Steeling Her: A Romance Novel

Carter

There’s nothing quite like going to a birthday party full of screaming little beasts that are pulling on you and dragging you in all directions. Nothing quite like it if you ask me. I love kids, but dear God, these kids have me driven mad with their high-pitched squeals and tantrums. I now understand why the parents were glad and in a rush to leave their kids at the house.

They did not want to deal with this chaos.

“Remind me why you wanted to come here?” Ted jokes while observing the little children running around with water balloons in their hands outside and yelling at one another that they’re faster. Danielle warned them that they couldn’t come into the house unless they were bone dry. Which means, they have to stay outside.

“It’s my niece’s birthday, Ted.” I smack him on the arm playfully. “Be nice,” I tease him and he leans in to kiss me on my lips.

“I’m always nice.” He grins and squeezes one of my butt cheeks. I giggle and bury my face into the crook of his neck, embarrassed that someone might have seen us, especially the kids. He squeezes it again and I pull back, laughing.

“Stop it! There are kids around!” I swat his hands away from that area as I return to the oven to check on the food Danielle has cooked for the little munchkins running around and causing havoc.

“We could disappear upstairs?” he offers but my brother kills that idea in an instant.

“You won’t be going anywhere near upstairs.” Chris still hasn’t really warmed up to Ted. They’re not each other’s cup of tea, and that’s fine. I’ve learned to live with that and so has Ted. They’re civil with one another. I know they’ll never be each other’s best friends.

The rest of the boys in my family bite their tongues. They know what they want to say will upset me. Only my mom likes him, but my mom likes everyone.

All that matters is that I like him, and I do.

“Daddy!” Taylor screams at her gigantic father standing in their massive kitchen that was recently completed. The finishings are truly beautiful; white marble with dark-black oak cabinets. Not one, but two touch screen refrigerators because my brother does eat that much. All the domestic gadgets that you can imagine are inside most of those cabinets with the largest pantry I’ve quite possible ever seen, and I’ve seen a few. Top of the range for everything in this house, courtesy of my best friend.

The only thing ’Danielle is missing is a ring on her finger, and boy, has she been trying to get my brother down on one knee, but he likes things the way they are. He’s comfortable; a little too comfortable.

In the words of Chris, “Why do I need a piece of paper to show someone that I love them?” I can assure you, it made a few women melt when he said that on TV. Some were heartbroken that he gladly took himself off the market when those words slipped out, followed by an announcement to tell the world that he knocked up Danielle too.

That story was a little more controversial thanks to him and his big fat mouth, but he did it for her and to stop the crap the media were writing about her. He put it all to an end in an instant, both the women chasing him and trying to bag him as a boyfriend and the rumors that were growing day by day. As soon as Taylor was born, nothing mattered to him other than his family. He was ready to be a father and he knew it.

“There’s my birthday princess!” He lifts her up easily into his arms to give her a loving kiss on her forehead. I have to admit, Chris is an amazing dad to her, and I know he’s dying to have another one. Danielle promised him another later down the line, but right now, they’re getting the hang of having a diva for a daughter.

“Mommy got me a princess cake. It’s pink and yellow with stars and flowers on it!” She points at the cake still in its white box sitting over on the table Danielle had set up outside for the kids to have some snacks while they play in the water. At the moment, it remains inside, waiting to be piled up with the other treats for them and for the guys to lift outside for her. “I got a new swimsuit, too, do you like it?” she asks him, and I could see him starting to melt at his own child. I love watching them interact with each other because it’s truly the sweetest thing.

“You look so beautiful, princess. You wanna show aunt Carter how it’s done in the pool?” he teases me and I stick my tongue out at him, making her squeal in laughter.

I’m a nervous swimmer; always been one. The water makes me nervous. Ever since that night in college, it’s made it worse. I hate swimming because of it. I panic in the water.

“Yay! Are you coming swimming with me?” she yells and leans forward in her dad’s arms, nearly wriggling herself out of his hold.

I shake my head and watch her pout, her cute bubbly lip protruding for dramatic effect. ’That’s not going to work on me, sweetheart.

“Why! We can swim together. You can have my floaters and hold my hand!” She claps but I still shake my head.

“She’ll be in later, sweetheart.” He kisses her head and promises her. I tilt my head to the side and glare at him for promising that to her. Now she will keep hassling me about it.

Like her mother, she’s stubborn.

Chris sets her back down on her feet and she models her swimsuit for us. Pink with yellow polka dots and a peplum frill wrapping around her tiny waist. Modeling in her finest, I couldn’t help but laugh at her as she strikes a pose like her dad taught her to do. It’s exactly what her dad would do. She loves being the center of attention.

“Go out and show aunt Carter how to swim.” He slides the door open for her and we all watch her run and play with her friends. Taking one of the little girl’s hands, they both walk down the steps to the pool and sink into the water while holding onto the side bar for stability and balance. I know if she was about to go under, Chris would be out there like a rocket.

“Is Dad on his way?” I ask while watching the little princess show me how she swims. It’s all very adorable, and I can’t stop watching her kick her legs as she giggles hysterically in the pool with the others.

“Yeah, he’s at the gates now. Mom texted me, saying they had to clear it with security first. They recognized Austin but not them. It’s been a while since they’ve come here. We usually go to New York to see them, you know?” He watches his little girl mess around in the pool with the largest grin on her face. He has the same look my dad has with me. He’s in love with that little blessing out there in the water.

I couldn’t help but lean my head against his bicep as he chuckles at Taylor splashing the other kids floating in the pool.

He put that smile on her face like he always does. She thinks the world of her dad, just like how I think the world of mine.

“Where’s the little birthday girl?” A booming voice I haven’t heard in a while echoes through the house, and I spin around to face Ted, who stares wide eyed out the double doors where the kids are playing.

Ted is terrified of my dad, and it’s too funny to watch them interact. My dad just stares at Ted in confusion because he rambles nervously nonstop until someone snaps him out of it. My dad is quite a scary guy, I know that, but he tries to dampen down his opinions when Ted is around.

“You didn’t tell me your family was coming,” he whispers beside me and I smirk back at him. “Carter!” he groans as I push past him to see both of my parents who just entered into the house with my oldest brother.

