Skye's Arrival

Chapter Twenty-Seven

When we get back to the camp, I keep my eyes on the ground. Dawn makes up some excuse that I don’t even hear, then leads me to bed. I hide under the covers until night falls. Dawn nudges me and hands me something to eat when the boys go to bed. I don’t even taste it, and I don’t have a clue as to what I’m eating. I’ve shut down. Between my emotional hell from my onslaught of returning memories, fighting with Koan and his men today, and my encounter with Rafi, I can’t process the day.

I try to sleep but I toss and turn the rest of the night. My mind won’t stop reliving those memories. Koan biting me repeatedly. Making me feel that everything wrong is my fault. Blaming me for his mistakes. I couldn’t do anything right. Everything I did would make him mad. He changed into a whole different person on the day of our bloodening ceremony. Those are the images that are assaulting me the most, making me recoil from sleep.

I get up from the bedroll, giving up on sleep when the sun begins to rise. The camp is still silent, and they’re still asleep. Quietly, I get dressed in black shorts and a red peasant blouse. I grab my hairbrush and walk just outside of camp for a small bit of privacy.

Still in a daze, I sit on a moss-covered log and absentmindedly run the brush through my hair. I count the strokes, trying to calm and focus my mind. One, two, three. I flinch, picturing Koan’s chase on our bleddening. I rub my neck, feeling the faint reminder of his bite. Why did it hurt so much? I was always told it wouldn’t.

“Can we talk,” Rafi asks gently, interrupting my train of thought. I look up to see him leaning against a tree. He still has his bed head, but he’s dressed in fully intact clothes for once. He’s dressed in khakis and a white shirt.

I drop my hand from my neck, his eyes zeroing in on it immediately. “I can try.”

He keeps his distance still. “Do you want to explain why you’re so distant right now?”

I look down, still guarding myself. “When we made camp yesterday, and I went off to get firewood, I realized something. It triggered most of my blocked memories. They won’t stop,” I say as I rub my face. I can’t make them stop. “All night I kept seeing them. Even when I finally fell asleep all I could see was the day of my bloodening ceremony. Just over and over again.”

I lift my head to see concern and empathy in his eyes. He’s trying his best to keep his face neutral. “I haven’t slept. I can’t sleep.”

Rafi speaks with care, “What happened the day of your ceremony?”

I close my eyes and look away.

Rafi comes to sit next to me and puts his hand on the small of my back. “You can talk to me, Skye. You’re safe.”

“I can’t remember anything until the ceremony,” I start cautiously, afraid to trigger the memory. At this point, I’m desperate to get rid of it, and I’ll try anything to stop it. Maybe talking about it might do the trick.

I grimace while I speak. “I remember Koan’s bite. It was agonizing; as if acid was being poured through my veins. With my bite, it was the oddest sensation, like my eyes were open for the first time while his blood flowed through my mouth. He tasted…like blood. It was still euphoric, but nothing I was told it would be.

“When I tried to let go of his neck due to the pain, which would have stopped the ceremony from continuing, he hugged my face into his neck, making it so I was unable to let go. The pain kept growing and I was crying, begging him to allow me to let go. He wouldn’t until it was complete. That made the haze settle in and our bleddening marks appeared.

“My mind made it seem like he was passionate about me, that’s why he didn’t let go. After we…consummated the mateship and we celebrated with family,” which I’m just realizing Rafi wasn’t there, “Koan took me home.”

I wring my hand. “He yelled at me the entire night, telling me how pathetic I am. Because I was being weak, I nearly cost us everything because of a little pain. He called me pathetic, and so many other things I truly wish not to repeat. While he was screaming at me he was throwing things, breaking things, tearing fabric, and telling me I brought this on myself. That I deserved this.

“When I wouldn’t stop crying he started going off about how oversensitive I am. I should realize how lucky I am to be with him. That I’m nothing compared to him. My only existence is to serve him.

“He threw out my clothes, telling me how ugly I look in them, and that I only need to wear what he picks out for me. Koan gave me so many asinine rules that night, and gladly followed; chalking it up to a quirk. I had to be home within ten minutes after my shift ended. I had to cook and clean for him.

“I argued that since I didn’t think it was fair. He berated me and called me ungrateful. Koan demanded to know that if I wasn’t home taking care of him, what would I be doing? Then that started on a whole tirade centered on me being an ungrateful slut. He started throwing things near me at that point, close enough to scare me, but not hit me. Eventually, he got so sick of me that he bit me and tossed me into a closet. He emphatically stressed that it was my fault he was acting like this, and this was my punishment. ”

I take a deep breath. “That night was hell for me, and all I could do to cope with what had transpired was lie to myself and convince myself that it was my fault. All I had to do was be careful around him and follow his rules. Extreme denial and, primarily, the blooded haze is how I survived my years with Koan.”

It’s silent for a long time before Rafi speaks. “It was painful? The ceremony?”

