Sunlight (Haven River Ranch)

A throat cleared at my office door, pulling my focus away from my monitor.

Jax leaned against the threshold, arms crossed over his chest.

Hello, déjà vu. It was like a blast to six weeks ago, the morning after the party. This was another Sunday morning when I’d snuck out of a house to hide in my office. And Jax had found me.

Jax had been asleep on the couch when I’d slipped out of the cabin at dawn. As quietly as possible, I’d climbed into my car and made my way to the lodge. And for the past thirty-ish minutes, I’d been staring, unblinking, at my screen, wondering how long it would take for him to show up.

Thirty-ish minutes.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” He was wearing a baseball hat, the brim casting a shadow over his eyes. The ends of his dark-blond hair were damp from a shower. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans and his brown cowboy boots. But rather than his typical button-down shirt, he was in a hoodie. Montana State was embroidered in white letters on the navy cotton.

“Is that where you went to college?”

He nodded. “Yes. You?”

“A community college in California.” Not the kind of school where you bought official apparel or proudly sported its colors.

Jax looked tired this morning. Probably because he’d spent the night on a couch too small for his large frame.

When I’d woken up in the chair, drool dripping down my chin, he’d been snoring softly. I didn’t remember him snoring the night I’d spent in his bed. Maybe he rambled and snored when he was drunk.

“Hungover?” I asked.

He lifted a shoulder. “I’ve felt better, and I’ve felt worse.”

I nodded, not sure where to look, so I stared at a spot on my desk. It had been easier last night when he’d carried the conversation. When he’d filled the quiet moments, babbling about elephants on my ceiling.

“I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment,” I said. This morning, I’d woken with a thousand questions exploding in my brain.

If we were doing this—were we really doing this?—I wanted to prepare.

When was my due date? What were the off-limits foods? Could I drink my morning coffee? I’d skipped it today, and the headache blooming between my eyes was the result.

“Can I come along?” Jax asked. “I’d like to go.”

“Sure.” My chest felt too tight, like I couldn’t fill my lungs, and I was either about to cry or laugh or scream. Maybe all of the above.

I wrapped my arms around my waist, holding tight.

“Sick?” Jax shoved off the door, standing tall and ready, like he’d rush to grab a trash can if I was about to puke.

“No.” I shook my head. “Sort of. It’s just . . . overwhelming.”

“Yeah.” His arm crashed against the door’s frame again, the weight of this settling heavy on his shoulders. “Are you going to hide out here all day?”

“If I said yes, would you let me?”

The corner of his mouth turned up. “No.”

“Figured,” I muttered. “I can’t concentrate anyway.”

“Hmm.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw, his palm scraping against the stubble. “So you hate Montana.”

“I don’t hate Montana.”

Jax smirked. “Liar.”

There was no use denying it. “It’s not my first choice of home locations,” I admitted, reaching for my water bottle to take a sip.

“I’m going to make you fall in love.”

The water spewed from my mouth, a few drops even coming out of my nostrils as I coughed and choked. “W-what?”

“With Montana. I’ll make you love it.”

“Oh.” I coughed again, clearing the last of the water. Phew. Not Jax. He didn’t want me to fall in love with him. Just Montana.

That was a relief, right? Why didn’t I feel relieved? The last thing we needed was romance. This was complicated enough with the pregnancy. And after the baby was born . . .

How would this work when I left Montana? Where was I going? What about Eddie?

Eddie. My stomach pitched, and it was my turn to search for a trash can.

He hadn’t crossed my mind today. Last night either. Why hadn’t I thought about Eddie? I’d been reeling from the moment I’d peed on that pregnancy test, and he’d been forgotten. God, I was the worst.

Well, now that Jax knew the truth, I could think beyond the next five minutes.

Sooner or later, I’d have to tell Eddie. I’d have to admit to a one-night stand with Jax. To being careless and reckless.

Would he hate me? Would this break his heart? Or had we already hurt each other so much that this would just be another wedge driving us apart?

“Sasha.” Jax took a step into the office, his eyes narrowing in concern. “What?”

“It just . . . everything changed. The world keeps flipping upside down.”

He gave me a sad smile as he walked to the desk, holding out his hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

“And go where?”

Jax smiled. It was soft and gentle and sweet. It was a smile I had only seen once. The night of the party. And just like then, my heart tumbled.

He kept hold of my hand as we walked out of my office and down the hallway.

I wiggled my fingers as we made it to the lobby, trying to shake loose, but he just clamped down tighter.