My dad is the first to enter the kitchen with bags of gifts for his first grandchild. He spoils her rotten for her birthday every year. He’s just excited to have another girl carrying the Steel blood. Once he spots me, he dons a huge grin and sets the bags down so he can squeeze me into one of his famous hugs. Once his arms wrap around me, I sink into his hold and kiss his cheek.

“Hi, Dad!” I greet him as he lifts me up to shake me around like a rag doll, making me burst out laughing.

“Hi, baby girl!” He kisses my head and sets me back down on my feet. No matter what age I am, I will always be his baby girl. “You look more beautiful every time I see you. There’s something in the air out here, I’m telling you,” he jokes, taking me in and holding both of my hands. “Maybe your mother needs to spend some time out here?” he teases her and I watch my mom roll her eyes at him, like she always does. My parents are still going strong’. Even though he’s aging a bit, some girls who are into silver foxes flirt with him from time to time. Even then, my dad only has eyes for one woman, and that’s my mom.

“I’m so happy to see you, Dad. I’ve missed you.” I pull him back into another hug that I so badly missed. I’ve missed him. It’s been so long, we’ve both been so busy and it’s been hard to make time for one another.

“I’ve missed you too,” he whispers and squeezes me one last time before greeting my brother. I shift to the side and hug my oldest brother as a greeting and then finally my mom, who I haven’t seen in forever.

“Hey, Mom!” I greet her and she twists me from side to side.

“Hi, sweetie!” she beams as we pull away. “Hi, Ted!” She waves at him as he stands awkwardly in the kitchen. I roll my eyes and snort at my boys all playing around with each other. Chris has my dad in a headlock with him tapping out for some release and air.

“I’m old now, you’ll break my neck with any more pressure, son!” My dad chuckles lowly with his deep voice and his head to the side over my brother’s stomach. “Can’t have you breaking your old man in half now, can we? I need this pretty face for the cover shots.” He winks, making Chris laugh and allowing my dad to escape from his grip. Dad shifts beside him and fixes himself once again, making himself look presentable. Looking around the room, he hears a few high-pitched giggles. He knows where the fun is at; ’outside.

When he spots Taylor playing amongst the mass of small bodies, he knocks on the window to get her attention. Once she sees him, she screams and rushes out of the pool dripping wet.

“Grandpa! Grandpa!” She runs as fast as her little feet can go. Chris warns her to slow down or she’ll slip. I could visualize it, too, so I flinch a little as I watch her race towards her grandfather, waving and panting as she closes the distance between the two of them.

“There she is! There she is!” He holds both arms open for her as her drenched self makes her way over to her grandfather who fell in love with her ever since he found out that Chris’ baby was a she.

Once she reaches him, she smothers him as best as she could with a hug and a kiss. “Happy birthday, sweetheart. It’s good to see you too!” My dad squeezes her tight like he used to do with me as a kid. The man loves hard and he won’t change.

Just like the day she was born, he disintegrates at the sight of this little blessing in our family. Even though my dad has a crazy busy schedule, he always makes time for her.

“What did you get me?” She peers up at her grandfather, who rolls his head back and laughs at her.

“Taylor!” Danielle bursts in through the door with a few beach towels in her hands.

“You’re just like your grandfather, sweetheart, aren’t you? No messing around and straight down to business!” My mom giggles. Taylor’s face lights up upon seeing her and wiggles her arms out towards her for some love. My mom lifts her out of my dad’s arms and sets her down on the tiled floor while she’s still dripping wet’.

My dad had an open wet patch on one side of his body because he was hugging her and it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He got his love from her, so he’s a happy man.

“Taylor, what did I tell you about coming into the house wet? It’s dangerous, honey, you can’t be doing that!” Danielle crouches down with a towel to dab her dry. She huffs and puffs and glares at her partner, also known as my brother, who holds sympathetic yet guilt-stricken eyes. It doesn’t stop her from shooting daggers at him.

She seems very stressed.

“I’m sorry,” Taylor whispers tenderly, looking down at her feet and feeling remorseful about knowing this rule yet still coming in. Her mom sighs and pulls her in for a hug and kiss.

“It’s okay, it’s your birthday, right? Just . . . when you do want to come in, take a towel next time or wait for Mommy or Daddy, okay? I don’t want you or your friends to slip and hurt themselves,” she coos in her ear. I always knew Danielle would be an amazing mother ever since I found out she was pregnant. I was happy for her, and she was ecstatic about having a child even if she was still really young at the time. It didn’t stop her from loving Taylor and my brother.

Taylor reaches up to hold her hand and I feel my heart clench. “I’m blaming you for getting her so excited, Roger!” She points at my dad knowingly. He shoots his hands up in surrender, making his granddaughter laugh at him. Danielle reaches in to hug him and my mom. My dad has all the time in the world for Danielle. It wasn’t always smooth sailing but everything has worked out for the better.

Chris now knows how to wear protection.

“Do you want to show everyone your cake?” she asks her mini-Danielle and Taylor nods rapidly, stretching her hand to point in the direction of the sugary goodness set on the princess themed table.

Danielle and my brother really spoil her sometimes, but I know it’s out of love for her. It’s their first and only child so far, so they can’t help it.

Our family is closer than ever due to this little girl. We were never miles apart, even though we technically were. We’re a strong family, and we’ve always been there for each other.

As we all walk over to the table, the other kids come in, dripping wet as well. I grab the towels off the counter to hand it to them one by one. They all thank me as I escort them over to the table, pushing all the adults back so they can get in and see the cake too.

Little children have an amazing spark to them. I sometimes have them coming into the office after a bad accident and I love it when they visit. The whole office lights up. They’re bundles of joy, and I can’t wait to have my own someday.

As Taylor talks about how she chose the colors, the cake being pink and yellow since those are her favorite, four more people enter the kitchen, laughing and playing around, which attracts everyone’s attention.

There is only one person my eyes shoot straight to. He’s dressed in a plain white t-shirt and ripped dark grey jeans, showing off his incredibly muscular physique. I can feel myself taking in a deep breath when he catches my eyes. It’s just like college, as soon as he enters a room, he grabs everyone’s attention.

