SWNOVELS Steel Princess: Chapter 23
My teeth clatter together.
I’m trembling and choking on air.
My heart slams against my chest so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t rip its way out.
My shirt sticks to my skin all soaked from the rain.
I don’t even know how I ended up in Aiden’s room, sitting in the corner, and pulling my knees to my chest.
The last thing I remember is Aiden squeezing my throat and bringing me back from whatever haze I was in.
I remember red.
Dots of blood spilt in my head like the pool from the nightmare. The next thing I know, I was hitting Silver.
I wanted to push her inside that red pool.
I wanted her gone.
If Aiden didn’t stop me, what would I have done?
Tears fill my eyes, and I tighten my arms around my legs as I rock back and forth against the wall.
Something is wrong with me.
When did I become this person? When did I start fantasising about hurting people?
“Elsa.”
A larger than life presence crouches in front of me. Just like Uncle Reg in that nightmare.
Will it be a red pool now?
Am I trapped in my endless nightmares?
I stare up with wild eyes.
Aiden’s shirt is also soaked and is now transparent, outlining his hard muscles. He must’ve lost the jacket somewhere because his shirt’s cuffs are rolled to his elbows. The arrow tattoos point straight at his heart.
He holds a towel in his hand and watches me intently.
My breathing slows down a little, but it’s not enough to purge the disturbing images in my head.
It’s not enough to make me stop thinking about what I would’ve done to Silver if he weren’t there to stop me.
“W-what’s wrong with me?” A sob tears from my throat. “She didn’t even attack me, and I was about to kill her.”
He slowly places the towel on my head as if not wanting to startle me. With meticulous hands, he dries off the wet strands. “She did attack you.”
“No, she didn’t. She just stood there defenceless.”
“She provoked you.”
“Provoked me?”
He continues his strokes on my hair. “It’s been accumulating for a while. Not only does Queens threaten you, but she’s also been provoking you.”
“You think I hit her because of that?”
“Yes. You don’t attack people without any reason. You only go after those who provoke or pose a threat to you.”
“How do you know that?”
He clutches my arm and pulls me closer to him. I stop rocking as he manoeuvres me to straddle his lap. “It’s a theory.”
I peek at him through my blurry vision. “Have you been psychoanalysing me or something?”
“Maybe.” He continues drying my hair. “You don’t need to worry about Queens anymore. She knows her place now and won’t provoke you again.”
“Why?”
“I made her.”
“You made her how?”
“By less violent methods?” He grins, and I wince.
He places a finger under my chin and lifts so I’m facing him. “You don’t have to be ashamed of who you are with me, Elsa. You can be a fucking lunatic, and I still won’t let you go.”
Wow. That’s surprisingly sweet coming from him.
It’s almost like he accepts me whole. Aiden isn’t interested in mere parts of me, he wants the whole thing.
And my heart nearly bursts open at his acceptance.
It’s like I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to take me as I am and I finally found him.
He sees me.
And he’s not scared of what he sees.
Hell, I’m more terrified than him.
My teary eyes search his cloudy ones for any sign of manipulation, but all I find is acceptance.
Unconditional acceptance.
He shouldn’t accept this part of me. I don’t accept it myself.
“You shouldn’t joke about that,” I whisper.
“It wasn’t a joke. I don’t care who or what you are as long as you’re mine.”
My lower lip trembles and the hysterics’ wave from earlier threatens to hit me all over again. “What if… what if I hurt someone?”
“Why would you think that?”
“I keep having these nightmares about pools of blood. A normal person wouldn’t have those nightmares. I m-must’ve hurt someone before… right?”
“It could be that you were the one who got hurt.”
I pull back. He pauses drying my hair.
“You know, don’t you?” I choke on the words.
There’s a slight shift in his features before that infuriating poker face slips back on. “I know what?”
“Tell me, Aiden, please.” I grind against his erection, rubbing my arse cheeks all over him. “I’ll do anything.”
“Stop.” He grips my arm hard, causing me to whimper. “I won’t fuck you when you’re like this.”
“When I’m like what?” Frustration and the fear of the unknown claw at my chest and I just snap. “A mess? A fucking maniac? I hurt my aunt in the hospital, Aiden! The wound I left in her wrist is so deep, I can’t look her in the eyes without feeling like a monster. I scratched you the other time and I almost bashed Silver’s head to the pavement just now. I keep escalating with no way to stop it and you’re refusing to fucking tell me what happened!”
Harsh breaths heave out of me after my outburst. I try to push off him, but he grips me by the shoulder and keeps me pinned to his lap.
“Do you think you’ll feel better if you know the truth?” He grinds out every word.
“Of course!”
“Believe me, sweetheart, it’ll be a lot fucking worse.”
“Let me be the judge of that. It’s my life, Aiden. Mine! I’m tired of people making the decision for me. Let me screw up on my own! I’ll take responsibility for it all.”
He throws the towel away, wraps a tight arm around my waist, and stands up.
I’m thrown over the bed before I can think about what’s happening. Aiden lunges at me and rips my shirt open. I gasp as buttons fly everywhere. The sound dies in my throat when I stare at his crazed expression.
He’s about to snap.
And I’m the one who drove him to the edge.
“You want to know, huh?” He grips the middle of the bra and yanks it open.
I cry out, but it’s not only out of surprise. No. His brute strength always got me in a knot whether I like to admit it or not.
He hovers over me, straddling my stomach with his knees, and grabs a breast in his harsh hand. His fingers dig into the flesh, and my limbs shake.
