SWNOVELS Sinful: Chapter 35
Istared down at the pink, sparkly polish on my nails. I hadn’t painted them in ages it seemed, and it felt nice to do so with Cady.
“So I told him he could go fuck himself if he was going to be that way,” Cady said, finishing her story about some guy named Jake on campus who wanted her to put out, but she wouldn’t because he insisted on recording them.
“I don’t know how you deal with all your guys,” she continued. “Do they do stupid shit like that?”
I shook my head for her, making her sigh.
“I’m glad you’re lucky in love. I’m waist-deep in the cesspool, it seems.”
I patted her hand, letting her know it would be OK. She did seem to have bad luck with guys.
“You know, last year at Megan Keeley’s party, I made out with Lucy Travers.”
I raised my eyebrows at her admission.
She nodded, smirking at me. “It was fun. Girls are softer, you know? They aren’t just looking to screw. At least the ones I’ve known aren’t. Sure, it’s a good time and all that, but they actually can hold a conversation, unlike all the guys I’ve known.”
I watched her examine her black nails.
“Mom called. Asked how things were going here. I told her I wish I’d have gone crazy sooner. She didn’t like that.” She laughed. “But she said Jerry’s being a dick and hasn’t been home much. He’s probably railing his secretary or something.” She paused. “Does he have a secretary?”
I shrugged, not knowing or caring what that jerk had, but wishing my mom would leave him. I had no idea what she saw in him.
“And Adam.” She sighed.
I stiffened at the mention of his name, my pulse roaring in my ears.
“He had his meds adjusted. He’s been so much better since. He’s apologized for the shit he said that night.” Her voice grew softer. “I truly believe he’s sorry. He wasn’t himself. He brought me those roses.”
I glanced at the red roses on her dresser, my stomach in knots.
“So I know he was a complete dick. I wanted to kill him that night, but he really did apologize and has been so good since. I-I’d like you two to get along. I think he might be the one.”
My heart was beating so hard and fast I thought I was going to pass out.
There was a knock on the door, making her look to it.
“Listen, I invited him over tonight because he said he wanted to apologize to you in person.”
No. No. NO.
I had to get out of there.
She got up, and the moment she did, I pulled my phone out and tried to call Ashes. He didn’t answer, making me panic further. I swept down my list and hit Sin’s name. It rang twice before he answered.
“Siren?”
“H-help,” I choked out, my voice trembling as Cady opened the door. “P-please.”
“Where are you?” he demanded.
“C-Cady’s.”
“I’m on the way. I’ll be there in a minute. Hang on, OK?”
I said nothing, breathing heavily into the phone.
There was no way in hell I was going to stay in here. I had no way to protect us. Getting to my feet, I disconnected the call from Sin and put my phone into my pocket. I was going to go out the damn window if I had to. I’d face a broken leg before I faced the monster who hurt me.
I wasn’t ready for it. Not yet. I wasn’t strong enough.
I was just about to smash open the window and make the dive when Cady opened the door further and let out a sigh.
Bryce stepped into the room, and his hazel eyes zeroed in on me.
Without contemplating my next move, I rushed to him and threw my arms around his neck.
He hugged me back, his lips at my ear as he leaned down for me. “What’s wrong?”
“L-l-leave. H-home.”
“OK.” He didn’t question me. He simply tightened his hold on me for a moment before moving away.
“Where are you going?” Cady asked, frowning as we moved past her. “Rina? What’s wrong?”
“Uh, we had plans tonight.” Bryce put himself between me and her. “Sorry. I canceled on her and then was able to come, so I headed here since I knew this was where she’d be. We’d stay, but I also promised Ashes I’d get her home. So. . . raincheck?”
Cady sighed. “I guess. Rina, are you sure you’re OK?”
I said nothing, wrapping my arms tighter around myself.
“Fine. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Come w-with. . .?” I tried to beg her. I didn’t want her alone with Adam.
Her phone buzzed, and she waved us off before closing the door.
I stared at the heavy door, my heart in my throat.
“Come on,” Bryce said, putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the elevator. He pushed the button, and the doors slid open. We stepped inside, and I let out a choked breath.