My father hovers next to me, and I feel a huff of air leave his mouth upon seeing my ex-boyfriend arriving into the house. I know my dad still harbors some dislike for Nick. He was’ not a ball of joy when he dumped me. He hated seeing me so distraught about him breaking it off with me. I was a mess, and my dad pieced me back together, little by little, and I will forever be grateful for my hero.

I avert my eyes from Nick to face my father and tap his chest, telling him to look at me. I send him pleading eyes to not go there today and he furrows his brows. I know he’s not happy that I don’t want him to talk to him. “Not today, Dad . . .” I beg him serenely so it can only be heard between the two of us. My dad lets it drop with a simple head nod but he’s still tense; I can feel it.

“My friend! My friend!” Taylor jumps down from her mother’s arms and shoots over to greet Haley and TJ first by hugging them before she gets to Jason Greengate and hugs him. What surprises me is when Nick crouches down to her level and she smiles at him. Her face turns red, and I couldn’t help but grin lightly at their interaction. She’s blushing at him. As soon as he picks up on it, his eyes shoot over to mine.

I have the same reaction.

I could feel my cheeks heating up with embarrassment. I hated that my body still reacts to him like that, like it’s betraying me.

I flick my attention away from him and look to someone else for safety. My mom. But she’s already staring back at me, squinting her eyes with a hint of a smile on her lips. That has me looking away from her too. She’s trying to read me, but I refuse to let her, or anyone else for that matter.

Everyone is watching Taylor and Nick interact, but I’m watching the little kids raid the table full of snacks and sugar.

“Don’t you look pretty in your swimsuit?” Nick says softly. I didn’t want to gawk at him, but his tone makes me face him again. The way he spoke lures me back.

“Thank you.” Taylor matches his tenor, and it has shocked me that she likes him so much so soon. Taylor won’t approach you initially. If she warms up to you, and that takes a long time, she will open up but it looks like that rule was excused for Nick, her new friend.

“I got you a little something for your birthday, do you want to have a look at it?” he asks her. I can literally feel my heart dissolving inside of me with my body acting hypersensitive to his voice. He’s so good with kids; he always has been, even with his sister Ellie and her friends. He is such a good person to them. He’s still the same now, and it makes me happy to know that he still makes time for them.

“Yeah!” She claps and I sneak a glance into the bag that she’s looking inside of, almost falling into it. I can feel an arm rest lazily around my shoulders and I know it’s my dad. He’s letting me know that he’s here for me. He went through the entire breakup with me. He knows how I’m feeling. “Woah! You got me dress-up dolls!” She pulls the toy out of the bag he handed her. She shows it off to her parents, who beam down at the little girl who’s elated with her gift.

“Are you sure?” my dad whispers in my ear, and I know exactly what he is asking.

“I’m sure.” I nod back and hold on to his arm that’s around me. I turn myself more into his chest and hold him tight.

Nick rises up to his full height, towering over my niece as she stares up at the giant in awe. He turns his head away from her and raises his eyes to meet a group of people staring at him. Then he stops at one person; the other person in my relationship. Ted watches him carefully, and Nick does the same.

“You must be, Ted,” Nick says. There was a hardness in his tone that made me wince.

“Yeah, that’s me. Who are you?” Ted asks. He isn’t being rude, he genuinely doesn’t know who Nick is; unlike the rest of the country who has fallen head over heels for the newest NFL mystery quarterback. Nick has this bad boy mysterious player reputation in the industry. He’s broody, calculated, and sharp. He’s known for being that way ever since the beginning of his career. It’s what makes him an excellent quarterback.

“Nick. I’m Haley’s brother.” Ted tenses up a bit but releases when Nick’s hand reaches out for a handshake. Ted is not a huge fan of Haley and her opinions, but really likes Danielle. Haley has always been like that; you can either take it or leave it.

Ted returns the gesture but winces in what looks like pain as soon as Nick’s hand encloses his.

“Nice to meet you.” Ted swiftly pulls his hand out of Nick’s death grip and it makes him smirk in a small victory. I sigh at the childlike action and roll my eyes.

“Yeah, same here.” I could hear the sarcasm in Nick’s voice as soon as he said that. Ted shoots his head up after he checks his red hand, shaking it out not so subtly a few times to get the blood flowing back. Ted watches Nick for a moment longer, trying to decipher his character, but I know it’ll take a lot longer than a few seconds to crack Nick. By the looks of it, it seems as though both guys have made their minds up about each other.

“Strong grip.” Ted chuckles attentively. I can tell that they already don’t like each other.

“Thanks, you need to work on yours though,” Nick replies with advice that Ted really doesn’t need. I can see it in his face. They aren’t going to get on well at all.

It was a dig, and Ted recognized that. He eyeballs my ex-boyfriend for a period.

After the little chat Nick and Ted had, everyone can feel the tension in the room. Danielle hustles everyone out the back door and back into the pool area.

“What’s his problem?” Ted whispers close to me. All I could do was shrug before dragging him out behind me so he could mingle with the others.

Taylor takes her new toy out with her to play by the pool with her group of friends. Chris, my brother, and TJ lift the table outside to prevent the kids from running inside for the snack Danielle had prepared and possibly slipping. She does not’ want anyone crying today.

She made delicious treats. Mini pizzas, hotdogs, and cupcakes to name a few, but I could tell she was on high alert with all of these kids in her home.

“Hey.” I grab her arm to stop her from fixing the table for the fourth time today. The sheet over the table has been repositioned I don’t know how many times by her. Chris has talked her away from the table a few times but she always goes back and makes sure that everything is perfect. “Let me do this. You go upstairs and change into a swimsuit and relax in the jacuzzi. You need it,” I offer to help her out, seeing as there is no way I’ll be getting into the pool. I purposely didn’t bring a swimsuit so that nobody would make me get in.

“No, it’s okay, you’re the gue—” I shake my head, not allowing her to pull that card on me. She’s like a sister to me, and will be one day if she gets her way. I hope she does. I want her to enjoy her time with her little girl on her birthday.

“Go, everything will be fine.” I nod to the door and tell her to go and relax. “I’ll watch the kids and the food.” With a short nod and a quick glance at her child splashing around the pool, she disappears through the sliding glass doors to fetch herself a swimsuit. She’s content with the way things are going right now. I just hope it stays like this.

