Skinned

Valerie

I learned about life’s dread when I was just a juvenile.

I had burned away my chance of a better life when I had failed to take control of my wolf, and gave it the freedom to have its teeth sink into the throat of our maker.

“You killed him, you bury him.”

I could remember how the Alpha had ordered me to bury my father alone. His words were laced with disdain for my actions, and I made no objections against him, even if he made me settle his grave right in front of my house.

I wore blood as my clothes when half of the pack watched me do everything; no one bothered to offer me a hand when I dragged my father outside of my house and into the hole that I had dug deep for him.

I didn’t miss him.

I didn’t cover him.

I didn’t even clean him.

No tears were shed for the murderer of my happiness.

I didn’t mourn for his departure, but I was consumed with sorrow for the wolf that he had rendered destructive and irreparable.

My features were kept unreadable for everyone’s eyes as I shoveled the dirt and piled it up to my father’s corpse, but beneath the placid exterior of my being, I was crippled.

The blood sticking to my skin was the mark of my shame, and I made no attempt to hide it from my pack.

I was the juvenile that had a wolf too lost to be controlled.

“Kill me,” I pleaded when I had dropped the shovel and sunk down to my knees after putting my father six feet under, but my wolf didn’t take my actions nicely.

I could recall how Azeil stood close to the Alpha, he had just shifted to a fully grown male, and I could see his apparent fear for my wild that was reaching out to make her threat known to the werewolves around us.

My skin was buzzing from the rage rooted deeply from my wolf, completely against my actions as I remained kneeling in front of the leader of my pack.

I could taste the strong shame that my wolf felt for my weakness; she was thoroughly ashamed to be bounded with a feeble skin.

We don’t kneel.

I clamped my mouth shut, muffling the inward growls that were coming out of my throat, my bones at the brink of snapping as my wolf tried to claw her way to the surface once again as her thoughts rang harshly within my mind.

We don’t beg.

I was trembling with my inner turmoil, torn between my wish to die and my wolf wanting to challenge the Alpha.

Everyone watched me fight inwardly with a wolf that was supposed to be in balance with who I was; we were contained within one body, but held separate convictions that deemed our incompatibility.

A tug of war between the skin and the wild.

With clenched teeth and refusing to meet the eyes of the Alpha, I let my pack point their judgement to the entirety of me.

“I will let you bear your shame for the rest of your life and walk upon my land knowing what you’ve done. You will be the example of everything that is wrong, Valerianne,” the Alpha Snarled. “Killing you would be too easy.”

“I doubt that,” I muttered to the glass of bourbon in my hand amidst my reverie.

It was the night of the Exchange, and I found myself reminiscing my past alone as I drowned myself with alcohol.

Donned in a black, satin dress that hugged tight on my torso and fell smoothly down my thighs, I stood alone by the table full of beverages as I watched everything that was happening around me.

The night had taken its place, sky painted dark and smothered with stars as the moon settled itself at its peak.

The two packs were gathered within the large open area. The warm luminosity of torches and lights adorned the venue of the Exchange, as long tables surrounded the area with varieties of toothsome food that could feed the werewolves to their hunger’s extent.

Everyone took joy of the gathering, wolves who found their mates held expressions that leaked of pride and bliss as they celebrated their triumph with their families.

Emma was surrounded with her group of friends, but despite their enthusiastic way of talking with one another, she merely regarded them with an uneasy laugh while shooting several worried glances on my way.

I could tell Emma was uncomfortable. It was like she had something else in her mind while everyone around her was having fun. Her shoulders were hunched, bringing no justice to her light blue dress as she fidgeted with her fingers.

“Are you okay?” I mouthed to Emma with a reassuring smile.

She stared at me for a moment, bearing the same expression of agitation, before hesitantly nodding her head in reply and turning her attention to her friends once again.

Amidst all the revelry, Beta Reed wore a sour look on his face while he picked his dinner off from the long table, showing his displeasure for the females lining up to get a piece of his attention.

I watched intently as another she wolf took her chance and sauntered her way up to his taut figure.

She was the third hit to the Beta’s thinning patience, and I was more than willing to watch her make an attempt to the seething male.

The female was only five feet away from Reed when he had immediately met her approach with a flash of his teeth, dismissing her before she could even make a proper introduction.