Bryce fixed his gaze on me. I had no idea why he’d shown up when he did, but he was a godsend. Maybe Ashes really did send for me.
“Sirena, what’s going on?”
“A-A—” I couldn’t get his name out. “C-Cady. N-not safe.”
He frowned at me for a moment before pulling his phone out and sending a text. His phone rang a moment later.
“Hey, yeah, she’s worried about you. What’s going on?” He was quiet as he listened to Cady on the phone, nodding his head.
“I don’t know. I guess that’s good. I’ll let her know. She’ll relax now. Yeah. OK. Bye.” Bryce hung up and tucked his phone away.
“She said Adam called and isn’t coming tonight, so she was going to hang out with Jasmine O’Laughlin in her dorm instead since she’d asked her to earlier. Whatever is bothering you is OK. Cady’s OK.”
I nodded, relief rushing through me.
The door dinged open at the bottom level, and we stepped out into the lobby. Bryce quickly took my hand and led me outside into the cold night air.
The tension dissolved the more distance we put between us and the dorm until I could almost function.
“You’re not OK,” Bryce said, breaking the silence. “Sirena, what’s going on?”
I shook, my arms still around myself. I’d forgotten my jacket at Cady’s.
Bryce pulled me to a stop, then took his jacket off and wrapped it around me. He was a lot bigger than me, so the coat hung loosely around my body.
“Look at me,” he murmured, concern on his pretty face. “Sirena?”
I shook my head. I didn’t even know what to say. More than anything, I wanted to save my sister.
Then, I needed to kill Adam.
It was the only way.
The darkness peeked out, reminding me it was possible if I could just let it out and learn to control the dangerous capabilities I possessed.
The darkness and bravery were the same thing in this instance.
The terror in that moment was greater.
I had no idea how Bryce knew I was at Cady’s. I wanted to ask, but the words weren’t there.
I needed to learn to defend myself. And more than that, to kill without remorse.
“I wish you could tell me what’s going on.” He sighed before reaching out to adjust the jacket on me. “I don’t ever get to see you anymore. It’s so hard. I actually have something for you in my dorm. I was going to bring it, but I heard Jasmine O’Laughlin telling Amanda Perry that Cady wouldn’t be going to watch movies in her dorm tonight because she was going to hang out with you. In my excitement, I rushed out without it. Do you want to come back to my place?” He shuffled from foot to foot, his face showing me all I needed to see.
Exhaling, I reached for his hand, noting how cold he was, before tugging him toward his building.
“Chocolate with cherry frosting,” Bryce proclaimed, handing me a pretty cupcake.
I’d relaxed enough to take it from him with slightly trembling fingers. I loved these cupcakes.
“I also have a lemon one and carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.” He showed me the little box of cupcakes he had. “I knew you really liked the chocolate one, though, but you can have these ones too. Take them home with you. I kept a few for myself.”
I didn’t bite into my cupcake. I simply held it in my hands.
Bryce reached out and carefully took the cupcake from me, then placed it on his bedside table.
“Cady said Adam was on his way over. I don’t know if you heard her telling me when she opened the door tonight. She told me to get lost.” He took my hand in his and held it. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I rocked back and forth, hating the sound of that monster’s name.
“I know this place gets overwhelming, but you’re not alone. I don’t want you to ever think you are.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Mirage came to see me.”
I continued to rock, trying to hold myself together.
“He told me what happened, Sirena. I-I know what happened to you that night. I’m so fucking sorry. God, if I could change it. . . I-I went into the woods that night. I tried to get to you in the hopes we could talk. That I could. . . hell, I don’t know. Prove my feelings.” He let out a breath. “It doesn’t matter. You know how I feel, and I’m not here to push that on you. I just want you to know you’re safe with me. You were on day one and will always be.” He squeezed my hand again.
I placed my hand over his and finally looked into his eyes.
I had feelings for him too, but everything had become so complicated.
“When you’re ready to talk, you can talk to me. I’ll make sure things are taken care of.” His words held an ominous tone to them, but maybe it was just me and all the feelings ricocheting through my body.