“Jax,” I hissed.

He shot that infuriating, adorable smirk over his shoulder.

My nostrils flared.

Mindi was working at the desk this morning. Either he didn’t give a damn what she thought, or he was holding my hand to make a point.

I kept wiggling.

He kept holding.

People were going to talk. The resort would be abuzz with rumors.

Except they were always going to talk, weren’t they? There was only so long I could hide a pregnancy. Maybe it was better for people to think we were together. That this baby wasn’t a huge mistake that would derail all of my plans.

“Jax.” I pulled on his arm the moment we were outside, bringing us both to a stop on the lodge’s sweeping porch. “I don’t ever want this baby to think he or she is a mistake. I don’t ever want to say this was an accident.”

He studied me for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

The air rushed from my lungs, forming a white cloud in the cold. Eventually, we’d have to figure out a story to tell, but for now, as long as we had that understanding, it was enough.

“Do you think it’s a boy or girl?” he asked.

“Girl.” It was wishful thinking. Most expectant mothers would probably answer that they didn’t care as long as the baby was healthy. But I wanted a girl. “If it’s a girl, I want to name her Josephine, after my mother.”

“Josephine.” Jax spoke the name like he was sampling a fine red wine, letting it swirl on his tongue to see how it tasted. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

He squeezed my hand, keeping that constant grip, then continued on down the stairs and to his gray Silverado waiting in the parking lot. He opened my door, helping me in before going to the driver’s side. Then as the engine revved and the heat blasted through the vents, he pulled away from the ranch.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Jax drove with one hand on the wheel, the other leaning on the center console. It was relaxed yet confident and wholly attractive, sort of like his swagger. And that freaking baseball hat. When had I become such a sucker for hats?

My pulse beat faster and my breath caught as I tried not to stare. Was it the pregnancy hormones already? When did they kick in?

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I tore my gaze away, keeping it on the gravel road ahead. “Where are we going?”

“You asked me that already.”

“Thought maybe you’d tell me this time.”

His chuckle was deep and smooth, filling the truck’s cab. “I need to get Grandpa his lottery tickets.”

“Oh,” I groaned. “We’re going to the grocery store, aren’t we?”

“Returning to the scene of the crime.”

There was one and only one grocery store in town. There’d been no avoiding it in the months that I’d lived in Montana, but I always tried to go at night, when the owner was gone and the clerks were teenagers working after school.

Last night, when I’d gone to buy the pregnancy test, there’d been a boy with severe acne at the register. He hadn’t so much as blinked as he’d scanned the test because he’d been too busy trying not to gawk at the teenage girl in line behind me.

“We could stop by your place too,” Jax said. “In case you want to pick up anything.”

“That’s okay.”

“So you’re just going to leave your stuff in town, keep paying for a shitty rental, but live on the ranch.”

“Yes.” Maybe. It made zero financial sense to keep the rental. But it was the safety net. “Are you going to cash my rent check for the cabin?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so,” I muttered. “That was the agreement I made with Indya.”

“Indya doesn’t own the cabin.”

I sighed. “I don’t like freeloading.”

“You’re carrying my Josephine. That’s not exactly freeloading.”

My Josephine.

The emotions swelled so fast I couldn’t breathe. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My eyes flooded, the world a watery blur.

My Josephine.

Two words and he made it real. He made it special. He made it so I wasn’t doing this alone.

Jax’s hand stretched across the cab as the tears slipped down my cheeks. His fingers slid beneath my hair to my nape. His palm was warm as he cupped my skin. His thumb traced a line down the column of my neck, up and down, as I wiped my face dry, fighting to fill my lungs.

“I don’t have stuff,” I blurted when I could speak again. “Everything I own fits in my car. So the rental is empty. There’s nothing for me there to pick up.”

His thumb stilled. “What about furniture?”

“Nothing.”

“Your bed?”

“Just an air mattress.”

The pressure of his grip tensed as his jaw clenched. “Then you don’t need it. Call the landlord. Put in your notice. Today.”

“But—”

“Today, Sasha. Or I’ll call for you.”

I blew out a shaky exhale. It was the right decision. Deep down, I knew it was the smart decision too. In no way, shape, or form did I want to live there again.

Goodbye, safety net.

“Fine.” Maybe I should have put up a fight, except I didn’t want to trade the plush bed in the cabin for a leaky air mattress. I didn’t want loud neighbors or a questionable hot-water supply.