I grab a Goldfish covered in cheese to eat from one of the bowls and choke when I hear Nick’s voice behind me.

“You swimming later?” I jump and turn around, putting my hand on my chest. “Are you okay?” He holds my shoulder and I nod, coughing up the stupid cracker that went down the wrong way.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I breathe in.

“I didn’t realize the sight of me would make you choke,” he jokes and I begin to laugh at him. “If I was that ugly, why did you agree to d—” He stops himself but I know what he was getting at. If he was that ugly, then why did I date him?

That’s not the case and he knows it.

“You know you’re not,” I tell him without even thinking about it. I shut my mouth as soon as I said it.

“I know what?” he teases. He wants to hear me say it but I can’t. I can’t do that to myself or Ted. It’s not fair.

“Nothing.” I shake my head and listen to the squeals around the water. “And no, I won’t be swimming today. I didn’t bring a swimsuit,” I confess and watch him nod. His hand is still on my shoulder. I don’t want him to remove it but he does anyway.

“I’m sure Danielle could lend you—”

“No.” I shut his offer down immediately. I know she’d offer but I just can’t get in the water anymore. I’m terrified and have been since that night. The way I felt so helpless when I was submerged, I felt scared that nobody could save me.

But someone did, and I was grateful for him in that moment. What happened after that night when Nick carried me back to the house floods my mind as well as what we did afterwards in the shower.

“Okay, I didn’t mean to push it,” he apologizes. I nod, ashamed that I snapped at him.

“It’s not you, I’m just so scared of the water. Ever since that party when . . . you know . . .” I trail off, hoping he’d fill in the dots.

“Trumer?” He links my thoughts with his, and I’m thankful he did. I didn’t feel like recounting that night, if I’m honest. He made up for the night later, but it still scares me to get into a pool because of what happened. The sudden shock of falling into water without taking a breath really knocked me.

“Hey, Carter! You’re looking better than the last time I saw you!” Jason chuckles when he joins Nick and me by the snack table. My cheeks started to flame up when I remember what Haley and Danielle told me. That night was really not my best night. I was a drunken mess, and Ted was not happy about it. He told me how immature it was and that I was careless. He was right. I made a bad call and I paid for it the next day. I can assure you, I won’t be doing it again.

“Yeah, I don’t think it would be hard.” I chuckle, embarrassed by my own actions. I cover my face with my hands, trying to hide from him and the memory. “I’m sorry. I was such a . . . mess. I’m normally not like that.” I remember small things about that night as I defend what dignity I have left. I’m pretty sure I said something stupid to Nick too. I remember his face, bu’ I don’t know where I was, who was there, and what I was doing. All I remember is his face, that’s it.

“Hey, ’no worries. This guy took care of you.” He slaps Nicks chest, making my eyes flick to him. “I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble with Ted though.” He smiles and throws a few Goldfish into his mouth. It’s not just me that has an addiction to the fishy crackers.

“Why would she? It’s her own decision. If she wanted to have fun with Danielle and Haley, she can. He doesn’t control her,” Nick comments to Jason, who does nothing but smile at him.

Jason picks up on people’s characters very fast, he’s such a likable guy. I wish I had a friend for him to date but I don’t because I don’t have many friends. He’s a reserved guy, but he reads social situations better than anyone I’ve known. It’s what makes him a great linebacker, he picks up on things other people miss.

“You don’t know him, Nick.” Jason pats his shoulder and looks over at my boyfriend who is on his phone for work. Again.

I wish I could throw his phone into the water sometimes. It annoys me so much.

“Jason, stop. He doesn’t control me. He’s just . . . opinionated.” I know the guys are very judgemental when it comes to Ted, and it’s because he has expressed how much football is a waste of time many times. It annoyed them, so they have limited their interactions with him, except for Jason and TJ because they understand that it’s his opinion and it doesn’t bother them.

“Too opinionated, if you ask me,” Chris butts in. I roll my eyes heavenward. He acknowledges Nick standing beside me with a head nod. I’m a little surprised that my brother did that, but I still shut him down for the snarky comment he just made.

“Chris,” I warn him, and he shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal. He reaches for a sandwich on a platter ’behind me and begins to eat it like he didn’t just insult my boyfriend.

“What? It’s not my fault that I prefer your ex-boyfriend to your current one.” I widen my eyes in shock that he just openly said that. He actually just said that. In front of my ex-boyfriend.

I slap him on the arm because he’s acting unfairly towards me and Ted. He can’t say things like that. “You’re an asshole.” I storm off and see my mom and Haley sitting at the outdoor table watching over the kids.

I watch the kids squeal in laughter as they play some games in the water, blowing water through the foam noodles and throwing the football around, cutting the water as it falls onto the surface before floating in their vicinity.

My dad arrives to join us three after some time tending to the burgers to flip them over on the overly expensive barbecue with Austin behind them.

I huff down into the seat next to my mom and across from Haley while I listen into their conversation about TJ’s training and recovery program the team had set him for the summer. He’s stuck religiously to it for the entire offseason. Now that their first game is tomorrow and it’s at home, she’s hoping that nothing will bother him tomorrow either.

“You okay, baby girl?” my dad asks me as he pats my shoulder from behind. I nod and stare down at my hands, not wanting to tell him what has me annoyed. Chris and his big fat mouth. Surprise, surprise.

I can’t make Ted the guy they all want him to be. The fact that Chris said that comment was uncalled for. I’m not happy with him.

“Why are you frowning?” he asks again.

“Chris is an asshole,” I mutter to myself.

“Yeah, but I’m an honest asshole,” he comments, and I blink up at him. The nerve of him to follow me over here.

“What did you say?” my dad asks in his warning tone we all used to hate growing up.

“Nothing.” He shrugs like it was nothing. I deadpan him and extend my leg to kick him but he dodges me. “Okay, so I may have said that I liked Nick better than Ted. So what? It’s my opinion.” This causes Haley to snort across from me. I glare her to zip it and keep quiet. He’s making yet another dig at Ted.

“See, you’re an asshole,” I point at my brother while I stare at my dad over my shoulder as proof of my argument.

