Six of Ruin (Heirs of Irenwell #1)

“What did you do?” I asked him, desperation apparent in my voice.

“I pushed you out.” Rixen shrugged. “I don’t want you in my head anymore and I cannot trust you to stay out on your own.”

“How-” My voice broke, “How did you even do that?”

“I figured it out.” Another shrug. “Now, please, just leave me alone. I need to be away from you.”

My shoulders slumped. He was right to do this. After all, I stepped out of line. Shooing that girl away, intruding his thoughts while he was with her...

Why would I do that?

He said I tried to trick him into wanting me.

“Of all the people in the world,” I spoke, “you’re the one I didn’t trick into wanting me. If you want me, that’s all you.”

Rixen didn’t turn around. Instead, he disappeared inside the tavern again, probably to finish what he started with the redheaded tramp.

I sighed and walked away. Suddenly, the dress I had on appeared too revealing. I crossed my hands on my chest, trying to hide myself from cold and shame.

Anger ceased, replaced by guilt and confusion.

Underneath it all, I missed my mother. She would know what to do. She would comfort me. If she were around, I quite possibly wouldn’t even be here. I would be back in Irenwell and my brother would be on this journey instead.

But I would still have magic.

Another sigh left my lips as I walked through the empty streets of Balr. Sounds of celebration were now nothing but a murmur in the distance, quieter with each step I took. When I found myself at the end of the street, on the stone terrace overlooking the dark sea, I realised I had wandered off too far.

“Are you lost?”

I froze the moment I heard the question. A primal pang of fear stirred in my gut.

“No.” I answered and turned towards the source of the voice.

A man stood in the shadows. He was tall and rugged, his unshaved beard covered half of his scarred face. He wore dark rags, which made him almost invisible in darkness. He had a flagon in his hand. A wild smirk gripped his lips.

And he was blocking my way back.

“Are you sure?” He asked, coming slightly closer. “I can show you the way back, if you’ll follow me.”

I took a step back, unable to help myself, “I’m fine. I live just around the corner. And I’m meeting my fiancé shortly.” I lied, hoping it might dissuade the man from speaking to me.

But he let out a laugh, “I know who you are. And I know you’re not from around here. Don’t be stupid and let me show you the way back.”

I swallowed the emerging fear. Alright, I just had to walk past him. Nothing would happen. I would just casually stroll past him.

“Thank you, but I’m fine.” My voice was strained as I gathered the courage to walk past him and find my way back to the tavern.

Quickly, I glanced around, checking whether there were people anywhere. But I was alone and all the windows were dark.

I hugged myself to prevent the cold and to hide my damn cleavage and scurried ahead, pretending not to be worried.

The man extended his long, muscled arm and blocked my way.

Tears immediately burned in the corners of my eyes. Panic gripped me from head to toe. No, no, no. Rixen would feel this, Rixen would come and save me-

Rixen pushed me out of his mind.

I couldn’t feel him. He couldn’t feel me.

“Let me pass.” I said sternly, feeling weaker than ever before. There was nothing I could do but beg. “Please. People will come looking for me.”

“I doubt that, Princess.” The man let out a hoarse laugh. “If they thought you were so precious, they wouldn’t have let you out of their sights.”

I stepped back, well aware there was nowhere to go. The street ended here, it ended with the terrace. And beyond the fence, there was nothing but deep, dark sea.

The man came closer, his grin widening.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Why didn’t I let Danilo teach me self-defence? Why didn’t I bring my sword? Why did I refuse every single opportunity to learn anything useful?

When he finally reached for me, I bent my leg and kicked him in the groin with every ounce of strength I possessed. He shouted in pain and staggered back.

I ran past him, barely processing my actions. But my ankle was swollen and my silver shoes weren’t meant for running. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I cursed at myself.

The man grabbed my arm and yanked me back. I screamed. I screamed louder than I’ve ever screamed in my life. But as I fell on the floor and the man covered my mouth with his calloused hand, my scream died down.

He pinned me down with his body, extinguishing all of my hope. There was nothing but fear and disgust now. And anger, tremendous anger.

I struggled against him, but my movements were helpless. I tried to bite his hand, but his skin was too rough and I couldn’t even open my mouth wide enough to bite. His angry, lustful eyes stared down at me with a predatory gleam.

