Sparkling Hope (The Eastburgh Devils Series Book 1)

The mood on campus was just like the weather today.

Bad and stifling.

Gray clouds decorated the otherwise blue sky over Eastburgh. I saw people in black clothes and thick winter jackets everywhere I looked.

The college called to say they would have a memorial service for Ethan at the end of the week at the campus athletic field to remember him one last time.

Carter and I walked across campus in suits, with winter jackets over them, and the closer we got to the athletic field, the more people there were.

Not everyone was wearing black.

The track athletes had shown up in athletic gear and running shoes.

A podium was set up in the middle of the athletic field with a lectern and hundreds of chairs. It was an oppressive feeling when Carter and I got there. I could feel the gawking eyes that were on me. Some were whispering, and some were just gawking.

‘I don’t know if I can do this, Carter,’ I straightened my tie and looked left and right, gazing into thousands of eyes.

‘You can do this, man.’

‘But maybe I shouldn’t be here,’ my hot breath appeared in front of me in the cold air.

Carter rubbed his palms against each other. ‘Of course, you’re supposed to be here. Don’t tell yourself such bullshit. It’s absolutely not your fault. You got that?’

‘What if I should have looked twice after all? Maybe I would have seen the truck.’

‘Wes, stop fucking around, or I´ll stuff your mouth with snow,’ Carter said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his winter jacket.

I thought the overflowing feeling in my chest was improving, but quite the opposite happened.

‘We really need to visit a bar after this memorial service,’ he muttered quietly as he looked around the crowd.

Luna and I were two separate people.

What used to be between us was now something in our past, and now we were two people with shared memories. I never thought she would be part of my past, but I tried to learn to accept it.

Carter nodded behind me, and when I turned around, I saw Charles holding onto his arm Ruby, who was wearing sunglasses despite the gloomy weather.

My best buddy waved to Luna, who stopped next to Charles as Ruby was greeted by our college leader.

The microphone beeped loudly through the speakers scattered around the athletic field. I couldn’t wait to finally sit down because it made me feel like I could disappear into the crowd.

‘Please all sit down. Please leave the first and second rows free for  Ethan’s family and friends,’ our college leader Mr. Thornton spoke into the microphone.

My thoughts played between wanting to sit in the last row in the previous seat and wanting to sit next to Luna. I would like to sit next to her, hold her hand, and show her that I was not giving up on us so quickly.

The ambition I felt on the ice when we had a game, I also had for this girl.

People sat down. Carter and I sat behind Charles, who sat next to Ruby, who was already wiping away her tears with the tissue under her sunglasses.

There was an empty seat next to Charles where Luna was sitting, but she was already in the front, greeting our college leader once again and shaking hands with the Coaches from the different sports.

Carter and I sat in the back of the second row with Aria and Henry as Ethan’s friends sat down next to Luna’s seat, all in sports gear.

The microphone beeped again as Mr. Thornton tapped it before thanking everyone for showing up.

‘We all know why we have gathered on our sports field today.’

Yes, I knew that, and everyone else who was already gawking at me knew, I was involved in the car accident.

Luna was standing next to Coach Henderson a little further back. From where I was sitting, you could see her shaking and flipping open the note in her hand over and over, letting it slip through before hiding it, along with her hands, in the jacket pocket of her black coat.

‘Today, we want to remember track and field athlete Ethan Samson Montgomery, who died in late November from a traffic accident. Please rise to remember him in a quiet minute.’

We all did what Mr. Thornton said and rose from our seats.

I stared at the frozen lawn and heard sniffling or suppressed whimpers everywhere. Sitting diagonally in front of me, Ruby was crying, and Charles supported her.

What had I done?

‘Thank you,’ he spoke briefly into the microphone, and we all sat back down on the folding chairs.

First, Ethan’s Coach said a few words about his talent and passion for athletics.

My heart was spasming, and my ribs, which I had broken, only hurt more from the constant tension in my body.

It was a strange feeling to be at a memorial service and listen to how great the person who died in the car accident where I sat behind the wheel had been.

