. It’s about our lifestyle.”

“And I’m telling you that we can have any lifestyle you want. If you don’t want to live in the penthouse, we’ll move. If you want to live where there’s more space, we can buy a home out here, and I’ll commute to work. Whatever you want, we can have it here.”

“But that’s just it. I don’t want here.” I pointed to the floor. “I don’t want to live in New York.”

His forehead furrowed. “Why?”

“Because I hate it here.” My hands came to my heart as the truth came out. “Everything about New York just makes me feel like less. It makes me small. It reminds me of how powerless I was back then. No matter how hard I worked, I just couldn’t get ahead.”

No matter how nice or polite or happy I appeared, no one would ever give me a home. Every young couple who came into the orphanage left without a backward glance. Yet each time someone came in, I’d been foolish enough to hope that they’d pick me.

Years of shattered hopes had finally crushed my spirit. If Hazel hadn’t come along, I doubted I’d have even a shred of it left.

Logan reached for me but I kept pacing. “It doesn’t have to be like that ever again, Thea. You don’t ever have to work. You can do your artwork here. We’ll get your pieces into a gallery. You don’t have to mix a drink ever again or pour another beer.”

“No.” The burn in my throat was choking me, but I swallowed it down. “It’s not about my job. And I don’t want to be in galleries. I don’t want art to be my job. I do it for me, and that’s it. It’s about living a life I created. One that I’m proud of.”

“And you couldn’t be proud to live with me here?” The pain in his voice gutted me.

“I’m always proud to be with you.” I walked to the bed and put my hands on his face, making him look me in the eye so he knew how true that was. “Always. But this isn’t about you. It’s about me.”

I let him go and sat back down by his side, this time taking his hand in both of mine.

“I have three thousand, seventy-four dollars and fifty-one cents in my checking account.” I’d memorized the number this morning, just like I did every day. “Every penny came from mixing drinks and pouring beer. Running the Lark Cove Bar isn’t just my job. It’s my passion.”

His eyebrows came together. “Your passion?”

“My passion.” I nodded. “When I left the city, I had nothing. Not in the literal sense, though I didn’t have much, but I had nothing in here.” I placed his hand on my heart. “No confidence. No strength. I was so lonely and broken and tired. The only thing keeping me going was Charlie. Knowing that she was growing inside of me and needed me to keep pushing.”

His face softened and he placed his free hand on top of mine.

“She saved me, in so many ways. She gave me this ambition and this drive to give her everything in my power. She made me fearless. Because of her, I built us a life that I’m proud of and it all started at the bar.”

When I’d gotten to Montana, I think Hazel had taken one look at me and known I needed a project. I’d always been a hard worker, at school or at whatever job I’d been in. But I’d had no ownership in them. Hazel had handed over the keys to the bar and led me to the office. She’d stood in the doorway, pointed to a desk buried in papers and said fix it.

Three days after that, I’d come home to find her cleaning out the garden shed so I could have it for my art. She’d given me a proper place to create instead of the orphanage’s kitchen table where she’d watched me draw so many years before.

I leaned into Logan, who was waiting patiently for me to continue. “That place means a lot to me. I’ve taken it from barely paying expenses to making money for me, Jackson and Hazel. I didn’t have a fancy education. Charlie learned things in kindergarten last year that I didn’t learn until third or fourth grade. But I worked my ass off, researching and experimenting and running that business. I’m proud of what it’s become.”

“You should be.” He kissed my forehead, his praise making it even harder not to cry. “If you want to run a business here, we can make that happen. I’ll buy—”

“No, Logan.” I stopped him. “Not here. I know I’m not doing a good job of explaining it, but I feel different here. Like the past is weighing me down. All those self-doubts and insecurities have come back.”

“It won’t always be like that. Give it time,” he pleaded.

“Maybe. Maybe this all seems silly and after a year or two here, it wouldn’t be like that anymore. But it’s more than just bad memories. If we left, I’d have to say good-bye to Hazel and Jackson, and I honestly don’t think I can. They’re my family. I worked . . .” I choked back more tears. “I worked so hard to find a family, Logan. I don’t want to give them up.”

I didn’t want to be thousands of miles away if Hazel’s health started to fail or if Jackson finally found love.

“I’m worried that if I stay and I’m unhappy, I’ll start to resent you.” I held tighter to his hand. “And so would Charlie.”

He hung his head. “She’s miserable, isn’t she?”

“She loves you. I think she’d put herself through all the dresses and uncomfortable shoes in the world if you asked her to. But . . .”

“But I won’t,” he whispered.

And that was why I loved him completely. His love for our daughter. He’d known Charlie for weeks and already put her happiness first.

