Tainted roots

It had taken nearly two weeks after he left me and my initial breakdown, for my rage and pettiness to appear. If he didn't want me, that was just fine. I'd show him how much he didn't matter to me. Even at the time, I knew those words were a lie. But sometimes we had to lie to ourselves in order to survive.

I went out to a bar without telling any of the others, in search of a guy to spend the night with. Without a doubt, they would've stopped me, and they would've been right to do so. It was a dumbass move that didn't take long for me to regret.

At first, I was looking for someone I found attractive and sparked my interest, but it became obvious within the first half hour that I was aiming too high. Before the jackass, I would've been able to find a guy within ten minutes, but now none of them compared. Sure they were handsome, but compared to him, they might as well have been plain humans.

After lowering my bar and deciding to just pick any guy that wanted to sleep with me, within minutes I was leaving with a decent looking elemental in tow. My stomach had been in knots, and I just kept telling myself that it was nerves.

As luck would have it, he was staying at the only hotel in the Convergence point, only a couple of minutes away. During the short walk, I almost convinced myself not to go through with it several times. Feeling like I was cheating on Koa, even though he clearly didn't give a shit about me.

As soon as we entered his room, he all but pounced on me, shoving his tongue down my throat. The knots in my stomach grew into full-on cramping, until I started worrying I would throw up. Which didn't make sense, I only had a couple of shots to relax. It was nowhere near enough to make me drunk, much less sick. Trying to ignore the feeling, I told myself I could get this over with quickly and then go home to throw up.

His hands moved down my body, grabbing my ass in a quick squeeze. I barely held back my gag, wrenching my mouth away and gulping in the fresh air. He was completely oblivious, and moved his attention to my neck, sucking on it like life depended on it.

My annoyance at his lack of finesse came second to my increasing urge to puke.

The panic came when he reached under my shirt, grabbing my breast with a low moan. My hands clenched into fists at my sides and started shaking. Joining the party was my increasing heart rate, and an unbearable tightening in my chest, making it difficult to breathe.

All the while, the idiot—still sucking on my neck, like he was a vampire—didn't notice. The final straw came when he tried to suck on my boob through my shirt and bra.

Barely holding back my gag as my chest and stomach clenched in rapid succession, I shoved him away, muttering some lame excuse, and hurried from the room.

Stubbornly, I tried it again a couple days later. This time the nausea and panic came earlier than the time before. After that failed attempt I stopped, realizing something weird was going on.

Tonight's incident only cemented my opinion. He hadn't even kissed me and I was close to vomiting on him. It was getting worse, and I could no longer ignore this.

Releasing a long exhale, I knew I had to go to the library and research fated mates. This had to be a result of that stupid fucking bond—that didn't need a mating ceremony to form. What bullshit.

I was unsure if it was because I finally accepted he was my fated mate, but now at least once a day, I felt the faint cord tying me to him pulse in my chest. As if it wasn't bad enough I essentially got dumped, I now had to be reminded of it every day.

Almost as if it could sense I was thinking about it, a thrum ran through the cord. Followed by a burning white hot burst of blinding rage, stealing my breath as I nearly fell over. One moment I thought I was going to pass out from these overwhelming emotions, the next they vanished completely.

What the fuck?

There was no way those emotions came from me. Yes, I was frustrated and annoyed, but I was nowhere near feeling that kind of boiling rage. Somehow I must've tapped into his emotions, it was the only thing I could think of.

I searched through my memories of my lessons growing up, and what I'd been taught about fated mates. Which wasn't much. Some of the topics weren't of interest to me and as a consequence, I didn't truly retain the information. Which unfortunately had been fated mates. For some reason, the thought of being tied to someone else for the rest of my life terrified me—still did. I paid somewhat better attention to the other types of mates and actually remembered a lot more about them. But for fated mates, I only knew the bare minimum, and now I was paying the price.

It was official, my procrastination when it came to researching this had screwed me. My mom would be so disappointed in me, she always told me to never go into any situation without knowing what I was getting into. Obviously, that never stuck with Ari or me.

Pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes, I let my head fall back against the stone wall. What a mess.

"What are you doing out here?" Ari's voice broke me out of my whirling thoughts, about how that asshole turned my life upside down the moment he walked into the training room. Ari didn't react to my shriek or me jumping, instead, she just stood in the doorway, still holding the door open.

"It's nothing," I quickly said on instinct.

Ari gave a forced smile, with her lips pressed together and jaw clenched. She only did this face when she was trying, and failing to hide how annoyed she was. Sometimes Ari's face was an open book, others you couldn't get a single thing from her.

As if she knew what I was thinking, her jaw relaxed and her face went blank.

"Nothing, right. Well, I just thought I'd let you know Harmony home went some guy."

This past month, my friends had been tiptoeing around me, going as far as avoiding even mentioning hookups when I was around. I'd been going back and forth between, appreciating their thoughtfulness, and being annoyed at being handled with kid gloves.

"I could tell by looking at him that he's good in bed. Harmony will be having a good night," Ari continued, apparently having forgotten about their unspoken agreement.

My stomach dropped. Don't you dare think about him, I chanted those words in my head several more times. Once I was sure I was calm and my voice wouldn't break, I said, "I figured—the going home with him, not his prowess."

With a nod to herself, she turned and let the door slam behind her. All I wanted to do was go and talk to her. I honestly didn't even know why I was keeping all of this shit to myself. Before, I would've gone straight to Ari that first night. My entire life, when something went wrong, I went to my older sister.

Anger burned its way through my body, but this time it was all mine. I couldn't believe I let this douchebag's rejection screw up my relationship with my sister. Well, no more.