My dad starts to laugh too. “You’re on your own there, son. I don’t like either of them.” My dad continues tending the meat cooking over a hot fire. I shoot him a glare for saying that openly. They’re not helping.

I feel bad enough as is that I haven’t even told Ted that Nick and I used to date. I’m hoping it won’t bother him either. I was hoping the two could get along, but I know that’s not likely; not after their conversation earlier.

“That’s not true, Roger, and you know it.” My mom reaches over to slap her husband on the arm to hush him, but it doesn’t do anything. So, he’s not telling the truth, but about which part?

“I don’t know, Dad, I’m with Chris on this,” Austin butts in when I don’t need him to. I need everyone to stop beating my relationship down. Their opinions aren’t wanted. Not by me and most certainly not by Ted.

“Can you all stop. I don’t care that you don’t like him. I like him, I do! That’s all that matters,” I cut off the conversation that they’re having about Ted.

“I like him!” My mom offers a hand and pats my leg. She winks at me and reaches across to my dad to hit him for saying that kind of stuff. I know they don’t like Ted, but it’s not fair to me.

“You like everyone.” The three of them roll their eyes at her.

“He doesn’t lay a hand on her, he treats her right—” my mom begins to rant off the good things about Ted but gets interrupted as soon as she starts.

“Questionable,” Austin mutters before drinking.

She warns her eldest with her eyes while continuing to talk. “He’s not blatantly rude to you guys. Just because he’s not a big football fanatic doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.” She waves their judgments off into the summer day.

“Yes, it does!” they say in unison and it makes me so mad.

“We’re not doing this!” I glare at the three men in my life that cause a conflict when I’m around with Ted. They don’t like him, I get it, but leave it alone. “We aren’t going there right now, so just drop it.” I slide down in the seat, trying to disappear.

“Give us a minute, boys,” my mom asks them to leave me, her, and Haley alone at the table. None of them move and she sighs, knowing they’re being stubborn mules. “Please, just give us some girl time.” They finally leave us alone to have a girl chat about something else. I know Haley doesn’t like Ted either, so I really don’t fancy hearing it from her too. They always butt heads when they’re around one another.

“Hey, so, I know you kicked the guys out, but I just wanted to come over and say a quick hello to you, Elaine.” Nick’s sweet voice echoes around us as he makes his way over to the table to get to my mom. My mom always liked him. She had a soft spot for him ever since he took care of me in the hospital when I contracted that virus. She always thought he was kind and considerate and always saw the good in him, even when he dumped me.

My dad . . . not so much.

It wasn’t that she was taking his side, it was more along the lines of keeping an open mind as to why he did what he did. She used to say that she knew he liked me ever since that time in the hospital. He looked worried and made himself sick with it. It’s how she knew.

My mom pushes herself up from the chair she was sitting on to greet him. A kiss on the cheek and a hug are what he gets from her. “Hi there, how are you settling in LA?” she beams at him while they chatted between themselves. It’s taking all I have to not turn around and see him again.

I can’t deny how good he looks, even my niece knows it. When he arrived into the house, he stole my breath away. I gladly let him. I wanted to run my hands through his blond hair that has grown since I last saw him five years ago. I wanted him to slam me up against the wall and kiss me like there was nobody watching us. I wanted to rip his clothes off, take me in his arms, and I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me there’s something still there.

Dammit, Carter!

All of those thoughts made me want to avoid him.

“I’m good, yeah. So far so good. I’m crashing in Haley and TJ’s but I’m looking for my own house right now,” he answers her smoothly.

“Where have you been looking? California has such beautiful homes out here,” she asks another question, clasping her hands in front of her body.

It’s like she wants to live through him. My mom always wanted to buy a home out here for the summer and take us all out here, but she opted on taking us back to her hometown.

“Um, Bel Air is at the top of my list right now. It’s a little more private, which is just what I want,” he tells her, and I try not to act so surprised.

Bel Air is a beautiful place with gorgeous gated communities like this home I’m in. I could only dream of living in one. A perfect garden with freshly mowed lawns; sprinklers dispersing water for the grass and flowers frequently; luxurious pools and the view from the master bedroom are what I can imagine because it’ll never happen to me.

“Amazing! Those houses are a real beauties! You’re lucky to have that as an option!” She smiles warmly as he talks to her about his plans. “Working hard pays off.” She winks at him and takes her seat once more, silently offering him to join us.

“Yeah—”

“Nick! Can you come swim with me?” Taylor yells at him by the side of the pool. Her hair sticks to her face and shoulder as it drips with chlorinated water. Danielle enters with a bathing suit covering her figure.

My brother obnoxiously wolf whistles at her, making her giggle in embarrassment and stealing everyone’s attention. “Looking good, Mama!” He winks at her and she rolls her eyes, making her way over to fill up a red plastic cup of wine so she can get inside the jacuzzi. She ambles over to Chris in her bare feet as Nick responds to my niece.

“Sure, I’ll be right over once I’m finished talking to your grandma, okay?” he says and she nods, jumping back into the pool and splashing her friends in the process.

Danielle giggles in my brother’s arms as they kiss each other affectionately. “Still an asshole,” I mumble to myself.

“I better get into the pool or else I’ll be dragged in. It was nice seeing you again, Elaine.” He makes my mom chuckle. Haley joins her at how true that event sounds. It even puts a smile on my own face at how well he already seems to know my niece.

“Don’t I know it!” My mom laughs with him.

He walks over beside Haley and places his belongings on the table with a clatter. I watch him, along with the others. Motion by motion, he first slips off his sneakers and sets them beside Haley on the ground. TJ is next to greet my mom soon after he arrives outside. He was on a call all this time about the program he’s on for training and recovery with what I believe would be his physical therapist.

Nick strolls down to the deep end of the pool and tears his shirt off. I could see the black ink scribed across his muscular chest. Over his left peck, there were two lines of scripture that I couldn’t see all that clearly. I couldn’t make it out but there were intricate designs drawn into his skin that had me sitting up straighter to get a better look.

