Stuck On You

The first thing I did when I was formally released was go to Hayden's room. I just sat by his bedside, holding his hand. I couldn't really do anything else but wait; so that's what I did. I stayed in his room for days. I didn't eat. I barely slept and if I did, it was in the chair in Hayden's room. "Jo, you have to eat something," he dad said. "That baby is going to die if you don't," he added. I sighed and looked at Hayden's still face.

"I don't care," I said hoarsely. I was feeling weak and dizzy but I didn't care. I was more concerned about Hayden. "I'll eat when Hayden wakes up," I argued.

"No, Jordyn, you are going to eat something. You have someone else to think about now. How could you be so selfish?" my dad said. I looked at him in shock as I stood up.

"Selfish?" I breathed. "My boyfriend. The man I love. The man I would've 4married is lying in a coma and I don't know when he's going to wake up. And you're calling me selfish for being concerned?" I said in disbelief.

"No, I'm calling you selfish for not thinking of that baby that is growing in your stomach," he yelled at me. I flinched at his words. My dad had never really yelled at me like that before.

"You have no idea what this feels like... to be in this position," I said softly. "It hurts," I cried. My dad sighed and pulled me into a hug.

"I know honey... I know," he shushed me softly. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started sobbing. I hugged him back tightly and let my eyes shut.

"It's not fair," I sobbed.

"I know," he said softly. "It's hard. Remember; we were here with Thomas. I have been through this; maybe not in the same situation as you are right now, but I have been here." How could I forget? I stood there crying on my dad's shoulder until I couldn't stand any longer. He sat me back down in the chair and shushed me.

"It'll be okay," he whispered. I eventually passed out from exhaustion.

I waited another two weeks by Hayden's bedside. There was no change. Finally, Quinn and my dad made me go home. They said that being here was toxic to my own health. It didn't help at all. I tossed the keys on to the counter and sighed as I looked around. Everything in the apartment reminded me of Hayden. Eventually, I went into his room. I put on one of his favorite shirts and curled up on his bed. I hugged one of his pillows to my chest and cried. I slept there for two days straight. I barely moved at all. I only got up when a persistent knocking woke me up. I sighed and stretched my stiff limbs before I went to open the door.

"Jo," Quinn sighed sympathetically when she saw me. I know I probably looked a mess. My eyes were probably bloodshot and puffy, my skin was probably pale and ghost-like, and I probably looked like a skeleton. I hadn't looked in a mirror since the wreck, but I was assuming that that's the way I looked. I didn't say anything... I couldn't.

"When's the last time you ate... or showered?" she asked. I shrugged. She sighed and walked in, closing the door behind her. She pushed me gently to my room and into my bathroom. She made me pull off my clothes before she made me get in the shower. I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest. I put my head on my knees and closed my eyes. Tears trickled across my face and landed on my knees as Quinn ran the bath water. She practically gave me a sponge bath. She ran the water over my body before she picked me up out of the tub and wrapped a towel around me.

"Hayden," I said hoarsely. I hadn't talked in days so my voice was scratchy and sore. Quinn laid me down on my bed and put my head on her lap and just ran her hand over my hair. I took a shaky breath.

"I know," she said softly. "He will wake up, and when he does, you don't want him to see you like this, do you?" she asked. I shook my head gently and closed my eyes to keep from crying. I didn't have enough energy to cry anymore. After a while, Quinn dressed me and dragged me to the kitchen before she sat me at the table. She cooked some soup before she made me eat it. It was a slow and painful process, but I eventually ate it all. I didn't want to move, let alone eat.

"Let's go," she said, standing up suddenly. I looked at her confused.

"Where?" I asked; my voice better due to the hot soup.

"You're going to go talk to Hayden," she said. I sighed and shook my head.

"What good would that do?" I said hopelessly. She dragged me out of the apartment anyway.

"Talking to him will help you," she said as we pulled up to the hospital. I hated hospitals, but I did want to see Hayden again. Quinn left me alone when we reached Hayden's room. I sat in my chair by his bedside and sighed. I held his hand gently and looked at his peaceful face. "Hayden," I started. "I didn't tell you this earlier, but we're having a baby. Me and you. It would be better if you would wake up. You could come to the doctor appointments with me and we could look at baby names. I need you. I need you to get through this. I need you and this baby is going to need you," I said. The monitor monitoring his brain spiked. I couldn't help the small hopeful smile that plastered itself on my face. He heard me.

"Good, that's good, Hayden. Now just open your eyes," I said softly. I knew it probably wouldn't happen but I couldn't help being hopeful right now. "I'm not sure if the baby is a boy or girl yet, but we can find out together. Luca told me about your plan to propose. I would've said yes," I kept talking. His brain monitor spiked again. I squeezed his hand gently. I knew he wouldn't wake up, but it didn't keep me from hoping. I stood and kissed his head gently. The monitor spiked again. I sighed and touched his head gently before I left. Seeing Hayden did make me feel better. After leaving the hospital, I grabbed a bite to eat with Luca.

"How are you holding up?" he asked. I shrugged and used my fork to move my food around my plate.

"Better. I went to see Hayden. His brain was active. He heard me," I said with a slight smile. "I know I'm stupid for thinking he would wake up, but it was progress," I shrugged. Luca shook his head.

"I don't think that makes you stupid. You love him. You're going to want to hope for the best," he said. I shrugged.

"I just... it's not fair. Hayden doesn't deserve this after everything that he's been through. It should be me at that hospital in a coma, not Hayden," I said, tears brimming my eyes. Luca reached out and squeezed my hand gently.

"You're just having survivor's guilt. It could've happened to anybody," he tried to comfort me. I wiped away the fresh tear that ran down my cheek.

"Yeah, but it shouldn't have happened to him," I said in a whisper. I looked away from him and towards my stomach. I sighed and shook my head.

"This is all terrible timing. It's just terrible in general. None of this should be happening," I said, covering my face with my hands.

"Hey, you know that all of us will help out with the baby if you need it," he offered.

"If Hayden doesn't wake up... I don't think I'm keeping the baby. It's just... I don't want to do this without him," I admitted.

"Jo, you wouldn't..."

"I don't know, Luca... I just don't know about anything anymore. It's like everything has been turned on its head and everything is spinning out of control. I don't know what to do anymore," I said gently. Luca sighed.

"Jo, we're all going through this. I've known Hayden since high school. It's hard for me seeing him like this too," he said. I sighed and looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Luca. I know that I've been selfish with this whole thing but can you really blame me?" I said. He shook his head.

"No. I know that you love him more than all of us combined. There's no question about it. You have every right to be selfish when it comes to Hayden... Just, don't be selfish when it comes to that baby," he asked. I shrugged. "I'll think about it," I said.000000