SOLO ELITE THE GREAT AWAKENING

December 10, 2010

Sitting in the hospital cafeteria, I ate my vanilla ice cream from a plastic cup.

“Baby, listen. They found you in some bushes, washed up from the creek,” said Mama.

”And Teddy?

Mama’s head lowered, and silence filled the room.

“Mama, and Teddy?”

“Robin, Teddy was found a mile down the creek. He didn’t make it, baby.”

My heart pounded, and the sound of Mama’s voice faded as she told me about Teddy’s fate. “But how can that be? I was just with him. We were on the boat and then were on the ocean, and the bell started to ring and … The ocean and Kenosh and Adam felt so real. …”

“Baby, I’m sure your mind has been through so much, and I haven’t been the best mom I could have been, but I promise, from now on, me and you are going to be like this,” she said while crossing her fingers.

December 14, 2010

I placed the last box in the back of the van, and Mama shut the door. Mama said that we were moving farther south for a change of scenery and that our new home had a lot of land in the back, eleven and a half acres to be exact. There was also a small pond where we could go fishing anytime we wanted to. As exciting as that sounded, I couldn’t help but feel that somehow I was abandoning Teddy, that, behind the woods, he was there waiting for me to return.

The idea of that scared me, but I didn’t want to think of Teddy that way, so I pretended that he was still alive and was on a trip. I know that lying to myself probably wasn’t the healthiest thing to do, but it helped at the time, and I needed to do whatever I could to cope with the loss of Teddy.

Mama had gone into the house to give it one more final check. This had to be her fifth time, but that was Mama for you. I sat down in the front seat of our vehicle and almost immediately slumped over, resting my elbow on the window glass. As Mama climbed in and started the van, she waited there in the driveway for a bit and said, “I know you’ve had a rough time with your daddy being gone, and you’ve been so strong and held yourself together even better than me. I admire that about you.”

Mama’s voice trembled as I watched her eyes water. For the first time ever, I saw her broken and human. She had always put a smile on her face and put herself before no one. I wanted to comfort her, but the loss of Teddy paralyzed my body. “Mom, it’s OK. I couldn’t ask for a better mom, a better friend. You love me so much that I don’t think, if Daddy was around, I could take anymore. I love you.”

Mama grabbed my hand and pulled it to her mouth and kissed my hand and said, “Well, thank you. I love you too, baby. Oh, and the doctor gave me this diary. He said he wants you to write things down in here to help you remember.” She handed the diary to me. “All right! Let’s go!” she said, wiping her eyes again and putting on a smile. She turned around and reversed our vehicle down the driveway. Suddenly the van came to a screeching stop, throwing my head back into the headrest. At the same time we both turned to each other and said, “Grandpa!” The side door opened, and Grandpa flopped down in the seat.

“You’re not going to get rid of me that easy,” said Grandpa.

Mama looked at me with her eyes open wide, and slowly we pulled out of the driveway. I watched the fence swaying from the wind, picturing Teddy flopping over it like he always did, the same fence where Teddy and I had decided to go to the creek, not even thinking that only one of us would return. I didn’t know what to make of it because Kenosh seemed so real, yet the only logical thing to do was to dismiss it as a dream.

I watched the small town of Davilla disappear behind me like an old book, charred and turned to ash, being blown away by a sudden breeze. Where was I going? How could I ever recover from the trauma of losing my best friend and go on with my life? Was all this really just my imagination, and, if somehow it wasn’t, would I ever return to Kenosh? And if I could somehow get back there, would Teddy be there?

For the entire car ride I was quiet, digging around for pieces of the puzzle that would explain at what point our journey was a reality and what was my imagination. The radio became distant noise, drowned out by the humming of the tires against the asphalt. In a trance I watched as the white markings on the road came pouring in front of me. The only thing that would temporarily stop my mind from the torture of trying to make sense of the situation was whenever we stopped for a break to fill up the car.

Even then, most of the time I stayed in the car while Mama got gas, but occasionally I would go in to avoid pinches from Grandpa Chuck’s nubby fingers. I’d walk in a daze down the food isles layered in pork rinds and powered doughnuts without a single care in the world to ever eat again. As much as I loved candy and other junk foods, they just seemed to have no taste, and the very idea of eating seemed selfish with Teddy gone and all. I was lost; I felt as if the rug had been pulled from under me. I had lost my best friend, and the very idea of never seeing him again put my stomach in knots.

We filled up the last tank of gas that would get us to our new home, then got back in the van and buckled our seat belts. Even the clouds were sad, or at least it seemed that way, as the rain started to tap on the windshield, and the thunder rolled in. With the brakes squeaking, we pulled up to our new home, which looked like an old farm house and a rather creepy one through the blurry windshield.

“On the count of three … one, two, three, go!” said Mama.

Mama and I took off running from the car, splashing through the puddle that was in front of the porch steps. Grandpa had an umbrella and took his time. I was cold and wet, so I shivered and huddled around Mom as she fiddled around for the keys in her pocket. With a final nudge from her hip, the door swung open, making a creepy squeaking sound. Mom and I both looked at each other wonder mixed with a bit of fear. The house was old and creaky and squeaked with every step or move. The wind would howl, and the tree branches would make funny shapes by the windows, but we explored the house, finding it big and roomy for me and Mama and Grandpa, and had more rooms than any house I’ve seen. Standing in the living room, I felt a small bit of hope that things were going to be all right. Looking at Mom, I grinned and nodded my head and said, “You did good, Mom. It has potential.”

“Good! I’m glad you like it,” said Mom.

“It’ll be scary here at night without you,” I said.

“But I’ll be with you, baby. I got a daytime job, so I’ll be home a few hours after you get off the bus,” said Mama.

The next morning was Sunday, so I didn’t have school. Due to the rain, we had left the boxes in the van last night, but Mama told me that there wasn’t a lot to unload and to go play while she took care of that.