And Jax had called her my Josephine.

So I pulled out my phone and called the landlord, promising to drop the keys in the mail while he would do the same with my deposit. “Done.”

“I’ll cash your rent check if that would make you feel better.”

“Yes, please.”

He nodded, slowing on the highway as we reached town. Then, before I was ready, we were parked outside the grocery store.

We passed an older woman exiting as we walked inside.

“Jax!” She let go of her cart, loaded with paper bags, to open her arms as wide as her smile. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.”

“Hi, Mrs. Miller. How are you?”

“Dandy.” Mrs. Miller’s eyes flicked my direction, but Jax didn’t introduce us. “And you?”

“Doing great. Running a few quick errands this morning before we’ve got to get back to the ranch.”

“Well, then I won’t keep you. Potatoes and bacon are on sale.”

Jax dipped his chin, giving her one last sideways hug before he led the way inside. “Mrs. Miller was my third-grade teacher. She’s retired now. Sorry I didn’t introduce you. But she would have kept us out there chatting for an hour.”

“Ah.” Who was my third-grade teacher? I couldn’t remember her name.

Instead of heading for the cashier’s lane, he snagged a basket from the rack beside the door and wandered to the produce section, getting a bag of potatoes and an onion. Then he made his way to the back of the store, grabbing a carton of eggs.

“Normally, I get eggs from my grandma’s chickens. But there was an incident with a chicken hawk a couple weeks ago. It was a bloodbath.”

“A chicken hawk.” What the hell was a chicken hawk?

Before I could ask, a man in tan overalls stopped at Jax’s side. “Mornin’, Jax.”

“Morning, Hank.” They shook hands, then the man got his own carton of eggs as Jax walked to the dairy cooler.

When we reached the meat section, Jax grabbed three packs of bacon as another man, dressed in jeans and a canvas coat, smacked him on the shoulder.

“Jax. What’s happening?”

“Hey, Mike. How are you?”

“Can’t complain.”

“Mike, this is Sasha. She’s the manager at the resort.” Jax shifted out of the way so I could shake Mike’s hand. “Mike is a local contractor. He’s the one who remodeled most of Haven River.”

“Oh, you’ve done incredible work. It’s lovely to meet you.”

“You too.” Mike smiled, giving Jax another clap on the shoulder, then left us to resume our shopping.

“Do you know everyone in town?” I asked as we meandered down the cereal aisle.

“Not everyone but close. That’s just how it is when you grow up in a small town.” He shifted the basket to his other forearm so he could take my hand.

This morning, while the world kept flipping, I let him hold it.

“You’ll get used to it,” he said.

Would I? A jolt of panic quickened my heart rate. Montana had never been permanent. This was my chance to make some money while everything with Eddie was up in the air. Then we’d find a place together. We’d start over.

But there was no starting over, was there? Not anymore.

The blood drained from my face. My head started spinning as my feet stopped moving. Surrounded by colorful boxes of cereal, standing beside a man who might as well be a stranger, I felt my entire future go up in flames.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

I gulped, closing my eyes to try and find my balance. “Everything keeps flipping.”

“Just hold tight. It’ll stop.”

After a few deep breaths, I started down the aisle again. “How are you so steady?”

“I’m not.” He shifted closer, dropping his lips to my hair. It wasn’t a kiss, not really. It was more like he was resting against me, breathing me in.

Leaning on me.

So I leaned on him.

We stood together, in a private bubble, until a woman approached, pushing a shopping cart. The rattle of the wheels broke us apart.

“Excuse me,” she said, steering past us.

Jax pulled me into his side, his arm around my shoulder, and walked us to the checkout.

Carla, the owner, was the cashier today. She took one look at me, and her smile morphed to a sneer.

“Good morning,” I said, helping Jax take things out of his basket.

She turned her glare to Jax, and though she stayed quiet, her expression screamed Traitor.

He just chuckled. “Hello, Carla.”

The barcode on the eggs dinged as she swept it past the reader, her scowl never faltering.

“And my weekly lottery tickets,” he told her, digging out his wallet from his back pocket.

She scanned and glared.

I squirmed, eyeing the door.

The moment the last pack of bacon was in a paper bag, I swept it into my arms and made a quick getaway.

“She hates me,” I told Jax as we walked to the truck.

“Yep.”

“How long is that going to last?”

“Until Josephine is ten or eleven.”

Josephine. He kept saying her name. He kept making it real.

