Synonym

"Finn, I need to ask you a serious question," Al brought up while dragging a fry through the ketchup on her plate. We had stopped at some run of the mill burger place that Sam claimed had the best shoe string french fries. I couldn't argue with that, I loved myself some floppy and skinny fries. "Would you cut off your balls for Sylvia?"

She was dead serious when she asked, which only made it all the more hilarious. Jason, who was sitting next to Al in the green booth across from us, rolled his eyes while Sam laughed from beside Finn.

I face palmed while Finn quirked an eyebrow. "Honestly? Yeah. Although I'd have to think twice before doing it if you're asking me to cut off my dick." Again, it was said in a dead serious way. Jason and Sam snickered 'whipped' to each other but Finn ignored them. "Why? You're not actually asking, right?"

This time a couldn't help but snort. "Nah." I smiled at him when he looked down at me with a ghost of a grin on his lips. "It's just Al being Al. Besides, I'm quite fond of your balls. Especially when we go for kids." When not if.

Finn knew what I was thinking about. His forest eyes reassured me. "Definitely will need them for that." He added with a light laugh before pecking my lips. I smiled like a kid in a candy store before turning back to the rest of the table. "Awe." Al gushed with a stupid grin. "I missed my all time favorite couple."

Finn's warm hand settled on my upper thigh, tingling spreading through my black jeans and through my legs, making goosebumps rise on my skin. How did he have that affect in me though clothing? I didn't know. "Hey!" Jason snapped like a stern father while pointing his finger across the table at Finn. "Hands where I can see them."

"What are you? My father?" I questioned sarcastically when Finn's hand left my leg, going to his crossed arms.

"Am I not allowed to touch my girlfriend now?"

Jason narrowed his eyes at us. "No. You are not, because neither of you have even an ounce of shame and I'm not testing it tonight. You've been at it like rabbits for the last few weeks." Jason carefully avoided the cause of why we weren't having sex before. For that I was grateful, even if he was about to make fun of me. "And I don't trust you not to try anything." Jason narrowed his eyes at Finn. "I'd like to avoid having to gouge my eardrums out tonight too." "Oh, leave them alone." Al scoffed while picking up her water and taking a sip.

"No. I'm with Jason on this one." Sam chimed in. Great. I knew where this was going. There was already a blush creeping onto my face. Sam would never let this go. I bet he would even say it at my damn funeral. "I already was on the phone with them while they fucked. I'm not about to witness those kinky fucks get it on with their hands."

Thankfully, Al didn't react to that, leading me to relax again and roll my eyes. "Since when do you not want to talk about sex?" Al scoffed. "That's all your lacrosse team did, was talk about their hookups."

"That's not true." I defended. "We also talked about getting fucked up and corn hole tournaments." Beaches, beer, babes and yard games. That's basically the motto of every college and high school boys lacrosse team in the country. "Oh, yes." Al laughed while looking pointedly at Jason. "Sam purposely lost a corn hole game so Sylvia had to give Finn a lap dance. They hated each other so much at the time, it was hilarious."

My jaw dropped as I leaned forwards to look around Finn, my vision reaching Sam who suddenly looked very interested in the white salt shaker in front of him. Finn too had raised eyebrows as he slowly turned his head to look at his best friend. "Lost on purpose?" I asked in an oddly high voice. Sam guiltily looked at me and shrugged sheepishly. "Samuel Valentino, you better be damn grateful that there's 195lbs of man between you and me right now because if there wasn't I'd be strangling you."

"I wouldn't get too happy yet." Finn chimed in when Sam visibly relaxed, tension leaving his arms and shoulders. "The 195lbs of man might do it himself."

Despite the subtle glared at Sam, the rest of the lunch went smoothly. Jason and Al got along surprisingly well and it was no secret that Sam and Jason were brothers from another mother. I'm glad he got along with our high school best friends. It made it easier for us to all hang out.

