SWNOVELS Sinful: Chapter 43
The snowman turned out good. I really liked the pinecone ears. It was a nice touch.
I smiled at his words in our notebook as we sat in the cave later that night. I didn’t realize he’d had the notebook tucked away in his jacket the entire time, but I was delighted he’d thought to grab it.
We’d wandered through the cemetery before heading to this secret cavern deep in the forest. I liked it here. The heaviness of Chapel Crest seemed far away as I scribbled quickly in the dim light from the heater to him.
I wasn’t going to give him ears, but I was thinking, what kind of snowman doesn’t have ears?
I took in the smile on his face as he read my words. Sinclair Priest was beautiful when he smiled. He was beautiful when he didn’t smile, but something about the way his face lit up made me sick with want. Wanting to keep him smiling. Wanting to keep him happy. Wanting so much for him, including his family back.
I was going to make it happen. Somehow.
Church’s words slipped into my mind. I swallowed and pushed them away. I didn’t want to worry tonight. Or this week. My focus needed to be on Sin right now.
One thing at a time.
That little dark cloud inside me peeked around the corner of my mind, reminding me we still needed to make a certain someone pay for what he did to me. Guilt rushed through me at having neglected that.
“Hey. Siren.” Sin’s warm fingers slid beneath my chin. “Come back, OK? Whatever you’re worried about, let it go. Be here with me in this moment.”
I stared into his gray eyes and nodded, my throat tight.
It didn’t seem to matter how hard I tried. What had happened in those damn woods haunted me like an old ghost. I needed to lay it to rest, but I didn’t know how. I couldn’t even say his name, let alone do anything about it.
The darkness grew.
God, what I wouldn’t give to tear his guts from his body. Wear them like a necklace before I. . .
I blinked, the vision of the hellish destruction in my head clearing.
Damnit. I was really losing it.
“What’s wrong?” Sin pressed softly. “Talk to me, beautiful.”
I blinked at him, my heart pounding. He crinkled his brows as he took in my face like he knew what I was thinking.
“I don’t like that you still think about that night.” His voice came out in a low, sad, shaky hum, confirming my thoughts. “I-I can’t stop blaming myself for it. Fuck. If I could go back in time, siren, I’d change it all—”
I silenced him with a kiss. I hated that he hated himself. He had issues. We all did. It was no reason to continue to punish ourselves over them.
He cradled my face with his hands while deepening the kiss. I parted my lips, allowing him all the control he wanted.
“I want to take the ugly memories away,” he whispered against my lips between kisses. “I want to replace them with everything I can give you. My promise is to keep you safe always. My touch. My devotion. My love.”
Butterflies fluttered in my chest at his sweet words.
I wanted all of that and more. Without a doubt.
“Fuck, I want to give you a world I never had, baby.” He’d managed to shift me back on the couch so he was balancing on his elbows over me, his gray eyes filled with so much adoration that it made my breath catch.
His lips brushed gently against mine before he stared down at me again.
“That night. That I-I did that to you. I wanted to come back, but I was scared. Terrified. So fucking stupid. I knew then that I loved you. I just didn’t realize what the feeling was because it was all-consuming. I’ve never felt anything like it before. I-I believed it was hate.” He bit his bottom lip for a moment. “I ran. I wasn’t going to come back because I knew what I’d done was going to fuck everything up.” A pained expression crossed his face which broke my heart.
He made to move off me, but I gripped his shirt and brought him back.
“Stop running, Sinful,” I whispered to him.
“Oh, siren.” His lips descended on mine again, stealing the breath from my lungs.
It was me who took the lead this time, kissing him hard and deep, desperate to let him know who loved and wanted him. That I forgave him. That I understood.
His hands traversed my body, his dick hard as he pressed between my legs. With my fingers tangled in his messy hair, I tugged him closer and jutted my hips up to grind against him. He let out a soft moan against my lips and rocked forward for me. My pussy vibrated with want as we rubbed against one another.
But just as the heat began to build, Stitches’s face entered my mind. His words. My promise.
Damnit to hell.
I broke the kiss off, knowing it was for the best. If I screwed this up, it could cause more issues when Church returned. I didn’t want him to return to me fucking someone he was mad at. Risking Sin for an intense orgasm wasn’t worth it. When this happened between us, I wanted all the magic, not simply a few minutes of rubbing against each other.
“What’s wrong?” Sin’s voice came out breathless when I broke the kiss off. “Am I hurting you? I’m sorry.” He immediately stopped and moved off me, his fingers in his hair and his eyes downcast. “I-I get excited. I’m so fucking grateful for you, siren. I got carried away. I know you’re going through shit, and this might have been too much—”
I sat up and reached for him. He came to me, a sad look on his face that all but broke my heart.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered again. “It was too much. I always push for too much.”
Desperate, I pulled away from him and grabbed our notebook. As fast as I could, I scribbled a note to him, wishing my words could just come from my mouth instead of only random things at random times.
It’s not you. I want you. I want this. I don’t want to hurt Church, though. His feelings on this matter to me too. If I do this with you, it could hurt him. I don’t want anyone hurt. I love him like I love you.
Sin’s gray eyes took in my words. I watched as he stared at the paper for a moment before he turned to me, his brows crinkled.
“You love me too, siren?”
I answered by leaning in and brushing my lips against his.
The notebook fell to the ground. He swept me into his arms and clung to me, his face buried in my neck, his arms wound tightly around me.
“I don’t know how you could ever love a monster like me, but I am so in love with you too. I am. From the moment I saw you, I knew. I knew you were the one I’d been looking for. I was just so scared.” I felt a warm tear drip along my neck before his lips were at my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin. “I fucking love you with every ounce of me there is. I will always love you. You have become my entire world. I only hope I can be a fraction of yours.”
He pulled away from me and scribbled those words into the notebook before handing it back to me.
“So you remember,” he murmured. “They aren’t only words to me. They’re promises. I’m yours. In whatever capacity you need or want me, you own me, Sirena. I belong to you now.”
I took the pen and wrote the only thing I knew in that moment.
And I belong to you.