“I hate you were hurt,” he said fiercely, his hand trembling in mine. “I fucking hate it. You’re a bright star in the dark, Sirena. This place is that dark place. Don’t lose your shine. Promise me you won’t, and I’ll make sure the monster is found.”
I stared into his hazel eyes, my body relaxing.
“Promise,” he murmured. “I can’t lose you. I need you. You’re all I have here.”
He leaned in and rested his forehead against mine.
I closed my eyes, relishing his warmth. His familiar smell. The way the butterflies converged in my stomach. The same ones I’d ignored when we’d met and every day since.
“Do you think in another world you’d have been my girl?” he whispered.
I knew deep in my heart that I wanted to try to be his girl in this life. Bryce made sense. He was sweet. Caring. Kind. He’d take care of me and keep me away from all the ugly.
My watchers would never go for it. It was the same deal I was facing with my feelings for Mirage/Asylum and Sin. I wanted to take them all and love them forever. It was unconventional, but it was what I wanted.
“You don’t need to answer,” he continued in a soft voice. “It’s probably best that I don’t know.”
I cradled his cheek, wanting to tell him so many things.
“Don’t,” he said, his voice trembling.
I wanted to do this. I wanted to have a choice. My entire life, I’d never had a choice. This could be one of mine. Maybe I’d feel guilt and regret it, but I was so tired of feeling guilt and regret over wanting things in my life.
Church’s words to me flashed through my mind.
He terrified me, but I loved him. He needed to understand I could love them all.
I shifted so our lips were a breath away from each other.
“Sirena,” he pleaded softly, closing his eyes. “Cupcake.”
There was a loud bang on his door, jerking us apart. The pounding had nothing on my pulse rushing through my body, my ears filled with the noise.
The door banged open, bouncing off the wall, before Sin entered the room, Mirage behind him.
Sin’s gaze darted to how close Bryce was to me. He lunged forward, but Mirage was quick to get between them.
Bryce immediately moved to shield me from Sin’s fists as he got to his feet.
“What are you doing here?” Bryce demanded.
“Sirena called Sin. She was scared. We went to Cady’s, and she said she was with you,” Mirage explained. His blue eyes moved from Bryce to me. “Little bunny, are you OK?”
I gave him a slight nod.
“Perfect. Then, no issues here. Come.” Mirage held his hand out to me.
I looked from his hand to Bryce, who wore a pained expression on his face.
“There will be plenty of time to be alone with her,” Mirage said, his focus on Bryce.
Bryce stepped aside, and I got up.
He was quick to grab my hand and pull me against his body, his lips at my ear.
“I’m going to win you, Sirena. Whatever it takes, I’ll be with you too.”
I kissed his cheek and stepped away from him as I took Mirage’s hand. My heart was in my throat, and there was a weird hope in my heart that his words were true, as scary as it was.
“Bryce. You should be working.” Mirage handed me off to Sin, who didn’t wait to pull me out of the room and down the hall, leaving Mirage with Bryce.
“I was worried sick,” Sin snarled, tugging me along roughly. I stumbled, trying to keep up with him. He led me into the elevator and smashed the lobby button on repeat angrily, swearing while he did it.
“What the fuck, Sirena? You can’t call someone asking for help and then disappear!” He was so angry that his cheeks were red. He punched the wall of the elevator, making the car tremble from the impact. I shrank into the corner, away from him.
He continued to rant and rave before grabbing my hand, then dragging me out of the elevator and to the outdoors.
I still didn’t have a coat, and the cold bit at me roughly, making me shiver.
Sin was still yelling, tugging me along behind him.
“Fuck, Sirena. Goddamnit!” he yelled. “I thought you were being hurt. I didn’t think you were shacked up with fucking Bryce Andrews. What the fuck were you thinking? What were you even doing with him? I rushed over to help you, and you didn’t even need any damn help! You were too busy being cozy with that asshole. Fucking damnit. You can’t cry wolf and then expect everything to be OK! You can’t do stupid shit like this and hope everything works out! You know it doesn’t. You know it fucking ends up in you practically dead in the woods!”
Tears rolled down my cheeks as he screamed at me, his breath coming out in white puffs.
