Soul of Shadows

Destiny

It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.

But it was there, in front of me, my hand brushing against the stone with a finality that made me crumble within, the cloudy day overhead the only thing preventing me from burning as I threw myself over the tombstone, my body heaving with a sob.

I held it as though hugging it would bring him back, and it would be him sitting before me rather than that stone, although he had never been as cold.

Our last conversation couldn’t have been the one we had in the Palace, where I had given him up and he had promised to fight every battle for me. I wanted him back. It wasn’t fair!

“You- You promised,” I whispered to that stone, hoping even though I knew it wasn’t true that somehow, Seth would hear it, “You promised you would come back for me. Don’t leave me here…”

‘Whatever they do to you, whatever they tell you, don’t forget that I love you. I’ll come back for you.’

Pulling back, I watched the tombstone, half-expecting him to return and for it to be some kind of sick joke, or maybe a ploy to trick Zeella and the rest of the court into thinking he was dead. If it was, he would emerge now, and comfort me…

A minute passed, the stone remaining where it was, and I peered over my shoulder at the forest, my hands clenching the skirt of my dress. He would walk out any second now.

Another minute went by, hope fading with each second now that the reality of it sank in, and I let out a long, low whimper. He wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t a trick.

He was gone, and I was alone in the world.

Pressing my hand over my mouth and nose to stifle the shriek of emotions that rose in me, I slid down the tombstone, laying on the dirt where, six feet beneath me, my Connected now laid at peace, the gifts from his friends scattered around me. I had brought the rose he had carved for me with me, the flower beside me. He had made it to protect me, but even the strongest of wards couldn’t have protected me from this, couldn’t bring the person I loved more than anything back into the world. Laying my other hand against the dirt, which was frozen over from the snow, I sniffled, wiping at my tears and swallowing thickly, each breath taking more energy from me, the will to move vanishing like the sun had behind the clouds. If it returned, and burnt me out of this world, I would be grateful. I didn’t want to rise and face a world that didn’t have Seth in it. I was not strong enough to do so on my own.

My Connected would no longer be able to help me, or hold me close. I wouldn’t ever see him smile again, or hear him laugh, or have him look at me like I was the only person in the world who was worth it to him.

And he would never hear just how much he meant to me, either. I had taken too long to face that fear, and lost the chance. Even Cain had taken his chances… I had given it up, forever.

Regret wasn’t a burning emotion- it was as cold as the snow around me, or the tombstone that I now laid at the base of, curled up like I could shield myself from my own mind- and it was regret that now sunk deep into my soul, my bones aching at the realisation that no matter how many years passed by, I would never get to rescind on what I had told Seth the last time we had spoken, that I wanted him to move on.

I had been lying. I loved him. I had just been too afraid to really, truly say it. The only time I had ever spoken the words was when I had been saying goodbye to him.

“I love you.” The words were a squeak in the air, barely a brushed whisper from my tongue, but I clung to them, curling tighter around myself and choking out, “I love you, Seth. I should have said it! I wish I had… Please come back, if not just so I can tell you that I love you. I don’t want to let you go, so please, please come back!”

Why would he have thrown himself into danger? Had it been because of our conversation?! Had I been the cause of his death?!

The thought made me want to scream, the snow cold against the side of my face as I sunk further into it, wanting it to swallow me.

Let me lay here, next to his grave, for the rest of eternity. I didn’t have the energy to rise from here, not yet. Everything I had done had been for him, and it hadn’t mattered. He was dead anyway, taken because the world was cruel and I wasn’t allowed to have even the slightest bit of happiness, Seraphina’s curse perhaps running deeper than I had thought.

I had arrived right as Cain had begun his speech for Seth, speaking of how my Connected had been brave, and kind, and loving- My cousin’s words had only made it real where I had been hoping, praying, it wasn’t.

With that realisation had come a rage I hadn’t felt in a long, long time, and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from slamming the symbol on that tree. It was still there, behind me, shifting away forever, a permanent reminder of everything I had lost, and the plan I knew I needed to complete.

I knew I had to get up and find those Sacreds before Tatiana moved them, I knew I had to complete the End of Days Ritual. I knew that.

I had gone to the funeral with the intention of stepping off the edge of the cliff and simply ending it all, but after the speech, and the symbol, I had turned and ran until I could run no further, and simply let the rest of that bottled up power out in the middle of a field, a ward preventing the explosion from making any sound.

If any of them had followed me after finding the symbol, I didn’t know. I had left after that explosion, dragging myself back to Seth’s bedroom in Ordeallan and sobbing in his sheets, his scent still saturating everything in the room. Yesterday. That had been yesterday.

I couldn’t bring myself to go back there today.

I just wanted to lay here.

Nothing else mattered. Lazarus didn’t matter. Zeella didn’t matter. The End of Days War sure as Hell didn’t matter.

The one and only person in my life who had meant anything, after centuries of being unable to find meaningful love, was gone, killed in a battle defending my cousin’s wife. Cain… I loved him, but he had Adelia now, and a baby on the way, if the scent around my cousin’s wife was any indication.

I had nothing. I had given it up to save my friends, and then lost the one and only light in the darkness that was my life.

Without that light, where did it leave me?

The sun arched overhead, still hidden safely behind the clouds, and I simply laid there, my mind slowly becoming too tired to even think… The shadows shifted on the tombstone, the waves crashing into the rocks beneath the only noise, and dusk set in, the sea birds down below settling for bed, their cries vanishing, until they were replaced with the night life of Karmona, the nocturnal side of the forest coming to life.

