Synonym

"Who the fuck turned the news on?" Rob complained while we took a water break from conditioning. Days like this made me wish we were in the weight room and not on the field. My muscles burned like never before every time we had conditioning practice. I laid on the turf grass, not giving a fuck if I looked lazy. Finn stood beside me while guzzling water from his bottle.

Rob went to change the station when the news anchors voice caught my attention. "Wait! Don't touch it!" I yelled, shooting up from the grass and getting close to the radio on the bench. Finn must have heard it too, because he was leaning into listen also. Everyone else was staring at us but I didn't care.

"-case in Connecticut is gaining national attention just two weeks before it is going to trial. After Judge Dennis sentenced a 19 year old girl to prison after a false rape claim in the Bridgeport Superior Court, tensions are high in the Connecticut Court systems. In just two weeks 18 year old Sylvia Mason will appear in front of three 17, now 18, year old boys who she claims gang raped her after a high school lacrosse game in New Canaan last December."

Finn reached to change the channel to save me from the feeling of all of my teammates eyes but I hit his hand away. Their eyes were already on me and I needed to hear what this woman was about to say. This story hadn't broken the news until today, I guess. There hands been a word about it before this moment and that made me nervous. The whole world would know my business if this was really a nation case like the reported had claimed.

"Judge Dennis will also be overseeing this case, as it happened in Fairfield Country not New London where the Plaintiff hails from. The evidence has not been presented yet but biased on police reports, the 18 year old claims three boys cornered her outside of the school and raped her before another student from her team, Griffin Riley, 18, stoped them. When police arrested the three boys they had sustained multiple injuries including concussions as well as broken arms and broken noses. They claim Riley and Mason used an unnecessary amount of force."

That is bullshit. Just hearing that made my muscles go tense. I didn't even care who was watching me anymore, all I saw was red. I'll show them force. Unnecessary force my ass, I was being fucking raped. If anything, I didn't use enough force. I only got in a kick and a punch. Finn did a hell of a lot more and I was jealous. I wanted to stand up for myself.

"One of the two major controversies stems from the fact that Mason was playing on a boy's team. Her name made headlines just months ago when she moved to Groton to play with her male counterparts. Now experts are calling into question weather it is ethical to have the two play together. Some argue cases like these would increase should coed sports gain support while others state that this is an anomaly. Let's talk to Dr. McKall, a professional on rape psychology." Great. Another PHD to tell me I'm wrong. I didn't realize I scoffed out loud until Finn sent me a look that told me to be quiet.

"-This is simply relevant because she is a woman. Rape can happen between two males and two females. Regardless of gender, gang rape is an issue. From what I have gathered, the Connecticut High school Lacrosse scene has long been harboring intense feelings. The fact that a woman had now joined the race made it obvious to these boys that their masculinity is being threatened, especially since this happened after Mason won the game. In my opinion this is a case of volatile competitiveness overtaking morals. This isn't a boy-girl issue. This is a human issue."

I let out a sigh of relief that this man was defending me. I almost relaxed completely until I heard the next professional. This man wanted to make me claw my eyes out.

"This is a boy-girl issue. What are the statistics for opposite gender rape versus same-sex gender rape. The percentages are vastly different. Let's not forget that this is a woman being surrounded by a group of men. One or two is bound to be a monster. It is like putting flesh in front of a lion."

I wanted to puke when he said that. Luckily the News Anchor cut his horrendous opinion off.

"Another reason That this case is gaining national recognition is the charges brought against these boys. Ryan Alvarez was released on a $500,000 bail for attempted murder and sexual assault as well as assault. He was the only one charged with attempted murder. Jack Green was released on $30,000 dollar bail for sexual assault, assault, and rape while the only white defendant, Jeffery Coleman is being charged with only sexual assault and assault. His bail was $25,000. Similarly to the Sacred Heart Rape, this case had a white woman accusing two people of color, in this case one African American and one Latino, of rape. Many people are asking if this is due to the plaintiffs bias towards the defendants and if they shouldn't be charged this harshly."

Bullshit. Again.

I most certainly am not charging them because of their race. I am charging them because I vividly remember which one of them strangled me and which one of them fingered me. Fuck.

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I stood up from my position crouched in front of the radio, I took my water bottle, and I chucked it across the field like a football in outrage. It soared across the air and landed at the ten yard line. That was purely anger based. I didn't even care that everyone was looking at me. I was beyond vain. Even Coaches eyes were on me from a distance, but he nor his assistants said anything as I walked away from the bench and down the track. They probably had the news on over there too. I was glad no one stopped me. I needed a moment.

My name was being smeared on national television and radio. They probably had my face plastered everywhere. Everyone who knew me as the first girl Olympian on a men's team or the first girl to play men's NCAA lacrosse would either pity me or know me as the possibly lying and racist bitch.

I heard footsteps behind me and I knew it was Finn. He was the only one that would dare follow me after that little show I just put on. I'm sure the NFL would recruit me after that throw, it was applause worthy. My muscles were ridged with anger and by the time Finn reached me, I was on the verge of mental breakdown. They were probably all still watching me too. All 16 players and however many staffers. "Sylvia? Can you look at me?" Finn asked calmly. I recognized that voice. It was the one he used to coax me out of a panic attack. I don't know what was going through my brain, it just happened. "Don't use that tone with me! I'm fine!" I snapped while turning to face him, all my emotions manifesting into anger. Finn must have been surprised because his eyebrows rose slightly but he didn't step back. I could barely hurt him if I tried. He wasn't scared of me.

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"You're not fine. Anyone with eyes can tell." His tone was soft but his words were harsher than usual. Something about it made my tears drop as I started to cry. He was right. He was always right. I wasn't okay. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face into his dry fit red white and blue practice shirt. I sobbed as he wrapped his large arms around my small body. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"Shhhh.... it's okay. I know. I know, baby." He reassured me. Finn's hand moved up and down on my back, in between my two shoulder blades. "Deep breath in.... deep breath out......" Finn lead me through breathing exercises until I seemed to calm slightly. I wasn't in danger of passing out but my tears were still flowing. "It doesn't matter what the news says. It doesn't affect the facts, evidence, and witness testimony we have. It's solid. It doesn't matter what is on the news because you are already on the Olympic team. The Committee already agreed to let you play in Tokyo. You're already on the Maryland team. They won't revoke it because of a biased news story. You are okay. Nothing had changed. Everything is fine." "You don't know that." I mumbled and he didn't respond because he knew I would fight him about it.

"Do you want to take a walk?" Finn asked. I shook my head against his chest and pulled away. As soon as I glanced at the players all of them tried to pretend like they weren't just staring at me. I scoffed at them and rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine." I said before walking towards them to grab my stick. I pushed through the larger bodies of my team mates and picked my stick up off the ground and put my gloves back on.

"-rape kit was positive for severe tearing as well as bleeding that was stopped at the hospital. Lacerations surrounded the-" I cut to woman off by harshly pushing the button that changed the radio to FM from AM.

"Come on. Break ended five minutes ago." I said coldly before pushing past them and going back to the balls in the center of the field.

This would be a long fucking day.