Smoke and Mirrors

Sapphire Ragna Nightborne

The dull throbbing pain in my head caused me to wince, I had heard the crack it made when Damien slammed it into the wall and I knew that it was my skull had probably caved in. Nausea built up in the pit of my stomach before I vomited bile all over myself. Anger overcame me and I screamed. My anger was not directed at Damien but at myself. I was the greatest warrior that my pack had seen in over a hundred years and now look at me, helpless…vulnerable… too weak to even support myself that I had to vomit all over myself like a new-born.

I stared at the fire in front of me, it crackled and burned not knowing that it was burning a part of me. My hand instinctively raised to feel my throat as I always do in dire times but the shackles stopped me. My hand closed into a fist as I remember that I could not go to my mother for comfort anymore, the only piece I had of her was that necklace.

“This is for you, Sapphire. Your mother wanted you to have it, she was adamant that you would have sapphire blue eyes and you were due in September, so she got this before you were born.”

My hands instinctively reached out for it, my house was devoid of any trace of my mother and the only possible appearance I could craft out of her was through scraps when people talked to me about her. The one thing they would always mention was her eyes…her sapphire blue eyes and how it was a shame that I did not inherit them. My father never talked about her, so I never asked as he was probably still grieving over the death of his mate.

I stared at the gem, this was what staring into my mother’s eyes would probably be like and now she could watch over me.

This is the first time in years that I have felt so helpless, so broken and so alone.

The glassy eyes of Ryder stared right at me, his features deformed and twisted. I might have not believed that it was actually Ryder had it not been for the chipped right incisor and canine, something that I had given him during one of our arguments regarding the security measures of our pack’s borders.

I clenched my jaw as I stared right back into his empty eyes, he had committed the worst betrayal known to our kind and now to me at least, was no longer worthy of the right to be called 'brother-in-law', 'Alpha' and especially not 'mate' or 'father', he did not even have the balls to stand up for his family even though we would have died for him because that is what families do.

It all made sense now, the late-night disappearances, the fact that just before the fight no one could find him, it was all crystal now. I had been suspicious that he might have been having an affair as I would have never expected him, as an Alpha, to have committed such an act of treason and betrayal.

The first tear fell as I stared at the red lump of brain matter, skin and hair that was once my nephew, the consequence of Ryder’s betrayal.

The first tear caused the dam to break as more followed it slowly dripping down my face and neck. I was not related to my nephew by blood as he was adopted but I loved like he was my own, I promised him that I could protect him. He was so young and yet had so much faith in me to believe every word I said and yet, I failed…I failed all of them. I took the vows the day I chose my oath as a warrior to protect my pack with my life and now look, I was alive while they were somewhere dead, probably not even given a proper burial and were probably just tossed somewhere like garbage to rot. I could not help but let out a small chuckle as I remembered better times.

"Aunty Saphy you have to catch me!"

I smiled as I easily ran towards Antony before pouncing on him, he giggled as he pulled on my fur requesting a ride which I obliged. I laughed as I watch my sister fuss over him, scolding him for getting dirty while her husband playfully argued that we are wolves and thus, are not meant to stay clean for long, Antony used that opportunity to sneak away from his mother to join me as we watched them continue their playful banter.

More tears fell as I accepted that this was something I would never experience again… never again would I hear the voices of my family… never again would I feel their hugs. I would never get the chance to argue and tease my sister or read stories to my nephew at night.

Something warm and thick dripped down the back of my neck, it barely surprised me as it was a feeling I sadly knew too well, I also knew of what was going to follow. I was going to die.

There might have been a chance for me to heal myself and live, but I saw no point to do it, my family and most probably my pack was dead and even if I lived, there would be no purpose for it. What is the point of living if you have no one to share it with? Besides no one would miss me after I was gone, my family and pack were dead after all and I don’t think that my death would rock Damien’s boat too much.

I felt my vision slowly going blurry, the world around me was going in and out of focus, as my vision came back into focus I saw a huge black wolf sitting in front of me, her golden eyes reproachful.

"Is this what it has come to, Sapphire Nightshade? After all we have gone through, are you just going to give up?"

Her voice was soft but strong, she almost sounded like a disappointed parent.

"Yes, this is what it has come to. Look around you, look at all the people I have failed, not just my family but my pack as well."

The tears kept falling even though I wanted them to stop, the last time I cried like this was my first day of training where I was picked on by my peers, I remembered running to my father but today, I could not, I was alone, I had no one to pick me up and tell me that everything was going to be okay.

"Your pack might be gone and left you as the last of the Blackwater Pack, but are you going to let all its history die with you, let the sacrifice your ancestors made fighting for it be in vain? Your ancestors experienced far worse than you to build the bedrock of the Blackwater Pack and yet, did not give up, if they were anything like you the pack would not have even survived past its first year."

Her golden eyes glared at me, they were so full of judgement and anger, they made me feel as though I failed.

"Who are you to preach anyway? You have no idea what I have been through, my pain, nothing!"

I could not help but lash out, I was angry and ashamed of myself.

"Who do you think I am?"

She stood up and looked down at me, eyes filled with familiar fire.

"I am you. I am the part of you that fights and never gives up, the part of you who was so stubborn that she fought against the elders to become the Head Commander and Warrior even though she was told countless times she would fail, the part that took the ridicule from others for every mistake she made, the part of you that stood firm against those hunters to hold her own and most importantly, I am the part of you that wants to live."

Her eyes softened at the last part as she looked straight at me, I let a small smile grace my features, she did sound like me when I was younger, driven and hungry to prove myself to the world.

"I am dying already, there is no stopping the inevitable."

I was surprised by my own voice, it was so weak and resigned.

She glared at me, I could feel those golden eyes burning into mine.

"The only thing stopping you is yourself."

The sound of the door slamming against the wall interrupting our conversation, I watched as the wolf faded away and in her place stood Chloe, her green eyes widened with horror as she ran towards me and cradled my head in her lap. I would have put up a fight if I was not so weak and for that, I hated myself even more.

"What has he done to you?"

She stroked my hair before bringing up her hand that was now covered in blood, she looked around at the carnage.

"Sapphire, I am so sorry."

I felt water droplets fall on my skin, but I could not say anything even if I wanted too, my brain was thinking of what I wanted to say but my mouth was not cooperating.

"Don't close your eyes okay? Just stay with me."

Maybe that won't be such a bad idea, I have done all I could, maybe it is time for me to rest, I have worked hard, defended the pack to the best of my ability, made good on my vow, I deserved a long break. The last I remember was arms picking me up as the world around me fell into complete darkness. I would have laughed if I could as I thought:

"Congratulations Damien, you've finally broken me. You've won."