I’d do the same. If I truly thought she’d be happier here than in Montana, we’d stay. I’d sacrifice my home and job and family so she could be with her dad. But I knew deep in my soul that my girl needed open space and big skies.

“She’s all that matters.”

He brought a hand up to my cheek. “Not all.”

A tear fell onto his thumb. “I wish—”

“I know.” His eyes were still full of pain, but there was understanding too. “Me too.”

Logan blew out a deep breath and stood from the bed. “I don’t know what to do.”

I shrugged. “There’s nothing to do. We move forward. We make Charlie’s life as happy as it can be.”

“And what about us?”

I looked at my lap and let a few more tears fall onto my dress. “I think it would be better to end it now. Before it gets even harder.”

“Even harder?” He scoffed. “Thea, I am in love with you. I have a ring in my suitcase that I’d hoped to give you tonight. How could it get any harder?”

My shoulders began to shake. “I love you too.”

“Just not enough to stay.”

My entire body flinched. The pain burned hot for a moment until anger took its place. “You could move. Why are we the ones who have to make the huge life change?”

He shook his head. “I can’t. My career is in New York. My family too. You’re not the only one who’s proud of what they’ve accomplished and doesn’t want to give it up.”

“Okay. Then we’re back to where we were.” I swiped my eyes dry. “The impossible.”

He stopped pacing, his balled fists relaxing. “I don’t want to fight.”

“Me neither.”

I didn’t want us to end on bad terms. We had years ahead of us as Charlie’s parents, and they’d be easier if we could end this amicably. We had to find a way to move past the pain and just focus on raising a happy child.

Logan crossed the room to take my hands and pull me to my feet. Then he wrapped me in his arms, breathing in my hair. “I don’t want to let you go. Being with you. Having Charlie. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been. But my family. My career. I can’t—”

“It’s okay.” I relaxed into his chest. “I understand.”

And I did. I didn’t blame him for needing to stay. But we’d hit a dead end on our conversation and there wasn’t anything more to say.

I leaned back, standing on my tiptoes to press my lips against his.

He returned my kiss without hesitation, taking charge like he always did.

I melted into him completely, telling him through my touches how desperate I was for things to be different.

We stripped each other bare and fell into a tangled mess of limbs under the bed sheets. Neither of us wanted to break away to turn off the lights. Logan made love to me with his weight bearing down hard, like he wanted to keep me pinned to this place. He moved over me with a ferocity I’d never seen before. The despair in his eyes never really gone, just masked by heat.

And through it all, I held him tight, whispering the three words I’d never say to another man, memorizing the way he said them in return. I love you didn’t scare me now.

It was just . . . the perfect end.

“Hello.”

I looked up from my lounge chair as Thomas and Lillian came out to the patio. “Hi.”

Charlie and Logan were swimming in the pool, enjoying the cool water on a hot afternoon. The overcast skies and cool breeze from yesterday had disappeared, so this morning, Logan and I had decided to let Charlie just play. We wanted to give her a fun last day with her dad because he wasn’t sure when he’d be able to get to Montana next.

So we’d camped out by the pool this afternoon to soak up the sun.

“May we join you?” Thomas asked.

“Of course.” I sat up and swiped Charlie’s clothes off the chair next to me. Then I did a quick check to make sure my bikini top hadn’t slipped down.

Lillian sat in the lounge chair next to me, while Thomas pulled up a regular seat from a table under an umbrella behind us.

I looked down the pool for some rescue, but Logan was too busy watching Charlie to notice his parents had come out. Instead, he was treading water while she stood at the end of the diving board, psyching herself up to jump.

“We owe you an apology,” Thomas said, his eyes fixed on my daughter. “Our behavior last night was intolerable. On behalf of the entire family, I’d like to assure you it won’t happen again.”

I blinked a couple of times, glad they couldn’t see my shocked eyes behind my sunglasses. “I, um, thank you?” When my ears registered that it had come out as a question, I cleared my throat and tried again. “Thank you.”

“We’d like to get to know Charlo—” Lillian caught herself, swallowing. “Charlie.”

“I’m sure she’d like that.” It was a lie, but if these people were trying, then so could I.

There’d come a time when Charlie would come out here to visit Logan without me. Any bond she made with her grandparents while I was here would make those future trips easier.

“Have you all eaten lunch?” Lillian asked.

I nodded. “We went down to visit Joan this morning and she invited us to stay.”

After a few hours with Logan’s granny, I loved her even more than I had last night. Joan had showered Charlie with affection, constantly hugging or kissing her cheek.

“Well, if Mom got to enjoy your company at lunch, we get dinner,” Thomas declared. “Is there something you and Charlie would prefer? Our chef can make just about anything. Or we can get takeout.”

“We’re pretty easy to please. Charlie loves your typical kid food. Macaroni and cheese. Pizza. Corn dogs.”

