Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

“You see he’s fornicating mad, should be locked up!” said Attan, standing up shakily.

“You were antagonizing him!” said Mum.

“Clear case of mental abuse!” I said.

“Remember there’s a serial rapist who attacks teenage girls and young women at night mostly so I want one of you to accompany Miandri if she goes out after sapphire dark. Is that understood?”

“Is this because she has large breasts?” asked Attan.

“She’s a teenage girl!” snapped Mum. “Yes she’s big for sixteen! I don’t know if the rapist likes large breasts but some men do.”

“A police mage was checking all the boys with a magic detector as we went into school,” I said.

“Well you don’t have anything to hide, do you?” asked Mum.

“I didn’t think so,” I said, “but apparently I have a lot of magic residue. Do you know how that happened because I don’t? Are you putting spells on me I don’t know about!”

“I only put spells on you when you need it! Probably Egrindreth! Having magic residue isn’t a crime.”

“I thought it might have something to do with the conspiracy stuff,” I said.

“Told you, insane,” said Attan.

“You two stay here and don’t fight,” said Mum. “I’ll see to Miandri quickly.”

She disappeared to the living room and closed the door behind her.

“You really should learn to control your anger!” said Attan.

“You shouldn’t mess up my chances with girls!” I said.

“Just because you can’t get it up!”

“I can get it up! I just can’t persuade a girl to let me use it on her and that’s because other people keep messing things up for me and I’m totally fornicating sick of it!”

Mum came back and said, “Now Attan, I suppose I’ll have to take you to aunt Clian’s and have her use healing magic on you so we don’t have to explain your bruises to Miandri. You cook us something Clindar, Miandri can help you. Now come on!”

Miandri came into the kitchen. I was looking down so I got a good look at her cleavage as she came up to me and gave me a large hug, pressing those huge breasts into my chest. Well that cheered me up a bit.

“I’ve got four siblings,” she said. “My Mum re-married and had two more kids by my step father, so I’m used to other kids harshing, particularly hipsickim. They shouldn’t allow psychics and hipsickim to be in the same families.”

“Well that’s difficult as the psychic genes are recessive and psychics aren’t allowed to marry each other.”

“Yeah, that’s like a total funeral. Is your Dad a hipsick?”

“No, he’s a nibey but he doesn’t believe in korbarim.”

I didn’t think it would do any harm telling her Dad’s kobar because she’d know as soon she met him anyway.

“Wow, that’s just so out there! A psychic not believing in korbarim!”

“Anyway, much as I like cuddling you, we’re supposed to be making dinner.”

Miandri took a large suck on her smoke ball, kissed me and exhaled at the same time. The smoke tasted sweet and a bit like peppermint and sent a tingly feeling all through me. I felt that dark cloud lifting from me.

“Now did that counteract the associate magic Anden used on you?”

“Yeah, thanks,” I said, staring into her gray eyes.

I really wasn’t sure about that smoke ball. I’d never seen anything like it before and I suspected it was some sort of strange magic.

Anyway we looked through the cupboards and fridge. Well Miandri mostly just sat there and watched me work but I’m a reasonably good cook and I liked having her there.

As soon as Dad got home, I left Miandri cooking and asked to speak to him in private.

“Is this about the case?” he asked.

“Partly. Well yes.”

Dad took me into his study, which had shelves of books all round it and some printed internet pages about his more notable cases on the wall, and we sat down on either side of the desk.

“Firstly why do you hate Winemakers?” I asked, wrinkling my brow and scratching the side of my mouth. “You’re not usually religionist.”

“I don’t think that’s really important,” he answered with a shrug.

“Egrindreth and her friend came and spoke to me when I was alone. I think I need to know what’s so bad about her.”

“She’s not a normal Winemaker. She belongs to a fundamentalist order.”

He was telling the truth but avoiding something.

“What exactly makes them so bad?”

“They take religion literally,” he leaned forward, pursing his lips. “You understand the gods are just symbols. Trulism says all religions and gods are equally valid. That includes Yoho, both the Trulist version of him and the Winemaker version, which is rather more complicated. However, Yohoism claimed Yoho is the only god but will send an anav priest to rescue them in the future. Winemakers also believe Yoho is the only god but he’s already sent the anav priest to Earth after everybody on the planet was killed in a nuclear war and this anav was also Yoho’s son and avatar. Nuhara’s believe Ahmaza is the only god but some of them say Nuhar Zorg will return to lead them in the final war to rid Midbar of other religions. This seems unlikely as there are lots of possible explanations for Nuhar Zorg’s disappearance and a time warp is probably the most unlikely. These claims can’t all be true, but as Trulism says they can’t be false, they must be true in a symbolic sense. Anyway, Winemakers, well the stricter ones anyway but that’s what Haprihagfen are, believe their version of Yoho is the only real god. They think all other religions are wrong. They also don’t like homosexuals.”

So far the truth but I was pretty sure I wasn’t getting the important bit. I could only think of one question that might give an interesting answer.

“Do Haprihagfen have anything to do with anavim?”

He took a deep breath. Ooo, that got a response but he tried hard to hide his rising anger.

“I think Winemakers believe in korbarim but I don’t know if Haprihagfen have any particular issues with anavim. Of course we know korbarim are also just symbolic.”

That last bit was a lie, I don’t think he believed his own teaching here.

“It’s just Egrindreth said something about anavim.”

Dad just stared back, his brow furrowed and his lips pursed. He was uncomfortable but he was just trying to analyze this, I don’t think he understood its significance.

“She also said there’s some organization that’s supposed to help me and won’t let others do it but this organization isn’t helping me.”

“That makes no sense at all!”

He was honest about that.

“Did you file a lawsuit against the girl who gave me that negative infinity sex rating?”

“Yes, it’s a blatant case of libel. Sorry perhaps I should have told you but I didn’t think it would have been served yet.”

“Well it has. Her and her friends are really urinated about it. Anyway, what worries me is that her friends said somebody told her to do that.”

“Who?”

“They didn’t say and the girl herself isn’t allowed to speak to me about it.”

“Of course not.”

“The point is that that rather fits what Egrindreth told me, about there being something strange here I don’t know about.”

“I wouldn’t pay any heed to anything Egrindreth says,” he waved his right hand dismissively.

He was being honest there but missing the point.

“We have two sources of information suggesting the same thing.”