I knew it wasn’t my fault, and this was proven, but still, I was the person who was steering the wheel and was supposed to get me and Ethan home safely, so I still blamed myself.

I woke up every morning feeling guilty that I had the feeling I had to throw up.

Charles took Ethan to Sigma Devils that night, and the two of us got into talking because we were supposed to be at the same dinner the next night. Charles went with a girl home, and since I didn’t drink anyway when I was driving my car, I offered to take him home.

He was a great guy.

Ethan had good taste in music, which he made clear when he swiped through my playlists on my phone, turned on songs, and showed me his favorite band, The Harpers.

In the car, I realized how similar he and Luna were.

The choice of words, the mindset. Everything.

The song Hope from his favorite band was playing in the background, and between us, it was quiet at first.

‘So you’ll be there tomorrow, too. I guess as a bouncer,’ Ethan joked, putting my phone back in the center console of my Jeep.

‘Yeah, as a bouncer, and you’re the cook, I guess?’

We had a few good laughs, and he was a funny guy, and it was a pleasant atmosphere. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little tense sitting in the car with him.

After all, he was my girlfriend’s brother.

‘Can you promise me something until we finally get away from this cheesy topic?’ he inquired as I drove toward the highway.

‘Of course!’

‘Please don’t break her heart,’ Ethan stammered.

‘I couldn’t do that at all.’

Silence fell between us again, and as I focused on the traffic, getting closer and closer to the intersection, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Ethan was tapping something on his phone.

I promised him that I would never break Luna’s heart. She trusted me with it and put her heart in my hands.

But then there was the intersection, the truck slamming into the side of Ethan, and it all ended in a second.

Sitting next to me and holding Aria’s hand, Henry nudged me with his elbow and brought me back out of the thoughts I was trapped in as I stared at my shoes.

Luna placed her note on the lectern and pushed the microphone down slightly so it was level with her mouth.

That was when I could no longer look away from her and gawked at her. It was utterly silent. All eyes were on her, and her brittle voice rang loudly through the microphone. She thanked everyone who took the time this afternoon and gathered on the sports field to remember her brother.

‘Our last conversation was about how lucky we both are with the people around us, and we both felt like everything could be okay,’ she began to share this memory.

Her voice grew hoarser and more brittle with each word.

‘Suddenly, Ethan was ripped out of not just my life but all of our lives. Just like that without…uhm…warning,’ she stuttered, biting her lower lip to stifle the whimpering and trembling of her jaw.

My hands were tied. She wouldn’t let anything get to her, and the way I saw her and watched her over the last few days, she made it seem like she wasn’t allowed to grieve. As if she had to function and suppress her grief to be the strong shoulder for her Mom.

She glanced at her note, and Ethan’s Coach approached her, mumbling something to her, but Luna shook her head, and the older man put himself back in the background.

Luna took a deep breath and looked back down at her note before looking at the people sitting before her.

For a brief moment, as Luna’s eyes met mine, the world around me stopped.

Intensely, I tried to study her facial expression from a distance.

Carefully I looked at her without even batting an eyelash. Around me, everything peeled away.

At that moment, in that crowd, there was only me and her.

But before I could help it, this moment was over, and she tucked a strand of hair that had fallen forward behind her ear and tried to concentrate on her paper again.

Charles turned to me and nodded in Luna’s direction. ‘She needs you now, man,’ he whispered.

Without thinking about it, I got up and pushed past the people sitting in my row.

In long strides, I approached the small bleachers and her.

It took me some effort to walk up to her confidently and act like I knew what I was doing. But the truth was that I had yet to learn if what I was doing was the right thing.

I could be standing there right now, and Luna would look at me in amazement and send me back to my seat. But maybe I was doing exactly the right thing, and I could somehow support her.

‘What are you doing?’ she whispered to me with enough distance from the microphone.

‘Just take my hand,’ I murmured back softly and felt how she put her cold hand in mine without hesitation and closed her finger around mine.

This was the first time since that night that we were this close, and I felt her skin on mine.

Like little sparks.

All the love I felt for her was still there, and no one would ever understand how much love I had for Luna.

