SWNOVELS Sinful: Chapter 21
Ashes dropped a kiss on the top of my head and went outside to Sin and Stitches, who were smoking on the back patio while the snow fell around them. Cady was fast asleep on the end of the couch.
Bryce had barely spoken to me today. In fact, he maybe said ten whole words total to anyone.
I was torn between him and Mirage. I wanted to go to both. Instead, I sat with cushions between us all on the couch.
“Rinny,” Mirage called out. “Sweetheart.”
Bryce snapped his attention to Mirage, a sour look on his face.
“What’s wrong, Vanilla?” Mirage cocked his head to the right. “Mad because I’m brave enough to reach out to her?”
I didn’t like him provoking Bryce. Bryce was sweet and kind. Seeing the sadness morph across his face didn’t sit well with me.
Quickly, I slid over to Mirage and pressed my finger to his lips.
He went silent, his blue eyes drinking me in.
My breath caught in my chest when he leaned in and whispered in my ear.
“Go to him. I already know you want me, my sweet dream.” His lips brushed against the shell of my ear. “They won’t be back in for many minutes. I promise it’s OK.”
I pulled away and stared into his eyes.
How was it OK? It was wrong because my feelings were confusing. And it wasn’t confusing in a way where I didn’t know what I wanted. The longer I was around Bryce, the more I was realizing these feelings were growing. The guys would never allow it, though. But damn, I missed him. Wanted him.
I shoved that last thought away.
We were friends. It would be weird. . .
“It won’t be weird,” Mirage said gently. “Is it weird for us?”
I frowned.
Of course, it was weird. There wasn’t even an us. There were just these weird thoughts in my head I was trying to shuffle through. Even with Bryce, it was that way. What I was supposed to do about it, I had no clue. I knew the guys were more likely to be OK with Asylum/Mirage joining than Bryce. Maybe.
I cast a look to the outside to see Ashes and Stitches standing on either side of Sin, their backs to us. They were clearly getting along and chatting like they once did. I smiled, the thought that maybe they could get over everything making me happy.
My gaze slid to Bryce, who was staring down at his hands on his lap.
To hell with it. I cared about him.
I slid over to him and placed my hand over his.
He looked up from his hands and into my eyes.
“Hey,” he said, his voice low.
I struggled to get my words out. When they failed me, I let out a frustrated grunt. Hatred for the person I’d become spread through my body, making me shiver. We sat in silence for so long it became awkward because all I wanted to do was talk to him. I glanced to the guys to see that they were still out there, but for how much longer, I had no clue. Not long, I’d assume. It was cold outside.
I closed my eyes, letting the darkness peek out.
The darkness had an easier time speaking, but it frightened me. I’d always kept it locked up. I’d ignored it all these years, pushing it to the back of my personality. My mind. Forcing it away because I had no idea how to really control it.
I had to try, though. As terrifying as it was, I had to try.
Inhaling, I focused on controlling it as much as I could.
It slipped out further. My body felt fuzzy.
“Are you OK?” I asked Bryce, my words low.
He blinked rapidly at me. “Sirena?”
“Are you OK?” I repeated louder.
“I-I’m OK. I’m hurting,” he answered, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I meant to meet you in the woods. I-I got hurt.”
“Did he hurt you?” I demanded, my anger slowly rising to the surface.
“I, who?” he asked.
Mirage slid closer.
“You know who. The one who hurt me.”
“I-I, no. No. Church found me out there. He got angry with me. We-we fought.” He winced. “I fought with the watchers. I’m OK, though. At least now. I saw you meeting with the rabbit. With Mirage. It was the only way I could get you to speak to me again after. . . after I told you how I felt.” He licked his lips. “I’m sorry about that. I am. I understand we can’t happen, but I don’t want to not be in your life. I care about you and want to be with you however I can be. Even if it’s only as your friend.”
“You want me?”
“I-I do, but I already know—”
“Did you see him? In the woods?”
“Sirena, I only saw the guys. I didn’t see anyone else. I know you were hurt,” his voice cracked. “I blame myself. I-I should have gotten there sooner. Then you wouldn’t have been hurt. Hell—”
“He’d have hurt you too,” I said. “He’s a monster. A fucking monster!” The words came out in a scream. I saw red. Images of that night flashed through my mind.
“I’ll kill him. I’m going to kill him!” I tugged at my hair, snarling and screaming. My body went fuzzy again, and I couldn’t stop the loud sob that tore from my lungs as those ugly images kept flooding my mind.
I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t.
God, help me.
I was hot. So hot.
I couldn’t escape. I can’t escape. He’s going to hurt me. He’s out there. Waiting.
I tore my top off, and Bryce got to his feet.
“Do something,” he shouted at Mirage, who was on his feet, trying to hold me while I screamed.
I heard the patio door bang open. Footsteps thundered toward me. The sound of Cady calling out to me in a frantic confusion.
Ashes. Stitches. Mirage. Bryce. Cady. Even Sin.
“Sirena. Sirena. Hey. Hey, stop. Stop.” Stitches pulled me away from Mirage and wrapped his arms around me as I continued my meltdown.
“What the fuck happened?” Ashes demanded.
I didn’t hear what Bryce and Mirage recounted.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe.
“Sirena. Angel, baby. Look at me.” Stitches forced my face upward. “You can do this. Focus. Focus.”
I couldn’t do this.
In my mind, Adam cackled and teased me. Hurt me. Forced his way inside me.
“Fuck,” Stitches snarled. “Asher, meds. Now. Top shelf in my bathroom cabinet. There’s a syringe and vial there. Bring them.”
I had no idea if Ashes left. All I knew was that I couldn’t breathe. My fingers and lips were numb. I was going to pass out.
“She’s hyperventilating,” Mirage said. “Give her to me.”
“Fuck off,” Stitches snapped. He pulled me between his legs and lay against the arm of the couch, his hand on my chest.
“Remember this, angel? Remember?” He whispered frantically in my ear. “I’ll keep you safe. Breathe, baby. Keep breathing. I got you. I got you. Breathe with me. Please, Sirena. I need you to focus.”
Ashes came back and went to his knees next to us. I was going insane. More flashes in my head. Jerry hurting me. Sully. Everett Church’s Cheshire smile. The people behind the mirror. Adam. Adam. ADAM.
I was going to kill them. I’d kill them all. I struggled to get up so I could go to them. So I could slay the monsters so they couldn’t hurt anyone else.
Stitches forced me back down.
“Fucking hurry, Asher.” Sin let out a frustrated hiss. “She’s fucking losing it, man.”
“I’m going as fast as I can.”
There was a tight band around my bicep. I heard Cady crying in the distance. Then, a pinprick in the crook of my arm.
My body relaxed. My breathing slowed. The room came back into focus for a moment before it grew fuzzy.
“I’ll kill him,” I whispered.
Or at least I thought I did.
I had no real idea because I drifted off, the concerned faces of Ashes, Bryce, Cady, Sin, and Mirage’s rabbit mask fading away, Stitches’s soft words in my ear.
“Sleep, angel. Please. Just sleep.”
So I did.