As if possible, his eyes darken more.
It’s like he’s not with me.
I’m losing him to his demons.
“A-Aiden?”
His free hand squeezes my throat, killing my words and my air. When I try to speak again, he tightens his grip. Barely a few breaths reach my lungs.
“Let’s start with this scar.” His voice is calm. The frightening type of calm. “Do you know the story behind this fucking scar, hmm?”
I squirm, clawing at his hands.
He squeezes harder, cutting off the small air supply I have left. “Stay. Fucking. Still.”
If I continue fighting, it’ll be a war of physical strength and I won’t win in that.
Smarter, not stronger.
I let my arms fall on either side of me.
Just like that, Aiden slowly eases his clutch on my neck, but he doesn’t completely release it.
I gulp in sharp intakes of air and watch him closely.
Aiden massages my throat and the pulse point with an obsessive interest before his metal eyes slide down to my breast.
No. Not my breast.
My scar.
He leans over and nibbles on the flesh then sucks it into his mouth.
Shock reverberates through my entire body.
Stop it.
He flicks his tongue over the skin, licking before he bites down ever so gently.
Stop.
His assault goes on and on until I’m whimpering.
Although soft, his touch hurts.
It cuts me open like a sharp object.
I’m bleeding out.
It hurts.
Somewhere in my mind, it fucking hurts.
His teeth and stubble graze my scar as he speaks against it. “This scar is a sign of your weakness. Just like my scar. And guess what, sweetheart? We’re not allowed to be fucking weak.”
I’m breathing harshly as I stare at him. He finally lifts his head and meets my gaze with his dark one and that twitchy left eye.
He’s pissed off.
No. He’s enraged.
But it doesn’t appear directed at me.
At least, I hope not.
Because right now, I feel closer to Aiden than I’ve ever felt before.
His scar and my scar.
His heartbeat and mine.
“Are our scars connected?” I ask in a small voice, afraid that a higher one will ruin the moment.
Silence.
I wrap my hand around his and slowly peel it from around my throat. I’m surprised that he lets me. He doesn’t even stop me when I sit up, forcing him to sit, too.
My fingers tremble as I undo the buttons of his wet shirt. I can feel his eyes watching me, nearly drawing a hole at the top of my head, but he doesn’t stop me.
I peel the shirt off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. I try to make him turn, but he shakes his head.
So I do the one thing I can.
I flatten my breasts against his hard chest and wrap my arms around his back. My fingertips glide along the slash marks.
He stiffens.
It’s just a tiny reaction, but from Aiden, it’s everything that he doesn’t — and wouldn’t — say.
It’s proof that he’s scarred not only on the outside but also on the inside.
Just like me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, inhaling his scent mixed with the rain.
“Why are you sorry for something you didn’t do?”
“I’m sorry that you went through that pain.”
“What makes you think I did?” His voice is quiet, too quiet, I barely hear him.
My eyes fill with tears. “My scar hurt like a bitch when I got it, and I’m sure these must’ve hurt you a lot, too.”
He remains silent.
For a moment, I continue holding him even when he doesn’t wrap his arms around me.
He just sits in the middle of the bed like a statue and lets me hug him.
I don’t mind.
He’s been there for me during my nightmares, this is the least I could do.
I want to support him silently as he did to me.
“Those friends were bored,” he says in a neutral voice. “The mind makes you do a lot of fucked-up shit when you’re bored. But they weren’t normal bored people. They were sadistic bored people.”
He stops talking, and I inch back to study him. There’s a glint in his dark eyes. That usually means he’s letting his devil come out and play.
It’d be a lie if I said I’m not scared, but this time, I won’t run away.
I’m staying right here. His demons can show me their worst.
“Due to their games, they lost both their children.”
My lips part. “Lost?”
“They died.” He smiles. “That finally managed to stop them. Actually, no. Something else stopped them. Or someone.”
“Someone stopped them?”
He nods.
“Who?”
“I can’t remember.” He grips me by both my hips and flips me underneath him.
I squeal.
He yanks my skirt up and buries his hand under my underwear.
A moan rips from my throat when he thrusts his middle finger deep inside me.
“Maybe I’ll remember after I fuck you.”
“Aiden!” I hit his chest.
He twists his finger so close to that sensitive spot.
My back arches off the bed, inviting him in.
“I miss fucking you,” he whispers against my mouth. “I miss having you writhe against me while I pound inside you.”
“That was only yesterday,” I pant, chasing the feeling of the wicked things his finger does.
His erection nuzzles against my clit, and I subconsciously open my legs.
“It can be two minutes ago and I’d still want you, sweetheart.”
He removes his finger, but before I can protest, he glides the tip of his cock over my entrance.
I roll my hips, pushing into him.
“Hmm. Someone is impatient.”
I rub against him again. Why the hell isn’t he inside me yet?
“You like how I tease you before driving you to the edge, don’t you, sweetheart?”
I bite my lower lip as a rush of desire claws its way through me.
“Answer. Me.”
I nod.
His lips hover an inch away from mine. “Then how about you lift that limit and let me fuck you any time I please?”
I shake my head.
“No, huh?” He slams balls deep inside me.
I cry out, my eyes rolling to the back of my head.
“Even if my stories will only hurt you?”
“Yes.” I stare him in the eyes even as I struggle for words. “There’s nothing scarier than the unknown.”
“Believe me, sweetheart, there is.”
And then he claims my mouth and fucks me until I think he’ll never stop.