Slay My Soul

I snarl into Garret's face, snapping and growling as he pins me against the shower wall while Dev washes my body. God damn fuckers! Can't let a man mourn in peace, and now I can't even shower unmolested!

"Easy, big man," Garret murmurs to me. "Trust us, this is for your own good. You stink and you look like ass." I growl and snap my jaws at him. Dev slaps my thigh to chastise me and I bare my teeth at him too.

"Believe it or not, we would rather not be in the shower with you, but Eve needs you," Dev grits out. My anger lifts at her name. Eve. My partner in suffering and pain. I've been going to her every time I pull myself out of my drunken stupor. She guards our fallen mate's body, ensuring no further harm can come to him, while she takes comfort in being as close to him as she can.

"What's wrong with Eve?" I rasp.

"Everything!" Garret snarls. "She's withdrawn into her head, leaving the wolf in charge. She's not eating or drinking. Won't let us comfort her unless it's Acassus in hound form or you. And your visits have hardly been frequent."

"It's only been a few days. I've been there at least once a day. Let the poor woman mourn!" I grumble as my head throbs with my latest hangover.

"It's been two weeks D," Dev says gently. "She's lost a lot of weight. She needs you." My eyes widen.

"No way has it been two weeks!" I gape. Garret nods at me, affirming that indeed it has been. I shrug Garret's hold on me away, the fight going out of me. Fucking two weeks. I finish washing my body off and storm out of the shower. If Reece were here... My heart thuds painfully. If he were still here he would kick my ass for leaving her to suffer like this alone.

It's like a fog lifts from my mind and my brain kicks into gear. I dry myself off and look in the mirror. Jesus, I look like someone crapped me out sideways. I grab the scissors and start cutting off the beard growth, then plug in my shaver to remove the rest. In my mind, I pledge to Reece that I will do better, that I'll fix our girl. I brush my teeth before I hurry off and grab clean clothes. Somewhat presentable, I head downstairs where Mikyda stands waiting with a mug of coffee and painkillers held out to me.

I take both gratefully and head over to the window Carino stares out. I see Eve's wolf huddled on the grave in the pouring rain, Acassus standing over her, protecting her from the worst of it. I curse and put my mug down but Carino grabs my arm before I can head to her.

"We need to talk before you go out there," he demands. "Grab your coffee and take a seat." I stomp over to the couch and sit down, glaring at him. I just want to go to my mate.

"You can't help her until you get things in order up here," Mikyda says, poking my temple. "You are feeling guilt, why?"

"Easy, I thought I had saved them both. She was going to sacrifice herself to save him. I shoved her out of the way and then took the sword myself. I didn't realize the warlock had also moved to kill him. I failed them both. And now I discover I have left her alone. I thought it had been a few days, not weeks." I grumble disgusted at myself.

"If you hadn't shoved Eve out of the way she would have died at the King's hand and Reece by the warlock. You can't be in two places at once, can you? One would have died no matter what you did." Mikyda states.

"But-" I start.

"Could you be in two places at once? Yes or no?"I shake my head in frustration. Obviously not, though I wish I could have been. "Would you have chosen to save Reece over Eve?" Tears prick my eyes as I glare at Mikyda. He already knows my answer.

"No. Damn me to hell but no. I would always have chosen to save Eve and Reece wouldn't have had it any other way," I say hoarsely.

"Exactly," Carino interjects. "Darius, you did everything you possibly could to save them both, but you could only ever save one. This was always going to be the outcome. There was nothing you could have done differently unless you chose to not push Eve out of the way. It was always one or both that could die and thanks to the powers that be, you were there to save one of them. The Fates are twisted fuckers and this went the only way it could with the best outcome. You saved her. She's alive because you made sure of it. Now we need your help to get her back on track. She can mourn all she needs, but she needs to eat and heal too. Eve needs to be back in control, not the wolf."

I think of the moment his link snapped within us and her gut-wrenching screams as she crawled through her pain to reach Reece. As a chosen mate, my pain was less than hers and yet it had held me immobile in its intensity. She on the other hand fought against it with every fiber of her being, because her love for him and her need to be with him, was so powerful. Stronger than my own. The breaking of a soul bond is a death sentence to most wolves, whereas a chosen bond is the same sort of grief as a human's. Hurts like a bitch and depresses the fuck out of us. The snapping of the chosen bond is painful but very survivable. Yet she is still here, while her soul has been shredded. Me on the other hand, am wallowing in my pain, selfishly drinking myself stupid. She is stronger than me in every way. I am not worthy. I have a lot to make up to her for.

"Don't do that D. You have every right to grieve the way you needed to, but she needs you now. We can't leave it any longer. You may be the only one who can bring her back," Mikyda says, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. I blink the tears away and nod. I need to use our mutual connection with Reece to bring her back. I can dive through her wolf's mind and hopefully convince it to push Eve to the front.

"Do you have a plan yet?" Garret asks, descending the stairs freshly dressed.

"Try and reason with the wolf." I sigh. Running my hand through my damp hair.

"And what if that doesn't work?" Dev asks from behind Garret. "The wolf is wavering on the edge, it would have given in completely if not for being bound to you as well. Without you, the wolf will probably die and we will be lucky if it doesn't take the rest of her with it."

"Then I'll take a leaf out of Reece's book," I say smiling bitterly at them.

"What's that?" Carino asks.

"Tough love," I grimace.

"Well, whatever you plan to do I suggest you hop to it. We don't know when another attack is going to come, or when those things that crawl out of holes will attack. Everyone's nerves are shot from the frequent border attacks. We need Eve," Dev says. This makes me angry. Always Eve that's expected to save the day. Jesus! Dev's a king, and so is Garret. Carino is some sort of Grand warlock/ assassin thing and yet they can't take the lead? Doesn't she have enough on her shoulders?

"Fine," I snarl. "I'll try and bring Eve back but by the gods, you guys need to stop expecting her to lead the charge. You are so fucking reliant on her leading the charge that you have lost sight of who the fuck you are. Man up!" I storm out of the house angrily. I'll bring Eve back. Not for them though, they need to sort their shit out and be the leaders they are supposed to be.

No, fuck them, I'm doing this for her only, the war and the rest of the world can just fucking wait.