His eyes turn away from the lapping water and towards me, where they lock with mine. His eyes say something back to my curious stare, something I can’t make out. I know for a fact that there were two lines on his left peck but I could only see black. His upper arm has what looks like an animal on one side and something else on the other, but again, I can’t make it out. There were lines of writing on different parts of his body, but I am too far to be able to read what’s written and it was driving me nuts that I couldn’t.

I’m curious. I try to subtly see what it is without drawing any attention to myself, but it is proving to be very difficult.

I didn’t think he was the tattoo type.

***

Nick

“Wipe the smile off your face, Jackson. I said I preferred you, it doesn’t mean I actually like you.” Chris points at me, mumbling through the chicken and bacon salad sandwich his partner put out for the kids.

“Wait a minute!” Jason begins laughing loudly out in the open. “You’re her ex?” He sounds astonished by this information. I’m surprised he hadn’t picked up on that earlier, he’s usually quicker than that from what I’ve gathered from him.

“Yes, he’s the ex-boyfriend that dumped her because he wanted to go back to Layla, or Mona, or whatever her fucking name was.” Chris rolls his eyes at me.

He’s really going to do this today? At his daughter’s birthday party?

It wasn’t true. Not one bit. I haven’t seen or spoken to Maya since I graduated. I never contacted her, and neither has she. We parted ways, and I don’t know what she’s been up to since. Frankly, I don’t care either.

“Maya, and no, I didn’t get back with her. I never dated after Carter. What I did was wrong, I know, but I was pressured into doing it—”

“By who? You’re side bitch?” Chris is really starting to piss me off. He stands taller as he says that and finally starts to speak what’s on his mind. I didn’t know when he was going to do it, I guess it’s now.

Yes, I had a reputation, but it wasn’t like that. I truly fell deeply in love with Carter. I still am, and I don’t think I’d ever get over her. She’s the one that got away, as cliché as it all sounds.

“When I dated your sister, she was the only one I had and wanted. But I had to choose between football or her, and I knew I chose wrong—”

“Yeah, you say that now.” A dark, looming voice comes from behind me. I know it’s Roger Steel coming for me, even if it’s been five years after breaking up with his daughter. I can tell it’s still a visceral topic for everyone. Last I heard was that he flew to see her and had to comfort her for a few weeks. I know he was there to pick her up emotionally due to my inconsiderate actions. I was selfish and naive, and now that I see that, I regret everything I chose that day. I should have stuck with her.

“I was naive and pressured into a decision that I regret now,” I confess the thoughts that are running through my mind. I never really wanted to tell them this. I wanted to tell Carter all of this first, but I can’t get a minute alone with her. It’s hard, it’s like they all want me to tell them first before I can get to her. So, that’s what I’m doing.

I’m going to tell them what happened even if they kill me for it—even if she kills me for it.

“And what decision would that be?” Austin leans on the table beside him as he peers at me, waiting for my answer with a deep crease knitted into his brow.

“My dad didn’t want me dating anyone when I was in college. He wanted me to stop it with Maya, which I did do when I met Carter.” I straighten myself as I explain further, “When I started dating your daughter and sister, she was all I could think about. I didn’t need anything else other than her. He found out that I was dating her and noticed my game slipping. It was, but that wasn’t on her, that was on me. I was so caught up being with her that all I ever wanted to do was be around her all of the time.

“My game and focus slipped because of me, not her. But my dad was looking for someone to blame at the time, and she was his best option. I didn’t want her in his line of fire, so I took the initiative. He still blames her, but I blame myself.” I feel so disgusted with myself as I start to replay those two days that were hands down the worst days of my life to date. I tore her heart to shreds, and that was my choice—a choice that haunts me to this very day. “He didn’t want to hear it from me about how wrong he was and threatened me to end it with her. I didn’t want to, but I had to do it or else he’d have done it himself.”

I wring my hands together. “I didn’t want him telling her it was her fault; that she was a distraction, that she wanted to be with me for fame and money and that she isn’t good enough for me. If anything, it’s the other way around. It wasn’t like that at all. None of it is her fault, and I stand by that.” I look bravely into each of the Steel’s eyes for added reassurance that this is how I fell. I could never let go of my feelings for her. “I set her free because I didn’t want her to hear it from him. I didn’t want her to hear it from me either, but I knew it was better if it came from me,” I finally get to explain my side of the story. I finally get to tell them why I did what I did, even with her new boyfriend just ten feet away from us.

Ever since I arrived at the house, he’s been on that stupid phone more times than he hasn’t. It seems like he’s avoiding the family altogether, which isn’t a sign of a well-mannered man. My mother raised me on southern manners and hospitality, meaning you treat your elders with respect, no matter what. It looks like he doesn’t even want to be here. I know that it upsets her, because I can see her looking over to him for some support and he doesn’t even give her the time of day.

Rookie mistake. You make time for her, I criticize him in my head.

“You still made the choice.” Rodger elevates himself threateningly. I know he’s protecting her. He has done this from the very first day she was born. “You chose to walk away from her, and now you regret it, knowing she’s moved on from you. You don’t like the fact that she’s with another . . . guy, and you want to be selfish and take her from him. I won’t let that happen.”

He’s not wrong. He read me like an open book; Including my intentions and my motives. I need her back. I need to win that heart again, because I know without her, I’m nothing.

I need her in my life.

She’s a need, not a want.

“I—” I begin but her dad is having none of it. In fact, he moves closer to me and pushes his index finger on my chest to make a point.

“Listen here, son, you walked away; not her. She bore her heart and soul into your relationship, and you fucked it up; not her. She doesn’t need that type of boy in her life, she needs a man. She doesn’t need that kind of negativity, and she most certainly doesn’t need someone who will let her down and break her. She needs someone who will be there for her and adore her the way she deserves to be. Her heart has been shattered, and it’s taken me years to glue those pieces back together. You broke her last time, so I won’t let you do it again. I suggest you take a step back,” he advises me, but I match him with his spiteful eye contact and stand tall.

I assure him I’m not going to back down from this without a fight. He used to scare the shit out of me, but I’ve grown up and dealt with men ten times scarier than Roger Steel. He’s just a blip on my radar now.