I was a conquest.

I was nothing but flesh in a fancy dress.

The man still had me pinned down as he lifted the hem of my dress. Cold stone and his rugged clothes scratched my skin. His hand trailed over my breasts, pulling at my dress, revealing my naked skin. Disgust flooded me. Tears poured down my cheeks.

There was nothing I could do.

I felt caged, caught – a cornered animal.

I screamed against his skin, cursed him, tried to bite him. Anger shushed out the panic, anger flooded the fear. My heart hammered in my chest, sending energy to my limbs. I tried to hit him with my legs, with my hands, with my head, but nothing worked. If there was a way to kill him right now, I would. If there was a way to see him suffer, I would do it.

The man removed his hand from my mouth to unbutton his pants.

“Let me go!” I shouted. “Let. Me. Go!”

Anger gave place to rage, which gave place to hatred. And underneath the hatred, I found something more visceral. Something so deep it could only ever come alive in the dark.

It did not call. It purred.

Here I am, it said. Here I am, take me.

And I did. I dived deep into the darkness of my own mind and screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Let! Me! Go!”

A different sort of energy coursed through me. Lulling, powerful energy. I felt it all over my body, prickling and biting my skin.

The man’s eyes widened as he looked at me. Terror shined in his pupils. He stumbled off me with disgust, letting out a horrible, surprised gasp. With his pants around his ankles, he tried to escape.

And I stepped towards him.

“No!” He shouted. “Get away from me!”

Crack his tiny skull. The voice was mine. It was me.

He staggered back, dread paling his face. My skin tingled with power as I took another step towards him.

“Get away from me!”

I leaped forward. The man stumbled. He was too close to the fence, too close. In a heartbeat, he staggered over the stone terrace, tumbling to the deep, dark sea. His scream echoed through the night. A thud followed. And then a splash.

“Irina!” Rixen ran past me and leaned over the fence. He had a dagger in hand and he was sweaty. Fear seeped off him in waves. “Fuck! He’s dead! Are you alright?”

When he finally turned towards me and looked at me, his face paled, “Oh, shit.”

“Where were you?!” I shouted. “You weren’t here! You left me here and I almost- he almost-”

“Irina.” Rixen murmured, his yellow eyes wide.

“What?!” I yelled at him. “Don’t ask me what happened, I don’t know!”

“I do.” The shadowman nodded. “We need to get you out of here.”

“You weren’t here!” My limbs began to shake as I finally somewhat processed what just occurred. “I thought you would save me.”

Desperation poured out of my soul in the form of ugly tears. All emotions crashed into me at once. Anger towards him. Anger towards myself. How could I be so stupid? How could I possibly think nothing would ever happen to me?

“Irina.” Rixen came closer. “We have to get out of here before someone sees you.”

“What?” His words stopped my thoughts from running amuck.

“Come on.” Rixen glanced around and over the fence one more time. Then, he unbuttoned his shirt and gave it to me. “Cover your head.”

“What’s going on?” Another wave of panic washed over me. “Rixen-”

“Let’s go.” The shadowman grabbed my forearm and pulled me away from the terrace. “We need to find Ace, hopefully he’s sober enough to fix this.”

We walked through the streets. Rixen’s shirt covered my head. It smelled like liquor and him. And it was comforting, to the point it almost reminded me of home. The feeling soothed me and terrified me at the same time.

Once we reached the tavern, Rixen hurried inside to fetch Ace. I lingered in the hallway, trembling and crying. I killed a man. Fuck. How did that happen?

I didn’t just want him off me. I wanted him to die. The pride I felt seeing him stumble to his death disgusted me. What was wrong with me?

Why did power taste so good?

Rixen and Ace appeared on the doorstep. When Ace saw me, he burst into a drunken laughter.

“We need to get her out of here.” Rixen said. “Can you help?”

“Someone tell me what in the three hells is going on?!” I stomped with my feet.

“In a moment, diablerie.” Ace laughed out loud and led us upstairs. He opened the door to one of the rooms and gestured to come inside. “Take a look at yourself.”

I sat in front of a mirror. And the scream I let out was louder than all the others combined.

Because when I looked in the mirror, expecting to find my terrified face, I found a grey, ashy, half-dead old woman staring back. My skin was covered with black, dead blisters. They revealed the white bones underneath.