Even then, as the last of the heat of the day was leeched out and I felt my body becoming dangerously cold, I remained where I was, everything becoming sluggish. Each one of my organs began slowing, and I embraced the numbness that rose around me, dulling the pain I could feel over my entire body. Time slowed, and I closed my eyes, a small flicker of pride rising in me that I had stayed here; that I was going to die here, beside my Connected.

There was a shift behind me, the sun setting behind the horizon, night setting in, and someone strode out from a portal, the crunch of their footsteps on the brisk snow becoming faster when they saw where I laid, Lazarus fearfully whispering, “Desterium!”

Lazarus had been dead? I had killed him? The thought drifted up from the back of my head, and I huffed a humourless laugh at my cursed luck. Of course Seth would die, but Lazarus would live when I had assumed he was dead. Except I had never checked up on him. I had… gone somewhere. I couldn’t remember now, but it would come to me later.

I would tell my Connected all of it when we met up again.

The Dark God of Daemonium’s arms wrapped around me, warmer than the fires of Hell, at least against my freezing skin, and I felt his eyes dart down to the tombstone.

“Ah.”

Kneeling, he kept me carefully pressed against his chest, reaching for the rose I had brought and examining it, murmuring, “He made this for you.”

“To protect me,” I choked out, staring at the rose, feeling almost as lifeless as the tomb before me, “To keep me safe. He promised he would come back for me. He promised!” Now, I couldn’t even bring myself to be mad that he had broken that promise to me.

After all, none of it mattered.

Lazarus, his eyes pained, brushed his hand wordlessly down the side of my cheek, and tucked the rose against the stone, a wave of his hand making a small glass box form around it, a silver lock and key appearing. He locked it, placing the key around my throat, hanging from a silver cord, and I reached up, clutching it.

Locked away, just like Seth was from me. Like he always would be. Maybe there was still a hint of rage in me, because I turned, burying my face in Lazarus’ chest and screaming wordlessly, the Dark God of Daemonium wrapping his shadows around us, Daemonium appearing, and in the midst of my screams, I heard Nicnevin concernedly ask, “Is she okay? Where was she?”

Lazarus’ reply was lost to me, the God carrying me up to the bedroom we had shared, each step rending a grunt of pain and effort from him until I was placed on the bed, the blankets pulled up around me, my screams continuing until his powers wrapped around me, trying to force my eyes to close.

Seth wasn’t coming back, unless I completed that ritual. Lazarus was alive- he hadn’t died. That gave me an advantage. He could help me kill Nazareth and Jezebel, and bring my Connected back.

Sitting up, I gripped Lazarus’ wrist, his powers rallying around him, until I hissed, “I need you to do something for me.”

“Considering what you did to me, darling, that’s a ballsy thing to ask for,” he replied unamusedly, wrenching his wrist back. I had hurt him, the scars that were still healing across his body an indication of that, including a deep gash across his cheek and throat, the skin there bruised. If he left, I would have no chance of saving Seth, which meant I had to convince him.

Throwing myself across the bed, I grabbed the edge of his shirt, clinging on to prevent him from leaving even as he continued to walk away, and I said, “I’m ready to complete the End of Days ritual!”

He froze like I had shot him, and perhaps I had with my words, his powers vanishing with a rush as he spun on his heel, falling to his knees beside the bed and clasping at my hands, staring me in the eyes and breathing, “You mean it?”

“Yes,” I whispered, my soul crumbling further, “I mean it. I will complete the ritual and kill Jezebel and Nazareth. I will… I will be your wife.” The words withered on my tongue, feeling like a poison, but it didn’t matter, because his lips pulled up into a grin, Lazarus summoning a small wooden box to his hand that he flicked open, revealing a ring nestled within a black velvet cushion.

He plucked it out from its box, the ring a translucent black colour, a single diamond encapsuled within like a star hovering in the dark universe in the world Nicnevin had made for me, grabbing my left hand and sliding the ring onto my finger, the band tightening until it fit snugly against my skin. It was like a collar, in a way, a leash that he had designed just for me.

Studying it for a moment, he clicked his tongue lovingly, murmuring, “It suits you.”

Gulping, I forced a smile to my face, forcing myself to remain where I was while he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my temple and saying, “We never had a proper wedding.”

“No, we didn’t,” I said weakly, the smile plastered to my face, where it would be remaining until Seth was back. I had to convince Lazarus that I loved him; the next hardest part in the End of Days War. I could do that, though. It was just another mask to wear, right?

“How about we have one? Nazareth and Jezebel have already had one.”

Why didn’t it surprise me that the simpering idiot would have gone straight for the Light God of Daemonium?

Shrugging, I said, “Sure. We can hold it wherever you like.” I didn’t care, not so long as the End of Days Ritual happened quickly after that.

“Then you can fetch the Sacreds from your friends, since I have a feeling you know where they are, and I will arrange for the wedding and ritual to happen once you return.”

An Assassin uniform fell onto the bedsheets, landing on my lap, and I gasped.

It was a uniform Cain had designed for me centuries ago, now resized to fit me rather than the fourteen-year-old girl who had originally worn it, hidden pockets placed along the entirety of the suit. The weapons and tech designed to slide into those pockets appeared beside it, and Lazarus tapped my nose, purring, “Go fetch those Sacreds, little Crimson Queen. When I return, we will be having a proper wedding, and the End of Days War will begin…”

The End of Days War will begin.

Hopefully, my friends were prepared.