SWNOVELS Sinful: Chapter 38
Sin didn’t push for more with me. He simply slowed his kisses to a stop before he held me in his arms, whispering sweet things to me while I rested my head atop his chest, his heart thrumming in my ear.
“I can’t believe I’m here,” he said softly. “With you in my arms. It doesn’t feel real.”
I moved my hand lower on his abdomen. He exhaled slowly as I ran my fingers lightly against the bare patch of skin peeking out from beneath his t-shirt.
“I have so much to say but lack the words,” he continued. “I-thank you, siren, for the chance after all the shit I did. I don’t know how many ways I can say I’m sorry, but if you ask it of me, I’ll do it.”
I gently pressed my finger to his lips to silence his worries. He planted a kiss atop my head and went quiet.
Knowing the guys had allowed this to happen filled my heart. I’d been so confused, and I’d really thought that after tonight, everything would just crash and burn. We weren’t out of the woods yet since we needed to get Church to allow it, but I was hopeful. It was the best I had right now.
Maybe there was some part inside me that was scared to not be protected. Maybe it was why I was falling hard for the men in my life. It could be a hope I’d have them there to keep me safe. The hope for something more.
I closed my eyes, the darkness peeking out to remind me that the only real way to be safe was to take out those who hurt me so they could never do it again.
I smiled at that before drifting off to dreamland.
I awoke the following morning to Sin’s arms still wrapped tightly around me. Inhaling deeply, I tried to carve the way he smelled deep into my mind. He smelled of spice and a hint of leather, much like Ashes and Stitches did. The difference was there was no tinge of smoke and cherries, like with Ashes, and no bit of sandalwood and fresh linen, like with Stitches. With my eyes closed, I drew in several deep breaths until I was content, envisioning the way he looked. The way he kissed. How his gray eyes reminded me of stormy skies and how his touch was like lightning on my skin.
Carefully, I untangled myself from him and went into the bathroom, where I freshened up before returning. He’d barely moved, so I crawled back into bed and reclaimed my spot.
“Hey,” he murmured, draping his arm around my waist and dragging me back against his body. It felt so weird to be this intimate with him, considering everything we’d gone through, but I definitely didn’t hate it. Even through my nerves, I knew this was right. Before he’d ever hurt me, I’d wanted him.
Now, here we were, on the cusp of something terrifying. Despite what he’d done, I felt like he’d paid his penance and deserved to come home. I felt like I could trust him. People didn’t save your life if they wanted you dead, and I knew he’d rescued me from the woods with Asylum.
I let out a soft sigh, and he raked his fingers through my hair.
“We only get a week, siren,” he said in a low voice. “That may be it. Once Church comes home, it’s probably game over.”
I pulled away and stared into his sad eyes before pressing my finger to his lips as I did the night before. He went silent, so much concern on his handsome face it made my heart stutter.
It didn’t take a genius to know his fears. They were mine too. Church might completely lose it on him. On me. We were playing a dangerous game, me probably more than Sin, because deep in my heart, I wanted more. I wanted Bryce. Asylum. All of it. Even my rabbit.
“What are you thinking about?”
I fluttered my lashes for a moment as a means to clear my worries from my mind, knowing it wasn’t going to help, but deciding I needed to just focus on one problem at a time. In this moment, getting Sin home with the guys was my top priority. Everything else would eventually fall into place.
At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. Dealing with one thing at a time was what I needed to do.
I said nothing, watching his lips turn into a slight frown.
I didn’t like to see him frown. I didn’t like for any of my guys to frown. We’d all been through hell and back and needed to smile more.
I wasn’t sure how to make that happen, though, except to try to reunite everyone.
“Do I need our notebook?” he continued, his thumb making gentle circles on my cheek as he cradled my face.
I liked our notebook. It was like a history book for us.
I gave him a pleading look which made him chuckle softly.
“OK. I’ll go get it.” He made to pull away, but I was quick to twist my fingers into his t-shirt and hold him in place.
