Tales of Midbar: Religious Intolerance

“What are you doing?” I asked.

Yoho hated Astrigis more than he did other gods except Streculic so he probably hated Lishrashic and Iandris so would that make him more inclined to help me?

Lishrashic moved round to between the altar and flower bed at the end away from the machine so Breeze’s legs were pointing at him.

I’d heard that gods were more likely to answer your prayers if you offered them something; money, children to be prostitutes, sacrificing something.

Lishrashic pulled down Breeze’s shorts.

“No!” I rasped as I couldn’t scream. “That’s dirty!”

Was he going to put his thing in her thing? That was one of the most disgusting things I could think of. I knew my parents had done it twice, once when they got married and once when mum got pregnant with me, but I just couldn’t imagine them doing that. Stop laughing, it isn’t funny!

Lishrashic moved Breeze’s legs apart and stroked them on the inner sides. “This artifact isn’t exactly helping.”

“You know why we need it!” said Iandris.

Then I realized that there was one thing that both Yoho and Tianamet would agree with.

“Do we need this flame?” asked Lishrashic putting one hand inside his robe between his legs.

“Yes!” said Iandris.

I realized that Old Magic always seemed to require burning or killing something. The revelation spell had had a candle. The dowsing thing Miandri had used also had a candle. The dream spell had involved an animal sacrifice and I wasn’t sure there wasn’t a flame involved. Of course the big spell Yoldasia had cast in the theatre had a big fire and sacrificed a goat and a flutter. The flame must be powering the Old Magic bit of the artifact, probably burning the puppy’s blood.

“This isn’t working,” said Lishrashic. “It’s no fun if she doesn’t do anything and most her body’s covered up and I suppose I’ve got to be careful with that flame.”

“Yes you have! Yoldasia was very specific about that.”

“Perhaps I should do Eleprin instead,” said Lishrashic, approaching me. “She can still move and talk and my predestination line leads to her.”

I just stared at him. I wasn’t sure what he intended. I tried to back away but Iandris was still holding me.

“I don’t think she’s been trained,” said Iandris.

“Does that matter?” asked Lishrashic.

“The idea is to use a Temple Prostitute and duplicate the rituals as closely as possible. I’m not sure Eleprin is a prostitute yet.”

“Neither’s Breeze,” I said, “Winemakers don’t have prostitutes.”

“Why not?” asked Lishrashic.

“Perhaps they’re saving her virginity for something special,” said Iandris. “Perhaps they only use anavim as prostitutes in which case she isn’t one.”

“Winemakers don’t have prostitutes!” I said.

“What about the fortune telling and Yoldasia’s spell?” asked Lishrashic.

“I don’t know,” said Iandris. “She’s probably going to become a prostitute in the future!”

“Remember what I taught you on the night of the meteor shower?” asked Lishrashic.

“Nothing.”

“How far did I get?”

“To the shrine crypt but I couldn’t open it so you took me to the altar and got knocked out by a minion.”

“Minion!” said Lishrashic as if that was really stupid.

“I’ve seen Minions in Bremplar Conservatory,” said Iandris, turning me towards Lishrashic. “Perhaps you can get yourself going with Eleprin and finish on Breeze. Now listen this is very important. You’ve got to help Breeze and the puppy. Now when a man goes with a woman he has to get his thing stiff but sometimes he needs some help.”

“Why don’t you help him?”

“Because I’ll get more excited with you,” said Lishrashic, “and we really want to get this over quickly, don’t we?”

“Just start by putting your hand on his thing,” said Iandris. She took my hand and placed it between Lishrashic’s legs at the front.

I knew what men had there of course. I’d seen my father naked and some small boys and pictures and things. I also knew that men were very delicate there. I really felt that this was dirty, disgusting, very very wrong. This was where they urinate from! I decided it was time to try praying. “Tianamet,” I thought. “Yoho, I know you don’t like each other. I also know you don’t like me being a Trulist and pretending to be a Winemaker. Whichever of you gets me and Breeze out of this I will follow properly. Tianamet, save me and I’ll marry a hipsickah and be a Temple Prostitute. Yoho, save me and I’ll marry a psychic man and not be a prostitute.”

“Can’t we go faster?” asked Lishrashic, opening his robe and putting my hand on his naked thing.

“She hasn’t been trained,” said Iandris putting her arm around my chest inside my shirt. “Now I’ve trained lots of Temple Prostitutes. I used to be one and I know the first time can be hard. Now you’re not even going all the way, you’re just getting things started and he’s going to finish with Breeze.” Then she turned my mouth to her and kissed me on the lips.

I was really starting to hope that Yoho would rescue me rather than Tianamet.

“Winemakers don’t...” I said.

“Everybody knows they just keep them for the priests, like the wine,” said Lishrashic.

“We have wine,” I said.

Then Lishrashic kissed me on the mouth, sticking his tongue in and pushing my hand onto his naked thing. I was horrified that this could cause the death and monsters. Then I realized that this was my chance. I squeezed his thing as tight as I could, sticking my nails in and bit down as hard as I could on his tongue. Instantly he let out the most ghastly scream I’ve ever heard and pushed me away from him. Iandris was behind me, holding me so I didn’t go far. I tasted something metallic in my mouth. She stiffened up, resisting the backward movement. Lishrashic bent down clutching his stomach with one hand and his mouth with the other. There was blood coming from his mouth. I spat a bit of stuff, I think part of his tongue, out, I was feeling rather sick and did my best to struggle. I felt stuff from my tummy coming up my throat. Iandris screamed and seemed to lose her grip. I managed to turn towards Breeze and threw up on her chest, putting out the flame.

“Streculic rape!” muttered Lishrashic.

I doubled up, and fell to the floor at Iandris’s feet. I decided that the use of the very bad swear word wasn’t a big issue in this situation.

“Little Zexa! No!” screamed Iandris.

Breeze just lay there, which I thought was rather disappointing.

I rolled over on the floor.

“For that the puppy’s going to die!” shouted Iandris, clapping her hands over her pockets as if she was looking for something.

Yes I think she was trying to find a fire starting artifact.

I turned onto my front and started crawling towards the flower bed. I was crying and couldn’t see well because of the tears in my eyes and there was still a horrible taste in my mouth.

“Healing spell?” gasped Lishrashic.

“I’ve got to relight this thing!” screamed Iandris.

“Throw that gold ring over to me!” said Breeze.

“Feces!” shouted Iandris.

I saw a large gold ring, too big to be a bracelet, in front of me, leaning against the side of the flower bed. I grabbed it and flung it in Breeze’s direction.

“Ow!” said Iandris.

“Try that blue geodeserine thing!” said Breeze.

I realized that she normally waved her hands around when she did magic so just having her hands pinned to her sides was probably limiting her powers. I grabbed a blue thing, it must have been shining some light of its own to look blue in red night, shaped vaguely like a human but I wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be, that was stuck in the flower bed and this time flung it over Breeze’s feet, so her hands would be roughly pointing at it.

“Feces!” shouted Iandris, grabbing the object and holding it up like a cudgel.