The action alone was loud and clear for the girl. With shoulders curled forward and head lowered from her crippled confidence, she turned away to join her group of friends who welcomed her back with pity.

It was entertaining to witness Reed get annoyed with almost every female failing to notice his true intentions.

Clearly, he didn’t want any female for dessert, he just wanted cake.

I raised my glass to my lips, tipping my head back to chug down the last of my drink with a smirk on my face.

“So it is true,” a smooth voice said from behind me, and I looked over my shoulder to see Adira in a dark green dress that matched the color of her mate’s eyes, its silken material gripping snugly around her toned physique.

After regarding her with a grin, I turned away from the Luna and went back to watching the people around me.

“What is?” I questioned nonchalantly.

Adira kept her silence and decided to take her place beside me; her height in complete level with mine as she stood with her back set straight.

She crossed her arms above her chest and looked at me with a soft smile, which was an expression that I thought she was not normally seen wearing.

The way she carried herself didn’t match her title. She stood with the strong air of her threat, a trait that was not befitting for her place as the Luna, but was meant more for an Alpha.

“You’re the girl who denied the Moon,” Adira said. “You’re very famous within our land, especially Eli. It makes me wonder, why do you deny such a gift?”

“It’s simple,” I shot a look at the Luna, “if I allowed it to do what it pleases, I’ll only lead myself to a position that you’re in right now.”

I didn’t want to live a life where I was always reminded that I was meant to stay beneath an Alpha. Other than that, I couldn’t bring myself to shed blood for a mere title.

It wasn’t worth it.

Although Adira’s eyes expressed her contempt for my words, she sent me a smirk and remained calm, “At least I’m always fighting for what I deserve. Have you ever tried that yourself?”

No.

“You know, females can have just much as an Alpha’s authority to lead a pack. Eli is my mate,” Adira sent a look at her Alpha standing at the far end of the venue, surrounded by other burly men of decorated skins, “but I won’t stand for him if he won’t look at me as an equal; he’s not my king, and I plan to make that point over and over again until he remembers it well.”

“I hope you realize that a pack of werewolves will not put their reliance on you,” I told her bitterly, “While it’s still early, you need to lower your ambitions before Eli corrects it himself.”

Luna Adira served herself a glass of wine and smiled, “I’m counting on it.”

“Valerie,” a deep voice called, and I turned my head to the side to see Heath with a lazy smile on his face.

Adira looked at him as well and narrowed her eyes at him. “Have a great night, Valerie,” she told me smoothly before taking her leave from the area.

Heath made his steady approach to me, and I noticed how his eyes were abnormally dilated and glossy, the sight alone forcing my eyebrows to furrow.

“You’re high,” I told him upon my realization, and he replied with a laugh before grabbing a bottle of beer from the table behind me.

“I can’t really deal with anyone here without getting myself wasted,” Heath grinned and took a step back to observe my figure, “You look good tonight, Valerie, although the jacket kind of ruined it for you.”

“Thank you, but,” I raised my arm to tug up the sleeve of my jacket and show him my bandaged arm.

“Right,” he rolled his eyes, “I forgot.”

“So, this is what you’ve been doing?” Heath asked me and cocked his head to the side.

“What?” I raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve been watching everyone for an hour?” he laughed again and looked at the werewolves around us with an uninterested expression on his face, “You’re so boring.”

“No one really wants to get themselves involved with someone like me,” I shrugged.

“And you sound depressing too,” Heath added. “Sometimes, I ask myself how I even manage to put up with you.”

“Shut up, Heath,” I bit out sent him a glare before letting my eyes scan the entire crowd of werewolves once again.

And I realized that the Alpha was nowhere in sight. In fact, I hadn’t seen him enter the venue yet.

“Where’s Alpha Azeil?” I asked Heath, who merely avoided my gaze and drank his bottle of beer.

“I don’t know,” he answered me nonchalantly, “Don’t worry, he’s not in your boy toy’s cage; I checked.”

“You need to stop calling him a boy toy,” I snapped.

“Can’t I say my truth?” Heath smirked before placing his empty bottle back on the table behind us.

“You need to stop worrying,” he told me. “Come on, we can’t let the good food go to waste. Eat with me.”

I looked around me once again before looking back at Heath to send him a nod, “Let’s go.”

But amidst the celebration filled with joy and unity, settled at the back of my mind, was a voice that told me that something was not right.