SWNOVELS Chapter 50
It only took a few minutes for Lola to gather her things, and by the time Alex’s car pulled into the yard she was locking the door to Pebble Cottage. She would never forget what they had shared there. It was exactly as she had intended: a perfect end to things. She got the distinct feeling that Alex had seen through her performance outside Chateau Bacchus and had decided to play along. It was ludicrous to Lola, all the subterfuge and deceit, one big mummer’s farce. Yet, they both chose to overlook each of those dark colossal truths that were so cruelly anchored between them.
Usually Lola encouraged Alex to drive sensibly, but tonight she just wanted back to the safety of Brook Mill Manor. So she was happy when he pressed his foot on the accelerator as they sped down the motorway towards Ballyvalley. Her headache had cleared the moment she stepped off the boundary to Alex’s house and the heaviness that she had struggled against lifted. The silence stretched out between them like a black abyss. What was there to say? Lola didn’t want to hear the truth from his gorgeous mouth. She didn’t want to hear what he truly was, but most of all she didn’t want to accept who and what she really was. Aibgrene was right. Despite everything she had seen and heard, despite everything she had experienced for herself, she still couldn’t free her mind. She still couldn’t shed the skin of the Lola Paige she understood herself to be. Lola gazed out of the passenger window blindly, as town after town zipped by. Finally, after an hour, Alex’s R8 had them in Ballyvalley. Up until that point she hadn’t been paying attention to the music, but just as Alex made the turn off towards the manor, the lyrics of the song on the radio hit her like a wrecking ball, rendering her immobile and unsure if she would be able to get out of the car. As the song continued each word washed over them as she and Alex sat in perfect stillness. The chorus ringing around them: ‘I was standing, you were there, two worlds collided and they will never tear us apart.’ It was an old song, but the artist singing was a young woman. Her voice fell like velvet on Lola’s ears, soft and mournful.
Lola turned to face Alex for the first time since they had left Portstewart. She could no longer fight back the tears she had fought so relentlessly to suppress, yet his face remained stoic. But there in a flicker of his eyes was the truth that she so desperately needed to see, that she so desperately needed to believe. Because while Alex’s face was a void, his eyes churned in turmoil. The love he had felt, the loss he was about to experience, the complete hopelessness and inevitability of their situation, and it was all right there, in those deep pools of frigid blue. Lola had risked a lot tonight, she had shown her hand, but at that moment, looking at the most beautiful man she’d ever known, it had all been worth it.
Finally, Lola found the strength and will to climb out of the car. She could see the outline of the embryonic shield that surrounded Brook Mill Manor; it seemed to be stronger tonight. Collecting her bag from the boot, she crossed between the gateposts before turning to take one last look at Alex Stein, knowing that he could not follow her, even if he’d wanted to. They stood just inches apart, each knowing that they would never touch again.