The smallest smile curled his lips upward at my gesture.
“I promise I’ll be right back. Wait for me.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, and I released him, letting him go. He probably wanted to change his clothes anyway.
I watched him slide his feet into his boots before he left the room, casting a final look of longing at me that made butterflies dance in my stomach. Once the door clicked closed behind him, I got up and quickly showered before putting on a pair of leggings and a long, pink, cozy sweater.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a few moments, trying to decide what to do with my hair. Finally, I decided to leave it hanging in loose waves around me.
Once back in my room, I sat at my easel and began painting in an effort to keep the fear and worry out of my mind.
It didn’t take long until I’d created the image of Sin with his blond hair hanging around him in a shaggy mess, his gray eyes sad and downcast.
“Angel?” Stitches called out, his heavy footsteps coming into my room. I’d been so lost in my painting I hadn’t heard him on the stairs.
His warm hand rested on my shoulder, and I finally turned to look up at him.
“Hey, baby,” he greeted me softly. “Is everything OK?”
I gave him a slight nod, and he knelt in front of me, taking my brush from my hand and placing it on the easel.
“Can we talk?” He took my hand in his, and I let him lead me to my bed. We sat on the edge of it, both of us quiet for a long time, before he spoke.
“I saw Sin leave this morning. Did you two, uh, I mean, did you guys have sex?”
I remained silent for a moment as he stared back at me before I shook my head.
He blew out a breath and offered me an unsteady smile that looked misplaced on his handsome face.
“I want you to be happy. So does Ashes. It’s why we decided to do this with Sin. We have about a week before Church gets back. There’s something we need to discuss, though.”
I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, ready for him to lay the news on me. I assumed it was bad news, judging by how quiet he seemed.
“You don’t know this, but when Church spends too much time in the Underground, he tends to become. . . unhinged.” He cleared his throat, and my stomach tightened with worry at his words.
“We can already see how it’s affected him. He sort of just disconnects. My therapist would say it’s a coping mechanism and a way to partition that part of his mind off as a means to keep his sanity. But honestly, angel, he loses a piece of his mind whenever he’s there. You and Sin trying to work out your differences can be dangerous if Church snaps. Ashes and I love you to hell and back and will do all we can to protect you. But know that Church is Church, and we’re all playing a dangerous game.”
I sat quietly, absorbing his words. It wasn’t a secret how unhinged Church and the guys already were, but the fear washed through me at what it could mean if he really did snap. I didn’t want anyone to be hurt because of me. Not Sin, Ashes, Stitches, Asylum, Mirage. . . Bryce.
Damnit.
I hugged Stitches, the worry over how complicated all of this was taking hold. He let out a soft breath and kissed the top of my head, his arms around me.
“I love you, baby,” he murmured. “I’d die to keep you safe. I’d kill to keep you safe.”
I swallowed hard at his proclamation. I’d do the same for him and the guys.
“Just. . . don’t sleep with Sin. Don’t let anything happen there. It might be the thread you pull to save the entire thing, you know?” he continued softly. “I know Sin can be a smooth talker, but hold out until it’s sorted, OK? Wait for Church to be OK with it. For now, get to know one another. You may hate his grouchy ass.”
I smiled at his words, knowing exactly how much of a grouch Sin was but also knowing he’d come a long way since the beginning.
“Oh, angel, we’re in hell, aren’t we?” he asked, gently raking his fingers through my hair. “Sin fucked up and hurt us all, but I miss him and want him to come home. I worry about Dante, though. Just. . . be good, OK?”
I pulled away and peered into his dark eyes. With a small nod of my head, I agreed to his terms, earning a smile from him.
“Let’s get you fed.” He got to his feet and offered me his hand, and I took it, allowing him to lead me downstairs.
Life was like taking the stairs. One step at a time.
I repeated it in my head, my lips moving with the words.
The little blip of darkness within me sighed, letting me know we could just say to hell with the steps and jump.
I’d call that plan B.