“Carter is all I’ve ever thought about for the past five years. Yes, it was my mistake to walk away from such a strong, caring, and beautiful woman. I accept that mistake, but I’m not giving up on her, not without a fight. I’m here to correct the petty and juvenile mistake that I made five years ago. I won’t take a step back, in fact, it only makes me want to get her back her even more. I won’t stop until I get my chance, Mr. Steel. She’s old enough to make her own decisions, and if she doesn’t want me, then I’ll accept that. But I want to hear it from her, not you or anyone else.” My words clearly sting him as his beady eyes have a fire inside of them, a fire that is lighting and ready to burn anyone who gets in his way.

I want him to know that I’m standing on my own two feet with this. I will win her back. I’m ruthless when I want to be.

“She’s taken, so step down,” he warns me but I shake my head. I refuse to accept that. I won’t step down, I won’t do that again. That was my first error.

“And I respect that. But she might not be for long.” I’ve learned how to project my opinions on to a person in a threatening and a non-threatening way. Today, it’s a mixture of both. These guys need to know that I’m not over her. I never got over her. Her father looks taken back by the words I used. I slightly contradicted myself. I will know when to step back if that’s what she wants. “I never got over her, and I don’t think I ever will,” I finish our conversation with that. Nothing more is said for a few more moments in the small circle which we created around the food table.

“Excuse me,” Roger excuses himself to go over to the girls sitting at the outdoor table. Chris and Austin follow their father and sit with the girls while I stand with Jason, who looks awakened standing next to me. His eyes are comically larger than before, now understanding the dynamic between the Steels and me.

“Jesus, seeing Steel at that level of pissed made me want to leave. If I were you, I wouldn’t go there with Carter. It seems as though it’s still a tough topic with him. I don’t know how you stood up to him like that though. Fuck, he wasn’t even speaking to me and I shit myself.” Jason stares off at the Giants coach tending to the food on the grill with his back muscles moving to keep him busy. I know he’s thinking about what I just said.

“I respect him as a man, but he needs to know that I still care for Carter. I was terrified of him at first, now I don’t see him like that. He’s protecting her, and I respect that, but I don’t think he’s protecting her from the right person,” I say what I believe as I drift my eyes towards Ted pacing back and forth in an exclusive area near the trees in the backyard. He’s making no effort right now, and it makes me sour to think that that’s the type of man she’s with.

Sure, her dad’s a scary man to many people, but to me, I don’t see him as anything else than a father who is looking out for his broken-hearted daughter. “I ruined her when we broke up. I get it, he’s scared I might do it again. I appreciate that side him. He’d take a bullet for her and the rest of his family. I fractured her heart years ago as well as my own. Maybe it’s still in that condition, and maybe I don’t deserve her, but I want to hear it from her. I want her to tell me that she’s over me and the relationship we once had.” I nod at Roger as his eyes train on me while I shift in my stance. A distant smile creeps its way on to his lips. He nods once and averts his attention back to the smoke gathering over the food he’s cooking.

“You’re a brave man, Nick.” Jason pats my shoulder once more and leaves me alone while the rest of them look like they’ve been banished from sitting at the table. Moving away from the ladies, I see my opportunity.

“Please, just give us some girl time,” Elaine begs for the three men to leave the table. They finally leave them to it but I know I should say hi to her mom. I’ve always liked Elaine, she was nice to me even when her dad had his doubts about me. I know he still does.

“Hey, so, I know you kicked the guys out, but I just wanted to come over and say a quick hello to you, Elaine.” I wander over to the girls, knowing that they probably don’t want any guys in the vicinity. It’s good to know that Chris prefers me compared to her current asshole of a boyfriend that hasn’t stopped talking on his phone ever since I got here. Actually, it’s made my day.

The awkward yet tense encounter was almost laughable between the two of us. He’s not right for her, and talking to the idiot only confirmed how much I really don’t like him and what a scared little dick he is.

Elaine meets me halfway and embraces me with one of her hugs. She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. It was the last thing that I expected. Not that she would snub me; she’s not that kind of woman unless you really piss her off. I remember Roger’s exact words, “Piss off my wife and you’ll know all about it.” With such a kind gesture, it threw me off balance a little bit and it didn’t go unnoticed by her husband.

“Hi there, it’s been so long. How are you settling in LA?” She grins from ear to ear and converses with me. I can see that she’s not faking her delight in seeing me today. That’s more than I could say for her husband earlier on when I entered the mansion.

“I’m good, yeah. So far so good. I’m crashing at Haley and TJ’s, but I’m looking for my own house right now,” I reply with total honesty. I’ve been looking in different spots around LA for a place that I want to call my home for the next few years. It’s hard finding the right one. I’ve been to multiple house showings and listings for the past few weeks ever since I’ve arrived. It’s draining just looking for the right home, but I know it’ll be worth it by the end when I walk in.

“Where have you been looking? California has such beautiful homes out here.” She sighs looking up and her sons home that he shares with his family.

“Um, Bel Air is at the top of my list right now. It’s a little more private, which is just what I want,” I tell her. I like my privacy; it’s been invaded too many times to count by crazy fans breaking and entering as well as paparazzi looking to catch who my latest fling is. I want somewhere where it’s quiet; a place I can come home securely to. I’ve been searching for the right home in a gated community.

The right home I can share with her daughter, if she’ll let me.

A genuine and sentimental smile takes over my face as I think of sharing a home with Carter someday.

“Amazing! Those houses are a real beauties! You’re lucky to have that as an option!” And I am. I’m lucky to have the means to buy myself one if I want it. “Working hard pays off!” She winks at me before taking her seat again next to her daughter, who has refused to look at me since I’ve come over to talk to her mom.

“Yeah—” I begin but get stopped by a little toddler standing by the edge of the pool soaked to the bone while her friends play in the water.

“Nick! Can you come swim with me?” Taylor yells at me. I know I can’t deny her this, especially on her birthday. My attention is stolen by her mother coming outside with a small swimsuit of her own, making Chris’s tongue hang out at the sight of his other half in a barely-there swimsuit. He gives her a loud and proud wolf whistle to tease her with while his eyes travel her body with lust, memorizing every inch of her body which I’m sure he’s already done.

“Looking good, Mama!” He winks at her while she blushes back with an eye roll. She moves over to the table to get a red plastic cup to fill up with the wine she opened away from the kids. She makes her way over to Chris, who hasn’t stopped eye fucking her since she came out.