Not even I could put into words what she made me feel.

Luna was holding the piece of paper with one hand, and I saw her hand shaking with the piece of paper.

Tiny drops of water, probably tears, were on the writing, which was a little blurry and made some words more challenging to decipher.

I followed her words on the paper, and my eyes slid over the words she calmly said into the microphone.

I didn’t want to know how often she read through her written words because she barely looked at the little paper. Luna’s grip on my hand was tight, and I slowly stroked the surface of her hand with my thumb.

Her words were drawing to a close.

‘Ethan was not a person of big words, but he had so much love to give out, and I hope that some of his love will live on in each of you.’ Luna stepped back from the lectern, crumpled the paper with one hand, and put it in her jacket pocket.

She looked at me with teary eyes, and I would love to hug her in front of all those people and never let her go, but I didn’t know if that would be right.

‘Thank you,’ she breathed, immediately letting go of my hand and walking off the small stage. I followed her and walked past her to sit back in my seat in the second row.

‘Holy shit,’ I exhaled, running my hand through my hair.

‘You did the right thing,’ Carter leaned toward me.

I hoped I did with every muscle, broken and healed rib.

Two of Ethan’s friends in gym clothes now stood where Luna and I just did and gave a speech.

I thought their speech was best for the end of the memorial service.

They shared many funny moments with Ethan, and a laugh or two rang out in the crowd.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Luna sitting in front of me. I watched her every little movement. How she listened to Charles when he whispered something in her ear or slipped another tissue from her handbag to her mother.

I admitted that it hurt to see Luna so close to Charles, and I also knew that asking Charles if he had slept with Luna was incredibly stupid.

I wanted to sit next to her. Hold her hand. Comforting her and wiping the tears from her cheek with my thumbs. Laughing with her and looking into the future together with her. Tell her I love her and promise everything will be alright again.

After the speech of the two of them, the mood of departure was immediately felt, and honestly, I couldn’t wait to leave because it was such a depressing feeling.

I hated that feeling, and right now, I felt like my only solution was to run away.

‘Weston!’ an angry female voice croaked after me as Carter and I made our way to the parking lot where my Dad’s car was parked, which I was allowed to use temporarily.

It was weird to be back in a car and driving.

I turned around and saw Ruby walking toward me.

‘Oh no,’ Carter spoke my exact thought out loud. I knew what was coming for me now. The telling off from Ruby that I had been preparing for all along because I was sure something like this was coming.

But now that I was standing in front of her and looking at her coming towards me, everything disappeared, and I was standing there with an empty head as if my body was just a shell.

‘You will stay away from my daughter,’ she hissed, and the people still there and standing around us turned to look at me and Ruby. Luna came running up from behind in quick strides. ‘Mom, let it go,’ she reached for her arm, but Ruby slapped her hand away from her arm.

Henry and Carter were standing next to me, and just as Carter was about to say something, I held my hand up slightly to show him that I could handle this on my own and let Ruby tell me everything she felt when she saw me.

‘You killed my son,’ she hissed between her teeth, emphasizing the first word with such strength.

‘You broke Luna and me. Nothing in this world can describe what hatred I feel towards you.’

As she uttered those words, I looked at her, not once averting my gaze from her or batting my eyelashes. I felt my eyes burn because I didn’t even allow myself to blink.

‘Mom, let’s go home,’ Luna urged her mother, taking the purse from Ruby’s hand.

‘Just so you know, I will never be able to forgive you for what you did to my son, and if I ever see you around Luna, you have a much bigger problem. You’re not taking her away from me like you already did with Ethan.’

Luna took her hand and walked to the parking lot, putting her mother in an already-waiting Uber.

Those words hurt so much.

My whole body was shaking, and I thought if they took my pulse right now, the meter would read Error.

I told myself that I deserved to be told these words.

I wanted to tell her I was sorry for what happened and wished I could undo it, but I couldn’t get a single word out. One thing I knew was that I would not be able to stay away from Luna because she was not easy to forget, and for both of us to heal, we needed each other.

Otherwise, she would not have grabbed my hand without hesitation.