Something to be Proud Of

Chapter 14: Urban Renewal



Chapter 14: Urban Renewal

Tsam Walton was cursed with immigrant parents. His namesake was responsible for creating WALMART, which accounted for over 10% of all non-government employment. It was like naming your son, ‘Adolf.’ On top of that, he was a Vietnamese kid who wasn’t good at Math. The kids in South Carolina refused to believe that was possible and continued to try cheating by reading over his shoulder. When they failed their tests, Tsam would be roundly pummelled during recess. This did not make him smart, but it did make him tough. He did not develop a sense of humour about his name until he was 30 years old - Maybe not even then. He delighted in revenge. One might say he dedicated his life to it.

Tsam was desperate to quit his job as a Wal-Mart greeter. He had heard sage investment advice of Wilt Chamberlain, “Buy land, they ain’t makin’ any more of it.” With import traffic into Charlotte at a standstill, there were dozens of freight ships rusting offshore, for sale --- CHEAP! He bought one, and moved in. Peace: away from everyone. The money he saved in rent, allowed him to save for his next ship.

Now, the ships were valuable for scrap, but the cost and regulations were cumbersome. There was much more money in Green Jobs. He then applied for, and won, a Federal grant to restore the reefs and build breakwaters (in preparation for the ever-imminent melting of the ice caps). He created a small business, scuttling ships off shore… for the environment. But his vision was grander than this: he was going to create new islands, then condos, with snorkelling and SCUBA to reefs right off the dock. Club Med on the cheap.

His first island was created by accident, he asserted. Too close to the river effluent, silt had accumulated in the ironworks. The City council, drooling over potential property tax revenue, granted him the deed. The problem was there was not much of a market for Vacation Homes anymore. No matter, the island was commuting distance from downtown. This is where his friends in construction came in. They introduced him to a developer, who knew the ropes for Low Income housing grants. Tsam bought a ferry, and guaranteed the first 50 buyers free fare to and from shore for the first five years. On-board drinks were priced reasonably enough, to cover operating expenses. Tripling down on subsidies, construction was nearly paid for, as long as they could keep costs down.

The old, established families on shore ridiculed Tsam’s creation as “Slums by the Sea” and “Lean-to’s on the Lee-side”. Petitions were raised to raise them. The residents, by and large, loved their bungalows: fishing off of their balconies, drying laundry in the ocean breeze. As a concession, the city commissioned artwork to enhance their look. This, of course, was a big mistake: the West facing side of the building was now vandalized with a hideous multi-cultural, spray painted mural. Wealthy residents slowly moved out of the downtown. The re-suburbanization of America had begun.

Tsam was now wealthy, powerful, and connected. He had only begun. But for now, at least, he was content for the first time in his life. He was expanding to Santa Cruz (most of the Eastern US had gotten wise to his antics, and he thought Ecotopia would pose a special challenge)

He decided to re-connect with his sister, Tsue, and was staying at her house (in the suburbs of Charlotte, of course). He stepped off the porch, and her kids came pouring around the corner, “Uncle Tsam, Uncle Tsam!”

His brow furrowed, “I wasn’t ready for that!” But the kid’s enthusiasm washed it all away. Tsam allowed the boys to tackle him in the yard, while he plotted against his sister. The boys are going to learn how to use a bow and arrow today, and make napalm by week’s end.


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