“What if it’s a boy?” I whispered when the groceries were loaded and we were sitting in the truck.

“It’s a girl.”

Neither of us had a damn clue. But I needed to believe this was a Josephine, at least today. And somehow, he knew I needed to hear it too.

Jax waved to every person we passed on the drive back to the ranch. It wasn’t a normal wave. He rolled two fingers over the steering wheel and toward the windshield, almost like a salute.

A white Tahoe rolled past, and he did it again.

“Who was that?”

He shrugged. “No idea.”

“But you waved.”

“Yeah.”

“Why? You don’t know them.”

“Why not?” He shot me a smirk. “It’s nice.”

I couldn’t think of a time I’d ever been waved at while driving. At least not in a friendly way.

“Try it,” he said as another vehicle approached from the opposite direction.

“No, it’s weird from the passenger seat.” Besides, that was something for Montanans to do. Something for people who belonged here.

“It’s just a wave, honey.” He glanced over, a challenge sparkling in his blue eyes.

They were truly beautiful eyes. I hoped this baby, girl or boy, would get them.

As the gap closed with the other car, he rolled his wrist, getting the same wave in return.

I tucked my hands between my knees.

The sparkle dimmed in Jax’s gaze, the only sign of his disappointment. “What kind of music do you like?”

“Pop. Some rock. You?”

“Country.” He turned on the radio, letting the music keep us company on the rest of the drive.

When we pulled up to the lodge, West’s truck caught his attention, and instead of taking me to my car, he headed for the stables, parking beside his brother.

The sound of two wild boys and the scent of horses greeted us as we walked through the door.

“Hey.” Indya’s face lit up when she spotted me with Jax. In her arms was baby Grace, bundled in a tiny pink snowsuit and wrapped in a fuzzy blanket.

“Oh, um, hi.” Shit. I should have thought of what to say before we’d stopped. Maybe asked Jax not to stop at all.

We’d have to tell them. Did we do it today? We should wait, right? Until later? But what if Jax wanted to tell them? What was he going to say? How were they going to react? Was Indya going to be mad? What did this mean for my job?

With every question, the world flipped. Flip. Flip. Flip.

My gaze roamed the room, finding a clump of straw in the corner.

That was my spot. That was where I’d puke.

Except before I could dart away, West carried over two ropes. “Hi. What are you guys up to today?”

“Groceries,” Jax said, putting more space between us than he had all morning. “We carpooled into town.”

The air rushed from my lungs. Thank God.

“Uncle Jax!” Kade was standing on a bale of hay, peering over a stall’s gate. “Wanna come riding with us?”

“Sure.” Jax took a rope from West and headed for his nephew.

“Mommy.” Kohen raced over, his index finger raised in the air. “I got a sliver. It hurts really bad.”

“Oh no.”

“There are tweezers and a first aid kit in the bathroom,” Jax said as he opened the gate, walking into the stall to join a pretty brown horse.

“Okay. Would you mind holding her?” Indya glanced to Grace, shifting the baby into my arms instead of waiting for an answer.

Not that I would have said no. I hadn’t gotten to hold Grace yet. The day Indya had brought her into the lodge last week for the first time, there’d been so many people clamoring to hold her that I’d let others go ahead. By the time it was my turn, Grace had been fussy and ready to go home.

As Indya followed Kohen to the far end of the building toward Jax’s office, I studied the baby’s face.

Grace was two weeks old and light as a feather. Her soft eyelashes formed crescents above her smooth cheeks. Her pink mouth was pursed in a tiny bow.

She was perfect. She was precious and terrifying.

In nine months, I’d have one of these. A perfect, precious, and terrifying baby of my own.

My Josephine.

Flip. But this time, I didn’t let the flipping sway me on my feet. Not while I had Grace in my arms.

When I glanced to the stalls again, Jax’s blue eyes were waiting.

He gave me a soft smile, like he knew holding a baby today was freaking me the fuck out, but I was holding a baby anyway. He winked at me before moving back to the brown horse.

He was the handsomest man I’d ever seen in my life. Rugged and masculine and hypnotic. He was so beautiful it almost made me want a boy who’d look just like his father.

Almost, but not quite.

Grace whimpered, kicking her legs.

“Shh.” I rocked her side to side. It had been a long time since I’d held a baby, but some things were hard to forget.

I hoped the other pieces would come back to me too.

“Do you think I can do this?” I whispered.

Grace opened her tiny mouth.

And wailed.

Eddie,

You were never a mistake. Not to me.

S