We all bantered playfully at each other like we had never spent a day apart. It made me happy to be out with them, forgetting all the stresses of the world. No lacrosse, no school, no health issues, or news reports. It was like the summer vacation Finn and I never fully got.

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But by the time the check was being payed, I had to burst their bumble and get something off of my chest.

"So um. There's something that I've been meaning to tell you guys. It's uh, something big that happened about a month ago. I've begrudgingly learned that talking helps. It's something I should probably tell my dad this week and frankly, I could use the practice."

The seriousness in my voice and the haunted look in my eyes stopped Sam and Al from interrupting. Thank God they didn't make any pregnancy announcement jokes. I might have broken down right then and there.

I felt Jason's sympathetic brown eyes on me from across the booth. Finn's hand found mine under the table, moving his thumb back and forth comfortingly. He said the decision to tell people was up to me and I think this would offer me some closure. Some couples didn't tell anyone, but I think it will help me.

I was looking at the wooden table at first, not willing to meet their eyes. But eventually, I looked between the two of my friends. I took immense joy in the split seconds where my eyes were switching between their faces, offering me some minuscule relief.

"I have to do this here because I might break some if I did it in private." I took a deep breath before finally spitting it out. "I was just over 12 weeks pregnant last month but I uh, I had a miscarriage the week before Thanksgiving." I swallowed the lump in my throat while rapping blinking my watery eyes away. I studied their faces as they flickered with joy but quickly turned to sadness and pity when they processed the end of my sentence.

I think they were both about to blurt out condolences but stopped when I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe in and out. I felt Fin's firm arm wrap around my shoulders and pull my body into his comforting chest with ease. "You don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to." He whispered into my right ear.

Something about his words made me want to go on. To prove him wrong. The competitive side of me was showing and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing.

I opened my eyes but I stayed in Finn's chest. "The uh lab lost my blood sample so I didn't get the shots I needed for my blood type." Honestly, it was probably best I had a miscarriage. That baby would have probably had so many neurological problems because I didn't get my shots." I muttered, having accepted reality. There was no way anyone could have known I was this sensitized. There was not stopping my miscarriage and I was coming to accept that. "I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" Al asked in a concerned tone.

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"I'm sorry, Sylvia." Sam said from next to Finn. He too was concerned for me. "You too Finn."

"Thanks, man." Finn said sadly. It was selfish, but I sometimes forgot that he lost his child too. Hell, he was more excited than I was about the whole thing. For someone who encourages me to express my emotions, he tries to hide his a lot. Finn doesn't want to burden me or make me feel worse about the situation. I appreciated it, but it made me feel guilty.

Guilt seemed to be a reoccurring theme for me.

"Does anyone else know?" Al asked after a moment of silence. I glanced up from the brown table top and at her blue eyes, hidden behind her large frame glasses.

"Emma knows. She was there when I found out I was pregnant so I kind of needed to tell her. And Jason knew. He was there when it happened." I replied while staring that the table, the images of the past flooding my Brian with a wave of emotion. The waitress appeared with our credit cards, somehow ending our conversation for what seemed like forever. I didn't mind. I didn't need to be dragged through those memories again.

I ran my hands through my wavy brown hair in an attempt to make it seem like nothing had happened and I pulled away from Finn's chest. We all exited the booth and pulled on our winter jackets. This winter was defiantly colder and snowier than last year.

"As fun as it was to drive that car," Al said and pulled my keys out of her fleece Northface pocket and tossed them at me. I caught the cool, metal key ring in my left hand, smirking to myself. "I'm not about to spend another second driving in that traffic."

"Are you sure you want to remain in that car?" Jason asked while raising a dark eyebrow. "You're going to be stuck with her serious case of road rage and no one can save you from that."

I hit Jason's arm with more force than necessary. "You know what?" Al said eyeing me suspiciously yet mockingly at the same time. "I think Sam would love to ride in the corvette." Great. Now I'm stuck with the most annoying person I know.