I nod. “I’ve never felt pain like that before, and it’s hard to describe.”

Rafi chews that over then carefully takes my hand. “It seems like your body tried rejecting the match. You weren’t destined for him.”

I stiffen, seeing his thumb rub circles on the back of my hand. I jump to my feet, “We better go pack up,” I sputter and walk back to camp; leaving him behind. Well, that was a smooth exit, I tell myself sarcastically as I cover my face and walk into camp.

“Skye?” Dawn asks, sitting up on her bedroll, with Gerrickson sitting right next to her. Gerrickson is looking at me curiously, then raises an eyebrow when Rafi enters the camp.

Rafi walks over to me, taking my hand. “Skye, please talk to me.”

“I can’t,” I tell him, my voice on the verge of cracking.

“Skye,”

“Rafi, please,” I beg, trying to kill any sign of hope inside of me. “This is not going to happen.”

“Why not,” he demands.

“Rafi, stand down.” Dawn orders, getting to her feet.

“Dawn, this doesn’t involve you,” Rafi warns.

“Have you lived through her memories,” she demands while grabbing my arm. She puts me behind her while she attempts to stare him down. “This fear is real for her. Do not put her through something she’s not ready for.”

Rafi glares at her. “Dawn,”

“She’s not ready,” Dawn says quickly, cutting him off. “Give her time to process what she’s just remembered. Give her time to heal.”

Rafi opens his mouth and then closes it when he looks at me. His face falls and then walks over to his bed roll. “We better get moving. How are you feeling Dawn?”

“Well enough to ride,” Dawn says, folding her arms. “We only have three hours, so Skye can ride with me.”

Rafi glares at her, but she stares him down. “Fine, let’s get packed up.”

After we’re packed up, I ride in silence with Dawn. She’s placed me behind her and rides directly behind Rafi. I bury my face in her back, hiding from him. I can’t look at him. I can’t go through this hurt again. Koan is merciless. He will destroy Rafi.

When we reach Floren, it’s quiet. The sun is high above our heads. The city is beautiful and covered in yellow and white flowers. These are moon flowers and can only be found here. Too bad they’re not what I need. They’re very pretty. I peek my head out from behind Dawn and watch the flowers. The horses are walking on carved-out paths to avoid the flowers.

The city is built of bricks that are colored white, trying to match the reason their town is famous. In the center is a giant palace where the Grand Duke resides. He’s young and has recently inherited the title after his father passed a year ago. He loves to throw parties nightly. All females are welcome. It’s a little harder for any man to get in. Duke Ralin does not like competition.

Dawn and I get off Fidda in front of a dress shop and, wordlessly, hand Gerrickson her reins. After he gives Dawn some money, he and Rafi go to get us a room for the night.

I keep my head down while Dawn and I shop. “Did you remember more?” She asks nonchalantly, looking over at a dress.

“Just more clarity on the day of the ceremony,” I answer weakly. “I talked to Rafi about it. He mentioned that my pain was likely because it was a wrong match.” I look up at her with pain and confusion in my eyes. “If that’s true, why did our relationship feel so right? Why did I love him?”

Dawn opens her mouth and then closes it, trying to find her words. “Skye, you were heavily influenced by the haze. Are you sure that is what you felt? You’re so scared of him now.”

I violently shake my head, trying to rid myself of past feelings. “I know what I felt Dawn. He made me smile. He understood me. He gave me a world full of colors in a mist of black. I was truly happy with him…most of the time.”

She touches my hand. “Then your feelings are genuine.”

I bite my lip. “Is it wrong that I’m happier when he’s gone? That Rafi gives me security and joy, while you keep me sane? Shouldn’t those feelings have left me when he was gone?”

Dawn gives me a small smile. “Not at all. It means you’re moving on from your past. Leave those memories of Koan there. He’s not who he was then.”

I tremble a little as I speak about one thing that has been on my mind. “What if who he is now is who he was then? I just never saw it.”

She nods. “It very well could be that. First love, especially one as strong as yours, is blinding. It’s hard to see the red flags when you’re looking at him with rose-colored glass. Now that you’re not, it’s easier to notice them.”

I open my mouth to respond, but I’m interrupted by a sales clerk. “Can I help you, ladies?”

Dawn flashes her a smile. “Yes. My sister recently broke up with her boyfriend. I heard that Duke Rilan’s parties are the perfect cure for heartache. What do you have to guarantee she’ll have a good time?”

The sales clerk widens her eyes. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Rilan’s parties are a bit wild, so how much of a good time do you want?”

She thinks about it. “Flirty, but not enough for someone to try to take her home.”

She looks me over. “I don’t think the latter is an option, but I’ll find you two what you’re looking for.” She looks us both up and down. “I’m assuming you’re going to need shoes and jewelry.”

Dawn nods and pushes me after her. “Please.”

She looks over her shoulder and smirks. “Hair and makeup?”

“Of course.”