My eyes were hollow and bloodshot. My hair was thin and covered in bloody ooze. My teeth were diseased and yellow, my lips were cracked.

“Fuck!” I stumbled out of the chair, falling on the floor. “No, no, no! Come on!”

“Relax.” Ace chuckled. “It’s an illusion.”

“Make it go away!” I hit the floor with both my hands, feeling desperate and helpless. “Make it go away, please!”

“You have to relax, witch.” Ace said. “You’re doing this to yourself. As soon as you calm down and your magic ceases, it will disappear.”

“How do I do that?” I ushered. “Tell me!”

“I don’t know what calms down a princess.” Ace shrugged. “Perhaps thinking of wealth accumulated by peasants you exploit and keep poor and clueless by subjugating them to hard labour and high tax?”

Rixen chuckled.

I crossed my hands on my chest, still on the floor, “You weren’t there.”

Rixen looked at me, guilt shining in his eyes, “I came.”

“You weren’t quick enough.” I pushed. “He almost-”

Rixen nodded, “And I will regret it for the rest of my life. But that man is dead and you’re alright, so I suppose you’re not as helpless as one might think.”

“It’s a nifty trick.” Ace murmured. “Mind magic never fails to amaze me.”

“Mind magic?” I asked.

“I’m an earth mage.” Ace said. “You’re a mind mage. While I can manipulate the physical world, you can manipulate everything regarding one’s mind. I told you, your Grace, there’s a reason why you always get what you want and it has little to do with your pretty eyes and promiscuous nature.”

“Perhaps it’s time to read Ars Magica.” Rixen suggested.

They were right. My avoidance only led me to the brink of something horrible happening. I let out a sigh, perhaps it truly was time to accept this magic as something that could be useful.

“Fine.” I nodded. “I’ll read the damn book.”

“Look, the illusion is disappearing.” Ace said.

I jumped off the floor and looked in the mirror. Truly, my face slowly turned back to normal. The blisters were gone, so was the old, grey skin. My hair returned to its previous, beautiful self. All that was left now were my own tired eyes.

“Thanks.” I mumbled. “This was awful.”

“You know,” Ace said suddenly, “If you want the curse off the two of you, I can do it.”

Rixen and I both looked at him, “What?”

“Your curse.” Ace repeated. “It’s a residue from my spell, which means I can take it off if you want.”

Silence ensued. At the thought of losing Rixen from my mind, cold sweat washed over me. He glanced at me, as if telling me it was my choice.

“No.” I swallowed. “No reason to get rid of it just yet. It’s proven itself useful.”

“Useful?” Rixen scoffed. “Of course, let’s keep it while it’s useful. And when it stops, we can forget about it and never think of it again. Good night.”

And he left the room, leaving me alone with the mage, “What have I done now?”

“How are you so smart and so dumb at the same time?” Ace squinted. “Anyway, I have to get going. Nickeltinker thinks he can outdrink me and I have to prove him wrong.”

“Shouldn’t you cut back on the liquor? You are quite old.” I said.

Ace narrowed his eyes at me, “Never call a mage old.”

I smiled, “Never hurt a mage’s ego, you mean.”

Before he left the room, however, he turned around and looked at me with slight curiosity, “You killed a man today.”

“Technically, he killed himself.” I rationalized, unable to deal with this right now. “He stumbled to his own death. One would think that if one wanted to rape a girl, one would be better prepared for things going awry.”

Ace squinted, “Did you just shame a guy for being bad at raping?”

“I’m just saying.”

“A piece of unsolicited advice, Irina. That energy running through your veins right now, it’s pure, undiluted power.” Ace said, “Whether you want to use it or not is up to you. But you must accept it as your reality. Otherwise, you will do things you will regret.”

Perhaps it was the unnaturally serious tone of his voice, but I felt the burst of honesty rolling off my tongue, “I liked it, the feeling it created.”

“Of course you did.” Ace chuckled humourlessly. “You’re a power-hungry little thing, aren’t you? And you can pretend all your lies and manipulation exist solely as means of survival, but it’s more than that. You do it because you love the control, you love being in charge.”

His words sent an eerie rush down my spine.

“And once you get a taste of true power,” Ace opened the door, “There’s no going back.”