“I can’t get to you every damn time you call, so the next time you make a fucking call to me begging for help, actually need the help!”
“I-I’m sorry,” I choked out, shivering. “What does it matter, Sin? You don’t have to come—”
He lunged forward, his face inches from mine. I jerked back, but he wound his arm around me and tugged me closer.
“It matters because you matter. It matters because it’s you, Siren. It’s you,” he whispered. “You matter to me.”
I swallowed at his words, his warmth soaking into me as he continued to hold me.
His eyes darted to my lips.
“I would fucking die if something happened to you. Do you understand me?” He gave me a slight shake. “I’d go with you. I would. I couldn’t handle a world without you in it. It’s not a world worth living in. It’s fucking not. You don’t understand the hold you have on me. The hold you’ve had on me since the day we met. Every cut, every bruise, on my body, I do in your name. All that pain dims in comparison to the pain I feel at not having you. Each day it grows. I-I can’t—”
I closed the space between us and crushed my lips to his.
He didn’t move beneath me. No kiss back. Nothing.
Confusion raced through me, and I pulled away.
He stared down at me, his bottom lip trembling before he lost control of himself, grabbed my face with both hands, and crashed his lips against mine in a soul-penetrating kiss. I fell into the kiss, deepening it like I was searching for my next breath.
He pushed us backward, and I hit a tree along the trail, the snow shaking free and gently coming down on us in a white, powdery mist.
Sin knew how to kiss. He poured his soul into it, his tongue thrashing alongside mine like he was trying to burn everything about it into his memory. Like he was never going to get this moment with us again. His tongue ring clanged against my teeth, but I didn’t care.
What he took, I freely gave, letting go for a moment to feel him. To know him.
“Tell me to stop, Siren. Tell me,” he rasped against my lips. “I’m scared of what I’m capable of if I don’t.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Sinful,” I answered back. “I’m not.”
He let out a growl and pressed his lips back to mine, stealing my breath in one moment and delivering me new life in the next, his hands back to cradling my face. Then, tangling in my hair.
He broke away, leaving us both breathless.
He said nothing as he stared down at me, but he didn’t have to. Everything was written on his face and etched into his gray eyes.
His words were his truth.
My kiss was mine.
I looked past him and stiffened.
He turned away to see what I was looking at. Immediately, he released me.
“Asher,” he rasped. “I-I-”
Ashes didn’t say anything. He simply stepped forward and took my hand in his, pulling me away.
Still silent, he placed his jacket around my shoulders as Mirage came out of the building and trotted over to join us.
Mirage’s blue eyes took me in before he looked to Sin, then Ashes.
Luckily, he remained quiet.
“Asher, man. I’m sorry. I-I lost control. I wasn’t thinking—”
“That’s always been the problem, hasn’t it, Sinclair?” Ashes asked. “You never think.”
Sin looked crushed as he looked from Ashes to me.
“Siren. I’m sorry.”
“Come on.” Ashes took my hand and led me away, but not before I looked over my shoulder to see Sin standing where we’d left him, Mirage at his side.
My heart broke.
This wasn’t Sin messing up. It was me. I’d nearly lost it with Bryce, and I’d finally lost it with Sin. I was the mess. The factor that was screwing everything up.
We walked home in silence, me hating the fear I was in. I didn’t want anything to happen to Sin. He didn’t deserve that.
To make matters worse, I couldn’t get the kiss out of my head.
“Go to bed, Sirena,” Ashes said when we stepped inside the house.
Stitches frowned as he rose from the couch.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. A sob escaped me, and I rushed to my room, my heart shattering.
But all I could think about was how I had to fix this. If it was the one thing I could make right, I was going to do it.
For both Bryce and Sin.
And even Mirage and Asylum.
I was in too deep and didn’t have a ladder.
All I had were three watchers who loved me dearly and who were going to completely lose it on innocent people, starting with Sin.
The darkness within me stirred, making me sob harder as I curled into my bed.
It was a place of protection. A place of bravery. A place where another me lived, the me who could handle it all.
I wanted to let it out.
Squeezing my eyelids closed, I focused on how to fix things. How to escape the monster I was slowly becoming.