“Sure, I’ll be right over once I’m finished talking to your grandma, okay?” I answer the birthday girl. She’s glad about my answer because she nods her soaked curls before jumping back into the water with a small splash following after her.

Her parents embrace one another while Carter mutters something under her breath, but I’m not close enough to hear it.

I rotate around and acknowledge her mom again, knowing that I need to keep my promise to her granddaughter. “I better get into the pool or else I’ll be dragged in. It was nice seeing you again, Elaine.” I walk away from the three of them. I know the little madam is persistent with what she wants.

“Don’t I know it,” Elaine jokes with me making me chuckle as a response. It’s hard not to.

I maneuver my way around the table to get to where my sister is sitting so she can hold onto my car keys, wallet, and phone so they don’t get wet. The guys tend to like messing around and don’t care about belongings all that much.

I slip off my sneakers at the heel and throw the socks inside them. As I walk away, I leave TJ to greet Elaine next and walk towards the deep end of the pool for me to dive in without an injury. I can’t be since I’m the quarterback for the Chargers.

The one surprise I have is from when I became single again. I slipped right back into a dark space. I was in a deep hole and decided to get tattoos to feel some sort of external pain to help me cope with the internal pain, but it made it ten times worse. Not a single soul in this house knows about my tattoos. The tattoos that I’ve added to over the years.

So, as soon as I strip off my top and pull it over my head, I throw it over to the side where the sunbeds are at with piles of towels resting on them. Jason is already in the pool playing with the kids like they were his own. For a young guy, he’s not bad with them. He’s goofy, so they all love being around him.

I catch Carter’s eyes staring at me just as I am about to dive in. I know she’s trying to see what I had inked on my skin. I can see the curiosity getting the better of her as she rises out of her seat to get into a better position. When she sits back down again to make it look like she wasn’t just gawking at me, I laugh to myself before taking a long deep breath. She was staring at me, and I caught her in the act.

I take a deep, deep breath; one, so I could go underwater; two, to compose my thumping heart and veins.

I smirk down at the extravagant pool and feel the cool liquid hit my skin as I submerge myself underneath the surface of the water from the hot California weather. Once I break the surface, I swim to the side and lean my back against the side of the pool and settle myself over at the edge.

I see a little pink and yellow swimsuit paddle over to me with her head floating above the surface. I grin at her as she makes her way over to me as I encourage her to keep going. She holds her hands out toward me and I drag her through the water and hold her up with relative ease.

“You good?” I ask her and she nods, gurgling the water through her mouth. She’s so adorable. I can see why they all melt over her.

She hugs me around my neck and I can see TJ pouting playfully over her shoulder.

“Looks like Uncle TJ wants a hug too.” I laugh and point at TJ, who is pretending like he’s crying as he stands beside the table I was just at. When I see Carter’s boyfriend make his way directly over to her, it makes my blood boil. I don’t like him; not one bit.

She loses focus and blinks back up at him as he leans down to tell her something.

“I can give him one too!” She waves over at him and I swim over to the steps, thinking she’s going to swim the rest of the way herself and climb out to give him a hug, but she turns around to face me and points over to my best friend. “Let’s go!” She splashes the water as I lift us both out of the water and walk over to him. As I near her aunt, I can feel her eyes on me.

As of right now, her niece is covering the tattoos on my left peck and rib.

The one over my heart. The only one to ever be near my heart.

As soon as I hand Taylor over to TJ for his hug, I could hear a small gasp.

I’ve been caught. She sees it finally after five years of being apart. She knows what it means. She knows what’s inscribed on my chest. On my skin. On my heart.

And it’s all for her.

C. S.

VI. XXII. MCMXCIV.

The top line is her initials in a cursive script. The second line showcases the day she came into the world in Roman numerals. The day I could never forget. I wanted it branded on me so I got her near the one place only she has access to.

It’s not something I could forget, but that’s not the reason I got it. I just wanted her with me everywhere I went. She haunted me, her ghost was still with me, but I wanted something that meant everything to me the same way she meant everything to me. I know she doesn’t want to see me after we ended things, but I wanted her close to me—close to my heart—and judging from the look on her face, she knows that.

Just below my ribs, I have the words “Amore Eterno” in the same font, which translates to “Eternal Love” in Italian. I have many tattoos around my body that link to her.

I have the constellations of the Big Dipper and Little Dipper on my shoulder to represent the night I climbed up onto the roof of the sorority house to be with her. The night we shared our kiss with each other. I have wings over the stars on my shoulder to represent the true angel that she is.

I have a face that has a wolf’s visage on one half and a human’s on the other, creating a perfect symmetrical face. It represents the demons I have inside me, but she saw me as a person and not the thing most girls did, a beast; that football player who will make it big in the NFL. The two birds flying above the half wolf and human to represent the fact that I sent her free, and that I regret it. The bird following the first one to get it back.

I have a single rose on my collar bone for the time I bought her the flowers when she was in the hospital fighting a virus and when I picked her up for our first date.

The words “Bella Piccola” carved into my shoulder blade means “Beautiful Little One.” A small boat decorated with fairy lights on the mast, like where we had our first ever date together.

I still have the pictures in my wallet of the two of us together on the boat, kissing. I never forgot about them, and I would look at them at night before I would fall asleep when I couldn’t.

The words “I Trust You” is written on the side of the boat, which she would tell me when she wanted to share a special moment. The first time we slept together, those were her reassuring words to let me know she was ready for me.

The main one is the one on my chest, the memory of her. The moment she was brought into this world. The day that she breathed her first ever breath and cried in her parent’s arms. The very day that I’m so grateful for.

She is my world—my everything, and I think she realizes now how much I loved her.

How much I love her.

I feel her finger trace my skin over the letters and numerals on my chest, leaving a trail of hot steaming fire in its wake. She’s touching them to see if they were real—if this was all real. There was a moment where I recognized a vulnerability like I did that day when I watched her walk away from me, one that tells me she’s scared.

When her eyes lift from her fingers on my skin where the ink is forever etched onto me, I could see the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but Ted got there before me.

“What the hell is your problem?” he booms at me.

Pretty boy is about to get his face rearranged.