“Corn dogs!” Thomas clapped once. “I haven’t had a corn dog in ages. Let’s have him make those and more of those fries. She seemed to like them last night.”

I smiled, glad he’d noticed. “She’ll love it.”

“Look,” Lillian gasped, sitting up straighter in her chair.

My eyes tracked hers to where Charlie was plugging her nose and Logan counted to three. She screwed her eyes shut and pushed off the board, splashing water all over her dad as she disappeared under the water.

Logan was right there as she came up for air, holding her to his side while she wiped the water from her smiling face.

The patio broke out in cheers as we all stood to clap for Charlie. She looked at us, then ducked her head into Logan’s neck at the sight of Thomas and Lillian.

Logan just glared, swimming for the edge of the pool. He hoisted Charlie out first, then himself. The water glistened as it slid down his sculpted chest and abs in steady streams. A shiver rolled down my shoulders and I shut my eyes, committing that image to memory. It was one I’d use to keep me company on the lonely nights. I’d probably draw it in a sketchbook as soon as I got home.

With Charlie trailing behind him, Logan strode down the pool to our chairs. He swiped a towel off another lounger, handing it to Charlie, before getting one for himself.

“Mom. Dad.” He nodded to his parents, then looked at me from underneath his towel, giving me the Are you okay? look.

I smiled. All good.

“We were just deciding on dinner plans,” Thomas said. “Charlie, do you like corn dogs? I was hoping we could have them for dinner. Is that okay with you?”

She nodded, sliding closer to Logan’s leg.

“Hi, guys!” Aubrey came out onto the patio, her face split into a wide smile aimed at my daughter. “Charlie, want to swim with me?”

Logan looked down, giving her a grin. “Aunt Aubrey is scared of the diving board.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes. “I’m not scared. I just don’t like water going up my nose.”

“You should plug your nose.” Charlie pinched her nostrils together. “This is how my daddy taught me.”

“Hmm.” Aubrey tapped her chin, pretending like she’d never heard of the idea before. “Maybe you could show me?”

Charlie smiled, tossing her towel on the deck and wasting no time scurrying her little butt back to the diving board.

Aubrey smiled and followed close behind just as Logan’s phone rang on a table.

“I’ll be right there,” he called to their backs, then took the call.

Thomas stood from his seat. “I haven’t been swimming in ages. I think I’ll change and join them.”

“And I’d better let the kitchen know our dinner choice.” Lillian gave me a genuine smile as she stood and followed Thomas into the house.

I let out a deep breath, relieved at how painless that had been. With Sofia having left for the city already, it might actually be an enjoyable Sunday afternoon. And I couldn’t help but feel excited for Charlie that she might actually get to know her extended family.

Her shyness was gone with Aubrey—and the diving board—as she catapulted herself into the water. One by one, Charlie would warm to these people and pull them into her circle. If they were anything like Logan, which I suspected they were even with last night’s events, she’d have more than just me and Hazel and Jackson in her family.

“That was Sean.” Logan sat by my feet, blocking my view of Charlie and Aubrey. “He tried to track down the owner of that email account but is having trouble, which is just pissing him off. Sean thinks the guy is a hacker too and is blocking him.”

I frowned. “This is not a big deal, Logan. Let it go. It’s just some guy being a jerk. The emails will stop.”

“I’m not willing to take that chance.”

We went into one of our stare-downs, but I finally gave in. Even behind my sunglasses, he was winning. “Fine. If you want to waste Sean’s time, that’s your choice. But I don’t want to talk about it. Not today.”

Today, I just wanted him to be close. To have this last day together before everything changed tomorrow.

“Okay. Not today.” The tension in his face disappeared and he scooted closer. His hand skirted up my knee to my thigh and he leaned down, giving me a gentle kiss.

I relaxed into him, leaning my forehead on his shoulder.

We held one another without another word until he wrapped his arms tight around my hips.

“Logan, that’s too ti—”

I couldn’t get the words out. One second I was sitting, the next Logan had scooped me off the chair and was hurling us both toward the pool. I screamed as we crashed into the water, laughing as I came up for air.

“You’ll pay for that.” I splashed Logan’s smug grin.

“Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it?”

I smiled, just as Aubrey and Charlie came up from behind him and dunked his head in the water.

And that was how we spent our last day.

Playing with our daughter. Getting to know his family. Eating corn dogs. And saying good-bye with every gentle touch and chaste kiss.

We spent the day savoring every moment. A calm understanding had cleared the worry between us and given us the liberty to just . . . be.

As heartbreaking as it would be to say good-bye tomorrow, we both knew it was the right decision. The fairy tale was over. The glass slipper was coming off. Charlie and I needed to go home.

Where we belonged.