SWNOVELS Sinful: Chapter 64
Please let me be the villain.
Somewhere far away, I heard Sin’s voice. My heart jumped at the sound of it. It felt like forever since I’d heard anyone. Or registered any presence aside from the darkness.
I’d been wallowing in it for ages.
I wanted to go home.
I dreamed of the guys. Mirage. Bryce. Asylum. Church. Stitches. Ashes. Sinful. All of them were begging me to come back. Making promises to protect me. To keep me safe. To love me. To do anything I asked of them.
But I didn’t want that.
I wanted to protect myself. I wanted to be the one who could handle my business. The fear that dwelled inside me needed to go away. There was only one way to make that happen.
Stop wallowing in the darkness I hid in and become it.
The darkness was what my guys were. It made them stronger. I hid behind my trauma. Embracing it could change everything.
Please let me be the villain.
Maybe I wanted to be a villain too.
All I needed to do was wake up. Take what was mine. Claim it. Own it. I could be brave. . . right?
Please, god, I want to be brave.
He begged me softly. His voice grew clearer. Dampness. He cried quietly, not wanting anyone to know he was doing it.
Sinful.
My Sinful.
Please. I want to be brave. Help me. Please, god, help me!
Open. Open your eyes and just face it. OPEN YOUR EYES.
I snapped my eyelids open and stared blearily around the room for a moment before I took in. Sin curled against my body, his face buried in my neck, his body shaking as he cried.
Every muscle screamed at me from not moving, but I managed to lift my hand and rake my fingers clumsily through his messy hair.
He pulled his head up and stared down at me, his gray eyes bloodshot from crying.
“Siren?”
I let my eyelids drift closed for a moment before I opened them and cradled his cheek, his rough stubble beneath my fingers.
“Sinful,” I whispered his name, my voice raspy.
“Oh, fuck. Sirena.” He dragged me to sit up before wrapping his arms around me and squeezing me until I almost couldn’t breathe. His lips peppered kisses all over my face before he finally released me.
“You’re back. You’re here.” He stared at me in wonder, like he couldn’t believe I was a real person.
I didn’t feel like a real person. In fact, my body felt foreign to me.
But I was here. Awake. Alive. Back.
“Y-you need to eat. You haven’t eaten in days.” His voice shook. I watched him grab the call button and hit it several times until a nurse bustled in.
“She’s awake. Get O’Brien. Get her food. Now,” Sin snapped. The nurse looked terrified but rushed away to do as he commanded.
I liked that he made people move like that.
In fact, it made me more than happy.
Sin laid me gently back against the mattress and stared down at me. “I have our notebook.”
I gave him a tired smile, desperate to just say my feelings and forgo the notebook. “I f-feel weird.”
“I know, baby.” Relief swept over his face at my words.
It didn’t feel right to speak.
“You haven’t eaten in days. You need food. You’ll feel better once you have some.”
Moments later, the doctor came in and went over me from top to bottom. I didn’t answer his questions. He was a nice man, but my voice wasn’t for him.
He seemed satisfied with me, though, and told Sin he still wanted me to stay the night. Sin agreed, and I didn’t fight it. I wanted the weirdness I felt to go away.
Or maybe I needed to adapt to it.
The lights hurt my eyes.
“Your food is here.” Sin moved so the nurse could put the food on the tray. Sin adjusted my bed a little so I was sitting up better.
The nurse didn’t stick around. She booked it out before Sin could give her a second dirty look.
I really did like him domineering and in power mode.
“Eat,” he said softly, lifting my spoon for me.
I parted my lips and ate everything he fed me, right down to the weird cold peas.
“How are you feeling? Better?”
I said nothing, watching him worry over me.
He didn’t need to worry for me. None of them did. I was tired of people always being scared I was going to break because of how weak I was.
“I need to call the guys.” He pulled his phone out. “We’ve been so worried, baby. So fucking worried. We thought we’d lost you.” His voice trailed off.
Anger surged through me.
They didn’t deserve this. None of them deserved to constantly be going through this with me.
I needed to be brave.
The words kept repeating in my head.
I needed to be a villain too. Princesses ended up captured. But villains. . . they were in control.
And that’s what I wanted.
Control.
I held his hand for a moment before he kissed me again. When he pulled away, he put the phone to his ear and spoke.
“She’s back.”
No.
She wasn’t.
I was.
The brave Sirena. The one who lurked in the darkness. The one who wanted to merge that darkness with her guys and make a stronger world for all of them.
A ghost of a girl who wanted more.
And one who would get it.